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Tales from the Darkside: The Movie Quotes

Tales from the Darkside: The Movie is a television show that debuted in 1970 . Tales from the Darkside: The Movie ended its run in 1970.

It features Mitchell Galin as producer, John Harrison (filmmaker) in charge of musical score, and Robert Draper as head of cinematography.

Tales from the Darkside: The Movie is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Tales from the Darkside: The Movie is 93 minutes long. Tales from the Darkside: The Movie is distributed by Paramount Pictures.

The cast includes: Rae Dawn Chong as Carola, Robert Klein as Wyatt, Philip Lenkowsky as Maddox, James Remar as Preston, David Johansen as Halston, Debbie Harry as Betty, Matthew Lawrence as Timmy, Steve Buscemi as Bellingham, Christian Slater as Andy, Ralph Marrero as Cabbie, William Hickey as Drogan, and Julianne Moore as Susan.

Tales from the Darkside: The Movie Quotes

William Hickey as Drogan

Rae Dawn Chong as Carola

  • (Rae Dawn Chong) "You promised you'd never tell."
  • (Rae Dawn Chong) "Preston and I are celebrating the tenth anniversary of the night we first met."
  • (Margaret (segment "Lover's Vow")) "You mean when you thought he was gonna push you up against the wall and rape you?"
  • (Rae Dawn Chong) "Yes, darling. It's also the night that Wyatt here gave your father the shaft."
  • (Robert Klein) "Oh, and I only had to murder three other agents before your mother would let me represent him again."
  • (James Remar) "And you're still on probation, you mercenary wretch."

Debbie Harry as Betty

  • (Debbie Harry) "I NEVER could do long division. Let's see, how many times does twelve go into seventy-five."
  • (Matthew Lawrence) "Oh, six times, three left over. Why?"
  • (Debbie Harry) "Well, at twelve minutes a pound, that means you have to be in the oven by no later than 1:30. Oh, but evisceration takes at least an hour."
  • (Debbie Harry) "My goodness, you really did keep the best one for last, didn't you?"
  • (Matthew Lawrence) "No, no. I've saved the really, really best story for now."
  • (Debbie Harry) "Well, you should've told me the really, really best story before, 'cause now it's too late."
  • (Matthew Lawrence) "But it's the really best one of all because there's a happy ending, a really happy ending."
  • (Debbie Harry) "No other stories in that book have a happy ending."
  • (Matthew Lawrence) "But you gotta hear this story. It's about this kid, and his name is Timmy."
  • (Debbie Harry) "That's nice, dear."
  • (Matthew Lawrence) "And you see, Timmy's older brother, he had this stupid paper route. And one day, Timmy's older brother got sick. Timmy had to go on collecting, and Timmy went to this one house. And this lady who answered the door, she said, "Come on in," so when he went inside, she tricked him and threw him into a pantry. She made him eat cookies all day long, 'cause she wanted him to get fat, 'cause she was gonna kill him, and cook him, and eat him."
  • (Debbie Harry) "This is YOUR story, and you can stop telling it now because we both know how it comes out."
  • (Matthew Lawrence) "But you don't, 'cause something really weird happens."
  • (Debbie Harry) "Oh, really?"
  • (Matthew Lawrence) "Yeah."
  • (Matthew Lawrence) "Uh, you see, Timmy had these marbles in his pocket. They were shiny and slippery, and when he threw them on the floor --"
  • (Matthew Lawrence) "-- she didn't see where they went and she slipped."
  • (Matthew Lawrence) "Timmy saw his chance to escape --"
  • (Matthew Lawrence) "-- if he could just reach the keys."
  • (Debbie Harry) "Aaaaahhh. AAAAAHHH."
  • (Matthew Lawrence) "Don't you just love happy endings?"

Steve Buscemi as Bellingham

  • (Steve Buscemi) "My master's thesis. What're you doing?"
  • (Christian Slater) "Well, I'm going to start a little fire under your chair and roast your nuts."

James Remar as Preston

  • (James Remar) "There's Van Gogh. Degas. Rodin. They didn't have agents. How'd they get so successful?"
  • (Philip Lenkowsky) "They died."
  • (James Remar) "No. No, please. Please, don't."
  • (Unnamed) "Your life in exchange for a promise."
  • (James Remar) "You got it."
  • (Unnamed) "If I let you go, you must swear you'll never say you saw me, never say you heard me speak, never tell anyone how I look, never repeat what I've said. A promise -- forever."
  • (James Remar) "You gotta be kidding."
  • (James Remar) "I-I promise."
  • (Unnamed) "Cross your heart?"
  • (James Remar) "I PROMISE."

Robert Klein as Wyatt

  • (Robert Klein) "You know, you saved Preston from people like me."
  • (James Remar) "She saved me from myself."
  • (Robert Klein) "Time to go. This kind of sincerity is bad for my self-image."
  • (Robert Klein) "Judith says she hasn't moved anything of yours in over four months."
  • (Philip Lenkowsky) "Judy Amato. Big gallery on West Broadway."
  • (Robert Klein) "She says if the stuff isn't out by tomorrow it gets junked."
  • (James Remar) "What? Wyatt, you've got to convince her that --"
  • (Robert Klein) "I can't convince her of anything."
  • (James Remar) "Wyatt, you're my agent."
  • (Robert Klein) "Well -- not exactly. Preston, your artistic vision is just not a marketable commodity."
  • (James Remar) "Wyatt, I'm broke. I can't live on nothing."
  • (Robert Klein) "And I can't live on ten-percent of nothing."
  • (James Remar) "You're a monster."
  • (Robert Klein) "I'm an agent. For an agent, being a monster is just credentials."

Julianne Moore as Susan

  • (Julianne Moore) "Andy? You busy?"

David Johansen as Halston

  • (David Johansen) "Don't worry, Drogan. I'll kill your cat for you."
  • (William Hickey) "Good. Kill it, bury it, and bring me its tail so I can throw it in the fire and watch it burn."

Ralph Marrero as Cabbie

  • (Ralph Marrero) "Hey, man, what's so fuckin' funny?"
  • (Steve Buscemi) "Oh, I was just thinkin' of this guy I know. Couldn't distinguish a third dynasty sacred scroll from a piece of post-Alexandrian pictogram porn."

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