Queeg (Red Dwarf) Quotes

Queeg (Red Dwarf) is a TV program that appeared on TV in 1970 . Queeg ended in 1970.

Queeg (Red Dwarf) Quotes

• (Rimmer) "You are a total, total -- a word is yet to be invented to describe how totally whatever-it-is you are, but you are one. And a total, total one at that."
• (Holly) "All right, keep your hair on."
• (Rimmer) "I'm lucky if I can keep my legs on with you in charge."

• (Rimmer) "Was there any damage?"
• (Holly) "I don't know. The damage report machine has been damaged."

• (Holly) "We are talking jape of the decade. We are talking April, May, June, July and August fool. That's right. I am Queeg."
• (Rimmer) "What?"
• (Holly) "Queeg never existed. It was me all along."
• (Rimmer) "What?"
• (Holly) "Wheeze of the week, mate."
• (The Cat) "It was a joke?"
• (Holly) "Going round in circles for 14 months. Getting my information from the Junior Color Encyclopedia of Space. The respect you have for me is awesome, innit?"
• (Lister) "So you mean you staged the whole thing?"
• (Holly) "That's right, suckers."
• (Holly) "And the moral of the story is, "Appreciate what you've got", because basically I'm fantastic."

• (Lister) "Hang on. You can't do this. Holly's got an I.Q. of 6,000."
• (Holly) "Yeah. Right on."
• (Queeg) "Is that what he told you?"
• (Lister) "Well what is it, then?"
• (Queeg) "It has a six in it, but it's not 6,000."
• (The Cat) "What is it?"
• (Queeg) "Six."
• (Holly) "Six? Do me a lemon. That's a poor I.Q. for a glass of water."

• (Rimmer) "Look, Lister, no point feeling sorry about Holly. It's a kindness. Like a blind old incontinent sheepdog, he's had his day. Take him out to the barn with a double-barreled shot-gun and blow the mother away. And I'm only saying that because I'm so fond of him."

• (Rimmer) "You're about as much use as a condom machine in the Vatican."

• (Lister) "Sometimes, I think it's cruel giving machines a personality. My mate Petersen once bought a pair of shoes with Artificial Intelligence. 'Smart Shoes' they were called. It was a neat idea: no matter how blind drunk you were, they could always get you home. But he got ratted one night in Oslo and woke up the next morning in Burma. You see, the shoes got bored just going from his local to the flat. They wanted to see the world, like, you know. He had a hell of a job getting rid of them. No matter who he sold them to, they'd show up again the next day. He tried to shut them out, but they just kicked the door down, you know."
• (Rimmer) "Is this true?"
• (Lister) "Yeah. Last thing he heard, they'd sort of, erm, robbed a car and drove it into a canal. They couldn't steer, you see."
• (Rimmer) "Really?"
• (Lister) "Yeah. Petersen was really, really blown away about it. He went to see a priest. The priest told him -- he said it was alright and all that, like, and that the shoes were happy and that they'd gone to heaven. You see, it turns out shoes have 'soles'."
• (Rimmer) "Ah, what a sad, sad story. Wait a minute."
• (Rimmer) "How did they open the car door?"

• (Holly) "Our deepest fear is going space crazy through loneliness. The only thing that helps me keep my slender grip on reality is the friendship I have with my collection of singing potatoes."

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