Smokey and the Bandit Quotes

Smokey and the Bandit is a TV program that first aired in 1970 . Smokey and the Bandit stopped airing in 1970.

It features Mort Engelberg, and Robert L. Levy as producer, Bill Justis, and Jerry Reed in charge of musical score, and Bobby Byrne (cinematographer) as head of cinematography.

Smokey and the Bandit is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Smokey and the Bandit is 96 minutes long. Smokey and the Bandit is distributed by Universal Studios.

The cast includes: Jackie Gleason as Buford T. Justice, George Reynolds as Sheriff Branford, Mike Henry as Junior, Sally Field as Carrie, Burt Reynolds as Bandit, Jerry Reed as Cledus Snow, Paul Williams as Little Enos, and Pat McCormick as Big Enos.

Smokey and the Bandit Quotes

George Reynolds as Sheriff Branford

• (George Reynolds) "The fact that you are a sheriff is not germane to the situation."
• (Jackie Gleason) "The god damn Germans got nothin' to do with it."
• (Mike Henry) "What did he say?"
• (Jackie Gleason) "SHUT UP. ONE s*** AT A TIME."
• (Mike Henry) "All right."

• (Branford's Deputy) "You know something Sheriff?"
• (George Reynolds) "What?"
• (Branford's Deputy) "If J.W. don't get outta my way I'm gonna pass him."
• (George Reynolds) "Where in the woods? Listen I don't care if your dad is the mayor, you wreck this car; it's commin out of your pay."
• (Branford's Deputy) "Yeah but Sheriff he's getting away."
• (George Reynolds) "Son he's not going anywhere. The Mulberry Bridge has been dismantled for the past 6 months."

Jerry Reed as Cledus Snow

• (Jerry Reed) "I don't think my dog bit you, mister. 'Cause Fred definately DON'T like grease."

• (Jerry Reed) "Hey Bandit. Me an' Fred's got a question."
• (Burt Reynolds) "What you an' Fred want?"
• (Jerry Reed) "How come we doin' this?"
• (Burt Reynolds) "Well why not?"
• (Jerry Reed) "Well they said it couldn't be done."
• (Burt Reynolds) "Well thats the reason, son."
• (Jerry Reed) "That's good with Fred. We're clear."
• (Burt Reynolds) "Ten-four"

• (Jerry Reed) "You can't drive a fork lift."
• (Burt Reynolds) "I can drive any forkin' thing around."

• (Jerry Reed) "Oh, no. Hey, Bandit, Hey, Bandit, listen to this."
• (Jerry Reed) "You know who that is? That be the Evel Knievel. He snuck in my back door when I wasn't lookin'. You better flip-flop back here and gimme' a hand, son, or we gonna be in a heap of trouble. Please roger that transmission."
• (Burt Reynolds) "Hold on to Fred, son. Here comes the cavalry."

• (Jerry Reed) "Whoa."
• (Jerry Reed) "I just passed another Kojak with a Kodak, this place is crawling with bears, where the hell are you?"

• (Jerry Reed) "Hey, is she wearing a"
• (Jerry Reed) "wedding dress ?"
• (Burt Reynolds) "She was."
• (Jerry Reed) "What's she wearing now? Come back. Hey, you got peanut butter or somethin' in your ears? Tell me what that girl's got on. Her mind."
• (Jerry Reed) "10-4."

• (Jerry Reed) "He about as crazy as you are ugly."

• (Jerry Reed) "You know who that is? That be the Evel Knievel. He snuck in my back door when I wasn't lookin'."

• (Jerry Reed) "Hoss, you ain't gonna believe this, but that crazy sombitch just tried to drive right up under my truck."

• (Jerry Reed) "Atlanta to Texarkana and back in twenty eight hours? That ain't never been done before, not in no rig."
• (Burt Reynolds) "That's cause we ain't never done it in no rig. You got to stop thinkin so negative son, we aint not never made it yet have we?"
• (Jerry Reed) "Well no --"
• (Burt Reynolds) "Well alright."

Jackie Gleason as Buford T. Justice

• (Jackie Gleason) "Give me a diablo sandwich, a Dr. Pepper, and make it quick, I'm in a god-damn hurry."

• (Jackie Gleason) "How do officer. My name's --"
• (Patrolman - Traffic Jam) "I don't care if your name is Broderick Crawford --"

• (Jackie Gleason) "One s*** at a time."

• (Jackie Gleason) "Just keep your eye out for that Mr. Bandit bastard."

• (Jackie Gleason) "And don't go home, and don't go to eat, and don't play with yourself. It wouldn't look nice on my highway."
• (Jackie Gleason) "Oh, you can THINK about it -- but don't do it."

• (Jackie Gleason) "I saw that, you sombitch. You did that on purpose. You're going away till you're gray. I got the evidence."
• (Jackie Gleason) "Put the evidence in the car."
• (Mike Henry) "But Daddy --"
• (Jackie Gleason) "Put the evidence in the car."
• (Jackie Gleason) "I'm gonna barbeque yo' ass in molasses."

• (Jackie Gleason) "Apprehend that horse ass for reckless driving."
• (Mike Henry) "But Daddy --"
• (Jackie Gleason) "Do what I tell you. You pile of monkey nuts."

• (Jackie Gleason) "Duck, or you're gonna be talkin' out yo ass."

• (Jackie Gleason) "Breaker, breaker for the Bandit."
• (Burt Reynolds) "Come on back, breaker."
• (Jackie Gleason) "Bandit I got a smokey report for you. Come on."
• (Burt Reynolds) "Well, talk to me good buddy."
• (Jackie Gleason) "You got trouble comin --"
• (Burt Reynolds) "Well what's your handle son, and what's your twenty?"
• (Jackie Gleason) "My handle's Smokey Bear and I'm tail-grabbin yo ass right now."

• (Jackie Gleason) "What the hell is the world coming to?"

• (Policeman) "Did you see that? They went right through our roadblock."
• (Jackie Gleason) "You sombitches couldn't close an umbrella."

• (Jackie Gleason) "Nobody, and I mean NOBODY makes Sheriff Buford T. Justice look like a possum's pecker."
• (Mike Henry) "Except for that --"
• (Jackie Gleason) "Shut your ass."

• (Jackie Gleason) "What the hell is this, a drive-in movie?"
• (Jackie Gleason) "Get off of there, you Moose twit."

• (Jackie Gleason) "What we're dealing with here is a complete lack of respect for the law."

• (Jackie Gleason) "Hey boy, where's Sheriff Branford?"
• (George Reynolds) "I AM Sheriff Branford."
• (Jackie Gleason) "Ooo, Hee-Hee. For some reason or another, you sounded a little taller on radio, hee-hee."

• (Jackie Gleason) "Hey, boy, where is Sheriff Bradford? I AM Sheriff BRANford Hee hee For some reason, you sound a little taller on radio."
• (Jackie Gleason) "What in the hell is the world coming to?"

Burt Reynolds as Bandit

• (Burt Reynolds) "You chasin' somebody Sheriff? Somebody chasin' you?"
• (Jackie Gleason) "Nobody's chasin' me, boy."

• (Burt Reynolds) "When you tell somebody somethin', it depends on what part of the country you're standin' in -- as to just how dumb you are."
• (Sally Field) "Mr Bandit, you have a lyrical way of cutting through the bulls***."
• (Burt Reynolds) "And you have a unique way with the English language, Miss Frog."

• (Burt Reynolds) "Well, Cowboys love fat calves."
• (Sally Field) "They're not fat."
• (Burt Reynolds) "Well, they're bigger then mine."
• (Sally Field) "Do we really wanna talk about legs?"
• (Burt Reynolds) "Well, one of us does. Otherwise we --"
• (Sally Field) "Smart ass."

• (Burt Reynolds) "New car. Gotta have a new car to block for the truck."
• (Burt Reynolds) "Speedy car."
• (Burt Reynolds) "Speedier than that."
• (Paul Williams) "I'd like to kick his ass just once."

• (Burt Reynolds) "What the hell was that?"
• (Sally Field) "A left. Or a half a U."

• (Burt Reynolds) "Well, well, well, hello, Beautiful."
• (Burt Reynolds) "How about 'Gorgeous?'"
• (Waynette Snow) "You can't have him."
• (Burt Reynolds) "Well, obviously, you can."
• (Burt Reynolds) "What are you tryin' to do, start another race?"
• (Waynette Snow) "Look, you got Cledus in jail once. Leave us alone."
• (Unnamed) "Hi, Uncle Bandit."
• (Waynette Snow) "He ain't your damned uncle."
• (Waynette Snow) "One of you damned kids, get this dog out of here."
• (Waynette Snow) "Dammit, Bandit, look at me."
• (Burt Reynolds) "I find it hard to look at you, Waynette, very hard. Especially when you've got those things in your hair. Makes me think you're listening to a radio station in Savannah."

• (Burt Reynolds) "Snowman, you got your ears on?"
• (Jerry Reed) "You lucky devil, you got him. Where the hell are you?"

• (Burt Reynolds) "Sheriff, uh, Buford T. Justice, please."
• (Jackie Gleason) "Who there?"
• (Burt Reynolds) "This is Bandit Darville talkin'."
• (Jackie Gleason) "Where are you, you sombitch?"
• (Burt Reynolds) "Before I tell you where I am, Sheriff, there's just one thing I wanna say. You must be part coon dog, 'cause I've been chased by the best of them, and son, you make 'em look like they're all runnin' in slow motion. I just wanna say that."
• (Jackie Gleason) "Well, thank you, Mr. Bandit. And as the pursuer, may I say you're the god****edest pursuee I've ever pursued. Now that the mutual bulls*** is over, WHERE ARE YOU, YOU SOMBITCH?"

• (Burt Reynolds) "Cledus, get the money."
• (Jerry Reed) "Yeah, how 'bout the money?"
• (Paul Williams) "How 'bout double or nothin'?"
• (Jerry Reed) "How 'bout forgettin' it?"
• (Burt Reynolds) "Wait a minute. What about double or nothin'?"
• (Paul Williams) "You run up to Boston, and bring back some clam chowder for me and my daddy."
• (Sally Field) "You're on."
• (Burt Reynolds) "Uh, you're on."
• (Pat McCormick) "In 18 hours?"
• (Burt Reynolds) "You're still on."
• (Jerry Reed) "WHAT? You're crazy. And I'm divorced."

• (Burt Reynolds) "What do you think they do for excitement in this town?"
• (Jerry Reed) "Probably sit around and watch the cars rust."

• (Burt Reynolds) "You must be in a hell of a hurry, huh, Sheriff?"
• (Jackie Gleason) "You bet your ass on that, boy."

• (Burt Reynolds) "Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Why do you want that beer so bad?"
• (Paul Williams) "Because he's thirsty, dummy."

• (Burt Reynolds) "Now, gettin' to Texarkana and back in 28 hours, that's no problem."
• (Paul Williams) "It ain't never been done before, hot s***."
• (Burt Reynolds) "Watch your language, little lady."

• (Burt Reynolds) "What's a Texas county mounty doing in Arkansas?"
• (Jerry Reed) "I don't know."
• (Sally Field) "I don't know."
• (Sally Field) "I don't know."
• (Burt Reynolds) "Well who the heck knows?"
• (Jerry Reed) "I really don't know."

• (Burt Reynolds) "For the good old American life: For the money, for the glory, and for the fun -- mostly for the money."

• (Burt Reynolds) "Well, go girl, go."
• (Sally Field) "I'm goin' I'm goin. I got the metal to the petal and the thing to the floor."

Sally Field as Carrie

• (Sally Field) "You have a great profile."
• (Burt Reynolds) "Yeah, I do, don't I? Especially from the side."
• (Sally Field) "Well, at least we agree on something."
• (Burt Reynolds) "Yeah. We both like half of my face."

• (Sally Field) "Actually, my heaviest relationship was with an acid-rock singer -- named Robert Crumly. We were together, oh, eight-and-a-half days. God, I really thought that was it."
• (Burt Reynolds) "And?"
• (Sally Field) "One day, I came home and found him in the shower -- with a girl -- and her mother."
• (Burt Reynolds) "Well, at least he kept it in the family."

• (Sally Field) "I think I'm in love with your belt buckle."

• (Sally Field) "Would a cop taking a leak on the side of the road interest you?"
• (Burt Reynolds) "Yes it would -- He was taking a 10-100"
• (Sally Field) "Well that's better than a 10- 2 00"

• (Sally Field) "Well, what are we going to do when we go home?"
• (Burt Reynolds) "Go to bed -- for a week."
• (Sally Field) "Good idea."
• (Burt Reynolds) "-- And sleep."
• (Sally Field) "Wanna bet?"

• (Sally Field) "Why?"
• (Burt Reynolds) "Because you're always hoppin around. And kinda you're cute, like a frog. And I'd like ta jump ya."

• (Sally Field) "That was great. I want to jump something else. I want to jump a car, or a house, I wanna jump something."
• (Burt Reynolds) "Then jump me."

Pat McCormick as Big Enos

• (Pat McCormick) "Twenty to one I break the son of a bitch this time."
• (Paul Williams) "Gimme five-hundred on the Bandit."

• (Pat McCormick) "You see son, old legends never die. They just lose weight."
• (Paul Williams) "I guess a legend and an out-of-work bum look a lot a like, daddy."

• (Pat McCormick) "Any fool who would paint his truck like this would show up at a minister's funeral dressed in feathers."

Mike Henry as Junior

• (Mike Henry) "Damn, he had a lot of friends, didn't he?"
• (Jackie Gleason) "If they'd a cremated the sum-bitch. I could be kickin' that Mr. Bandit's ass around the moon by now."

• (Mike Henry) "My hat blew off, daddy."
• (Jackie Gleason) "I hope your god**** head was in it."

• (Mike Henry) "Daddy, the top came off."
• (Jackie Gleason) "No s***."

• (Mike Henry) "Daddy, the top came off."
• (Jackie Gleason) "No s***."

Paul Williams as Little Enos

• (Paul Williams) "I think you're just a little bit scared."
• (Burt Reynolds) "That's real good psychology. Why don't you say something bad about my mother?"
• (Paul Williams) "Your momma is so ugly --"

• (Paul Williams) "Egotistical son of a bitch."
• (Pat McCormick) "Any cat who would paint his truck like this would go to a minister's funeral dressed in feathers."

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