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Superbad (film) Quotes

Superbad (film) is a TV show that first aired in 1970 . Superbad completed its run in 1970.

It features Judd Apatow as producer, Lyle Workman in charge of musical score, and Russ Alsobrook as head of cinematography.

Superbad (film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Superbad (film) is 113 minutes long. Superbad (film) is distributed by Columbia Pictures.

The cast includes: Christopher Mintz-Plasse as Fogell, Jonah Hill as Seth, Michael Cera as Evan, Martha MacIsaac as Becca, Emma Stone as Jules, Seth Rogen as Officer Michaels, Bill Hader as Officer Slater, Steve Bannos as Gym Teacher, Kevin Corrigan as Mark, Steve Bannos as Teacher, Laura Seay as Shirley, and Lauren Miller as Scarlett Brighton.

Superbad (film) Quotes

Jonah Hill as Seth

  • (Jonah Hill) "Oh Evan, thank you for bringing that lube for my p*****. I never would've been able to handle your four inch dick inside my p***** without that gigantic bottle of lube."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Momma's making a pubie salad, and she wants some Seth's own dressing."
  • (Francis the Driver) "I'm gonna be totally honest with you. I have a warrant out for a totally nonviolent crime. Okay? There. Mercy Street, guys."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Well, I'll be honest with you for a second."
  • (Francis the Driver) "Okay."
  • (Jonah Hill) "You better get us a s***load of cash or a s***load of alcohol or you're going to f***ing prison."
  • (Michael Cera) "What are you doing, man? That's; You don't need to --"
  • (Francis the Driver) "Okay."
  • (Michael Cera) "No, let's not; Let's hang on a second here."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Cough it up."
  • (Francis the Driver) "Fine."
  • (Michael Cera) "I don't know if we should be doing anything too official."
  • (Francis the Driver) "Let's work together. We're working together. It's like Let's Make a Deal. Here we go."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Seven bucks? Are you f***ing serious? This isn't enough for anything. What are you, a 6-year-old?"
  • (Francis the Driver) "It's all I have, man. That's all I have."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Well, you better think of something quickly, alright? Ah, my back."
  • (Francis the Driver) "No, no, no, no, no. Wait."
  • (Jonah Hill) "My back. Cops, my back."
  • (Francis the Driver) "Wait, don't do that. Alright, listen. I can get you alcohol. I'm going to this party right now, bro. Okay? It's got booze, it's got girls. Booze and girls equals -- I don't know. Do you? I don't know. Do you? I think you do. Do you?"
  • (Good Shopper Cashier) "How old are you?"
  • (Jonah Hill) "-- 22."
  • (Good Shopper Cashier) "You certainly are. That'll be 80 dollars."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Oh. Okay."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Pssha. Thank you kindly. Will that do?"
  • (Good Shopper Cashier) "It most certainly will. Thank you, Seth."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Hey, thank YOU."
  • (Jonah Hill) "I had such bad acne last year that I pretty much became, like, an expert on the stuff --"
  • (Jonah Hill) "You drove m --"
  • (Jonah Hill) "Evan drove me here though, so --"
  • (Emma Stone) "Well, so, I mean, I have my dad's car -- so I could just give you a lift -- and then Evan can take Becca home. If that works -- I dunno. If it's in your route."
  • (Martha MacIsaac) "It'd be fine with me."
  • (Michael Cera) "Fine, yeah. Maybe we could get some food."
  • (Martha MacIsaac) "Yeah, I'd like that."
  • (Jonah Hill) "So, I guess I'll call you."
  • (Michael Cera) "Yeah, gimme a call. You have my number."
  • (Jonah Hill) "I have your information. So, uh, put her there --"
  • (Michael Cera) "Perfect. Good. Alright man."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Okay."
  • (Michael Cera) "Okay guys."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Becca."
  • (Emma Stone) "Bye guys. See ya tomorrow."
  • (Martha MacIsaac) "See ya Jules."
  • (Jonah Hill) "He is the sweetest guy. Have you ever looked into his eyes? It was like the first time I heard the Beatles."
  • (Jonah Hill) "This plan's been f***ed since Jump Street."
  • (Jonah Hill) "You dropped your purse, ma'am. Would you like me to help you with your groceries?"
  • (Old Lady) "Well that would be lovely young man. Would you like me to buy you alcohol?"
  • (Jonah Hill) "That would be lovely."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Enjoy your remaining years."
  • (Old Lady) "I will. Enjoy f***ing Jules."
  • (Jonah Hill) "I WILL."
  • (Jonah Hill) "They should be suckin' on my ball sack."
  • (Good Shopper Security) "Don't do it, kid."
  • (Jonah Hill) "I never had a choice --"
  • (Jonah Hill) "Fo sho."
  • (Jonah Hill) "You know how many foods are shaped like dicks? The best kinds."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Alright, let's stop this and just go get some dessert."
  • (Michael Cera) "No, I can't. I gotta -- go meet my counselor, I'm picking out my classes for next year."
  • (Jonah Hill) "-- what? So I gotta sit here and eat my dessert alone like I'm f***in' Steven Glansberg?"
  • (Michael Cera) "I guess -- yeah -- I mean, what do you want me to do?"
  • (Jonah Hill) "You know when you hear girls say 'Ah man, I was so s***-faced last night, I shouldn't have f***ed that guy?' We could be that mistake."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Dude. That means that by some fate we were paired together and she thought of me. Thought of me enough to want me to be responsible for the entire funness of her party. She wants to f*** me. She wants my dick in or around her mouth."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Nobody has gotten a hand job in cargo shorts since 'nam."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Look at those nipples."
  • (Michael Cera) "They're like little baby toes. It's just not fair that they get to flaunt that stuff, you know -- and like, I have to hide every erection I get."
  • (Michael Cera) "Just imagine if girls weren't weirded out by our boners and stuff, and just like wanted to see them. That's the world I one day want to live in."
  • (Jonah Hill) "You know what I do? I flip my boner up into my waistband. It hides it AND it feels awesome. I almost blew a load into my bellybutton."
  • (Jonah Hill) "That's the coolest f***ing story I've ever heard in my entire life. That's insane. Is it -- Can I hear it again, do you have time?"
  • (Jonah Hill) "What the f*** happened?"
  • (Jonah Hill) "Hey Greg, why don't you go piss your pants?"
  • (Greg the Soccer Player) "That was like 8 years ago, asshole."
  • (Jonah Hill) "People don't forget."
  • (Jonah Hill) "I'll be like the Iron Chef of pounding vag."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Its like a three thing -- its like ball, dick, ball."
  • (Michael Cera) "It's like a division sign --"
  • (Jonah Hill) "What the f***?"
  • (Jonah Hill) "When I was a little kid, I kinda had this problem. And it's not even that big of a deal, something like 8 percent of kids do it. For some reason, I don't know why. I would just kinda -- sit around all day -- and draw pictures of dicks."
  • (Michael Cera) "What?"
  • (Jonah Hill) "Draw pictures of dicks."
  • (Michael Cera) "Dicks? Like a man dick?"
  • (Jonah Hill) "Yes. Like a man dick."
  • (Jonah Hill) "I'd just sit there hours on end drawing dicks. I didn't know what it was. I couldn't touch the pen to the paper without drawing the shape of a penis."
  • (Michael Cera) "That's f***ed."
  • (Jonah Hill) "No s***. It's really f***ed up. Here I am. A little kid. And I can't stop drawing dicks to save my own life."
  • (Michael Cera) "Alright, I mean -- I just don't see what this has to do with Becca."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Just listen. Okay?"
  • (Jonah Hill) "Your precious little Becca sat next to me for all of fourth grade. And in the classroom was where I did the majority of my illustrations. I was very secretive about this whole dick operation. Even I thought I was f***ing crazy. Imagine what everyone else would think? So I would stash all my dick drawings in this Ghostbusters lunchbox that I had. So one day, I'm finishing up this real big, veiny, triumphant bastard, all of a sudden --"
  • (Unnamed) "p*****."
  • (Michael Cera) "You hit Becca's foot with your dick?"
  • (Jonah Hill) "Yeah. I know."
  • (Jonah Hill) "She starts crying, she flips out. Then she rats me out to the principal. He finds this Ghostbusters lunchbox dick treasure chest and he f***ing flips out."
  • (Jonah Hill) "He calls in my parents. Turns out this principal is a religious fanatic, and he thinks I'm possessed by some sort of dick devil. My parents go make me see some therapist, and he's asking me all these dick questions. They literally stopped me from eating foods that were shaped like dicks. No hot dogs, no popsicles -- You know how many foods are shaped like dicks? The best kinds."
  • (Michael Cera) "Well, I don't -- That's really messed up. Supergay."
  • (Jonah Hill) "I joined this class because I thought I was going to be cooking with a partner. But she's never here, and I don't get twice the grades for doing all the work."
  • (Steve Bannos) "I didn't invent odd numbers, Seth."
  • (Jonah Hill) "I know, but look at Evan. Just look at him."
  • (Michael Cera) "Hey, don't keep me waiting much longer, I'm getting impatient up here."
  • (Jonah Hill) "I'm over here in my unit, isolated and alone, eating my terrible tasting food, and I have to look over at that. That looks like the most fun I've ever seen in my entire life, and it's B.S.; excuse my language. I'm just saying that I wash and dry; I'm like a single mother. Look, we all know home-ec is a joke; no offense; it's just that everyone takes this class to get an A, and it's bulls***; and I'm sorry. I'm not putting down your profession, but it's just the way I feel. I don't want to sit here, all by myself, cooking this s***ty food; no offense; and I just think that I don't need to cook tiramisu. Am I going to be a chef? No. There's three weeks left of school, give me a f***in' break. I'm sorry for cursing."
  • (Steve Bannos) "All right, Jules' partner isn't here either, pair up with her, station four."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Jules? Alright I'll give it another shot; give home-ec another shot."
  • (Jonah Hill) "You don't want girls to think you suck dick at f***ing p*****."

Michael Cera as Evan

  • (Michael Cera) "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, It was so pimp, I even offered to pay for the alcohol."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Oh no, that IS pimp."
  • (Michael Cera) "That's what I was afraid of."
  • (Michael Cera) "It's not just making them smaller. They completely reshaped them. They make them more supple, symmetrical."
  • (Jonah Hill) "I gotta catch a glimpse of these warlocks. Let's make a move."
  • (Michael Cera) "Good s***, right Miroki?"
  • (Michael Cera) "Just be careful, because it's a meaningful sweater to me, it's vintage."
  • (Michael Cera) "Yeah chicks go nuts for that -- the male camel toe."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Yea yea. The camel tail."
  • (Michael Cera) "Fogell, I don't understand why you we're smoking cigarettes with those cops."
  • (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "Because I f***in' rule?"
  • (Michael Cera) "Yo."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Hey, man, I was doing some research for next year and I think I figured out which website I wanna subscribe to. The Vag-Tastic Voyage."
  • (Michael Cera) "Fogell, I just don't understand why you were smoking cigarettes with those cops."
  • (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "Because I f***ing rule. Oh, we are SO gonna get laid tonight."
  • (Jonah Hill) "I am, I'm gonna get laid."
  • (Michael Cera) "Oh, I have to go."
  • (Jonah Hill) "What,? You're just gonna let me sit here and eat dessert alone like I'm Steven f***ing Glandsberg?"
  • (Michael Cera) "Calm down, calm down. She likes you. She wants to suck on your penis. That's a good thing. It's the best."
  • (Michael Cera) "I'd give my middle nut to start dating Becca."
  • (Michael Cera) "I'm not too worried about it, really. I wouldn't worry about it. Don't worry about it. I'm not worried at all."
  • (Michael Cera) "You could always subscribe to a site like Perfect Ten. I mean that could be anything, it could be a bowling site."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Yeah, but it doesn't actually show dick going in which is a huge concern."
  • (Michael Cera) "Right, I didn't realize that."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Besides, have you ever seen a vagina by itself?"
  • (Michael Cera) "No."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Not for me."

Seth Rogen as Officer Michaels

  • (Seth Rogen) "s***. The cops."
  • (Seth Rogen) "I'm assuming you all have guns and crack."
  • (Seth Rogen) "Prepare to get f***ed by the long dick of the law."
  • (Seth Rogen) "How old are you McLovin?"
  • (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "Old enough."
  • (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "Old enough for what?"
  • (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "To party."
  • (Seth Rogen) "Yeah McLovin, how is it going with the ladies?"
  • (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "It's not the "going" I'm worried about -- but the "coming"."
  • (Seth Rogen) "We shouldn't be cock-blocking McLovin, we should be guiding his cock."
  • (Seth Rogen) "It was my semen. One time we walk into a murder house, blood everywhere, I go on, I think I find a bit of semen, clean it off. Long story short. Cream of wheat."
  • (Bill Hader) "Yup. Dope."
  • (Seth Rogen) "In short."
  • (Bill Hader) "In short."
  • (Seth Rogen) "Semen."
  • (Bill Hader) "Semen. Not, like, a man. I'm talking about the white stuff that comes out of your penis, when you're excited and happy. Your happy juice."
  • (Seth Rogen) "Your happy jism."
  • (Bill Hader) "I take it you've masturbated before, McLovin. Listen to me --"
  • (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "Can a man --"
  • (Bill Hader) "So when's the last time you masturbated, McLovin?"
  • (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "Do a semen run."
  • (Seth Rogen) "McLovin?"
  • (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "Yeah."
  • (Seth Rogen) "Great name."
  • (Bill Hader) "It is, it just rolls of the tongue."
  • (Seth Rogen) "'Sounds like a sexy hamburger."
  • (Seth Rogen) "Oh s***, the cops."
  • (Seth Rogen) "It's just beer. It's just beer."
  • (Bill Hader) "C'mon man up. What happened?"
  • (Seth Rogen) "He's a freakin' kid. He's the fastest kid alive."
  • (Bill Hader) "This is not good."
  • (Seth Rogen) "He's the fastest kid alive."
  • (Bill Hader) "Fastest kid alive my ass. What we're gonna do?"
  • (Seth Rogen) "Sir. Stop what your are doing at once."
  • (Homeless Guy) "Ahhhhhh, BLUE GUYS."
  • (Seth Rogen) "Everyone should hold a gun at least a couple times."
  • (Seth Rogen) "You know, this job though isn't how shows like CSI make it out to be, when I first joined the force, I was under the impression that everything was covered in a fine layer of semen. And that the police had at their disposal a semen database with every bad guy's semen on it. Not true."
  • (Bill Hader) "Yup"
  • (Seth Rogen) "If only there was semen on everything, it would make our jobs easier --"
  • (Bill Hader) "Hell, yeah."
  • (Seth Rogen) "I often go to sleep and dream of waking up in a world where everything is covered in semen."
  • (Bill Hader) "I mean, who doesn't? It's like your wish that you could walk out of a room and just know where the semen was. You just know like Sherlock Holmes, if he was in his day, Sherlock Holomes, in his day -- And this is a proven historical fact. Sherlock Holmes, when he was alive, knew where semen was."
  • (Seth Rogen) "Could smell it out like a rat."
  • (Bill Hader) "Smell it out. ANything"
  • (Seth Rogen) "Like the crime scene today, if the man had ejaculated and then punched you in the face, we'd have a real good shot at catching him --"
  • (Bill Hader) "No way,"
  • (Seth Rogen) "Just punched you in the face. No semen."
  • (Bill Hader) "Yeah, no semen. And that's the only way you can find DNA by the way, if it's in the jizz."
  • (Seth Rogen) "Semen. It's the best DNA, is in the jizz."
  • (Bill Hader) "I'm telling you right now, sometimes I just want to make you know, live in a world of semen. That's funny you say that because I feel the same same way --"
  • (Seth Rogen) "It's true"
  • (Bill Hader) "I would make semen snowballs --"
  • (Seth Rogen) "It would just make our lives easier if everything was covered in semen."
  • (Bill Hader) "Yeah, no crime."
  • (Seth Rogen) "Just semen. f***, that'd be nice."
  • (Bill Hader) "I think we've exhausted this point. Sherlock Holmes, in his day, would look at you and say: "Five nights ago, Veronica Shear, USA Up All Night.""
  • (Seth Rogen) "Four ounces."
  • (Bill Hader) "I know that, four ounces into your hand."
  • (Seth Rogen) "One time we found semen, one time."
  • (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "I thought you said you never found semen."
  • (Bill Hader) "One time we found semen, one time we found semen, we've got really excited, took it back to the lab, turned out it was Michaels' semen."
  • (Seth Rogen) "Prepare to be f***ed by the long dick of the law."
  • (Seth Rogen) "You just cock-blocked McLovin."
  • (Seth Rogen) "He's a freak --"
  • (Seth Rogen) "He's the fastest kid alive --"
  • (Seth Rogen) "Ah, McLovin, McLovin, McLovin, McLovin."

Bill Hader as Officer Slater

  • (Bill Hader) "PANAMA."
  • (Bill Hader) "We will shoot you."
  • (Bill Hader) "Hey kid, what's your real name?"
  • (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "Fogell -- it's Fogell."
  • (Seth Rogen) "Fogell? f*** that, we're calling you McLovin."
  • (Mindy) "Look, kay? He assaulted the customer, grabbed the cash and ran out."
  • (Bill Hader) "So, how how, how --"
  • (Seth Rogen) "Say when, height wise --"
  • (Bill Hader) "I'm gonna start up here."
  • (Seth Rogen) "I'm gonna start from the buttom --"
  • (Mindy) "Whatever 5'10 is, he was 5'10."
  • (Bill Hader) "E-ethnicly, I mean, did, what, uhhm. I mean, wa-was he, like u-us or --"
  • (Mindy) "A woman? A female, is that what you're asking?"
  • (Bill Hader) "No, I would say --"
  • (Seth Rogen) "Was he --"
  • (Bill Hader) "Was he African?"
  • (Mindy) "Was he African? No, he was American. And he was like you. He looked just like you."
  • (Seth Rogen) "He was Jewish. An odd crime for a Jew to commit. Ok, so we have an African Jew wearing a hoodie --"
  • (Mindy) "No. You don't. No, that's not what I said. Is that what you heard me say? I said he looked like you. Do you look like an African Jew?"
  • (Seth Rogen) "No, I look like a cop."
  • (Mindy) "He was caucasian."
  • (Seth Rogen) "Caucasian --"
  • (Bill Hader) "Oh --"
  • (Mindy) "Kinda looked like Eminem."
  • (Seth Rogen) "Ah, an M&M --;"
  • (Bill Hader) "M&M;, so he was like circular --"
  • (Mindy) "Marshall Mathers. Eminem, the rapper, Eminem."
  • (Seth Rogen) "He looked like this? I'm a amateur."
  • (Bill Hader) "'Cause that kinda looks like an M&M.;"
  • (Seth Rogen) "Longer face? Bigger nose? Would you say his mouth was wider? Open? A gap?"
  • (Bill Hader) "Pretend he's your little sister, your little sister, with the picha baga daga dicta."
  • (Bill Hader) "Spread your s***. Get on the ground. Loaded gun. Ready to go. Spread your s***. Pussies on the pavement, fellas."

Martha MacIsaac as Becca

  • (Martha MacIsaac) "I don't understand why you have to be such a little bitch about it."
  • (Martha MacIsaac) "Your cock is so smooth."
  • (Michael Cera) "Your's would be too -- if you were a man."
  • (Martha MacIsaac) "I am gonna give you the best blow J ever -- with my mouth."
  • (Martha MacIsaac) "I'm so wet right now."
  • (Michael Cera) "Yeah -- they said that would happen in health class."

Christopher Mintz-Plasse as Fogell

  • (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "Chicka chicka yeah."
  • (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "I got a boner."
  • (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "Where did you hide the alcohol Danny Ocean, up your butt?"
  • (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "Can we shoot at it?"
  • (Bill Hader) "I don't know --"
  • (Bill Hader) "Can you?"
  • (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "Break yourself, foo."
  • (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "Oh oh, I forgot to tell you: my mom said we could have the TV from the basement --"
  • (Michael Cera) "Shut the f*** up, man. He's gonna hear you. Just be quiet; wait until he goes away."
  • (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "You still haven't told him that we're rooming together?"
  • (Michael Cera) "Fogell, shut the f*** up. And take off that vest. You look like Aladdin."
  • (Liquor Store Clerk) "Is there a problem here, sir?"
  • (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "No."
  • (Liquor Store Clerk) "Sir, did you do this?"
  • (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "No, no I didn't and you should really clean this up, someone could really hurt themselves."
  • (Liquor Store Clerk) "f*** my life."
  • (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "Yo guys. Sup?"
  • (Jonah Hill) "Fogell, where have you been, man? You almost gave me a god**** heart attack. Let me see it. Did you p***** out or what?"
  • (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "No noooo, man. I got it; it is flawless. Check it."
  • (Michael Cera) "Hawaii. All right, that's good. That's hard to trace, I guess. Wait -- you changed your name to -- McLovin?"
  • (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "Yeah."
  • (Michael Cera) "McLovin? What kind of a stupid name is that, Fogell? What, are you trying to be an Irish R&B; singer?"
  • (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "Naw, they let you pick any name you want when you get down there."
  • (Jonah Hill) "And you landed on McLovin --"
  • (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "Yeah. It was between that or Muhammed."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Why the f*** would it be between THAT or Muhammed? Why don't you just pick a common name like a normal person?"
  • (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "Muhammed is the most commonly used name on Earth. Read a f***ing book for once."
  • (Michael Cera) "Fogell, have you actually ever met anyone named Muhammed?"
  • (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "Have YOU actually ever met anyone named McLovin?"
  • (Jonah Hill) "No, that's why you picked a dumb f***ing name."
  • (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "f*** you."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Gimme that. All right, you look like a future pedophile in this picture, number 1. Number 2: it doesn't even have a first name, it just says "McLovin"."
  • (Michael Cera) "What? One name? ONE NAME? Who are you? Seal?"
  • (Jonah Hill) "Fogell, this ID says that you're 25 years old. Why wouldn't you just put 21, man?"
  • (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "Seth, Seth, Seth. Listen up, ass-face: every day, hundreds of kids go into the liquor store with fake IDs, and every single one says they're 21. Pssh, how many 21 year olds do you think there are in this town? It's called f***ing strategy, all right?"
  • (Michael Cera) "Stay calm, okay? Let's not lose our heads. It's -- it's a fine ID; it'll -- it's gonna work. It's passable, okay? This isn't terrible. I mean, it's up to you, Fogell. This guy is either gonna think 'Here's another kid with a fake ID' or 'Here's McLovin, a 25 year-old Hawaiian organ donor'. Okay? So what's it gonna be?"
  • (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "-- I am McLovin."
  • (Jonah Hill) "No you're not. No one's McLovin. McLovin's never existed because that's a made up dumb f***ING FAIRY TALE NAME, YOU f***."
  • (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "What's it like to have a gun?"
  • (Seth Rogen) "It's like having two cocks. If one of your cocks could kill someone."
  • (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "Hey."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Don't tell Fogell about the party, man --"
  • (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "Gangstaaaaaaaaaaasss -- what's up guys?"

Kevin Corrigan as Mark

  • (Kevin Corrigan) "What the hell is this?"
  • (Jonah Hill) "I don't f***ing; it's detergent."
  • (Kevin Corrigan) "Yeah, what are you doing with it?"
  • (Jonah Hill) "-- I got f***ing blood on my pants."

Emma Stone as Jules

  • (Emma Stone) "You scratch our backs, we'll scratch yours."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Well Jules, the funny thing about my back is that it's located on my cock."

Steve Bannos as Teacher

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Lauren Miller as Scarlett Brighton

  • (Lauren Miller) "Kick his ass, Mark."
  • (Kevin Corrigan) "Shut the f*** up, Scarlett."

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