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Team America: World Police Quotes

Team America: World Police is a TV show that appeared on TV in 1970 . Team America: World Police stopped airing in 1970.

It features Harry Gregson-Williams in charge of musical score, and Bill Pope as head of cinematography.

Team America: World Police is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Team America: World Police is 98 minutes long. Team America: World Police is distributed by Paramount Pictures.

The cast includes: Trey Parker as Gary Johnston, Daran Norris as Spottswoode, Kristen Miller as Lisa, Adrian Connon McDonald as Kim Jong Il, Matt Stone as Chris, Jeremy Shada as Joe, Maurice LaMarche as Alec Baldwin, Adrian Connon McDonald as song, Fred Tatasciore as Samuel L. Jackson, Masasa Moyo as Sarah, and Maurice LaMarche as Woman Shouting out Her Window at a Drunk Gary.

Team America: World Police Quotes

Fred Tatasciore as Samuel L. Jackson

  • (Fred Tatasciore) "Stop tryin' to hit me and hit me."
  • (Tim Robbins) "Actors."
  • (Tim Robbins) "Attack."
  • (Helen Hunt) "Helen Hunt."
  • (Fred Tatasciore) "Samuel Jackson."
  • (Matt Damon) "Matt Damon."
  • (Fred Tatasciore) "Motha Fucka."

Kristen Miller as Lisa

  • (Kristen Miller) "Gary, you can't blame yourself for what gorillas did."
  • (Kristen Miller) "Hey, terrorist. Terrorize this."
  • (Kristen Miller) "Gary, you didn't kill your brother. Those gorillas did."
  • (Kristen Miller) "Sometimes -- believing is all we have."
  • (Kristen Miller) "I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E. is down. I repeat, we have no I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E.."
  • (Kristen Miller) "Wait a minute. Look."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "You have not heard the rast of Kim Jong-Il. I will return. You shall see. I will be back."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "So rong, Earthrings."
  • (Trey Parker) "We'll be here waiting for you, Kim Jong-Il."
  • (Matt Stone) "All right, you guys. I hate to break this little party, but there are still a lot of bad guys out there."
  • (Trey Parker) "Well, then let's go show the bad guys the police are back in force."
  • (Kristen Miller) "Fuck, yeah."
  • (Trey Parker) "Fuck, yeah."
  • (Kristen Miller) "You had me at "dicks fuck assholes"."
  • (Kristen Miller) "Promise me you'll never die."
  • (Trey Parker) "You know I can't promise that."
  • (Kristen Miller) "If you did that, I would make love to you right now."
  • (Trey Parker) "I promise I'll never die."

Jeremy Shada as Joe

  • (Jeremy Shada) "Cairo -- that's in Egypt."
  • (Jeremy Shada) "You remember the signal?"
  • (Jeremy Shada) "Shit. I've got five terrorists going southeast on Bakalakadaka Street."

Matt Stone as Chris

  • (Matt Stone) "Let's get one thing straight, actor. I don't trust you. And if you betray us, I'll rip your fucking balls off and stuff them up your ass so that the next time you shit, you'll shit all over your balls, got it?"
  • (Trey Parker) "What's your problem with me?"
  • (Matt Stone) "Yeah, you wanna go?"
  • (Jeremy Shada) "Guys, guys, guys. Don't you see this is just what the terrorists want us to do? The war is out there, man. Out there. Now, pull it together."
  • (Matt Stone) "If there's a world left when this is all over, I'd like to buy you a beer."
  • (Matt Stone) "Suprise cock fags."
  • (Matt Stone) "All right, we fuckin' did it."
  • (Matt Stone) "Surprise, cockfags."
  • (Matt Stone) "What does Spottswoode see in him?"
  • (Kristen Miller) "I don't know. But I think I see it too."
  • (Matt Stone) "Jesus tittyfucking Christ dude, i could have sworn she was telling the truth."
  • (Trey Parker) "That's why they call it acting."
  • (Matt Stone) "Oh, come on, Sarah, you mean you never realized Joe has feelings for you?"
  • (Matt Stone) "Have you ever thought about just telling Sarah how you feel?"
  • (Jeremy Shada) "Oh, what would a girl like Sarah want with a simple Nebraska boy like me? I don't know nothin' about fancy cars and fancy restaurants. Still, I would love to show her a moonlit night out by the hay stacks."
  • (Matt Stone) "Bad news Tim Robbins -- I'm a smoker."
  • (Matt Stone) "If you betray us, I'll rip your fuckin' balls off and stuff them up your ass. So, the next time you shit, you'll shit all over your balls."

Adrian Connon McDonald as Kim Jong Il

  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "I need this/I need love/I need you/I don't need one heartbeat/I need two/There's an emptiness I need to fill/And only one emptiness will do/Only a woman/Can brighten up my day/Only a woman/Can touch me the right way/Only a woman/Is allowed to touch me there/All I ask is that you're a woman/I like rain, I like ham/I like you/You're around, you're right here/So you'll do/I'm gonna tell you how much I love your mind/But it simply isn't true/Only a woman/Can brighten up my day/Only a woman/Can touch me the right way/Only a woman/Is allowed to do what you're doing right now/All I ask is that you're a woman/And on Saturdays when I've been partying hard/And it's 4 in the morning, and I'm on my fifth tab of E/that's the only time I don't even care if you are a woman/Right now/Only a woman/Can brighten up my day/Only a woman/Can do it just the right way/Only a woman/Should be doing that right now/I just want you to be a woman/Please just be a woman/Or a man --"
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "Liberty."
  • (Unnamed) "Fuck Yeah."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "Wax Lips."
  • (Unnamed) "Fuck Yeah."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "The Alamo."
  • (Unnamed) "Fuck Yeah."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "Band-aids."
  • (Unnamed) "Fuck Yeah."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "Liberty."
  • (Unnamed) "Fuck Yeah."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "Las Vegas."
  • (Unnamed) "Fuck Yeah."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "Christmas."
  • (Unnamed) "Fuck Yeah."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "Immigrants."
  • (Unnamed) "Fuck Yeah."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "Popeyes."
  • (Unnamed) "Fuck Yeah."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "Popeyes."
  • (Unnamed) "Fuck yeah."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "Sportsmanship."
  • (Unnamed) "--"
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "Books."
  • (Unnamed) "Huh?"
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "Hans Brix? Oh no. Oh, herro. Great to see you again, Hans."
  • (Hans Blix) "Mr. Il, I was supposed to be allowed to inspect your palace today, but your guards won't let me enter certain areas."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "Hans, Hans, Hans. We've been frew this a dozen times. I don't have any weapons of mass destwuction, OK Hans?"
  • (Hans Blix) "Then let me look around, so I can ease the UN's collective mind."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "Hans, you're breakin' my barrs here, Hans, you're breakin' my barrs."
  • (Hans Blix) "I'm sorry, but the UN must be firm with you. Let me in, or else."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "Or else what?"
  • (Hans Blix) "Or else we will be very angry with you -- and we will write you a letter, telling you how angry we are."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "OK, Hans. I'll show you. Stand to your reft."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "A rittle more."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "Good."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "What would you do/if you were asked to give up your dreams for freedom/what would you do/if asked to make the ultimate sacrifice/would you think about all them people/who gave up everything they had/would you think about all them war vets/and would you start to feel bad/freedom isn't free/it costs folks like you and me/and if we don't all chip in, we'll never pay that bill/freedom isn't free/no, there's a hefty fucken fee/and if you don't all chip in your buck o'five who will/mmm buck o'five/freedom costs a buck o'five"
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "Why is evawyrone so fuckin' stoopid?"
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "And take the girl to my bedroom."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "No, not that one. The pretty one.'"
  • (Masasa Moyo) "Bitch"
  • (Masasa Moyo) "That's right, take the pretty one instead of the one who has something to offer."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "Now you see, the changing of the worrd is inevitabre."
  • (Kristen Miller) "I'm sorry, it's what?"
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "Inevit, inevitabre."
  • (Kristen Miller) "One more time."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "Inevitabre. Things are inevitabrey going to change. Goddamnit, open your fucking ears."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "I miss you more than Michael Bay missed the mark, When he made Pearl Harbor. / I miss you more than that movie missed the point, And that's an awful lot, girl. / And now, now you've gone away, And all I'm trying to say, is: Pearl Harbor sucked and I miss you. / I need you like Ben Affleck needs acting school, He was terrible in that film. / I need you like Cuba Gooding needed a bigger part, He's way better than Ben Affleck. / And now, all I can think about is your smile, and that shitty movie, too. Pearl Harbor sucked and I miss you. / Why does Michael Bay get to keep on making movies? / I guess Pearl Harbor sucked, just a little bit more than I miss you."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "America, fuck yeah. Comin' again to save the motherfucking day, yeah. / America, fuck yeah. Freedom is the only way, yeah. / Terrorists, your game is through, 'cause now you have to answer to / America, fuck yeah. So lick my butt and suck on my balls. / America, fuck yeah. What you gonna do when we come for you now."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "You are worthress, Arec Barrwin."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "Okay. Who brew up Panama Canal?"
  • (Unnamed) "We were upset about Cairo."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "Goddamnit, how many times do I have to tehr you? You don't use the WMDs untihr you see the signahr. I have worked ten years on this pran. It is a very precise, and a compricated pran. I am sick of you terrorists fucking it up. Now take the weapons where I tord you and wait for the goddamn signahr this time. Goodbye."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "God. Why is everyone so fucking stupid?"
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "I was sent from pranet Xiron to conquer the Earf / I had a twiffic pran; I thought it would work / I tried to get the Earfrings all to kill each other, y'see / But it all went wrong and now I must decree / You are worthress Arec Barrwin / You are worthress Arec Barrwin / You have faiwred in every way / and now my stock in you has fawren / Your career is stawrin' / and you're worthress Arec Barrwin / That's why I brew your head off / And your chirdren are all bawrin' / Pranet Xiron is inhabited with Xipods rike me / But arso with Balmacs who are giant bees / The Xipods and the Balmacs are at constant war / So we wanted a new home and that's what Earf was for / But you are worthress Arec Barrwin / You are worthress Arec Barrwin / You fucked up my whole plan / and now Xiron is smeared with Balmac porren / Your garbage needs some hawring / and you're worthress Arec Barrwin / Now I must return home a faiwrure / I'm afraid the pit of Cryrock is cawrin'."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "Now take your weapons of Mass Destruction, and get the fuck outta here."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "The hour's approaching to give it your best / And you've got to reach your prime / That's when you need to put yourself to the test / And show us the passage of time / We're gonna need a montage / Ooh, it takes a montage / Show a lot of things happening at once / Remind everyone of what's going on / In every shot, show a little improvement / To show it all would take too long / That's called a montage / Girl, we want a montage / In anything, if you want to go / From just a beginner to a pro / You need a montage / Even Rocky had a montage / Always fade out in a montage / If you fade out it seems like more time has passed in a montage --"
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "Korean dialogue"
  • (Unnamed) "He asks what part of the deal you did not understand. He says perhaps his translator did not make it clear to you. He says he should fire his translator?"
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "It will be 911 times 2356."
  • (Matt Stone) "My God, that's -- I don't even know what that is."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "Nobody does."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "I'm afraid your world is over."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "-- in five minutes."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "Yes. A ticking clock."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "Herro."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "Now you see, the new world is inevitable."
  • (Kristen Miller) "It's what?"
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "Inevit; inevitable."
  • (Kristen Miller) "One more time?"
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "Inevitable. Things are inevitably going to change. Goddamnit, open your fuckin' ears."
  • (Adrian Connon McDonald) "I'm so Ronery / So ronery / So ronery and sadry arone / There's no one / Just me onry / Sitting on my rittle throne / I work rearry hard and make up get prans / but, nobody listens, no one understands / Seems rike no one takes me serirousry / And so, I'm ronery / A rittle ronery / Poor rittle me / There's no one I can rerate to / Feewr rike a biwd in a cage / It's kinda siwry / but, not reawry / because, it's fiwring my body with rage / I'm the smartest, most crever, most physicawry fit / but, nobody erse seems to rearrize it / When I can the worrd maybe they'rr notice me / And untiwr then, I'wr be ronery / Yeaaaaah, a rittle ronery / Poor rittle me --"

Trey Parker as Gary Johnston

  • (Trey Parker) "Jesus, this is a nice limo."
  • (Daran Norris) "Yes, it is. Now suck my cock. Just kidding."
  • (Trey Parker) "Jesus, this is a nice limo."
  • (Daran Norris) "Yes, it is. Now suck my cock."
  • (Trey Parker) "Your skills are fading with age, Mrs. Sarandon."
  • (Susan Sarandon) "You will die a peasant's death."
  • (Trey Parker) "We're dicks. We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong-il is an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes; assholes who just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way, but the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is that sometimes they fuck too much, or fuck when it isn't appropriate; and it takes a pussy to show 'em that. But sometimes pussies get so full of shit that they become assholes themselves, because pussies are only an inch-and-a-half away from assholes. I don't know much in this crazy, crazy world, but I do know that if you don't let us fuck this asshole, we are going to have our dicks and our pussies all covered in shit."
  • (Trey Parker) "We were all out at the zoo one day, I was doing some acting, walking on the railing of the gorilla exhibit. I fell in. Everyone screamed and Tommy jumped in after me, forgetting that he had blueberries in his front pocket. The gorillas just went wild. They jumped all over his body and threw him around like a rag doll to get to those blueberries. One gorilla would throw him to another gorilla who tossed him to another. Everyone panicked and cried out for somebody to help but it was too late. The gorillas beat him to death before the zookeepers could gas them all."
  • (Trey Parker) "Bak. Derk-derk-Allah. Derka derka, Mohammed Jihad. Haka sherpa-sherpa. Abaka-la."
  • (Unnamed) "Ahhh. Derka derka derka."
  • (Trey Parker) "OK, a limosine that can fly. Now I have seen everything."
  • (Daran Norris) "Really? Have you seen a man eat his own head?"
  • (Trey Parker) "No."
  • (Daran Norris) "So then, you haven't seen everything."
  • (Trey Parker) "Oh, I get it. I'm supposed to get inside your limo and let you put your finger inside me. And if I go down on you, I get a movie part."
  • (Daran Norris) "Uh, no. I just want to show you something."
  • (Trey Parker) "Yeah I bet you do."
  • (Daran Norris) "Please, Gary. I'm not from Hollywood, I'm not going to fuck your mouth, and my time is EXTREMELY valuable."
  • (Trey Parker) "But, I thought you weren't gay?"
  • (Daran Norris) "This isn't about sex, Gary, it's about trust."
  • (Trey Parker) "I'm leaving. I'm out."
  • (Daran Norris) "No, Gary. You can't leave. We need you now, more than ever."
  • (Trey Parker) "Don't you see what's going on out there? Everyone hates us."
  • (Daran Norris) "Hey, now, everyone hated Winnie the Pooh, too."
  • (Trey Parker) "No, they didn't."
  • (Daran Norris) "Well, I did. That cocksucking bear killed Jack Kennedy."
  • (Trey Parker) "HOLY SHIT. What happened to the base?"
  • (Intelligence) "It was destroyed by a socialist weasel."

Daran Norris as Spottswoode

  • (Daran Norris) "Team, I'm afraid I have bad news. At 7:15 this morning, the terrorists carried out their attack."
  • (Kristen Miller) "What?"
  • (Masasa Moyo) "But how can that be? Gary stopped the terrorists in Cairo."
  • (Daran Norris) "It appears now that I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E was wrong about the Chechnyans being in charge. That was bad I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E. Very bad I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E."
  • (Intelligence) "I'm sorry."
  • (Daran Norris) "That was bad I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E., very bad I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E."
  • (Daran Norris) "Remember, there is no "I" in "Team America"."
  • (Intelligence) "Yes, there is."
  • (Daran Norris) "Now hold on team, Gary has already proven to me that he is 100% committed to the team. He proved it last night by sucking my cock."
  • (Jeremy Shada) "Uh -- All right then. Let's move."
  • (Daran Norris) "It's going to be harder because you're Gay now."
  • (Daran Norris) "Jesus Tittyfucking Christ."
  • (Daran Norris) "Gary, if for some reason your cover is blown, and the terrorists take you prisoner, well, you'll probably want to take your own life. Here, you'd better have this."
  • (Daran Norris) "Go get'em, cowboy."
  • (Daran Norris) "From what I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.N.C.E has gathered, it would be 9/11 times 100."
  • (Trey Parker) "9/11 times a hundred? Jesus, that's --"
  • (Daran Norris) "Yes, 91,100."
  • (Jeremy Shada) "Basically, all the worst parts of the bible."
  • (Daran Norris) "Gary, meet Chris. He may lack in courtesy, but he's the best martial arts expert Detroit has to offer."
  • (Daran Norris) "Team, this is all my fault. I was overzealous in Cairo. I let racism cloud my judgment. I was so sure the ultimate terrorist was Middle Eastern, but I didn't realize he was a goddamn Gook. I'll never be a racist again."
  • (Daran Norris) "Great job, team. Head back to base for debriefing and cocktails."

Maurice LaMarche as Woman Shouting out Her Window at a Drunk Gary

  • (Maurice LaMarche) "Get out of the street you fucking bum. You gave up on life didn't you."
  • (Maurice LaMarche) "By following the rules of the Film Actor's Guild, the world can become a better place; that handles dangerous people with talk, and reasoning; that, is the fag way. One day you'll all look at the world us actors created and say, "wow, good going, fag. You really made the world a better place, didntcha, fag?""

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