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Running with Scissors (film) Quotes

Running with Scissors (film) is a television show that was first aired in 1970 . Running with Scissors stopped airing in 1970.

It features Plain list, * Ryan Murphy * Brad Pitt; Brad Grey; Dede Gardner as producer, James S. Levine in charge of musical score, and Christopher Baffa as head of cinematography.

Running with Scissors (film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Running with Scissors (film) is 116 minutes long. Running with Scissors (film) is distributed by TriStar Pictures.

The cast includes: Brian Cox as Dr. Finch, Annette Bening as Deirdre Burroughs, Joseph Fiennes as Neil Bookman, Alec Baldwin as Norman Burroughs, Jill Clayburgh as Agnes Finch, Evan Rachel Wood as Natalie, Gwyneth Paltrow as Hope, Joseph Michael Cross as Augusten Burroughs, and Joseph Fiennes as Poo.

Running with Scissors (film) Quotes

Joseph Fiennes as Poo

  • (Joseph Fiennes) "I think he's a genius. Like when I was your age, and I'd have a rage seizure, he'd put on music to lower my blood pressure. Nat King Cole. "Stardust." Revolutionary sort of stuff, you know? Worked everytime. If he hadn't adopted me -- s***, I don't know what I would've done."
  • (Joseph Fiennes) "I just pooped."
  • (Joseph Fiennes) "I'm a f***-up and it's your fault."
  • (Brian Cox) "That's right, Neil. Blame your father for your inability to focus. Direct all of that rage at me if it makes you feel better."
  • (Joseph Fiennes) "I can't focus because of the voices. I see you for what you are. Yeah. The camera never lies. No. My parents have given you thousands of dollars and I'm still sick. You have to help me get better. You know what I do. You have to help me get better."
  • (Brian Cox) "You're right, Neil. You're right. I've done nothing, apparently. I've never pulled any strings, gotten you a scholarship to the University of Rochester to pursue your photographic interests. Absolutely nothing."
  • (Joseph Fiennes) "You just wanted to get rid of me. Why won't you let me live in this house and be a part of this family?"
  • (Brian Cox) "Because I am the patriarch. And when the patriarch says jump, you jump, god****it. You don't co-operate, Neil, and for that, you're punished."
  • (Joseph Fiennes) "That's not why you won't let me live in this house. You won't let me because you're afraid of me, aren't you? Of what I could do to you in the middle of the night while you're sleeping. Huh? You're afraid of me. Aren't you, Doctor?"
  • (Brian Cox) "Our time is up, Neil. I believe we've made a breakthrough today."
  • (Joseph Fiennes) "You OK with what happened?"
  • (Joseph Michael Cross) "Yeah. Sure. Well, thanks for everything."
  • (Joseph Fiennes) "Thank you. Thank YOU for everything."

Evan Rachel Wood as Natalie

  • (Evan Rachel Wood) "You know what, Augusten? I'm not gonna throw you a pity party. So f***ing just get over yourself."
  • (Joseph Michael Cross) "f*** you, Natalie. You don't know what it's like to be sent away."
  • (Evan Rachel Wood) "You're right, I don't."
  • (Joseph Michael Cross) "And you don't know what it's like to have a boyfriend that's just USING you."
  • (Evan Rachel Wood) "Lucky me."
  • (Evan Rachel Wood) "Are you ready?"
  • (Joseph Michael Cross) "For what?"
  • (Evan Rachel Wood) "To play "Doctor.""

Brian Cox as Dr. Finch

  • (Brian Cox) "Everyone. Come quickly. Wake up. Wake up. A miracle. A miracle. A miracle has occured."
  • (Jill Clayburgh) "What're you looking at?"
  • (Evan Rachel Wood) "Dad's morning s***."
  • (Brian Cox) "See? See how the duplicoil is breaking out of the surface of the water? Holy Father."
  • (Jill Clayburgh) "Doctor, let me draw you a nice bath."
  • (Brian Cox) "Agnes, go get a shoehorn. A shoehorn, Agnes."
  • (Gwyneth Paltrow) "But what does it mean, Dad?"
  • (Brian Cox) "It means our financial situation is turning around. It means things are looking upward. Literally, the s*** is pointing out of the pot. Towards Heaven, to God. My turd is a direct communication from the Holy Father."
  • (Brian Cox) "No, no, no, no, children. No. Laugh. Laugh. God is -- He is the funniest man in the universe. Agnes, I want you to carefully remove this, take it outside, and let it dry in the sun. We're starting a shrine, Agnes. A shrine. Hope, let's prepare."
  • (Brian Cox) "Well, the only loophole or way I could see me getting you out of school for any considerable length of time would be for you -- to commit suicide."
  • (Joseph Michael Cross) "You want me to kill myself?"
  • (Brian Cox) "Well, if you tried to kill yourself, I could explain to the schoolboard that you were psychologically unfit to attend, and that you needed intensive treatment. It would be a staged suicide attempt. Of course, your poor mother would have to find you and drive you to the hospital, where you would stay for three weeks or a month for observation."
  • (Joseph Michael Cross) "I don't know. It doesn't --"
  • (Brian Cox) "Augusten. Where is your spirit of adventure?"
  • (Brian Cox) "Neil? What're you doing, son?"
  • (Joseph Fiennes) "SHUT UP. I'm not your son."
  • (Evan Rachel Wood) "What the hell is going on?"
  • (Brian Cox) "It's all right."
  • (Brian Cox) "Neil? Neil. NEIL."
  • (Brian Cox) "You can't come in here, this is my mastabatorium."
  • (Brian Cox) "Where would we be without our painful childhoods?"
  • (Brian Cox) "My turd is a direct communication from the Holy Father."
  • (Brian Cox) "If by that you're asking am I the great patriarch, the father-giver, who fulfills wishes and challenges dreams and brings merriment to those who are suffering, well then yes, Augusten, I am Santa Claus."
  • (Brian Cox) "Hope, you've no business being in here. This is my masturbatorium."
  • (Brian Cox) "Well, the only loophole or way I could see me getting you out of school for any considerable length of time would be for you -- to commit suicide."
  • (Joseph Michael Cross) "You want me to kill myself?"
  • (Brian Cox) "Well, if you tried to kill yourself, I could explain to the schoolboard that you were psychologically unfit to attend, and that you needed intensive treatment. It would a staged suicide attempt. Of course, your poor mother would have to find you and drive you the hospital, where you would stay for three weeks or a month for observation."
  • (Joseph Michael Cross) "I don't know. It doesn't --"
  • (Brian Cox) "Augusten. Where is your spirit of adventure?"
  • (Brian Cox) "Would you like some of these?"
  • (Joseph Michael Cross) "What are they?"
  • (Brian Cox) "I just got some samples in the mail, so I don't know."

Annette Bening as Deirdre Burroughs

  • (Annette Bening) "I need high cellings"
  • (Annette Bening) "I smell manure. It's coming from your ears."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "f***ing bitch."
  • (Annette Bening) "I'm available."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "Five hours a day. What, I can't do that. I have to work."
  • (Annette Bening) "I disapprove of your choices."
  • (Joseph Michael Cross) "I haven't had a choice."
  • (Annette Bening) "You did when you wrote this, didn't you?"
  • (Joseph Michael Cross) "You read my journal?"
  • (Annette Bening) "Don't try and compete with me, Augusten. If you move back in with me, I won't allow it. You'll only get hurt. When I become a very famous woman, they'll write that I had a son who was a writer too, who doesn't compare to my brilliance. I want more for you than that."
  • (Joseph Michael Cross) "Did you mix your pills again?"
  • (Annette Bening) "Augusten. Don't smoke my cigarettes. You have a pack of your own."
  • (Annette Bening) "Takes candle and bites it Mmm -- This is good"
  • (Annette Bening) "I'm unhappy."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "I'm unhappy."
  • (Brian Cox) "Norman. If you're so unhappy, why stay in this marriage?"
  • (Alec Baldwin) "I don't know why. My son."
  • (Brian Cox) "I don't think that's why you stay, Norman. I think you stay because it's comfortable. It's what you know. You were trapped in your childhood by a castrating mother and as an adult male you have sought the same female archetype."
  • (Annette Bening) "Well, that's; just; brilliant -- and very true."

Gwyneth Paltrow as Hope

  • (Gwyneth Paltrow) "You know Natalie, youre so oral, you'll never get to anal"
  • (Evan Rachel Wood) "And youll never get a dick in your dried up c***, you old maid."
  • (Gwyneth Paltrow) "What are you guys doing?"
  • (Evan Rachel Wood) "Electro-shock therapy."
  • (Gwyneth Paltrow) "Awesome."

Jill Clayburgh as Agnes Finch

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Joseph Michael Cross as Augusten Burroughs

  • (Joseph Michael Cross) "I'm gay, too."
  • (Joseph Fiennes) "Holy Mary, Mother Of God. So that's what this is about. You're gay?"
  • (Joseph Michael Cross) "Yeah. I thought Natalie had told you."
  • (Joseph Fiennes) "Small world, right? You and me. Crazy. Smoke? Here, let me light you. Want a ride home?"
  • (Joseph Michael Cross) "Please."
  • (Joseph Fiennes) "I won't go fast. Maybe."
  • (Joseph Michael Cross) "What just happened?"
  • (Joseph Fiennes) "You think you're gay, right? That's what gay men do. Just wanted you to know what you're in for. Want a beer? Smoke?"
  • (Joseph Michael Cross) "No."
  • (Joseph Michael Cross) "According to Hope, Freud died of kitty leukemia. According to me, Freud died of being trapped in a laundry basket for four days without food or water."
  • (Joseph Michael Cross) "I'm gay."
  • (Evan Rachel Wood) "Big deal."
  • (Joseph Michael Cross) "Who's Terrence Maxwell, Natalie?"
  • (Evan Rachel Wood) "I've never heard of him."
  • (Joseph Michael Cross) "Tell me who he is. Tell me who he is."
  • (Evan Rachel Wood) "Shut up."
  • (Joseph Michael Cross) "It kills you, doesn't it?"
  • (Evan Rachel Wood) "Shut up."
  • (Joseph Michael Cross) "Let it out."
  • (Evan Rachel Wood) "Shut up."
  • (Joseph Michael Cross) "Tell me who he is, Natalie."
  • (Evan Rachel Wood) "Shut up."
  • (Joseph Michael Cross) "Tell me so I don't feel so alone."
  • (Evan Rachel Wood) "HE WAS THE ONLY ONE I EVER LOVED AND HE DOESN'T WANT ME ANYMORE. DO YOU FEEL BETTER?"
  • (Joseph Michael Cross) "A little bit. How'd you meet him?"
  • (Evan Rachel Wood) "Terrence started seeing my dad after his mom died. She left him everything. He was 41 when I was 13. He told me I was pretty. And he made me believe it. One day, he broke my collar bone, and I had to hitch-hike to the emergency room, and I passed out on the side of the road, and somebody found me. My dad told him that he'd press charges and that he'd go to jail unless he donated money to my college fund. Then he did. $75, 000."
  • (Joseph Michael Cross) "That's so great. So if you'd just apply --"
  • (Evan Rachel Wood) "My dad spent it. Every penny. So that the IRS wouldn't take this house. So -- I do know what it's like, Augusten -- to love somebody who doesn't deserve it. 'Cause they're all you have. God, I hate my life."
  • (Joseph Michael Cross) "I hate this kitchen. I need high ceilings."
  • (Evan Rachel Wood) "Me too."
  • (Joseph Michael Cross) "Let's get rid of it then. Let's take down the ceiling."
  • (Joseph Michael Cross) "TELL ME. SO I DON'T FEEL SO ALONE."
  • (Joseph Michael Cross) "I want to be punished for having sex with a 35-year-old schizophrenic."
  • (Joseph Michael Cross) "According to Hope, Freud died of kitty Leukemia. According to me, Freud died of being trapped in a laundry basket for four days without food or water."

Alec Baldwin as Norman Burroughs

  • (Alec Baldwin) "Is he an MD doctor?"
  • (Annette Bening) "Yes. And as I've told you a hundred times, he got his MD at Yale."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "You heard about this guy from where?"
  • (Annette Bening) "Doctor Newpall. Augusten's allergist. If you were more of a man and involved in your son's life, you'd know who that was. I smell manure."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "I don't smell anything."
  • (Annette Bening) "I do, I smell manure. It's coming out of your ears."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "f***ing bitch."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "I haven't had a drink in four years."
  • (Annette Bening) "Excuse me, can you get him a medal?"
  • (Alec Baldwin) "So -- you're saying we should split up?"
  • (Brian Cox) "In order to reach that conclusion, Norman, I would need to see both you and Deirdre on a regular and disciplined basis, for five hours a day."
  • (Annette Bening) "I'm available, Doctor Finch."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "Five hours a day? I can't do that. I have to work."
  • (Annette Bening) "See, Doctor Finch, I told you. I'm married to a narcissist."
  • (Brian Cox) "Norman, if I'm willing to clear my schedule to save your marriage, but you're not -- then get out. Leave this office, go home, and start dividing your books and your record albums."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "This is bulls***. This is really f***ing bulls***."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "What're you writing?"
  • (Brian Cox) ""Norman Burroughs is homicidal. He is an unapologetic alcoholic. He is dangerous and a threat to himself, his wife, and his child.""
  • (Alec Baldwin) "I don't understand."
  • (Six-Year-Old Augusten Burroughs) "I polish my allowance. I boil it clean, then polish it with silver polish."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "But why, Augusten? Why?"
  • (Six-Year-Old Augusten Burroughs) "Because I like shiny things."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "I really don't see myself in you at all."
  • (Six-Year-Old Augusten Burroughs) "I'm more like my mom. I want to be special and I want to be famous."

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