Strange Wilderness Quotes

Strange Wilderness is a TV program that first aired in 1970 . Strange Wilderness ended its run in 1970.

It features Adam Sandler as producer, Waddy Wachtel in charge of musical score, and David Hennings as head of cinematography.

Strange Wilderness is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Strange Wilderness is 87 minutes long. Strange Wilderness is distributed by Paramount Pictures.

The cast includes: Justin Long as Junior, Steve Zahn as Peter Gaulke, Jeff Garlin as Ed Lawson, Jonah Hill as Cooker, Blake Clark as Dick, Allen Covert as Fred Wolf, Robert Patrick as Gus Hayden, Ashley Scott as Cheryl, Kevin Heffernan as Whitaker, Ernest Borgnine as Milas, and Peter Dante as Danny Guiterrez.

Strange Wilderness Quotes

Peter Dante as Danny Guiterrez

• (Peter Dante) "Hey fellas, I was bombed last night at P.J. Mahoney's. By the way, did you guys notice any sedamine in that tequila? There's some kind of pebble or rock or something that's clogged up my penis hole, and my johnson's swelled up like a f***ing waterbaloon hooked up to a tea kettle."

Steve Zahn as Peter Gaulke

• (Steve Zahn) "I need you to take an inventory of everything's that left, okay? Go. Now."
• (Kevin Heffernan) "Uh, okay. We got one sleeping bag, so I think we're pretty much f***ed."

• (Steve Zahn) "Sharks are only found in two places on Earth: the northern and southern hemishperes."

• (Steve Zahn) "Bears are a proud people, although they're not people per-say. They're animals. Bears derive their name from a football team in Chicago. Bears have been known to attack man, although the fact is that fewer people have been killed by bears than in all of World World I and World War II combined. Brown bears bloves fishing. Brown -- Brown bears bloves -- God, why am I having so much trouble saying brown --"
• (Allen Covert) "Maybe it's the two b's in brown bears. Try something different."
• (Steve Zahn) "I got it. I'm ready. Okay. Red bears love fish."
• (Debbie) "Pete, you're late for your meeting with Lawson down at KPIP."
• (Steve Zahn) "Deb, we're in the middle of a recording session. So every f***ing thing you say is going down on tape."
• (Debbie) "Oh, right, like you guys ever care about that crap?"

• (Steve Zahn) "Look at my dad. He was the king. I mean, no matter what happened, I mean he was as cool as a cucumber. He never forgot a line, and he never let anything ruffle him. My dad was the king. No doubt. And his TV show ruled the ratings."
• (Steve Zahn) "What was that?"
• (Steve Zahn) "Excuse me. It was a wildlife show called Strange Wilderness. Oh, you remember that? Do you remember my dad? Oh cool. Yeah, then he died and then I took over the show, then it went all to hell. I mean, I'm nothing like my dad. Nothing at all. I don't know. I don't know if it was like I wasn't bright enough, or I didn't work hard enough, or I used to smoke a lot of dope. So -- um -- no I quit. Yeah, totally. What happened to the show? At first, it was great. I had a really great crew, we were doing what we loved, but then -- I don't know. Things got a little strange."

• (Steve Zahn) "Well if you want, we could, eh, hire you, fire you, push you into a mud puddle and then you could keep this whole sad sack train chugging along."

• (Steve Zahn) "Monkeys make up over 80% of the world's monkey population."

• (Steve Zahn) "I should've never hired you."
• (Jonah Hill) "That's the most un-American thing I've ever heard in my life."

• (Bill Calhoun) "Pierson may have the map and a three days head start, but that won't be enough."
• (Steve Zahn) "Thanks."
• (Bill Calhoun) "Cause now you have the map and I'm gonna give you a little something extra. His name is Gus Hayden."
• (Steve Zahn) "You are s***ting me. You know Bigfoot's name?"

• (Steve Zahn) "Those balls are sensational. To a lion, these balls are called a sack lunch."

• (Steve Zahn) "Is that a thong you're wearing?"
• (Jonah Hill) "What the f*** you say?"
• (Steve Zahn) "You have a thong on?"
• (Jonah Hill) "Yeah, I'm wearing a thong."

• (Steve Zahn) "No matter how many sea lions are killed each year by sharks, it never seems like enough"

• (Steve Zahn) "These birds are saying howdy to the zebra. Actually, they're not saying howdy. They're eating the s*** out of him."

• (Steve Zahn) "This is it? Our entire voice-over for our show on bears is written on a cocktail napkin?"
• (Allen Covert) "Yeah, we wrote it last night when we were at P.J. Mahoney's."
• (Steve Zahn) "Bears are large and brown. Alright, come on. Not all bears are large. How about baby bears, huh? Bears derive their name from a football team in Chicago. No. It's the other way around. Jesus Christ Fred, come on. It is estimated that bears kill over two million salmon a year. Attacks by salmon on bears are much more rare. Right, that's got to be true, right? Alright, let's go with that one."

• (Steve Zahn) "Luckily, we caught that on tape so that man will be honored."
• (Jeff Garlin) "You want to honor the man by showing him being killed by an alligator on your wildlife show?"

Blake Clark as Dick

• (Blake Clark) "That jungle is thick. I don't think anybody's even been in there. You know, you should quit now while you're alive."
• (Steve Zahn) "Nope. Not on my watch."

• (Blake Clark) "You say "Dick", I come runnin'."

Justin Long as Junior

• (Justin Long) "You ever let your dog lick your name?"

• (Justin Long) "Does your name ever shrink because you go in cold waters?"

• (Justin Long) "I smoked some weed the other night, and I think this s*** was laced, because I went out right away and got these tattoos on my eyelids to make it look while I was sleeping that people would think I was awake."

• (Justin Long) "Have you guys ever tried to poop and brush your teeth at the same time? It's kind of hard."

• (Justin Long) "Oh s***, a porcupine."

Allen Covert as Fred Wolf

• (Allen Covert) "I hear that weird bubbling sound again."
• (Steve Zahn) "It's not bubbling."
• (Ernest Borgnine) "Junior, I said knock it off."

• (Allen Covert) "Wow. I'm just blown away by how violent that was."

• (Allen Covert) "We got fog rolling in, man."
• (Steve Zahn) "It's not fog. Milas, can you help me out here?"
• (Ernest Borgnine) "For god's sake Junior, just sit the bong down."

• (Allen Covert) "Why don't you, eh, go make a Blues album?"
• (Steve Zahn) "Yeah, you could call it 'Im a poor little sad sack'."

• (Allen Covert) "You like your name? You like Dick?"

• (Allen Covert) "Hang on, people. I am picking up an underwater bubbling sound. I'm not sure what it is, but it is bubbling furiously."
• (Ernest Borgnine) "Junior, knock it off."

Ashley Scott as Cheryl

• (Ashley Scott) "You guys. I have been tracking you for hours. Why did you leave me back there?"
• (Steve Zahn) "Well, we -- we thought you ran off with Gus Hayden."
• (Ashley Scott) "You really think I'd do that?"
• (Allen Covert) "Yeah."
• (Ashley Scott) "Gross. I'd want to f*** even you guys before I'd want to f*** him."

Jeff Garlin as Ed Lawson

• (Jeff Garlin) "Now what the hell is that?"
• (Steve Zahn) "It's the African wilderness. It's, uh, natives doing a war dance."
• (Jeff Garlin) "That's not Africa."
• (Steve Zahn) "Right, well, not totally. See, um, a lot of the women of the bush; they're not really that good looking. So we got these girls instead. They're from Long Beach."

Robert Patrick as Gus Hayden

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Jonah Hill as Cooker

• (Conservationist) "What are you doing?"
• (Jonah Hill) "I'm definitely not burning ants with a magnifying glass if that's what you're implying."

• (Jonah Hill) "I was trying to make you feel better and you hit me in the head. Now there's a bump on my head. It looks like a dinosaur egg. If that dinosaur hatches people are gonna think I'm some sort of prehistoric gentleman bird."

Kevin Heffernan as Whitaker

• (Kevin Heffernan) "Hey, wait a minute. These are the fish that ate Dick, right?"
• (Jonah Hill) "Yeah."
• (Kevin Heffernan) "Alright, so go with me here. If Dick is in the fishes, and we're eating the fishes, doesn't that mean we're eating Dick?"
• (Jonah Hill) "What the f***."

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