Role Models Quotes

Role Models is a television program that first aired in 1970 . Role Models ended in 1970.

It features Luke Greenfield; Mary Parent; Scott Stuber as producer, Craig Wedren in charge of musical score, and Russ T. Alsobrook as head of cinematography.

Role Models is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Role Models is 99 minutes long. Role Models is distributed by Universal Studios.

The cast includes: Paul Rudd as Danny, Louis C.K. as school boy, Seann William Scott as Wheeler, Bobb'e J. Thompson as Ronnie Shields, Jane Lynch as Gayle Sweeny, Elizabeth Banks as Beth, Christopher Mintz-Plasse as Augie Farks, Joe Lo Truglio as Kuzzik, Alexandra "Allie" Stamler as Esplen, Keegan-Michael Key as Duane, A.D. Miles as Martin Gary, and Ken Jeong as King Argotron.

Role Models Quotes

Christopher Mintz-Plasse as Augie Farks

• (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "Naysayers tell me "You should be embarrassed." "You should not be fighting." "You look like Marvin Hamlisch." You know what I say to the naysayers? I say "Nay. I am not embarrassed." "I will fight." "Who the hell is Marvin Hamlisch?""
• (Paul Rudd) "He wrote the music for The Sting."
• (Seann William Scott) "That's a good movie."

Paul Rudd as Danny

• (Paul Rudd) "Jeez, it's like Shrek's piss."

• (Paul Rudd) "No, I like to rock n' roll all night and part of every day. I usually have errands -- I can only rock from like 1-3."

• (Paul Rudd) "Where am I going to find a girl who hates all the same things I do?"
• (Elizabeth Banks) "You're so romantic."
• (Paul Rudd) "Hey. Hey -- You complete me -- You had me at hello."
• (Elizabeth Banks) "Oh, god. Danny you're not hearing what I'm saying to you."
• (Paul Rudd) "I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy telling her that -- to -- love her."
• (Elizabeth Banks) "You don't even know that one."
• (Paul Rudd) "Hey, come on. Who are you going to call -- Ghostbusters."

• (Paul Rudd) "God dammit Ronnie."
• (Bobb'e J. Thompson) "What? Because I'm black you think I did it?"
• (Paul Rudd) "No, because you did it is why I think you did it."
• (Paul Rudd) "Let me tell you something, I am not your big, but I'll hit you. I will hit a child. I've never done that before, but I will punch you in the face."
• (Bobb'e J. Thompson) "Let's dance, Ben Affleck."

• (Paul Rudd) "Eight hours down, 142 to go."
• (Seann William Scott) "This sucks ass."
• (Paul Rudd) "Dude, I just spent the afternoon in Middle-earth with glee-glop and the floopty-doos, all right? Give me a f***ing break."

• (Paul Rudd) "I'd love to see you -- and your whispering eye. Alright. Bye."
• (Paul Rudd) "Whispering eye?"
• (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "It means vagina."
• (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "It means vagina."
• (Paul Rudd) "Classy move, man."
• (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "It means vagina."

• (Paul Rudd) "I'm in a rut, we're in a rut. Let's shake things up. I have an idea, let's get married. I don't have a ring --"

• (Paul Rudd) "Can I get a large black coffee?"
• (Barista) "A what?"
• (Paul Rudd) "Large black coffee."
• (Barista) "Do you mean a venti?"
• (Paul Rudd) "No, I mean a large."
• (Barista) "Venti is large."
• (Paul Rudd) "No, venti is twenty. Large is large. In fact, tall is large and grande is Spanish for large. Venti is the only one that doesn't mean large. It's also the only one that's Italian. Congratulations, you're stupid in three languages."
• (Barista) "A venti is a large coffee."
• (Paul Rudd) "Really? Says who? Fellini? Do you accept lira or is it all euros now?"

• (Paul Rudd) "Do you like coke?"
• (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "I like the idea of it more than I actually like it."

• (Paul Rudd) "It's not you, I hate having dinner with people."

• (Paul Rudd) "Man, why do you bow for that guy?"
• (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "Because he's the king, and he rules the entire realm."
• (Paul Rudd) "Oh he rules the entire realm? Oh my bad."
• (Paul Rudd) "Is that when he is or isn't whacking it to The Sims?"

Seann William Scott as Wheeler

• (Seann William Scott) "You sexy like a chocolate strawberry."

• (Linda the Teacher) "You have been a bad boy."
• (Seann William Scott) "Oh yes I have."
• (Linda the Teacher) "You have been misbehaving, and now you need to stay after class."
• (Seann William Scott) "While this is one of my top fantasies, I need to get back to my friend."
• (Linda the Teacher) "Are you sure?"
• (Seann William Scott) "Oh he'll be fine. He's 10."

• (Seann William Scott) "You see, Ronnie, his dick is the gun."

• (Seann William Scott) "It's not poison. It's got juice in it."

• (Seann William Scott) "Did you know that bald eagles are known to engage in a bizarre mating ritual where two eagles fly upwards, lock talons, and fall towards the earth while rotating, separating almost before they crash into the ground, if and only if they consummate their bird f***. If they don't, they are willing to accept their death by hard ground. It's the ultimate race against the clock."
• (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "Why are you telling me this?"
• (Seann William Scott) "Why would I not?"

Jane Lynch as Gayle Sweeny

• (Jane Lynch) "I know why you are here, so don't BS a BSer, Ok? Your "Presence" here, court ordered."
• (Paul Rudd) "Why did you put presence in quotes? Are you implying that we aren't here?"

• (Jane Lynch) "Why don't you lay out two lines of your selfishness, which is your blow, draw the shades, take the phone off the hook, grab a straw, and snort."

• (Jane Lynch) "You know what I used to have for breakfast? Cocaine. Know what I had for lunch? Cocaine."
• (Seann William Scott) "What did you have for dinner?"
• (Paul Rudd) "Was it cocaine?"

• (Jane Lynch) "Well, well, well. If it isn't Mr. Bulls*** and Dr. I'm-full-of-s***?"
• (Seann William Scott) "In what way are we full of s***?"
• (Paul Rudd) "Which one of us has the Ph.D?"

• (Jane Lynch) "You're standing over there, and you're standing over there, and I don't know which way is up."

• (Jane Lynch) "Did Wheeler ever expose himself to you?"
• (Bobb'e J. Thompson) "Hell, no."

• (Jane Lynch) "Oh, and F.Y.I., you're playing on this girl's court now, okay? So you're playing by her rules."
• (Seann William Scott) "Are you the coach?"
• (Jane Lynch) "I am the coach. I'm the coach and I'm the point guard, I'm the two forwards, the center, and I'm the other guard. I'm the entire organization."

• (Jane Lynch) "This is a perfectly acceptable hug between a little and a big."
• (Jane Lynch) "This is not."
• (Seann William Scott) "Well, obviously we're not supposed to buttf*** these kids."

• (Jane Lynch) "I'm not here to service you, I'm here to service these young boys."

Ken Jeong as King Argotron

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Bobb'e J. Thompson as Ronnie Shields

• (Bobb'e J. Thompson) "Chicken wings, chicken wings, hot dogs and baloney, Chicken and macaroni, Chillin' with my homies, Chicken wings, Chicken wings"

• (Bobb'e J. Thompson) "Suck it, "Reindeer Games"."
• (Paul Rudd) "I'm not Ben Affleck."
• (Bobb'e J. Thompson) "You white, then you Ben Affleck."
• (Seann William Scott) "You are white."
• (Paul Rudd) "That's true, I am white."

• (Bobb'e J. Thompson) "Who are these clowns?"
• (Seann William Scott) "KISS? You don't know who KISS is?"
• (Bobb'e J. Thompson) "No, never heard of them. They look like idiots to me."
• (Seann William Scott) "No, no, no, dude, these are four of the smartest guys who ever lived. They're these Jewish guys who grew up in New York, and they put on guitars and makeup to get girls, and all their songs are about f***ing."
• (Bobb'e J. Thompson) "I'm listening."
• (Seann William Scott) "Seriously, this song is called "Love Gun" and it's about Paul Stanley's dick and how this girl's gonna get some of his dick"
• (Bobb'e J. Thompson) "Cool. I didn't know Jews could sing like that."
• (Seann William Scott) "No, no, they couldn't at the time. That's why they had to dress like clowns."
• (Bobb'e J. Thompson) "This got them girls?"
• (Seann William Scott) "Get this: they've been getting p***** non-stop for 30 years. They're probably f***ing right now and they're old dudes. They put makeup on and it's all good."
• (Bobb'e J. Thompson) "No, s***."
• (Seann William Scott) "You pulled the trigger on my love gun. See Ronnie, his dick is the gun."

• (Bobb'e J. Thompson) "Damn, she got some boobies on her."
• (Seann William Scott) "You sure are a fan of the boobies, kid."
• (Bobb'e J. Thompson) "Oh yeah. Sometimes I call myself "The Booby Watcher". I even have my own comic book. "The Adventures of The Booby Watcher"."
• (Seann William Scott) "Okay. You know, I have a theory about boobies."
• (Bobb'e J. Thompson) "Really?"
• (Seann William Scott) "Oh yeah. You see, there are as many women as there are men in this world."
• (Bobb'e J. Thompson) "True dat, true dat."
• (Seann William Scott) "And every woman has two boobs, for the most part. So there are twice as many boobs as there are men. We're outnumbered and it's overwhelming. We're powerless, and we have to accept it."
• (Bobb'e J. Thompson) "I like yo' take on boobies. And I like boobies."
• (Seann William Scott) "Kid, you got a lot to learn."
• (Bobb'e J. Thompson) "I know what I'm doin'."
• (Seann William Scott) "Oh really? So you don't realize you've just committed one of the most common rookie boob-watching errors?"
• (Bobb'e J. Thompson) "What you mean?"
• (Seann William Scott) "Never stare at the boobies, kid. Once you get caught, the game's over."
• (Bobb'e J. Thompson) "But how?"
• (Seann William Scott) "It's called training. You know, being aware without drawing attention. You don't think I've noticed those 34 C's in the camouflage tank top setting up a tent directly to the left of us? Or how about those twin cannons hiking up a mountain ridge 50 yards due west? Or the ridge itself? Round mounds of grass shaped like --"
• (Bobb'e J. Thompson) "Boobies."
• (Seann William Scott) "Don't look over there. Look here. Focus -- You'll get it."

• (Bobb'e J. Thompson) "You're my PIC, Wheeler."
• (Seann William Scott) "What's a PIC?"
• (Bobb'e J. Thompson) "Partner in crime. You're my PIC. Just don't cock-block me tonight."

• (Bobb'e J. Thompson) "We are butt suck, chipmunk ass butt. We got ass butt, oh yo ass butt."
• (Seann William Scott) "Come sit on, sit down. Please. Danny?"
• (Paul Rudd) "I like Ronnie's version better. I like how it invokes the concept of "ass" and "butt"."

Joe Lo Truglio as Kuzzik

• (Joe Lo Truglio) "Now let us gingerly touch our tips."

• (Joe Lo Truglio) "Rub-a-dub-dub."

A.D. Miles as Martin Gary

• (A.D. Miles) "You know, a lot of people don't realize that bushes, just like flowers, emit a wonderful aroma especially at night. Who wants to sniff this bush?"

Alexandra "Allie" Stamler as Esplen

• (Alexandra "Allie" Stamler) "Um -- Augie, now that I'm queen -- I was wondering if, maybe, you'd want to be my -- king?"
• (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "Sure."
• (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "Am I supposed to kiss you now?"
• (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) "f*** yeah."

Louis C.K. as school boy

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Elizabeth Banks as Beth

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Keegan-Michael Key as Duane

• (Keegan-Michael Key) "We are gonna make s'mores with white chocolate."
• (A.D. Miles) "Oh-ho, I don't know if I agree with that."

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