Seinfeld Quotes

Seinfeld is a Sitcom that was first aired in 1989 on NBC. Seinfeld completed its run in 1998.

Seinfeld lasted 9 seasons and 180 episodes. It features Jonathan Wolff (musician) as theme composer. Seinfeld is executive produced by Larry David, George Shapiro, Howard West, Andrew Scheinman, Jerry Seinfeld, Alec Berg, and Jeff Schaffer. Seinfeld is created by Larry David.

Seinfeld is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Seinfeld is 22-24 minutes long. Seinfeld is produced by Giggling Goose Productions and distributed by Columbia TriStar Television.

Seinfeld Quotes

• (Frank Costanza) "My George isn't clever enough to hatch a scheme like this."
• (Elaine) "You got that right."
• (Frank Costanza) "What the hell does that mean?"
• (Elaine) "That means whatever the hell you want it to mean."
• (Frank Costanza) "You saying you want a piece of me?"
• (Elaine) "I could drop you like a bag of dirt."
• (Frank Costanza) "You want a piece of me? You got it."

• (George Costanza) "When you consider the other choices, "manure" is actually pretty refreshing."

• (George Costanza) "A beautiful, successful, intelligent woman is in love with me and I throw it all away. Now I will spend the rest of my life living alone. I'll sit in my disgusting little apartment, watching basketball games, eating Chinese takeout, walking around with no underwear because I'm too lazy to do the laundry."
• (Jerry) "You walk around with no underwear."
• (George Costanza) "Ya, what do you do when you run out of laundry?"
• (Jerry) "I do a wash."

• (Jerry) "I don't know if it's possible, but could you people conduct the psychopath convention down the hall?"

• (Jerry) "Yes?"
• (Unnamed) "Jerry Seinfeld?"
• (Jerry) "Yeah. Oh, you must be Kramer's guys. So, you got the cigars?"
• (Unnamed) "What cigars?"
• (Jerry) "Kramer told me I was supposed to pick up some Cubans."
• (Unnamed) "Yes. We are the Cubans."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "Jerry, I'm fried."
• (Jerry) "Technically, you're sautéed."

• (George Costanza) "In high school it was always "Bonjour, le George", "How's it going le George?", "Hey, let's stuff le George in le locker"."

• (Enzo) "How'd you like to have free haircut for six months?"
• (Newman) "What's the catch?"
• (Enzo) "You're going to get me a sample of Jerry's hair."
• (Newman) "Hmm, that job sounds like it might be worth a year's free haircuts -- and a comb."

• (George Costanza) "Believe it or not, George isn't at home. Please leave a message at the beep. I must be out or I'd pick up the phone. Where could I be? Believe it or not, I'm not home."

• (Jerry) "Elaine, he's a male bimbo. He's a mimbo."

• (George Costanza) "I was free and clear. I was living the dream. I was stripped to the waist eating a block of cheese the size of a car battery."
• (Jerry) "Before we go any further, I'd just like to point out how disturbing it is that you equate eating a block of cheese with some sort of bachelor paradise."

• (Jerry) "Why didn't you tell her your code?"
• (George Costanza) "I can't give away my code to her."
• (Jerry) "George, you're gonna marry this woman -- probably."
• (George Costanza) "No way. The bank clearly says "Don't give away your code to anyone"."
• (Jerry) "So, you're taking relationship advice from "Chemical Bank" now?"
• (George Costanza) "Why does it always have to be "us"? Why can't there be a little "me"? Is that so selfish?"
• (Jerry) "Actually, that's the definition of selfish."

• (Jerry) "You're giving up that easily?"
• (Newman) "I usually do."
• (Jerry) "Newman, you cant let the dream die. You moving away is my dream too."

• (George Costanza) "When she threw that toupee out the window, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I feel like my old self again. Neurotic, paranoid, totally inadequate, completely insecure. It's a pleasure."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "The carpet sweeper is the biggest scam perpetrated on the American public since One Hour Martinizing."

• (Jerry) "Have ya been to the Motor Vehicle Bureau? Its a leper colony there."
• (Elaine) "So, basically what you're saying is 95% of the population is undatable?"
• (Jerry) "UNDATABLE."
• (Elaine) "So how are all these people gettin' together?"
• (Jerry) "Alcohol."

• (George Costanza) "I'm disturbed, I'm depressed, I'm inadequate, I've got it all."

• (Jerry) "Cinnamon. It should be on tables in restaurants along with salt and pepper. Anytime someone says, "Ooh, this is so good; what's in this?" the answer invariably comes back, "cinnamon." Cinnamon. Again and again."

• (Jerry) "What the hell is that crap?"
• (Cosmo Kramer) "It's Pagliacci, Jerry."

• (George Costanza) "I got to go home and take a nap."
• (Jerry) "It's 10:30 in the morning."
• (George Costanza) "I'll tell you, I am wiped."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "What happened?"
• (Elaine) "Wait, wait, Kramer, the last time you hit your head; was Mary Hart on TV?"
• (Cosmo Kramer) "Yeah."
• (Elaine) "That's it. That is it. Mary Hart's voice is making you have seizures."

• (Jerry) "I can't take it anymore. She's driving me crazy. I can't sleep, I can't leave the house, and I'm here, I'm climbin' the walls. Meanwhile, I'm dating a virgin, I'm in this contest; something's gotta give."

• (George Costanza) "We think it was Saddam Hussein, but he had a British accent, so we're not sure."

• (Jerry) "Oh, this is interesting --"
• (Elaine) "What?"
• (Jerry) "Jane's topless."
• (Cosmo Kramer) "Yo yo ma."
• (Jerry) "Boutros Boutros Ghali --"
• (Elaine) "Nice rack."

• (Jerry) "No, George. She's coming over and not cleaning. It's like I'm seeing a prostitute."
• (George Costanza) "How much are you paying this maid?"
• (Jerry) "$40."
• (George Costanza) "$40? I pay my maid $60, she doesn't do my laundry, and I'm gettin' nothing."

• (Jerry) "The road less taken is less taken for a reason."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "Hoochie Mama."

• (Jerry) "You know, I never expected that movie --"
• (Lisi, Elaine's Friend) "To end under water."
• (Jerry) "To be so long. Usually movies like that --"
• (Lisi, Elaine's Friend) "Are a lot more violent."
• (Jerry) "Are a lot shorter."
• (Lisi, Elaine's Friend) "I should --"
• (Jerry) "Get going."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "You'd better be careful with that coat -- You'll start a war."

• (George Costanza) "You're gonna over-dry your laundry."
• (Jerry) "You can't over-dry."
• (George Costanza) "Why not?"
• (Jerry) "Same reason you can't over-wet. You see, when something's wet, it's wet. Same thing with death. Like, once you die, you're dead. Let's say you drop dead and i shoot you. You're not gonna die again, you're already dead. You can't over-die, you can't over-dry."
• (George Costanza) "Any questions?"

• (Frank Costanza) "I am not allowing my wife to date a bra salesman."
• (Estelle Costanza) "Hey, he only sells them, he doesn't wear them."

• (George Costanza) "You're really moving to California?"
• (Cosmo Kramer) "Up here, I'm already gone."

• (Jerry) "I think that's what's good for the goose is good for the gander."
• (George Costanza) "What is a gander, anyway?"
• (Jerry) "It's a goose that's had the ol' switcheroo pulled on it."

• (George Costanza) "I'm the bad boy. I've never been the bad boy."
• (Jerry) "You've been the bad employee, the bad son, the bad friend --"
• (George Costanza) "Yes, yes, yes --"
• (Jerry) "The bad fiancé, the bad dinner guest, the bad credit risk --"
• (George Costanza) "Okay, the point is made."
• (Jerry) "The bad date, the bad sport, the bad citizen --"
• (Jerry) "The bad tipper."

• (Jerry) "You can't just leave the group."
• (Elaine) "Jerry, I've been trying to leave this group for 10 years. Vaya con Dios."

• (George Costanza) "This thing is like an onion: the more layers you peel, the more it stinks."

• (Newman) "You see, certified mail is always registered, but registered mail is not necessarily certified."
• (Unnamed) "I could listen to you talk all day about mail."
• (Newman) "I'll tell you a little secret about zip codes: they're meaningless."

• (Elaine) "Maybe he's an enigma, a mystery wrapped in a riddle."
• (Jerry) "Yeah, he's a mystery wrapped in a twinkie."

• (Elaine) "What happened to my seat? Oh, God, where was I?"
• (Unnamed) "Hey, sit down, I can't see."
• (Unnamed) "Get out of the way."
• (Elaine) "I can't find my seat."
• (Unnamed) "Just move."
• (Elaine) "No, you move."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "Well, go around, you buncha crazies. You maniacs are gonna get us all killed."

• (Jerry) "So we're gonna make the Post Office pay for my new stereo now?"
• (Cosmo Kramer) "It's a write-off for them."
• (Jerry) "How is it a write-off?"
• (Cosmo Kramer) "They just write it off."
• (Jerry) "Write it off what?"
• (Cosmo Kramer) "Jerry, all these big companies, they write off everything."
• (Jerry) "You don't even know what a write-off is."
• (Cosmo Kramer) "Do you?"
• (Jerry) "No, I don't."
• (Cosmo Kramer) "But they do. And they're the ones writing it off."

• (Elaine) "Jerry, Brett said you ran away from him as if he were the Boogedyman."
• (Jerry) "Boogeyman."
• (Elaine) "Boogey?"

• (Jerry) "Who knows where she gets any of those losers --"
• (George Costanza) "You're on that list."

• (George Costanza) "Ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement. From now on, I will be known as --"
• (Kruger) "Koko the Monkey."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "Here's to feeling good all the time."

• (George Costanza) ""Sweet fancy Moses""

• (George Costanza) "I'm a great quitter. It's one of the few things I do well. I come form a long line of quitters. My father was a quitter, my grandfather was a quitter -- I was raised to give up."

• (George Costanza) "You've got to apologize."
• (Jerry) "Why?"
• (George Costanza) "Because its the mature and adult thing to do."
• (Jerry) "How does that affect me?"

• (David Puddy) "Feels like an Arby's night."

• (Elaine) "Well, I'm going to hell."
• (Jerry) "That seems about right."

• (Mr. Peterman) "Elaine, up until a few minutes ago, I was convinced I was on the receiving end of the oldest baker's grift in the books; The Enterman's Shim Sham. Until I remembered my security camera, which I installed to catch other Walter using my latrine."
• (Elaine) "But, Mr. Peterman, I --"
• (Mr. Peterman) "Elaine, I have a question for you; is the item still with you?"
• (Elaine) "I guess so --"
• (Mr. Peterman) "Elaine, do you have any idea what happens to a butter-based frosting after sitting 60 years in a poorly ventilated English basement? I have a feeling that what you are about to go through is punishment enough. Dismissed."

• (George Costanza) "Well, I heard a noise."
• (Jerry) "What noise?"
• (George Costanza) "You know, blah --"
• (Jerry) "What blah?"
• (George Costanza) "From the bathroom."
• (Jerry) "Oh, you think she was refunding?"
• (George Costanza) "Every time we go out to eat the minute we we're done eating she's running to the bathroom."
• (Elaine) "So you're concerned?"
• (George Costanza) "Elaine, of course I'm concerned -- I'm payin' for those meals. It's like throwing money down the toilet."

• (Elaine) "Married women don't "get together". They have affairs."
• (George Costanza) "Oh my God, an affair. That's so adult. It's like with stockings and martinis, and William Holden. On the other hand it probably wouldn't cost me any money."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "It's a Festivus miracle."

• (Newman) "Just remember, when you control the mail, you control -- information."

• (George Costanza) "You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister."
• (Jerry) "What does that even mean?"

• (Cosmo Kramer) "Congradulations."
• (Unnamed) "What for?"
• (Cosmo Kramer) "You're pregnant -- You're not pregnant?"

• (Jerry) "Hmmm, "Seven Costanza". Yep, I can see it now: Seven periods of school per day, seven beatings a day, seven stitches per beating, followed by seven years to life."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "Mmm -- boy, that Hennigan's goes down smooth. And afterwards you don't even smell. That's right folks. I've just had three shots of Hennigan's and I don't even smell. Imagine: you can walk around drunk all day. That's Hennigan's: no smell, no tell, Scotch"

• (Elaine) "Oh, Stuart's a lot better. "Little Stuart Rifkin likes to go shopping with his mother.""

• (Cosmo Kramer) "Yeah, well I'll tell ya, she's a full figured gal."
• (Jerry) "Is she?"
• (Cosmo Kramer) "Oh you better believe it buddy."

• (Jerry) "To me, the thing about birthday parties is that the first birthday party you have and the last birthday party you have are actually quite similar. You know, you just kinda sit there -- you're the least excited person at the party. You don't even really realize that there is a party. You don't know what's goin' on. Both birthday parties, people have to kinda help you blow out the candles, you can't do it -- you don't even know why you're doing it. What is this ritual? What is going on? It's also the only two birthday parties where other people have to gather your friends together for you. Sometimes they're not even your friends. They make the judgement. They bring 'em in, they sit 'em down, and they tell you; 'these are your friends. Tell them thank you for coming to my birthday party."

• (George Costanza) "For fifty bucks I'd put my face in their soup and blow."

• (George Costanza) "She's got a little Marissa Tomei thing goin' on."
• (Jerry) "Ah, too bad you've got a little George Costanza thing goin' on."

• (Elaine) "How can you show your face around there?"
• (Jerry) "Oh, I cant. They revoked my membership. Newman's, too. We cant go anywhere near there."

• (Jerry) "It didn't do me any good either. That benefit was the worst show I ever did. Some of those heckles were really uncalled for: "Avast ye matey"; what the hell does that mean? "20 degrees off the starboard side; the Spanish Galleon." -there's no comeback for that."
• (Tony) "I don't understand you. It's your own car we're talking about. You know you wrote the wrong mileage down on the form? You barely know the car. You don't know the mileage, you don't know the tire pressure. When was the last time you even checked the washer fluid?"
• (Jerry) "The washer fluid is fine --"
• (Tony) "The washer fluid is not fine."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "The Andrea Doria collided with the Stockholm 20 miles off the cost of Nantucket."
• (George Costanza) "How do you know?"
• (Cosmo Kramer) "It's in my book, "Astonishing Tales Of The Sea". 51 people died."
• (George Costanza) "51 people? I thought it was more like 1000."
• (Cosmo Kramer) "There were 1,560 survivors."
• (George Costanza) "That's no tragedy. How many people do you lose on a normal cruise? 30?"

• (Elaine) "It's the pinky toe, what do we need it for?"
• (Jerry) "But Elaine, it's the one that goes wee wee wee all the way home."

• (Jerry) "Hey, Kramer, you want to go down to the Bronx and help me take flyers off George's car?"
• (Cosmo Kramer) "Sure."
• (Jerry) "Could've said just about anything, couldn't I?"

• (Newman) "Ah, look, I? I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm a US postal worker and my mail truck was just ambushed by a band of backwoods mail-hating survivalists."

• (Elaine) "I got shooshed during Desperado."
• (Jerry) "Desperado? And you're still dating him? I'll tell you who sounds a little desperado --"

• (Jerry) "So, did they get tired of Koko yet?"
• (George Costanza) "Oh yeah."
• (Jerry) "Zero zero?"
• (George Costanza) "That's ooo. As in ooo-ooo-aaa-aaa."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "Hey, come on. I thought we were gonna take a steam."
• (Jerry) "No, no."
• (George Costanza) "No. No."
• (Jerry) "No steam."
• (Cosmo Kramer) "Well, I don't want to sit there all naked by myself."

• (Jerry) "You wouldn't it broccoli even if it was deep fried in chocolate."
• (Newman) "What? I love broccoli."
• (Jerry) "Oh yeah? Taste."
• (Newman) "Vile weed."

• (George Costanza) "I gotta call Elaine."
• (Jerry) "She's out."
• (George Costanza) "Oh, yeah. The blind date."
• (Jerry) "They call it a setup, now. I guess the blind people don't like being associated with all those losers."

• (Unnamed) "Another point for Milosh."

• (Elaine) "Is it possible I'm not as attractive as I think I am?"
• (Jerry) "Anything's possible."

• (George Costanza) "And I got a job interview. It's in sports."
• (Jerry) "Mets? Rangers?"
• (George Costanza) "Playground equipment."
• (Jerry) "Welcome back to the show."

• (George Costanza) "Jerry, just remember, it's not a lie if you believe it."

• (Jerry) "Elaine, you always care when an ex-girlfriend dates. You don't want it to be someone you know and you don't want it to be someone better than you. While the latter is obviously impossible, the former still applies."

• (Jerry) "Are you sure you want to get married? I mean, it's a big change of life."
• (Elaine) "Jerry, it's 3 a.m. and I'm at a cock fight. What am I clinging to?"

• (George Costanza) "Don't get worked up, because you're going to know the whole story the minute she walks off the plane."
• (Jerry) "Really, how?"
• (George Costanza) "Because it's all in the greeting. If she puts the bags down before she greets you, that's a good sign."
• (Jerry) "Right."
• (George Costanza) "Anything in the lip area is good."
• (Jerry) "Lip area, yeah."
• (George Costanza) "A hug, definitely good."
• (Jerry) "Hug is good. Although what if its one of those hugs, where the shoulders are touching, and the hips are 8 feet apart."
• (George Costanza) "Those are brutal."
• (Jerry) "You know how they do that."
• (George Costanza) "Also, you know a shake is bad."
• (Jerry) "Right a shake is bad. But what if its the two-hander? The hand on the bottom, the hand on the top, the warm look in the eyes."
• (George Costanza) "The hand sandwich."
• (Jerry) "Right."
• (George Costanza) "Well, that is open to interpretation because so much depends on the layering, and the quality of the wetness in the eyes."
• (George Costanza) "The surprise blindfold greeting. That wasn't in the manual."

• (Jerry) "Don't you see what Whatley is after? Total joke immunity. He's already got the two major religions covered. If he ever gets Polish citizenship, there'll be no stopping him."

• (Jerry) "But officer, he threatened me. That's not right. What if I was the President of the United States? I'm sure you'd investigate. Well, I'm a comedian in the United States. And believe me, I'm under just as much pressure. All right, thanks anyway. OK, bye."

• (Jerry) "So, Puddy, this is a pretty good move for you, huh? No more "grease monkey"."
• (David Puddy) "I don't much care for that term."
• (Jerry) "Oh. Sorry, I didn't know --"
• (David Puddy) "No, I don't know too many monkeys who could take apart a fuel injector."
• (Jerry) "I saw one once that could do sign language."
• (David Puddy) "Yeah, I saw that one. Uh -- Koko."
• (Jerry) "Yeah, Koko."
• (David Puddy) "Right, Koko. That chimp's alright. High-five."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "I go to his birthday party, and just before he blew out his candles, he gives me this look."
• (George Costanza) "Stink eye?"
• (Jerry) "Crook eye?"
• (Cosmo Kramer) "EVIL eye."

• (Jerry) "I don't trust the guy. I think he regifted, then he degifted, and now he's using an upstairs invite as a springboard to a Superbowl sex romp."

• (George Costanza) "And to think I'd fail at failing --"
• (Jerry) "Aw, come on, now."
• (George Costanza) "I feel like I cant do anything wrong."
• (Jerry) "Nonsense. You do everything wrong."
• (George Costanza) "You think so?"
• (Jerry) "Absolutely. I have no confidence in you."
• (George Costanza) "Well, I guess I'll just have to pick myself up, dust myself off, and throw myself right back down again."
• (Jerry) "That's the spirit. You suck."

• (Elaine) "You know what your problem is? Your standards are too high."
• (Jerry) "I went out with you."
• (Elaine) "That's because my standards are too low."

• (Jerry) "But are you still master of your domain?"
• (George Costanza) "I'm king of the county. You?"
• (Jerry) "I'm lord of the manor."

• (George Costanza) "Here's the outlet."
• (Slippery Pete) "The what?"
• (George Costanza) "The outlet. Where the electricity comes from."
• (Slippery Pete) "Oh, you mean the holes."

• (George Costanza) "Guys, hitting is not about muscle. It's simple physics. Calculate the velocity, v, in relation to the trajectory, t, in which g, gravity, of course remains a constant."
• (George Costanza) "It's not complicated."
• (Unnamed) "Now, who are you again?"
• (George Costanza) "George Costanza, assistant to the traveling secretary."
• (Unnamed) "Are you the guy who put us in that Ramada in Milwaukee?"
• (George Costanza) "Do you wanna talk about hotels, or do you wanna win some ball games?"
• (Unnamed) "We won the World Series."
• (George Costanza) "In six games."

• (Frank Costanza) "George, festivus is your heritage."

• (Jerry) "A house in the Hamptons?"
• (George Costanza) "Yeah. I figured since I was lying about my income for a couple of years, I could afford a fake house in the Hamptons."

• (George Costanza) "So I tell her, 'I think I should leave now'. And she looks at me surprised as if she couldn't understand what had just happened and why I was leaving -- The only excuse that I could fathom would be acceptable is to tell her that I am indeed Batman, and I'm sorry I just saw that Bat signal out the window."

• (George Costanza) "Even if he did suffer, that was 40 years ago. What has he done for me lately? I have been suffering for the last 30 years, up to and including yesterday."

• (Elaine) "Jerry, it's B.O."
• (Jerry) "But the whole car smells."
• (Elaine) "So?"
• (Jerry) "So when somebody has B.O., the "O" usually stays with the "B". Once the "B" leaves, the "O" goes with it."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "Well, we're talking to Elaine Benes, adult film star, on the set of her new movie "Elaine Does the Upper West Side"."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "Somewhere in this hospital, the anguished squeal of Pigman cries out."

• (Elaine) "Hey, Kramer, do you still have that pricing gun?"
• (Elaine) "That place is about to have the sale of the century. Nothing over 99 cents."
• (Jerry) "Still a ripoff."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "You got room for the pig-man?"
• (George Costanza) "The pig-man can take the bus."
• (Cosmo Kramer) "You know, if the pig-man had a car, he'd give you a ride."
• (George Costanza) "How do you know? What if Pigman had a two-seater?"
• (Cosmo Kramer) "Be realistic George."

• (George Costanza) "You could always move in with my parents."
• (Elaine) "Was that the OPPOSITE of what you were going to say? Or was that your instinct?"
• (George Costanza) "Instinct."
• (Elaine) "Stick with the opposite."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "I think he's done guys."
• (Cosmo Kramer) "No he's not. He's throwing the WOODS."

• (George Costanza) "Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God you know me and have access to my dementia?"

• (Babu Bhatt) "You very bad man, Jerry. Very bad man."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "Poor Lily."

• (George Costanza) "They gave me my own personal Rascal, Jerry."
• (Jerry) "Well, it's comforting to know that you'll be going straight to hell at no more than three miles per hour."

• (Elaine) "Okay, our next bachelor is Cosmo Kramer. He's -- a high school graduate."
• (Cosmo Kramer) "Equivalency."
• (Elaine) "Equivalency. High school equivalency program graduate. He's, uh -- I don't know, six foot three, one hundred ninety pounds. He likes -- fruit, and he just got, um -- a haircut."
• (Elaine) "Do I hear -- five bucks?"

• (George Costanza) "You know I always wanted to pretend I was an architect."

• (Jerry) "What is THAT book doing on the table?"
• (Elaine) "What? What is wrong with this book?"
• (Jerry) "That book has been on a wild ride. It's been in the bathroom."
• (Elaine) "ALL RIGHT. Move it. Biohazard coming through."

• (Elaine) "We don't know how long this will last. They are a very festive people."

• (Mr. Peterman) "I'm afraid it's your urine, Elaine. You've tested positive for opium."
• (Elaine) "Opium?"
• (Mr. Peterman) "That's right. White Lotus. Yam-yam. Shanghai Sally."

• (Unnamed) "Mr. Newman on line 2 --"
• (Jerry) "Line 2?"
• (Cosmo Kramer) "Yeah, your phone is line 1."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "Just tell him you don't want to do the bootleg. I'm sure he'll understand."
• (Jerry) "People with guns don't understand. That's why they get guns. Too many misunderstandings."

• (Jerry) "I'm not wearing the fur coat."
• (Cosmo Kramer) "Come on, Jerry. If you don't do it, Newman and I are out of the building."
• (Jerry) "Hmm --"
• (Cosmo Kramer) "Ok, Jerry, just take a good look at what your life would be like without me around."
• (Jerry) "Newman too?"
• (Cosmo Kramer) "Come on."

• (Jerry) "All you did was not die for twelve months."

• (Jerry) "And what is his stand on abortion?"
• (Elaine) "What?"
• (Jerry) "What is his stand -- on abortion?"
• (Elaine) "Well, I'm sure he's pro-choice."
• (Jerry) "How do you know?"
• (Elaine) "Because he -- Well -- He's just so good-looking."
• (Jerry) "Well, you should probably ask. Because if he's gonna be coming over with those Pokeno's Pizzas -- could be trouble."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "You ever dream in 3-D? It's like the Boogie Man is coming RIGHT AT YOU."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "I'm at the corner of 1st and 1st -- How can the same street intersect with itself? It must be at the nexus of the universe."

• (Jerry) "Kramer, these balloons aren't gonna stay filled till New Year's."
• (Cosmo Kramer) "Well, those aren't for New Year's. Those are my everyday balloons."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "You know, they botched my vasectomy?"
• (Jerry) "They botched it?"
• (Cosmo Kramer) "I'm even more potent now."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "I thought you said she stinks."
• (Jerry) "She does stink. And she should quit. But I don't want it to be because of me. It should be the traditional route: years of rejections and failures until she's spit out the bottom of the porn industry."

• (Mr. Lippman) "It's come to my attention that you and the cleaning woman have engaged in sexual intercourse on the desk in your office. Is that correct?"
• (George Costanza) "Who said that?"
• (Mr. Lippman) "She did."
• (George Costanza) "Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorance on this thing, because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing is frowned upon -- you know, cause I've worked in a lot of offices, and I tell you, people do that all the time."
• (Mr. Lippman) "You're fired."
• (George Costanza) "Well, you didn't have to say it like that."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "-- that ball goes sailing up into the sky, holds there for a moment, and then -- glugh."

• (Jerry) "Oh, by the way, Newman, I'm just curious, when you booked the hotel, did you book it for the millennium new year?"
• (Newman) "As a matter of fact, I did."
• (Jerry) "Oh, well, that's interesting, because, since everyone knows that there's no year zero, the millennium doesn't really begin until 2001, which would make your party one year late, and thus, quite lame."

• (George Costanza) "I think it's time for George's lunch."
• (George Steinbrenner) "Yes, it is. Let's see what I got today. Ham and cheese again. And she forgot the fancy mustard. I love that fancy mustard. You could put that fancy mustard on a shoe and it would taste pretty good to me."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "God -- it's like a sauna in here."

• (George Costanza) "Why are you home? You're supposed to be out on your route, and getting my calzones for Steinbrenner."
• (Newman) "Well, I saw that it's raining outside, so I called in sick. I don't work in the rain."
• (George Costanza) "But -- you're a mailman. 'Neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow -- ' It's the first one."
• (Newman) "I've never been much for credos."
• (George Costanza) "But I'm paying you."
• (Newman) "Hey, thanks."

• (George Costanza) "All my life, I've wanted to make a great entrance."
• (Jerry) "You've made some fine exits."

• (Jerry) "It's Jerry. Who's this?"
• (Valerie) "It's Valerie."
• (Jerry) "Oh hi, Valerie. What's up?"
• (Valerie) "I'll tell you what's up; my stepmother is violently ill. So I hit the number for poison control and I get you."
• (Jerry) "Wow, poison control? That's even higher than Number One. Hello?"

• (Jerry) "Elaine, you don't understand. This isn't plans 1 through 8. This is Plan 9. This is the one that worked. The worst movie ever made."

• (Unnamed) "I'm sorry, but I can't be with someone whose protégé is a hack."
• (Jerry) "I'm sorry, but I can't be with someone whose mentor is a Costanza."

• (George Costanza) "So you really think Morgan thinks I have a racial bias? This is so unfair. I would've marched on Selma if it was on Long Island."
• (Jerry) "Maybe."
• (George Costanza) "This is so unfair. I would've marched on Selma if it was on Long Island."

• (George Steinbrenner) "Wait -- What's that thing straight ahead? Is that anything? Is that Mothra?"

• (Cosmo Kramer) "What do you use for decoration?"
• (Frank Costanza) "An aluminum pole. I find tinsel distracting."

• (Jerry) "People don't just bump into each other and have sex. This isn't Cinemax."

• (Jackie Chiles) "You fool. You're having her try the bra on over a leotard. Of course the bra isn't going to fit on a leotard. A bra's got to go up against the skin. Like a glove."

• (Jerry) "I'm not sure, and correct me if I'm wrong, but I think I see -- a nipple."

• (Elaine) "All right, let's go, I'll give you half an hour."
• (Jerry) "You're serious?"
• (Elaine) "Jerry, we have to have sex to save the friendship."
• (Jerry) "Sex to SAVE the friendship. Well if we have to, we have to."

• (Susan Biddle Ross) "I don't see why you can't just use a condom."
• (George Costanza) "Uh uh, no. Condoms are for single men. The day we got engaged, I said goodbye to the condom forever."
• (Susan Biddle Ross) "Why?"
• (George Costanza) "I can never get the package open in time. It's like "Beat the Clock.""

• (George Costanza) "You know what this has to do with? The man in the cape. I bet you he is mixed up in this. I don't trust men in capes."
• (Jerry) "You can't cast dispersions on someone just because they're wearing a cape. Superman wore a cape. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna stand here and let you say anything bad about him."
• (George Costanza) "All right, Superman's the exception."

• (Elaine) "Well, you know, I -- I have watched Peterman run the company."
• (Cosmo Kramer) "Sure you have."
• (Elaine) "I know how to do it. Pair of pants, a stupid story, a huge markup. I can do that."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "Do you have any idea how much time I waste in this apartment?"
• (Jerry) "I could ballpark --"

• (Newman) "Hello, Jerry."
• (Jerry) "Hello, Newman."

• (Jerry) "Is this a gym or a fitness museum?"

• (Newman) "I propose -- AN ALLIANCE."
• (Jerry) "An alliance? -- Deal."
• (Jerry) "Now, get the hell out of here."

• (Jerry) "I prefer to do my own material."
• (Cosmo Kramer) "That's as good as anything you do."

• (George Costanza) "Did you get the video camera?"
• (Jerry) "Yeah, I got a three hour tape. That should be enough to cover the experiment, the arrest, and most of your trial."
• (Cosmo Kramer) "You let out one emotion, and all the rest will follow. Just like Andora's box."
• (Jerry) "That was the mother on "Bewitched." I think you mean "Pandora.""
• (Cosmo Kramer) "Yeah, well, she had one too."

• (Jerry) "Hey, Jughead."
• (Cosmo Kramer) "Hi, Archie."
• (Cosmo Kramer) "Veronica."
• (Cosmo Kramer) "Mr. Weatherbee."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "You know you're not supposed to brush your teeth for 24 hours before you go to the dentist."
• (Jerry) "I think you're thinking of 'You're not supposed to eat 24 hours before surgery'."
• (Cosmo Kramer) "Oh, you gotta eat before surgery. You need your strength."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "You know Darren, if you would have told me twenty-five years ago that some day I'd be standing here about to solve the world's energy problems, I would've said you're crazy -- Now let's push this giant ball of oil out the window."

• (George Costanza) "She calls me up at my office, she says, "We have to talk.""
• (Jerry) "Uh, the four worst words in the English language."
• (George Costanza) "That, or "Who's bra is this?""

• (Jerry) "You know you're not Chinese."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "You'll be the world's first pirate."
• (Jerry) "But I don't wanna be a pirate."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "What're you starting with me for? You know this is my crazy time of year."
• (Jerry) "It's your third day."
• (Cosmo Kramer) "I gotta go to work. We'll talk about this later."
• (Jerry) "Well, call if you're gonna be late."

• (George Costanza) "I love you, Jer."
• (Jerry) "Right back at you, slick."

• (Jerry) "What are you saying?"
• (Elaine) "I'm not saying anything."
• (Jerry) "You're saying something."
• (Elaine) "What could I be saying?"
• (Jerry) "Well you're not saying nothing so you must me saying something."
• (Elaine) "If I were saying something, I would have said it."
• (Jerry) "So why don't you say it?"
• (Elaine) "I said it."
• (Jerry) "What did you say?"
• (Elaine) "Nothing."

• (Jerry) "This woman's completely ignoring me."
• (Cosmo Kramer) "Look at her. This is a lonely woman looking for companionship. A spinster -- Maybe a virgin. Maybe she got hurt a long time ago. She's a schoolgirl, there was a boy, it didn't work out. So now she needs a little tenderness. She needs a little understanding. Needs a little Kramer."
• (Jerry) "Then she'll need a little shot of penicillin."

• (Jerry) "Kramer, I can't do that. It's illegal."
• (Cosmo Kramer) "It's not illegal."
• (Jerry) "It's against the law."
• (Cosmo Kramer) "Well, yeah --"

• (Jackie Chiles) "This is the most public yet of my many humiliations."

• (Jerry) "You have no idea what an idiot is. Elaine just gave me a chance to get out and I didn't take it."
• (Jerry) "This is an idiot."
• (George Costanza) "Is that right?"
• (George Costanza) "I just threw away a lifetime of guilt-free sex and floor seats for every sporting event in Madison Square Garden. So please, a little respect. For I am Costanza, Lord of the Idiots."
• (Roxanne) "You're all winners."
• (George Costanza) "But suddenly, a new contender has emerged --"

• (Cosmo Kramer) "I'm on the Mexican, woah oh oh, radio."

• (George Costanza) "I don't like when a woman says, "Make love to me." It's intimidating. The last time a woman said that to me, I wound up apologizing to her."
• (Jerry) "Really?"
• (George Costanza) "That's a lot of pressure. "Make love to me." What am I, in a circus?"

• (Jerry) "I learned something. Letting my emotions out was the best thing that's ever happened to me. Sure, I'm not funny anymore. There's more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations."

• (Newman) "Too many people got their mail. Close to 80%. Nobody's ever cracked the 50% barrier."
• (Jerry) "I tried my best."
• (Newman) "Exactly. You're a disgrace to the uniform."
• (Jerry) "You know, this is your coat."
• (Newman) "Damn."

• (George Costanza) "About your -- metamorphosis. When did it happen?"
• (Susan Biddle Ross) "About right after I broke up with you."

• (Mr. Ross) "I don't think there's any greater tragedy than when parents outlive their children."
• (George Costanza) "Yes, I hope my parents die long before I do."

• (Jerry) "1%? They can kiss 1% of my ass."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "Remember my idea about rickshaws in New York? Well we're gonna make it happen."
• (Jerry) "No your not."
• (Cosmo Kramer) "Well Newman knows a guy in the Hong Kong post office."
• (Jerry) "No he doesn't."
• (Newman) "He's shipping us a rickshaw. It can't miss."
• (Jerry) "Yes it can."

• (Elaine) "YOU'RE BALD."
• (George Costanza) "Correction. I WAS bald."

• (Elaine) "You know, just admitting that another man is attractive doesn't necessarily make you a homosexual."
• (George Costanza) "It doesn't help."

• (George Costanza) "Maybe if he could see me with some of my black friends --"
• (Jerry) "That would be great except that you don't really have any black friends."
• (Jerry) "Outside of us, you don't really have any white friends, either --"

• (Cosmo Kramer) "Well, more bad news Jerry. You know the police they found another victim of the Loper in Riverside Park. I saw the photo and it looked a lot like you."
• (Jerry) "Oh, come on, there's a lot of people walking around the city that look like me."
• (Cosmo Kramer) "Not as many as there used to be."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "The cat; mmrrrooowwwrr; is out of the bag."

• (Jerry) "Why are you buttering your face?"
• (Cosmo Kramer) "I'm shaving with it."
• (Jerry) "Oh Moses, smell the roses."

• (Jackie Chiles) "You put the balm on? Who told you to put the balm on? I didn't tell you to put the balm on. Why'd you put the balm on?"

• (George Costanza) "Kramer goes to a fantasy camp? His whole life is a fantasy camp. People should plunk down $2000 to live like him for a week. Do nothing, fall ass-backwards into money, mooch food off your neighbors and have sex without dating. THAT'S a fantasy camp."

• (Jerry) "Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away."

• (Jerry) "We're not gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that."

• (George Costanza) "I'm goin' straight to hell, there's no two ways about it."
• (Jerry) "It might not be hell, but you're gonna run into some bad dudes."

• (Priest) "Tell me your sins, my son."
• (Jerry) "Well, I should tell you that I'm Jewish."
• (Priest) "That's no sin."
• (Jerry) "Oh, good."

• (Elaine) "Excuse me, my friends over there are going to pay me fifty bucks if I take one of your eggrolls."

• (Jerry) "I'll do it. For whatever it takes, for as long as it takes me, as long as it takes you away from me."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "See, this is what the holidays are all about. Three buddies sitting around chewing gum."

• (Kruger) "Hey, George. Merry Christmas. Here you go."
• (George Costanza) "Thank you, sir. Here's your gift."
• (Kruger) ""A donation has been made in your name to the Human Fund"? -- Whatever."
• (George Costanza) "Exactly."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "Is this oak?"
• (Mr. Lager) "Think it's pine."
• (Cosmo Kramer) "Pine is good."
• (Mr. Lager) "Yeah, pine's okay."

• (Jerry) "Newman, you wouldn't eat broccoli if it was deep fried in chocolate sauce."
• (Newman) "I love broccoli. It's good for you."
• (Jerry) "Really? Then maybe you'd like to have a piece?"
• (Newman) "Gladly."
• (Newman) "Vile weed."

• (Blaine) "What was bad about The English Patient?"
• (Elaine) "Only that it sucked."

• (Jerry) "I wanted to talk to you about Dr. Whatley. I have a suspicion that he's converted to Judaism purely for the jokes."
• (Priest) "And this offends you as a Jewish person?"
• (Jerry) "No, it offends me as a comedian."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "That's a lotta potatoes."

• (Jerry) "You, my friend, have crossed the line between man and bum."

• (Jerry) "George, I am loving this no wallet thing."
• (George Costanza) "A man carries a wallet."
• (Jerry) "You know, the very fact that you oppose this makes me think I'm on to something."

• (Unnamed) "Would you be interested in a subscription to the New York Times?"
• (Jerry) "Yes."

• (Elaine) "Do you have a twenty?"
• (Jerry) "What for?"
• (Elaine) "Let's see if you get the twenty bucks back."
• (Jerry) "You know, you could've thrown a PENCIL out the window and see if I got that back --"

• (George Costanza) "Are you going to eat that?"
• (George Costanza) "Hmmm."
• (Jerry) "Oh, my god. Don't you realize what happened? Because you started eating while having sex, you associate food with orgasms."
• (George Costanza) "Are you going to eat that?"
• (Jerry) "No. And I hope that's all you're going to do with it."

• (Morty Seinfeld) "We just came for the funeral."
• (Helen Seinfeld) "Poor Marvin Kessler. He went too early."
• (Jerry) "He was 96 years old."
• (Morty Seinfeld) "And that had nothing to do with it. The man was out of shape."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "Jerry, why would I, a Juliard trained dermatologist, recommend that he go to see someone else?"
• (Jerry) "Because you're not a dermatologist."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "You're becoming one of the glitterati."
• (George Costanza) "What's that?"
• (Cosmo Kramer) "People who glitter."

• (George Costanza) "I have to have my tonsils taken out."
• (Cosmo Kramer) "Oh, man. No. George, we gotta get you out of here. Get out right now. They'll kill you."
• (Jerry) "It's routine surgery."
• (Cosmo Kramer) "Oh, yeah? My friend Bob Sacamano, he came in here for a hernia operation. Oh, yeah, routine surgery. Now he's sitting in a chair by a window going"
• (Cosmo Kramer) ""My name is Bob.""

• (Cosmo Kramer) "I was returning some pants. I took a short cut in a subway tunnel and fell in some mud, ruining my pants. The very pants I was returning."
• (Elaine) "I don't understand; you were wearing the pants you were returning?"
• (Cosmo Kramer) "Well, I guess I was."
• (Elaine) "What were you going to wear home?"
• (Cosmo Kramer) "Elaine, are you listening? I never even got there."

• (Dr. Sarah Sitarides) "Wow, restaurant. Flowers --"
• (Jerry) "Well, I'm a classy guy. How's the life-saving business?"
• (Dr. Sarah Sitarides) "It's fine."
• (Jerry) "Well, it must take a really big zit to kill a man."
• (Dr. Sarah Sitarides) "What is with you?"
• (Jerry) "You say you're a dermatologist? Well, I call you Pimple Popper, MD."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "No, she was completely topless."
• (George Costanza) "How good of a look did you get?"
• (Jerry) "What do you mean?"
• (George Costanza) "Say she was a criminal and you had to describe her to the police --"
• (Jerry) "They'd pick her up in about ten minutes."

• (Jerry) "So your saying UNICEF is a scam?"
• (Cosmo Kramer) "It's the perfect cover for a money laundering operation. No one can keep track of all those kids with the little orange boxes of change."

• (Elaine) "Hey, Jerry, when do you consider sex has taken place?"
• (Jerry) "I'd say when the nipple makes its first appearance."

• (George Costanza) "You're killing independent George."

• (George Costanza) "He fires people like it's a bodily function."

• (Jerry) "What the hell are you doing?"
• (Cosmo Kramer) "I ran out of butter, so I had to use yours. Any other questions, Mr. Nosy?"

• (Cosmo Kramer) "Little Jerry is a lean, mean pecking machine."
• (George Costanza) "Celia is up for parole."
• (Cosmo Kramer) "Who?"
• (George Costanza) "What?"
• (Jerry) "I'm too tired."

• (Jerry) "Why don't you just get a pair of white shoes, move down to Miami Beach and get this whole thing over with?"

• (Jerry) "So you're upset that this bizarre carpet cabal made no attempt to brainwash you."
• (George Costanza) "They could've at least tried --"

• (Jerry) "Your back hurts because of your wallet. It's huge."
• (George Costanza) "This isn't just my wallet. It's an organizer, a memory and an old friend."
• (Jerry) "Well, your friend is morbidly obese."
• (George Costanza) "Well, at least I don't carry a purse."
• (Jerry) "It's not a purse, it's European."

• (Unnamed) "Have you been in here before?"
• (George Costanza) "About a year ago. Wedding invitations."
• (Unnamed) "How did that work out?"
• (George Costanza) "No complaints."

• (George Costanza) "I love the mirror in that bathroom. I don't know what in the hell it is, I look terrific in that mirror. I don't know if its the tile or the lighting -- I feel like Robert Wagner in there."

• (Lloyd Braun) "You know, you should tell your dad that 'serenity now' thing doesn't work. It just bottles up the anger, and eventually, you blow."
• (George Costanza) "What do you know? You were in the nut house."
• (Lloyd Braun) "What do you think put me there?"
• (George Costanza) "I heard they found a family in your freezer."
• (Lloyd Braun) "Serenity now. Insanity later."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "They're trying to screw with your head."
• (Jerry) "Now why would a junior high school want to screw with my head?"
• (Cosmo Kramer) "Why does Radio Shack ask for your phone number when you buy batteries? I don't know."

• (Jerry) "I thought you weren't coming back till Monday."
• (Cosmo Kramer) "Well, the camp ended a few days early."
• (Jerry) "Why?"
• (Cosmo Kramer) "Well, there was an incident."
• (Jerry) "What happened?"
• (Cosmo Kramer) "I punched Mickey Mantle in the mouth."

• (Elaine) "This place is like Studio 54, with a menorah."

• (Katya) "In my country, they speak of a man so virile, so potent, that to spend a night with such a man is to enter a world of such sensual delights most women dare not dream of. This man is known as the "Comedian." You may tell jokes, Mr. Jerry Seinfeld, but you are no Comedian."

• (George Costanza) "I've discovered something even better than conjugal visit sex -- fugitive sex. Now, it's like every time"
• (Jerry) "George, this is a little too much for me. Escaped convicts, fugitive sex -- I've got a cockfight to focus on."

• (George Costanza) "I want to make a good entrance. I never makes good entrances."
• (Jerry) "You have made some good exits."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "Yo Yo Ma."

• (Aldon Benes) "Which one's supposed to be the funny guy?"
• (George Costanza) "Oh, he's the comedian."
• (Jerry) "I'm just a regular person."
• (George Costanza) "No, no. He's just being modest."
• (Aldon Benes) "We had a funny guy with us in Korea. A tailgunner. They blew his brains out all over the Pacific."
• (Aldon Benes) "There's nothing funny about that."

• (Elaine) "Let me tell you, I didn't intentionally bare myself, but now, I wish I had. For it's not me who has been exposed, but you. For I have seen the nipple on your soul."

• (Mr. Peterman) "Elaine, can you keep a secret?"
• (Elaine) "No sir, I can't."

• (Cushman) "Why don't you tell me about some of your previous job experience?"
• (George Costanza) "Alrighty. My last job was in publishing. I got fired for having sex in my office with the cleaning woman."
• (Cushman) "Go on."
• (George Costanza) "All right. Before that, I was in real estate. I quit because the boss wouldn't let me use his private bathroom. That was it."
• (Cushman) "Do you talk to everybody like this?"
• (George Costanza) "Of course."
• (Cushman) "My niece told me you were different."
• (George Costanza) "I am different, yeah."

• (Jerry) "Boy, a little too much chlorine in that gene pool."

• (Elaine) "Why don't you park in a garage?"
• (George Costanza) "-- Parking at a garage is like going to a prostitute. Why pay for it when you can apply yourself, and then may be you can get it for free."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "You want to get outta here? Here's what we do. We leave the car here, we take the plates off, we scratch the serial number off the engine block, and we walk away."
• (Jerry) "Walk away?"
• (Cosmo Kramer) "You've got insurance. You tell them that the car was stolen, and then you get another one free."
• (Jerry) "Isn't there a deductible?"
• (Cosmo Kramer) "All right, what is your deductible?"
• (Jerry) "I don't know."
• (Cosmo Kramer) "Yes, because they've already deducted it."
• (Jerry) "From what?"
• (Cosmo Kramer) "The car, which we're leaving. So the net is zero. See you pocket the money, if there is any, and you get a new car."
• (Jerry) "We're not leaving the car."
• (Cosmo Kramer) "All right. If you refuse to grow up and scam your insurance company, you'll have to work this out with maroon Golf."

• (George Costanza) "It's not good to hold it in. I read that in a medical journal."
• (Jerry) "Did the medical journal mention anything about standing in a pool of somebody else's urine?"

• (George Costanza) "Come on, Jerry, you know how these inter-office politics work."
• (Jerry) "I've never had a job."

• (Cosmo Kramer) "Well, our rickshaw is gone. We strapped it to a homeless guy and he bolted."
• (Jerry) "Well, you know, 80% of all homeless rickshaw businesses fail within the first six months."
• (Cosmo Kramer) "We should've got some collateral from him. Like his bag of cans, or his -- other bag of cans."

• (Jerry) "I bruised my lip. I was drinking a cel ray, brought it up too fast, and I accidentally knocked your toothbrush into the toilet, and I was unable to tell you before you could use it."
• (Jenna) "When were you going to tell me this?"
• (Jerry) "Obviously never."

• (George Costanza) "Why don't you find a doctor that doesn't know your difficult?"
• (Elaine) "Oh, come on. I'm not difficult. I'm easy"
• (Jerry) "Why, because you dress casual and sleep with a lot of guys?"
• (Elaine) "Listen to me you, little shi --"
• (George Costanza) "Smile."

• (Unnamed) "So I got home -- and he was vacumming. I mean, he's twelve years old. Who else, but my Allan, would do something like that? And then last night he put on my high heels. He put on such a show for us, he was dancing around, lip-synching to A Chorus Line. I mean, you can see, he's got talent."
• (Elaine) "Excuse me -- excuse me."
• (Unnamed) "What's the problem?"
• (Elaine) "-- you're talking."

• (Elaine) "David and I will not get back together."
• (Jerry) "Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a coke machine. You can't do it in one push, you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over."

• (Elaine) "I stopped having sex three days ago and I don't know no Portuguese."
• (Jerry) "You see what's happening here? Your lack of sex is having the opposite effect on you that it is on George."
• (Elaine) "What?"

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