Sixteen Candles Quotes

Sixteen Candles is a TV show that first aired in 1970 . Sixteen Candles completed its run in 1970.

It features Hilton A. Green, and Michelle Manning; Ned Tanen as producer, Ira Newborn in charge of musical score, and Bobby Byrne (cinematographer) as head of cinematography.

Sixteen Candles is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Sixteen Candles is 93 minutes long. Sixteen Candles is distributed by Universal Pictures.

The cast includes: Paul Dooley as Jim Baker, Gedde Watanabe as Long Duk Dong, Michael Schoeffling as Jake, Molly Ringwald as Samantha, Haviland Morris as Caroline, Carlin Glynn as Brenda Baker, Justin Henry as Mike Baker, Edward Andrews as Howard, Billie Bird as Dorothy Baker, Blanche Baker as Ginny, Carole Cook as Grandma Helen, Max Showalter as Grandpa Fred, Darren Harris as Cliff, Liane Curtis as Randy, and John Cusack as Bryce.

Sixteen Candles Quotes

Molly Ringwald as Samantha

• (Molly Ringwald) "Donger's here for five hours, and he's got somebody. I live here my whole life, and I'm like a disease."

• (Molly Ringwald) "Oh my God. What should I do? Should I go up to him and and should I say, "Hi Jake, I'm Samantha", or no, maybe I should let him come to me?"
• (The Geek) "This is not my department."

• (Molly Ringwald) "I can't believe this. They f***ing forgot my birthday."

• (Molly Ringwald) "This is Farmer Fred."
• (The Geek) "Ted."
• (Molly Ringwald) "Oh, I'm sorry, Farmer Ted."
• (The Geek) "I'm not really a farmer. I'm a freshman."

• (Molly Ringwald) "Me?"
• (Michael Schoeffling) "Yeah, you."
• (Michael Schoeffling) "Hi."
• (Michael Schoeffling) "Hi."
• (Molly Ringwald) "Hi. What are you doing here?"
• (Michael Schoeffling) "I heard you were here."
• (Molly Ringwald) "You came here for me?"
• (Michael Schoeffling) "Is that okay?"
• (Molly Ringwald) "Yeah, it's okay."
• (Michael Schoeffling) "Do you have to go to reception now?"
• (Molly Ringwald) "I'm supposed to."
• (Michael Schoeffling) "Can I call you later?"
• (Molly Ringwald) "Sure -- I mean no."
• (Michael Schoeffling) "No, I can't call you later?"
• (Molly Ringwald) "Yeah -- No, I mean, I'm not going to the reception."
• (Michael Schoeffling) "Oh. Great."

• (Molly Ringwald) "May I be excused?"
• (Carole Cook) "Where are you going?"
• (Molly Ringwald) "I have a dance to go to; at school. It's a very important dance -- uh we're being graded on it, for Gym."

• (The Geek) "This information cannot leave this room. Okay? It would devastate my reputation as a dude."
• (Molly Ringwald) "No problem."
• (The Geek) "I've never bagged a babe. I'm not a stud."

• (The Geek) "How's it goin'?"
• (Molly Ringwald) "How's what going?"
• (The Geek) "You know; things, life, whatnot."
• (Molly Ringwald) "Life is not whatnot, and it's none of your business."

• (Molly Ringwald) "Ever since my twelfth, I've been looking forward to my sweet sixteen."

• (Molly Ringwald) "Thanks for getting my undies back."
• (Michael Schoeffling) "Thanks for coming over."
• (Molly Ringwald) "Thanks for coming to get me."
• (Michael Schoeffling) "Happy Birthday, Samantha. Make a wish."
• (Molly Ringwald) "It already came true."

• (Molly Ringwald) "You know everyone in this family has gone total outer limits."

• (The Geek) "You know, I'm getting input here that I'm reading as relatively hostile. I mean, it's --"
• (Molly Ringwald) "Go to hell."
• (The Geek) "VERY hostile."

• (Molly Ringwald) "I loathe the bus. There has to be a more dignified mode of transportation."

• (The Geek) "So, I mean, what's your story? I mean, you got a guy, or?"
• (Molly Ringwald) "Yes, three big ones, and they lust wimp blood, so quit bugging me or I'll sic them all over your weenie ass."

• (Molly Ringwald) "Do I look any older?"
• (Paul Dooley) "No, I wouldn't say so."

• (Molly Ringwald) "It's unbelieveable. I swear to God Caroline Mumford had to flunk about nine grades."
• (Liane Curtis) "Brother's deaf, and everybody in the world worships her. Practically impossible to cut up. She's supposedly real sweet."
• (Molly Ringwald) "And she's going with Jake. Oh, I'm gonna kill myself."

• (Molly Ringwald) "Then where am I sleeping?"
• (Justin Henry) "Sofa City, Sweetheart."

Carlin Glynn as Brenda Baker

• (Carlin Glynn) "Can you remember to turn off the stove in twenty minutes?"
• (Molly Ringwald) "I can remember lots of things."

• (Carlin Glynn) "Oh, Sam. Sam, I am so sorry about your birthday."
• (Molly Ringwald) "It's okay. I'll recover."
• (Carlin Glynn) "It's important to you. And yesterday morning, you were trying to tell me."
• (Molly Ringwald) "It's okay, Mom. These things sometimes happen."
• (Carlin Glynn) "Oh, honey, I just feel miserable."
• (Molly Ringwald) "You'll feel better."
• (Justin Henry) "Who died?"
• (Carlin Glynn) "Uh -- Is there something you want to say to your sister?"
• (Justin Henry) "What? Are you kidding? Where should I start?"
• (Carlin Glynn) "I mean about her birthday. It was yesterday. We all forgot."
• (Justin Henry) "Classic."
• (Carlin Glynn) "Deep down, he's really sorry."
• (Carlin Glynn) "No, he's not."

• (Carlin Glynn) "Don't be a smartass."
• (Justin Henry) "Ok, I'll be a dumbass."

• (Carlin Glynn) "Her monthly bill came early. Well, she's fine, she just took a muscle relaxer."
• (Blanche Baker) "Try four."

Michael Schoeffling as Jake

• (Michael Schoeffling) "You better not be dickin' me around. It'd be a major downer to try and get together with this girl and find out that she really does think I'm a slime."
• (The Geek) "Jake, would I dick you? Let me put it to you this way, what happens to me if I dick you?"
• (Michael Schoeffling) "I'll kick your ass."
• (The Geek) "Right. So why would I lie? But I feel compelled to mention to you, Jake, I mean, if all you want of the girl is a piece of ass, I mean, I'll either do it myself, or get someone bigger than me, to kick your ass. I mean, not many girls in contemporary American society today, would give their underwear to help a geek like me."
• (Michael Schoeffling) "I can get a piece of ass anytime I want. s***, I've got Caroline in the bedroom right now, passed out cold. I could violate her ten different ways if I wanted to."
• (The Geek) "What are you waiting for?"
• (Michael Schoeffling) "I don't know. She's beautiful, and she's built and all that."
• (Michael Schoeffling) "I'm just not interested anymore."
• (The Geek) "Does that really matter, guy?"
• (Michael Schoeffling) "Yeah, it matters. She's totally insensitive. Look what she did to my house. She doesn't know s*** about love. Only thing she cares about is partying. I want a serious girlfriend. Somebody I can love, that's gonna love me back. Is that psycho?"
• (The Geek) "That's beautiful, Jake. I think a ton of guys feel the same way as you do."
• (Michael Schoeffling) "Really?"
• (The Geek) "Yeah. It's just they don't -- They don't have the balls to admit it. You know? They're just -- They're wimps."

• (Michael Schoeffling) "What a disaster."

• (The Geek) "This, uh, your car, Jake?"
• (Michael Schoeffling) "No, this is my dad's car. You said you couldn't drive a stick."
• (The Geek) "This is a mother;. This is a Rolls-Royce, Jake."
• (Michael Schoeffling) "So?"
• (The Geek) "SO? So? I hear the grill ALONE costs five grand on this. Five grand. Do you have five grand? I don't have five grand."
• (Michael Schoeffling) "Then don't hit anything."
• (The Geek) "Ha ha. Don't hit anything."

• (Michael Schoeffling) "Ahh, eat me."
• (Edward Andrews) "Who was it? Well what did they want?"
• (Billie Bird) "Sex."

• (Michael Schoeffling) "I want a serious girlfriend. Somebody I can love, that's gonna love me back. Is that psycho?"

• (Michael Schoeffling) "I thought she hated my guts."

• (Michael Schoeffling) "I'll make a deal with you."
• (Michael Schoeffling) "Let me keep these; I'll let you take Caroline home. But you gotta make sure she gets home. You can't leave her in some parking lot somewhere. Okay?"
• (The Geek) "Jake, I'm only a Freshman."
• (Michael Schoeffling) "So? She's so blitzed she won't know the difference."
• (The Geek) "Jake, I don't have a car."
• (Michael Schoeffling) "You can take mine."
• (The Geek) "Jake, I don't have license."
• (Michael Schoeffling) "I trust you --"
• (The Geek) "Jake, I'd love to -- I can't."
• (The Geek) "Want a pretzel?"
• (Michael Schoeffling) "You sure?"
• (The Geek) "Positive."

• (Michael Schoeffling) "Yes, hello sir, um --"
• (Edward Andrews) "Are you the little bugger that's been calling up here all night and then hanging up?"
• (Michael Schoeffling) "Would it be possible for you to tell me if there is a Samantha Baker there and if so, sir, may I converse with her briefly?"
• (Edward Andrews) "Yes it is, and NO you may not."
• (Michael Schoeffling) "Might I leave a message, sir?"
• (Edward Andrews) "He wants to leave a message for Sam."

• (Michael Schoeffling) "These are really hers?"
• (The Geek) "Yeah."
• (Michael Schoeffling) "How did you get 'em?"
• (The Geek) "She gave 'em to me."
• (Michael Schoeffling) "Did you?"
• (The Geek) "No. No, Jake. She's cranked for you. I told her you asked about her, right? The girl freaked. She had a hissy. She thinks you're the cats meow."
• (Michael Schoeffling) "Really? She came up to me in the gym tonight. She looked at me like I was a leper."
• (The Geek) "Girls will do that, Jake. You know? You see, they know guys are like in perpetual heat, right? They know they s***, and they enjoy pumping us up. It's pure power politics. I'm telling ya."
• (Michael Schoeffling) "I thought she hated my guts."
• (The Geek) "Games, Jake. Silly torturous games. You know how many times I've gone without lunch because some bitch borrows my lunch money? Any halfway decent girl can rob me; blind. Because I'm too torqued up to say no. It's heinous, I'm telling you."

• (The Geek) "Jake, is your dad a big man, or?"
• (Michael Schoeffling) "About 6'4"."
• (The Geek) "Very nice."

Justin Henry as Mike Baker

• (Justin Henry) "What the hell are you bitchin' about? I gotta sleep under some Chinaman named after a duck's dork."

• (Justin Henry) "Dad, she's got her period. Should make for an interesting honeymoon, huh?"
• (Paul Dooley) "Where are you learning that stuff?"
• (Justin Henry) "School."
• (Paul Dooley) "Good. I get my money's worth."

Gedde Watanabe as Long Duk Dong

• (Gedde Watanabe) "What's happenin', hot stuff?"

• (Gedde Watanabe) "Very clever dinner. Appetizing food fit neatly into interesting round pie."
• (Justin Henry) "It's a quiche."
• (Gedde Watanabe) "How do you spell?"
• (Max Showalter) "Well you don't spell it, son, you eat it."

• (Gedde Watanabe) "Okay. I'm comin'."
• (Gedde Watanabe) "Hello? Jeez, this place is so confusing. Okay."
• (Gedde Watanabe) "Go away. I call F.I.B. I call police. Go away."
• (Michael Schoeffling) "Open the door."
• (Gedde Watanabe) "No way, Jose."
• (Michael Schoeffling) "Open the door."
• (Gedde Watanabe) "You beat up my face."
• (Michael Schoeffling) "You grabbed my nuts."
• (Gedde Watanabe) "Is that you?"
• (Michael Schoeffling) "Yeah, that me."
• (Gedde Watanabe) "Oh, I'm so sorry. I thought you my new; new-style American girlfriend."
• (Michael Schoeffling) "Forget it, man. Just get Samantha, all right?"
• (Gedde Watanabe) "She not here."
• (Michael Schoeffling) "Don't jerk me around, man. Where is she?"
• (Gedde Watanabe) "She got married."
• (Michael Schoeffling) "What?"
• (Gedde Watanabe) "She at the church. She getting married to oily bohunk."
• (Michael Schoeffling) "Married?"
• (Gedde Watanabe) "Married."
• (Michael Schoeffling) "Married?"
• (Gedde Watanabe) "Yeah. Married"
• (Michael Schoeffling) "Married?"
• (Gedde Watanabe) "Married. Jeez."

• (Gedde Watanabe) "No more yankie my wankie. The Donger need food."

Paul Dooley as Jim Baker

• (Paul Dooley) "Why do you think you're a dork? I don't think you're a dork. I don't think Mom thinks you're a dork."
• (Molly Ringwald) "Mike thinks I'm a dork."
• (Paul Dooley) "Mike is a dork."

• (Paul Dooley) "That's why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they'd call 'em something else."

Liane Curtis as Randy

• (Liane Curtis) "Geek, can I be honest with you?"
• (The Geek) "Not if you're gonna insult me."
• (Liane Curtis) "Okay."
• (The Geek) "Shoot."
• (Liane Curtis) "Get the hell outta here."

• (Liane Curtis) "Would you stop feeling sorry for yourself? It's bad for your complexion."

• (Liane Curtis) "Last night at the dance, my little brother paid a buck to see your underwear."
• (Molly Ringwald) "Aah."
• (Edward Andrews) "Geez. I hate that rock 'n' roll rubbish."
• (Max Showalter) "Well, I'm afraid it's here to stay, Howie."

Edward Andrews as Howard

• (Edward Andrews) "Dong. Where is my automobile?"
• (Gedde Watanabe) "Oto-mo-biiile?"
• (Gedde Watanabe) "Wreck. Big wreck."
• (Billie Bird) "Why, you little scuzzbag."

Blanche Baker as Ginny

• (Blanche Baker) "I really love Rudy. He is totally enamored of me. I mean, I've had men who've loved me before, but not for six months in a row."

• (Blanche Baker) "Darling, is something bothering you?"
• (Blanche Baker) "-- you're really acting like -- an asshole. And I think I know what it is. I think, you're jealous that I'm getting married and that I'm getting all the attention."

• (Blanche Baker) "No, Sam, I think you're just being a little selfish -- and immature."
• (Molly Ringwald) "Oh, yes, that's it. That's exactly it."
• (Blanche Baker) "Unbelievable. You make someone a bridesmaid and they s*** all over you."

John Cusack as Bryce

• (The Geek) "Very nice. We're five minutes in -- I'm at a loss."
• (John Cusack) "Real smooth, Cliff."

Haviland Morris as Caroline

• (The Geek) "Thank you."
• (Haviland Morris) "Now we're both on the pill."
• (The Geek) "What?"
• (The Geek) "You gave me a birth control pill? Do you have any idea what that will do to a guy my age?"

• (Haviland Morris) "You're such a poop."

• (Haviland Morris) "God, I love it when your parents are out of town. I fantasize that I'm your wife, and we're the richest, most popular adults in town. I owe all my great weekends to you."
• (Haviland Morris) "What's your problem?"
• (Michael Schoeffling) "What?"
• (Haviland Morris) "You've been acting weird all night. Are you screwing around?"
• (Michael Schoeffling) "Me? Are you crazy?"
• (Haviland Morris) "I don't know, Jake. I'm getting strange signals."
• (Michael Schoeffling) "Well, they're not comin' from me. Everything's fine. Don't have a cow."
• (Haviland Morris) "Okay. Just remember one thing. I can name a hundred guys who'd kill to love me."
• (Michael Schoeffling) "Is that a threat?"
• (Haviland Morris) "It's a fact, Jake."

• (The Geek) "Damn Mom, I've got my headgear on."
• (Haviland Morris) "Will you wake up?"
• (The Geek) "Where the hell am I?"
• (Haviland Morris) "I'll, uh, tell you where you are, if you tell me who you are."
• (The Geek) "I'm Farmer Ted."
• (Haviland Morris) "You're in the parking lot across the street from my church."
• (The Geek) "You own a church?"

• (Haviland Morris) "I never went out with a freshman. Not even when I was a freshman."
• (The Geek) "Me either."
• (Haviland Morris) "You were pretty crazy."
• (The Geek) "I was?"
• (Haviland Morris) "Yeah. You know what I like best?"
• (The Geek) "My clean, close shave?"
• (Haviland Morris) "No. Waking up in your arms."
• (The Geek) "These things?"

Billie Bird as Dorothy Baker

• (Billie Bird) "Wait a minute. I have a wonderful idea. Would you like to go to the dance with Sam?"

Carole Cook as Grandma Helen

• (Carole Cook) "Whoops. Don't wanna use the nails."
• (Carole Cook) "Voila. Breakfast is ready."

• (Carole Cook) "Oh Sam, let me look at you. Fred, she's gotten her boobies."
• (Max Showalter) "I better go get my magnifying glass."
• (Carole Cook) "Oh, and they are so Perky."
• (Molly Ringwald) "I can't believe my Grandmother actually felt me up."

Max Showalter as Grandpa Fred

• (Max Showalter) "Hey Howard, there's your Chinaman."
• (Edward Andrews) "Thanks, Fred."

Darren Harris as Cliff

• (The Geek) "I'm dead."
• (The Geek) "Hello?"
• (Darren Harris) "Ted, you never called us back. What happened?"
• (The Geek) "Look, wheez, I told you not to call me here."
• (Darren Harris) "Ted, we're dying, what happened?"
• (The Geek) "You wanna know what happened? Buy the book."

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