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Religulous Quotes

Religulous is a television program that was first aired in 1970 . Religulous ended its run in 1970.

It features Bill Maher, Jonah Smith, and Palmer West as producer, and Anthony Hardwick as head of cinematography.

Religulous is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Religulous is 101 minutes long. Religulous is distributed by Lions Gate Entertainment.

Religulous Quotes

  • (George W. Bush) "I believe that God wants everybody to be free. That's what I believe. And that's part of my Foreign Policy."
  • (Bill Maher) "If Santa Claus can hit every house in the world in one night --"
  • (Steve Burg) "No, I don't believe in Santa Claus."
  • (Bill Maher) "Of course not. That's ridiculous. That's one man flying all around the world and dropping presents down a chimney. That's ridiculous. One man hearing everybody murmur to him at the same time -- that I get."
  • (Bill Maher) "I don't believe that people are in this state of denial. I believe they're in this state of denial towards an outsider."
  • (Fatima Elatik) "The way I perceive things in the Koran, it's not about killing infidels or homosexuals --"
  • (Bill Maher) "But you have read it there."
  • (Fatima Elatik) "Of course I've read the Koran."
  • (Bill Maher) "And you've read those passages. What did you think when you read them?"
  • (Fatima Elatik) "I explain them within the time they emerged."
  • (Bill Maher) "But that's not how people read Holy Books. They don't go "Well that was good for then". People read Holy Books and say "This is the Word of God, it's forever." That's how most people do it."
  • (Bill Maher) "Religions are maintained by people. People who can't get laid, because sex is the first great earthly pleasure. But if you can't get that, power is a pretty good second one. And that's what religion gives to people. Power. Power is sex for people who can't get or don't want or aren't any good at sex itself."
  • (Bill Maher) "But the Jesus story wasn't original."
  • (Unnamed) "How so?"
  • (Bill Maher) ""Written in 1280 BC, The Book of the Dead describes a God, Horus -- Horus is the son of the god Osiris -- born to a virgin mother. He was baptized in a river by Anup the Baptizer -- who was later beheaded. Like Jesus, Horus was tempted while alone in the desert -- Healed the sick -- The blind -- Cast out demons -- And walked on water -- He raised Asar from the dead. 'Asar' translates to 'Lazarus'. Oh yeah, he also had 12 disciples. Yes, Horus was crucified first -- And after 3 days, two women announced -- Horus, the savior of humanity -- had been resurrected."
  • (Bill Maher) "So why do they think Muhammed visited the Dome of the Rock?"
  • (Bill Maher) "I don't think we need the translator for that --"
  • (Bill Maher) "Circumcision, I mean, I would've loved to have been there for the first time people would hear about this, you know? We're used to it now, you know. I'm sure when Moses came down with this idea there was one person going "Now, let me get this straight -- ""
  • (John Westcott) "We can look at Creation, what is the normal order? A man has a penis, a woman has a vagina, lets just be blunt."
  • (Unnamed) "Mary thought: "If that's what God wants then I'd be happy to go along with His plan"."
  • (Bill Maher) "I know what you're thinking. I'm standing in front of a green screen at a studio in Burbank, California, and they digitized the Vatican in behind me. No, no, that's really the Vatican. I ought to know. I just got thrown out of it. See, I wanted to interview the Pope, but I was willing to settle for a cardinal or a monsignor, or the flying nun; really anybody, but apparently I've been on the Catholic s*** list for quite a while. But that's their loss, 'cause now I'm gonna say what I really think, which is mainly:"
  • (Bill Maher) "does that look like anything Jesus Christ had in mind?"
  • (Bill Maher) "When you look at a building like that, a giant palace, does it seem at odds with the message of the founder?"
  • (Reginald Foster) "Well, certainly."
  • (Bill Maher) "Well, thank you."
  • (Reginald Foster) "I mean, that's obvious."
  • (Bill Maher) "It really is obvious, isn't it? But does it bother you?"
  • (Reginald Foster) "Well, I mean; well, yes it does. I wouldn't; if I were the boss, I wouldn't be living there."
  • (Jeremiah Cummings) "Okay, but now, but now, things like houses and cars and clothes and money, they come as a result of my seeking God first."
  • (Bill Maher) "I don't remember that in the New Testament specifically."
  • (Jeremiah Cummings) "But it's there."
  • (Jeremiah Cummings) "I remember it."
  • (Bill Maher) "A passage about --"
  • (Jeremiah Cummings) "I remember it."
  • (Bill Maher) "The houses, the cars and the clothes, they'll come."
  • (Ken Ham) "We can answer the questions of the skeptics who attack the Bible's History. We admit that we start from the Bible here, to teach them how to think, really in a nutshell we're saying the Bible's true from Genesis to Revelations."
  • (Bill Maher) "You said "anyone worried about what I'm saying should get involved in the debate, you are allowed to dissent. That is a right." But is that a right in Islam? To dissent."
  • (Unnamed) "Of course it is. Why do you think there are so many schools of thought?"
  • (Bill Maher) "Well, it wasn't a right for Salman Rushdie."
  • (Ken Ham) "If you believe in Creation, we come from a man and a woman. If you believe in Evolution, the woman would have had to have come from an Ape-Woman."
  • (Unnamed) "Alright, but you're so damn ugly."
  • (Bill Maher) "What does it say about Religion and how serious it is, if you can be a Minister when you're ten?"
  • (Bill Maher) "You are taking rather a hard line, here, in the Netherlands."
  • (Geert Wilders) "Islam is according to me a violent religion, the Koran is a violent book and Mohammed was a violent Prophet."
  • (Bill Maher) "You think Islam wants to take over the World?"
  • (Geert Wilders) "They don't even make a secret about it. We are "Infidels", we should either become Islamic or we should be killed, this is what they say, this is what they are proud of."
  • (Bill Maher) "This is the Mount of Olives. A lot of Orthodox Jews want to be buried here because they believe when the Messiah comes he will raise them from the dead and march them through that Golden Gate and on to the Temple Mount. Which is why the Muslims have walled up the gate, the better to keep out the Jewish Messiah and his kosher zombies from getting in. Although you'd think if you had the power to raise the dead, you'd have the power to jump a fence."
  • (Bill Maher) "Rational people, anti-religionists, must end their timidity and come out of the closet and assert themselves. And those who consider themselves only moderately religious really need to look in the mirror and realize that the solace and comfort that religion brings you actually comes at a terrible price."
  • (Bill Maher) "In the late 1940s right around the time the State of Israel was being born Jews here in the Judah Desert made a startling discovery. The Arabs were really mad at them. But there was something else. Here in the Qumran Caves they found what the world has come to know as the Dead Sea Scrolls. Written by an ancient Jewish sect called the Essenes the Dead Sea Scrolls contained fragments from almost every book in the old testament plus prophesies by Jeremiah, Ezekial and Daniel that are not in the Bible and Psalms attributed to King David and Joshua that are not in the Bible. We keep finding Bible Outtakes in the way we find new records by Elvis, John Lennon and Tupac and I know my Christian and Jewish religious friends get their hair screwed in a bunch whenever you call the Bible a Fairy Tale and they have a point because it's actually an anthology of fairy tales a kind of Reader's Digest collection of books written in many languages over thousands of years and then assembled and translated into American just as God planned. The question is: who decided what got into the Bible and what got edited out and only made it into the outtakes and the directors cut and the DVD extras? I'll tell you who. Man. And when I say man I mean specifically people with penises because there's no religion I ever heard of that would let a woman make an important decision like that. The Dead Sea Scrolls are a very alive reminder that religious books are very often as holy and sacred as Harry Potter and by the way if you buried Harry Potter here and dug it up a thousand years later who knows? The Bible was written by men and edited by men and based on some of the nonsense in it, edited pretty badly. It's no wonder that the Dead Sea Scrolls even though they were found over fifty years ago most of them still haven't been published which is a real drag because Yahweh has already burned through his advance."
  • (Bill Maher) "Most Jews say "Never again." With you it's "Again. Again.""
  • (Bill Maher) "That's it. No, I'm done."
  • (Bill Maher) "The plain fact is religion must die for mankind to live. The hour is getting very late to be able to indulge in having key decisions made by religious people; by irrationalists; by those who would steer the ship of state, not by a compass, but by the equivalent of reading the entrails of a chicken."
  • (Bill Maher) "The fashion industry, the Islamic fashion industry. Do you feel that that's been hobbled at all by the fact that homosexuality is a Sin punishable by death? I'm talking about the designers, you know? Okay."
  • (Jose Luis De Jesus Miranda) "You know, if I discover that I was Satan in person, I would do a good job, too."
  • (Bill Maher) "As Satan?"
  • (Jose Luis De Jesus Miranda) "Because I would be faithful to my calling."
  • (Bill Maher) "It's how you do your work, isn't it? You know, at the end of the day, whether you're the messiah or you're Satan, it's loving what you do and giving it a hundred percent."
  • (Jose Luis De Jesus Miranda) "I give hundred percent."
  • (John Westcott) "Nobody's born gay."
  • (Bill Maher) "Really? Have you ever met Little Richard?"
  • (Unnamed) "The despatcher asked her "Why did you kill your boys?" and she said "I was told to." She asked "Who told you?" She said "God"."
  • (Bill Maher) "Van Gogh, was assassinated right here? He was a Dutch Filmmaker, he made a ten-minute film, it was deeply offensive -- to Muslims. Lots of people think that free speech goes right up to this point and then right up to when you're talking about religion, you're talking about the Prophet, all bets are off."
  • (Fatima Elatik) "Freedom of speech. It goes both ways, freedom of speech."
  • (Bill Maher) "It goes both ways but the people who actually usually do the killing --"
  • (Fatima Elatik) "Yeah"
  • (Bill Maher) "-for it wind up on the Muslim side. Do you think that says something about the different cultures?"
  • (Fatima Elatik) "I don't want to have this image of Muslims as someone if they don't like something they kill you, because it's not."
  • (Bill Maher) "God knows what we could have accomplished by now --"
  • (Unnamed) "Your attention please. Your attention please."
  • (Andrew Newberg) "Ha. We weren't expecting that. The Voice of God."
  • (Bill Maher) "What do you think about Homosexuality, the Bible's against it?"
  • (Unnamed) "No, the Bible's not against it."
  • (Bill Maher) "The Bible's not against Homosexuality?"
  • (Unnamed) "If you are born Homosexual, you have to take that, be happy."
  • (Bill Maher) "But that's what the Bible says?"
  • (Unnamed) "What the Bible means to say."
  • (Bill Maher) "Oh, what the Bible MEANS to say. Now THAT'S a Good Book."
  • (Bill Maher) "Two things that are completely incompatible are Christianity as Jesus taught it and Nationalism. Yet people always say "God and Country"."
  • (Bill Maher) "More people"
  • (Bill Maher) "doubted evolution, than any other country on that list"
  • (Bill Maher) "except I think it was Turkey."
  • (Bill Maher) "Why is faith good?"
  • (Bill Maher) "You're the one who went to Iran in December 2006 for the President of that Country's Holocaust Denial Conference."
  • (Yisroel Dovid Weiss) "Whoa, whoa don't just throw words."
  • (Tal Bachman) "In the founding scriptures, you open the doctrine covenant, you read the autobiography of Joseph Smith. He quotes Jesus Christ as telling him that every other creed on Earth is, quote, an abomination. That's not a very ecumenical statement."
  • (Unnamed) "I remember when, I remember when I lost my mind --"
  • (Unnamed) "Allah you have made men the protectors and maintainers of women, having made one with more strength than the other. At least once a week I feel the strength of my husband's fist on my face."
  • (Bill Maher) "Why doesn't He just end evil and obliterate the Devil?"
  • (Unnamed) "He will."
  • (Bill Maher) "When? What's He waiting for?"
  • (Unnamed) "End times."
  • (Bill Maher) "Why not now?"
  • (Unnamed) "The direction of prayer, everytime you start your prayer you have to know how to exactly face the Kabaa in Mecca."
  • (Bill Maher) "A rock? The Kabaa?"
  • (Unnamed) "No, no, no."
  • (Bill Maher) "Isn't that --"
  • (Unnamed) "No, no, no. A black stone."
  • (Bill Maher) "Stone, rock I think they're the same."
  • (Unnamed) "We don't know the history of this stone."
  • (Bill Maher) "Why is this Holy?"
  • (Unnamed) "Muslims believe this stone came from Paradise."
  • (Bill Maher) "Could the stone itself have been what we now know to be a Meteor?"
  • (Unnamed) "It's black, and in the area there are no black stones."
  • (Bill Maher) "But does it make a difference that we now understand what a Meteor is?"
  • (Unnamed) "This is the Stone of God."
  • (Bill Maher) "Yes, right."
  • (Bill Maher) "What about when innocent people get killed during a "defensive action"?"
  • (Unnamed) "I'm for that. Yeah. It's collateral damage."
  • (Bill Maher) "But it's acceptable?"
  • (Unnamed) "We've got to consider what the real issue is here and what the cost is and the risk."
  • (Bill Maher) "If I was in this wheelchair, I would be thinking "Why am I going to these lengths to please God, who's taken my legs away to begin with?""
  • (Bill Maher) "So you would agree that even if a billion people believe something, it can still be ridiculous?"
  • (Andrew Newberg) "Absolutely."
  • (Bill Maher) "How did this country become a Christian nation? I've read a lot of quotes from all the founding fathers. There are a lot of quotes that explicitly say we are not a Christian nation."
  • (Bill Maher) "You know, Scientologists --"
  • (Bill Maher) "And right, you're like, "Oh, yeah, that's some crazy s***. Okay." Jesus with the virgin birth and the dove and the snake who talked in the garden, that's cool. But the Scientologists, they're the crazy ones."
  • (Bill Maher) "It seems peaceful, but this is where a lot of people believe the world will end. The irony of religion is that because of its power to divert man to destructive courses, the world actually could come to an end."
  • (Bill Maher) "But what is your explanation for the millions and millions of people around the World who are leading homosexual lives, have no interest in people of the opposite sex, are they all faking to piss off Jesus?"
  • (John Westcott) "They didn't choose this, they didn't desire it."
  • (Bill Maher) "Right, they were born gay."
  • (John Westcott) "No."
  • (Unnamed) "Won't get to get what I'm after, until the day I die."
  • (Bill Maher) "So do you think Jesus at some point will end this Earth? Maybe sometime in your lifetime?"
  • (Steve Burg) "One always hopes."
  • (Bill Maher) "See, this is my problem, I'm trying; I mean, you're; you're a Senator. You are one of the very few people who are really running this country. It worries me that people are running my country who think; who believe in a talking snake. Um --"
  • (Mark Pryor) "You don't have to pass an IQ test to be in the Senate, though."
  • (Unnamed) "For a Muslim you must not hesitate, you must accept every letter, every word of this story."
  • (Bill Maher) "It's like the lotto. "You can't get saved if you don't play.""
  • (Jonathan Boulden) "Only a Sith deals in absolutes."
  • (Bill Maher) "Dark skin is a curse from God,"
  • (Bill Maher) "but if you're sufficiently righteous, a dark-skin person can become light-skin."
  • (Unnamed) "Well, then you're saying the Bible is Fishtishious --"
  • (Bill Maher) "I am."
  • (Bill Maher) "Now, the angels went to the house of the one Godly man in town; Lot. And the townspeople tried to rape them. Now, Lot, not wanting his town to get the reputation as the kind of place that would rape angels, offered up to the mob his own daughters to rape. And he was the good guy in town. Which brings me to this question: If I ever had to swear an oath, why would I want to put my hand on the King James Bible? I think I could find more morality in the Rick James Bible."
  • (Ken Ham) "This is a God, he's an infinite God, he's not always working in ways we understand."
  • (Bill Maher) "Don't you think that's a cop-out?"
  • (Ken Ham) "He is God. Are you God?"
  • (Bill Maher) "No."
  • (Bill Maher) "I think it's very interesting that you were a Muslim, you're a Christian now, and when you buy your clothes you buy them like a Jew."
  • (Jose Luis De Jesus Miranda) "I knew a young man who was about to go crazy over a woman, he was about to kill himself. I said "That passion, you should give to God. Turn that to God and see what happens"."
  • (Bill Maher) "See you in heaven?"
  • (Julie Maher) "Who knows?"
  • (Bill Maher) "Exactly."
  • (Unnamed) "What if you're wrong?"
  • (Bill Maher) "Ha. What if YOU'RE wrong?"
  • (Unnamed) "No-one told me he was here. And I would need to know that because of what he is and the kind of films he makes."
  • (Jose Luis De Jesus Miranda) "Anyone who thinks I'm the Antichrist is miserable. Anyone who does not believe in me is miserable."
  • (Bill Maher) "Over the Centuries we've had many, many Gods. So why are we so certain about the ones that we have now?"
  • (Bill Maher) "So now let's get to the part where it ties in with what you believe which is, I would say, slightly more controversial"
  • (Bill Maher) ". Let me see if I understand this right. That everything we really know about what is going on in our World and all the Institutions like Government, Religion, Banking, Organised Crime. They really are all part of a I guess you'd call it a Conspiracy that Reptilians --"
  • (Unnamed) "Well I call them Interdimensionals."
  • (Bill Maher) "Okay, but I read what you wrote."
  • (Unnamed) "Yep."
  • (Bill Maher) "Your words. Reptilian- These reptilians from the constellation Draco have interbred with humans and they are living amongst us, there are people like the Pope you talk about George Bush his father the President."
  • (Unnamed) "Yep."
  • (Bill Maher) "The Royal Family in England. Tony Blair. They take human form but behind closed doors they can shape-shift back to their Reptilian form. I need to know how you know this."
  • (Unnamed) "I've been researching this stuff for twenty years."
  • (Bill Maher) "How can you research that?"
  • (Unnamed) "I've been to more than forty countries doing it. This is where the idea of the Divine Right to Rule comes from the Divine Right to Rule because of what? Because of your bloodline, because of your DNA. This goes right back to the ancient world."
  • (Bill Maher) "Why do we need reptiles for that? People, human beings are shmucky enough to want to rule over each other."
  • (Unnamed) "Listen, you can tell me anything you believe and I can start taking it apart on the basis of a little chat in front of this place, right, but what I'm saying is --"
  • (Bill Maher) "People all the time summarise their works in television interviews."
  • (Unnamed) "And that's what I'm trying to tell ya."
  • (Bill Maher) "Okay"
  • (Unnamed) "If you look at the ancient world, all over the ancient world you find the same recurring story of the interbreeding between humans"
  • (Unnamed) "and non-humans which invariably are depicted in a reptilian form creating hybrid bloodlines, the bloodline of the gods and you look at the symbolism of the serpent all over the place and you put it together with everything else and people just have to look at the information and decide if they want to believe it."
  • (Bill Maher) "But why if they have control of everything, why would they reveal themselves with all these serpent clues? What does that benefit them?"
  • (Unnamed) "Well, they don't reveal themselves, do they? They certainly haven't convinced you, have they? The thing is --"
  • (Bill Maher) "You've also talked about getting a message from a spiritual messenger."
  • (Bill Maher) "No?"
  • (Unnamed) "There are so many aspects to this that people need to know before the apparently ridiculous makes sense."
  • (Bill Maher) "Didn't you say that you saw the Pope just for a second have his reptilian face?"
  • (Unnamed) "No, I didn't say that about any Pope, no."
  • (Bill Maher) "Oh, I read that."
  • (Unnamed) "Well, you didn't read it in my book."
  • (Bill Maher) "Sometimes you kneel, sometimes you pray and sometimes you go up on the hill and cut the grass around the big Space Penis."
  • (Bill Maher) "And then we get here and five minutes after we arrive, the skies open up. It's completely nice and there was a rainbow above the thing we were shooting. So, I don't know, if God didn't want us to shoot, he sure f***ed up today."
  • (Bill Maher) "It's such a powerful position, I mean you hold people's greatest hopes and dreams in the palm of your hand, really. Certainly some of the young women must get a crush on you?"
  • (Jose Luis De Jesus Miranda) "Umm -- Probably. I would too if I was out there. If I was a woman I'd probably have a crush on me too."
  • (Bill Maher) "That's keeping it real."
  • (Jose Luis De Jesus Miranda) "Now I can advise other young men about women. Because I've been there. I had a young man who was about to go crazy over a woman, he was about to kill himself, you know? I said "That kind of passion, you should have for God." I said "Turn that to God, and see what happens.""
  • (Bill Maher) "There's been more killing in the name of "my God.""
  • (Mark Pryor) "So you think we indigously"
  • (Mark Pryor) "or just by our DNA, we just somehow know that killing another person is wrong? I'm not sure that is the case."
  • (Bill Maher) "Really? We need God to decide not to kill each other?"
  • (Mark Pryor) "Well, you can look back at more primitive cultures and they were constantly at war."
  • (Bill Maher) "The standard doctrine that I was taught as a kid --"
  • (Reginald Foster) "Yeah, that's all gone. That's all finished."
  • (Steve Burg) "I'm thinking of Jonah, God sent Jonah on a mission."
  • (Bill Maher) "When did the part of the story come when Jonah lived in the whale?"
  • (Steve Burg) "It was a great fish."
  • (Bill Maher) "It's one of my favorite nonsense stories, Jonah living inside of the whale. And their answer unfailingly is "The Bible doesn't say whale, It says big fish". Oh, yeah, big fish, that makes -- I'm sorry I was obsessing on that it was a whale, It's a big fish. Of course you could live for three days in a big fish, A tuna, a tuna, They do it all the time in Japan, They have tuna spas. You go for three days, They pamper you, oils, You come out of that tuna feeling fantastic. You smell like p*****, but you feel fantastic."
  • (Bill Maher) "This man lived inside of a fish for three days?"
  • (Steve Burg) "Miraculously, yes."
  • (Bill Maher) "Steve, Steve, Steve."
  • (Steve Burg) "You don't believe in miracles, That doesn't mean they don't exist."
  • (Bill Maher) "Of course not. I'm not 10. He didn't lived in a fish, Come on."
  • (Steve Burg) "Your bar on miracles is pretty low, I gotta tell you, bro."
  • (Bill Maher) "Well, whatever."
  • (Unnamed) "The Elohim created life on Earth in a Laboratory. One day there will be a second coming and Jesus, Moses and the Elohim will create for us Peace on Earth."
  • (Bill Maher) "Are you sure they're not just fattening us up like veal?"
  • (Bill Maher) "And you know what else was very confusing to me I remember vividly was Santa Claus and Jesus."
  • (Julie Maher) "You were so mad at us."
  • (Bill Maher) "So mad at you, why? Oh, when --"
  • (Julie Maher) "When you realized there was no Santa Claus."
  • (Bill Maher) "And then when I found out there was no Jesus -- boy, was I pissed."
  • (Bill Maher) "A couple of State of the Unions ago George Bush said "We're going to Mars and Worlds beyond" and all of America said "Easy little man, we can't even get from Baghdad to the Baghdad Airport" But when it comes to making ridiculous promises, politicians can't hold a candle to religions. The President can promise we're going to Mars, but Mormons can actually promise you you'll own Mars. Yes Mormons believe in something called celestial marriage which means that if you have a long and faithful marriage while you're on earth you and your lovely wife are rewarded in the next World with a Planet to rule over. Promising planets, it's just shameless, but then again the Muslims promise p*****. You see that's the great benefit of selling an invisible product, one that can't be tested until after you're dead. It's no wonder the greatest salesmen in the world want a piece of that territory. Because when you're making it all up anyway, there's no limit to the amount of pandering. Now Congress can promise free drugs to old people but think about what you get when you vote for Christianity; eternal life, that is quite an entitlement. And not just eternal life but after you survive your death you're happier than you ever were. It is Heaven. Forget about the party, it's all about the after-party."
  • (Bill Maher) "This is Jesus's Footprint."
  • (Bill Maher) "They say they're speaking in tongues, but when you do the scans they're just babbling, right?"
  • (Bill Maher) "And I see you've got a lot of bling."
  • (Jeremiah Cummings) "I like gold. The people want you to look well."
  • (Bill Maher) "That's what pimps say about their women."
  • (Bill Maher) "If you believe that the world is going to come to an end; and perhaps any day now; does it not drain one's motivation to improve life on earth while we're here?"
  • (Bill Maher) "Who are you?"
  • (Jose Luis De Jesus Miranda) "I am Jesus Christ man. The second coming. The Old Testament talk about me clearly. And the New Testament also."
  • (John Westcott) "I believe that it's Sin."
  • (Bill Maher) "Don't you have it, no pun intended, ass-backwards?"
  • (Unnamed) "Does that make me crazy? Does that make me crazy?"
  • (Bill Maher) "Would you still say that you support people who would do harm to abortionists?"
  • (Unnamed) "That kind of action, I'd say, cannot be condemned. It's okay to defend a child against someone who's about to murder the child. There are some really fine people, I'm thinking of one, "Shelley" Shannon who's, you know, shot an Abortionist Tiller in Kansas Witchita in each elbow. Right up there close to him, shot him"
  • (Unnamed) ". And you know, long --"
  • (Bill Maher) "So he couldn't work."
  • (Unnamed) "Yeah but he went right back the next day."
  • (Bill Maher) "I guess she didn't shoot him too good."
  • (Unnamed) "Yeah. Right."
  • (Bill Maher) "That seems better than killing somebody."
  • (Unnamed) "Yeah, it was merciful. Absolutely merciful. And yet she gets 30 years. 30 years for showing mercy to this guy, you know?"
  • (Bill Maher) "Boy, what's this country coming to when you can't even blow someone up without getting in trouble with the law?"
  • (Bill Maher) "It's also holding a giant club. So he's naked, he's a giant, he's got a huge cock and he's still insecure."
  • (Unnamed) "It is impossible for there to be any Science in the Scriptures. The two periods of History are too far apart."
  • (Unnamed) "I don't hate them. God hates them."
  • (Bill Maher) "Do you believe in evolution?"
  • (Mark Pryor) "I don't know. The scientific community is a little divided on the specifics of that. And I understand --"
  • (Bill Maher) "I don't think they are."
  • (Mark Pryor) "No -- no -- well --"
  • (Bill Maher) "I think they pretty much agree."
  • (Mark Pryor) "I don't know what happened --"
  • (Bill Maher) "Xenu brought us here 75 million years ago, stacked us around a volcano and then blew us up with Hydrogen Bombs. Get yourself an E-meter."
  • (Bill Maher) "How spiritually advanced is Uranus?"
  • (Benjamin Creme) "Very. Very. Very."

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Captain Mike Across America Quotes | Young and Dangerous Quotes | Fay (TV series) Quotes | The Bobby Vinton Show Quotes | Hälsoresan – En smal film av stor vikt Quotes | S.O.S. – En segelsällskapsresa Quotes | Fear (1990 film) Quotes | The Gentle Sex Quotes | The Amazing Mr. Blunden Quotes | Journey to the West (1996 TV series) Quotes | Eye in the Sky (2007 film) Quotes | The Million Dollar Duck Quotes | The Great Ecstasy of Robert Carmichael Quotes | In the Hands of the Gods Quotes | Attack of the Sabretooth Quotes | Bye Bye Bluebird Quotes | Mortuary (1983 American film) Quotes | Midnight Ride (film) Quotes | Evangelion: 2.0 You Can (Not) Advance Quotes | Natalie's Backseat Traveling Web Show Quotes | Tim Gunn's Guide to Style Quotes | An Average Little Man Quotes | The Way I Spent the End of the World Quotes | The Duke (film) Quotes | I Think I Do Quotes |