Soapdish Quotes

Soapdish is a TV show that was first aired in 1970 . Soapdish completed its run in 1970.

It features Aaron Spelling as producer, Alan Silvestri in charge of musical score, and Ueli Steiger as head of cinematography.

Soapdish is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Soapdish is 93 minutes long. Soapdish is distributed by Paramount Pictures.

The cast includes: Sally Field as Celeste Talbert, Kevin Kline as Jeffrey Anderson, Garry Marshall as Edmund Edwards, Robert Downey Jr. as David Barnes, Teri Hatcher as Ariel Maloney, Cathy Moriarty as Montana Moorehead, Whoopi Goldberg as Rose Schwartz, Paul Johansson as Blair Brennan, Kathy Najimy as Tawny Miller, Elisabeth Shue as Lori Craven, Garry Marshall as Edwards, Carrie Fisher as Betsy Faye Sharon, and Teri Hatcher as Mark.

Soapdish Quotes

Kevin Kline as Jeffrey Anderson

• (Kevin Kline) "You speak beautifully for a mute."

• (Kevin Kline) "One more date we would've had a Greek tragedy on our hands."

• (Kevin Kline) "You have beautiful eyes."
• (Teri Hatcher) "Ooh, they're nothing compared to my tits."

• (Kevin Kline) "Of course I can kiss her."
• (Elisabeth Shue) "This is ridiculous. I can kiss who I want."
• (Sally Field) "No. You can't. You can't kiss her."
• (Kevin Kline) "Why because she's your neice?"
• (Sally Field) "No, you nitwit. Because she's my daughter. And your daughter."
• (Elisabeth Shue) "What?"
• (Kevin Kline) "What are you talking about?"
• (Sally Field) "We're her parents. You and I."
• (Sally Field) "We're her Mommy and her Daddy."

• (Kevin Kline) "See, my; my theory is that all the characters are Hamlet: it's all happening in Hamlet's head. So you only need one actor."

• (Kevin Kline) "Don't call me Mr. Loman. My name is Anderson. Anderson. ANDERSON."

Sally Field as Celeste Talbert

• (Sally Field) "This is my husband, Bolt."

• (Sally Field) "David. David. David, David, David, David, David."
• (Robert Downey Jr.) "Hey, great scene with Bolt."
• (Sally Field) "I realize I'm not a young woman; however --"
• (Robert Downey Jr.) "What do you mean, you're not --"
• (Sally Field) "-- could you PLEASE point out to our new costume designer"
• (Sally Field) "whose name I don't quite have yet --"
• (Kathy Najimy) "Tawny Miller, Miss Talbert."
• (Sally Field) "How do you do."
• (Sally Field) "that I don't feel quite right in a turban. What I feel like is GLORIA f***ING SWANSON. What am I, 70, David? Am I 70? Why don't you just put me in a walker? Buy a god**** walker and put me in it."
• (Robert Downey Jr.) "You're fired."
• (Kathy Najimy) "Oh God."
• (Robert Downey Jr.) "I'm just kidding."
• (Robert Downey Jr.) "Attention: no turbans for Miss Talbert."

• (Sally Field) "I'm not a genius. I'm just a working actress."

• (Sally Field) "I never worked in an atmosphere like this before."
• (Kevin Kline) "This whole pregnancy thing is a scam. I resent being treated like a leper."
• (Elisabeth Shue) "Having to work with these two is a personal nightmare for me. I'm on the verge of a breakdown."
• (Sally Field) "I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown."
• (Kevin Kline) "I could conceivably have a breakdown."
• (Elisabeth Shue) "I mean, can you imagine what it's like having to face them on the set every single day?"
• (Sally Field) "It just seems to get harder and harder, even though I devoted my entire life to this show."
• (Kevin Kline) "Uh --"
• (Elisabeth Shue) "Mr. Edwards, it's them or me, that is the bottom line here. They go or I go."
• (Garry Marshall) "This is the toughest decision I ever have to make, but I get paid 1.2 million dollars to make these kind of command decisions. So here it is --"

• (Sally Field) "Next time, could you wear a swimsuit underneath the towel? It's a little early in the day for me."
• (Paul Johansson) "I can't act in a swimsuit."
• (Kathy Najimy) "I know --"

• (Sally Field) "Oh, I'll tell you why I'm here. I'm here because -- I -- I --"
• (Kevin Kline) "Come on, say it. "I want you, Jeffery. I'm consumed with jealousy for my neice, because I want you.""
• (Sally Field) "Oh, please."
• (Kevin Kline) "Admit it, you have feelings for me."
• (Sally Field) "My feelings are ABOUT you, not FOR you. There's a big difference."

• (Sally Field) "Dr. Randall, what a surprise. Are you having lunch here?"
• (Kevin Kline) "I will if it's that sample. Huh -- I wish it was that simple."
• (Garry Marshall) "This guy never heard of contact lenses?"
• (Kevin Kline) "The test results have come back."
• (Sally Field) "And?"
• (Kevin Kline) "And I'm afraid the results are very disturbing. It seems that Angelique has a rare case of brake fluid --"
• (Kevin Kline) "Bran -- fluid. Bran flavor."
• (Burton White) "What the hell?"
• (Robert Downey Jr.) "Brain fever."
• (Garry Marshall) "Say it."
• (Sally Field) "Brain fever."
• (Kevin Kline) "Yes. Brain fever. Or what we call in Austria --"
• (Kevin Kline) "Kopfgeschlagen. At the current rate of inflation, her brain will laterally explore the --"
• (Sally Field) "Literally explode?"
• (Kevin Kline) "Exactly, within the next three houses."
• (Sally Field) "Hours?"
• (Kevin Kline) "Yes, will literally explode within next three hours. I would suggest leaving the restraint."
• (Sally Field) "Restaurant?"
• (Kevin Kline) "Restaurant, yes."
• (Sally Field) "Her brain will actually explode?"
• (Kevin Kline) "Yes, yes, I've, um, seen it happen. It's a dreadful, dreadful thug. Thing."

• (Sally Field) "Why are you here?"
• (Kevin Kline) "This is my apartment. I live here. Why are YOU here?"

• (Sally Field) "Ohhh, there's so many people to thank. First of all, my fabulous supporting cast, who gives a new meaning to the word "support" --"
• (Teri Hatcher) "Bitch."
• (Robert Downey Jr.) "Hag."
• (Cathy Moriarty) "I hate her so much."

• (Sally Field) "I never said I was the best mother in the world. Give me a little credit, will you, credit for being someone who tried -- to love you the only way she knew how?"
• (Elisabeth Shue) "I know that speech."
• (Sally Field) "You do?"
• (Elisabeth Shue) "Yeah, it was the, uh, the Thanksgiving show, when Maggie meets Bolt's blind nephew."

• (Sally Field) "What I feel like is Gloria effing Swanson. I'm 42 yrs old, I don't want to be dressed like a dead woman.""

• (Sally Field) "Yes. Yes. Yes. I AM guilty. Guilty of love in the first degree."

• (Sally Field) "What are you doing here?"
• (Kevin Kline) "This is my apartment, I live here, what are YOU doing here?"

Whoopi Goldberg as Rose Schwartz

• (Whoopi Goldberg) "The guy was killed in an auto accident. I looked it up. He was driving in the Yukon, in a pink convertible, to visit his brother who's an ex-con named Frances, when a tractor trailer comes along and decapitates him. You know what that mean, it means he doesn't have a head. How am I suppose to write for a guy who doesn't have a head? He's got no lips, no vocal cords. What do you want me to do?"

• (Whoopi Goldberg) "I'm looking at crawdad butts, cover 'em up."

• (Whoopi Goldberg) "You know, I'd think you were acting, but you've never been this good."

Elisabeth Shue as Lori Craven

• (Elisabeth Shue) "You people have the morals of guinney pigs."

• (Elisabeth Shue) "Celeste, I want to act."
• (Sally Field) "Don't say that, "I want to act", ever, please."

• (Elisabeth Shue) "Hi. Uh, I'm Lori Craven and -- I'm an actress."
• (Carrie Fisher) "An actress. Really. How nice for you. I'm Betsy Faye Sharon and I'm a bitch. Now get out of here."

• (Elisabeth Shue) "MOTHER."
• (Elisabeth Shue) "No, I can't let you do this."
• (Burton White) "She spoke?"
• (Kevin Kline) "She spoke."
• (Cathy Moriarty) "Sudden speech, the last stages of brain fever. She can blow up any moment."
• (Elisabeth Shue) "I can always speak. Mother --"
• (Cathy Moriarty) "She's MY mother."
• (Sally Field) "MONTANA, SHUT UP."

Cathy Moriarty as Montana Moorehead

• (Cathy Moriarty) "YOU; promised me you would get rid of Celeste. WE WERE BOTH NAKED AND YOU PROMISED. NAKED."
• (Robert Downey Jr.) "Hey. We were never naked."
• (Cathy Moriarty) "Well, we could've been. Not only did you get rid of Celeste but you; YOU CREATED LORI. This ingénue from HELL. She has more lines than I do and she's a GOD -- DAMN -- MUTE."

• (Cathy Moriarty) "She has more lines than I do and she's a GOD DAMN MUTE."

• (Cathy Moriarty) "WAIT. Wait. But I'm carrying his child."
• (Kevin Kline) "I didn't sleep with her. Will somebody please believe me."
• (Kevin Kline) "Doctor."
• (Teri Hatcher) "A second opinion --"
• (Teri Hatcher) "-- this is Dr. Frans Blau of the sex change clinic in Bethesda, Maryland."
• (Whoopi Goldberg) "Thank you. Dr. Randall, after extensive investigations, I've come to the conclusion that it's virtually impossible for you to have impregnated your nurse; Montana Moorehead; because before she came to our little clinic, she was -- Milton Moorehead of Syosset, Long Island. Hello."
• (Cathy Moriarty) "NO. NO. NO."

Robert Downey Jr. as David Barnes

• (Robert Downey Jr.) "Listen, she just won her 8th Schmenger, right? Edmund's crazy about her. She's got a lot of juice."
• (Cathy Moriarty) "Well, that's when you dump people, okay? When they're still on top, before they lose their popularity and drag the show down with them."

• (Robert Downey Jr.) "She's got a lot of spirit."
• (Elisabeth Shue) "She's a deranged bitch."

• (Robert Downey Jr.) "I was under orders."
• (Sally Field) "So; was; Hitler. Oh, no, I don't mean Hitler, I mean the other guy, the other one."
• (Robert Downey Jr.) "Himmler."
• (Sally Field) "No, no, no."
• (Robert Downey Jr.) "Hess."
• (Whoopi Goldberg) "Eichmann."
• (Robert Downey Jr.) "Eichmann."

Carrie Fisher as Betsy Faye Sharon

• (Carrie Fisher) "Very, very good, Mark. And very true. I love what you're doing. I just, I think if we could try it one more time, and this time -- I don't know -- maybe try one without your shirt."
• (Teri Hatcher) "Sure."
• (Teri Hatcher) ""Will you be having wine with dinner?""
• (Carrie Fisher) "I think we've found our waiter."

• (Carrie Fisher) "She came in yesterday. I don't know who the hell she is. Her name is Naven, Maven, Slaven -- Claven -- there's no agent."
• (Robert Downey Jr.) "Find her."
• (Carrie Fisher) "Well, what if she can't act?"
• (Burton White) "That never stopped us before."
• (Carrie Fisher) "What?"
• (Robert Downey Jr.) "We make her mute."
• (Burton White) "What?"
• (Robert Downey Jr.) "If she doesn't speak, we don't have to pay her as much. A homeless deaf-mute: what could be more pathetic? God, I'm good."

Garry Marshall as Edwards

• (Garry Marshall) "I would like to voice my strong concern about this show's spiraling decline in ratings. David, ever since you took us to the Caribbean, it's been Jamaica homeless people sucking soup, and a big wave outside that cost a hundred thousand dollars. That's depressing and it's expensive, two words I hate. You know the words I like? I like the word "peppy" and the word "cheap". Peppy and cheap."

• (Garry Marshall) "There's a nurse in the restaurant. Did I miss a meeting?"

• (Garry Marshall) "She's been through hell, and we're her family. So in this crisis, we have to support her."
• (Whoopi Goldberg) "Yeah."
• (Garry Marshall) "We have to love her."
• (Whoopi Goldberg) "Mmm."
• (Garry Marshall) "We have to care about her."
• (Whoopi Goldberg) "Mmm."
• (Garry Marshall) "And we have to milk it for every drop of publicity we can get."

Teri Hatcher as Ariel Maloney

• (Teri Hatcher) "Bitch."

• (Teri Hatcher) "Why, Bolt. I didn't realize you were here."
• (Bolt) "Well -- I am."

• (Teri Hatcher) "New boy in town?"
• (Kevin Kline) "Just got off the choo-choo -- you have lovely eyes."
• (Teri Hatcher) "They're nothing compared to my tits. You should come up and see them sometime."

Add or Update Quotes

If you have a quote to add or change and want to let us know, please fill in the form below. Include the time in the film/video if possible so we can find it.