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Pilot (Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip) Quotes

Pilot (Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip) is a TV program that appeared on TV in 1970 . Pilot ended in 1970.

Pilot (Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip) Quotes

  • (Unnamed) "The winds started blowing hard in another direction and all of a sudden my jokes weren't so funny anymore. You put a flag over the network bug, god forbid you should just loose the bug altogether, and you pointed us towards the door."
  • (Unnamed) "We're blowing off 4-A."
  • (Unnamed) "You're kidding."
  • (Unnamed) "No."
  • (Unnamed) "It killed at Dress. It was smart."
  • (Unnamed) "It never had a chance. What are we filling with?"
  • (Unnamed) "'Peripheral Vision Man.'"
  • (Unnamed) "Ricky and Ron are just going to keep writing that one until somebody laughs, huh? What was the time on 4-A?"
  • (Unnamed) "4:10."
  • (Unnamed) "What's the time on 'Peripheral Vision Man'?"
  • (Unnamed) "3:45."
  • (Unnamed) "All right, tell the writer's room they're going to have to strecth it another twenty-five seconds, and I'm sure that making it longer was the missing ingredient in making it funny."
  • (Unnamed) "Ironically, I'm the one who's high as a paper kite right now, but legitimately. I had back surgery Tuesday. L5 S1, if that means anything to you. Stop talking now? Yeah, you bet."
  • (Unnamed) ""Legacy" is a 480 SAT word which, as it turns out, does not mean a woman with nice legs."
  • (Unnamed) "Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I was --"
  • (Unnamed) "Forget that. But it's going to be our show now, and only one of use can screw up at a time. And I think we both know that most of the time it's going to be me. You're the big shoulders."
  • (Unnamed) "I hear you."
  • (Unnamed) "Good. Because I don't remember what I just said."
  • (Unnamed) "I do."
  • (Unnamed) "How did it know?"
  • (Unnamed) "How did it know what?"
  • (Unnamed) "Exactly how much time was left in the week?"
  • (Unnamed) "Yeah, it's a miracle of technology that we've invented an electronic device that can count backwards from seven."
  • (Unnamed) "But it was off."
  • (Unnamed) "It has a battery."
  • (Unnamed) "So it always knows?"
  • (Unnamed) "Don't endow the thing with special powers, Matt; it's a clock."
  • (Unnamed) "We're eating worms for money. Who wants to screw my sister? Guys are getting killed in a war that's got theme music and a logo? That remote in your hands is a crack pipe. Oh, yeah, every once in a while we pretend to be appalled --"
  • (Unnamed) "Cal."
  • (Unnamed) "I'm waiting for him to say something that isn't true."
  • (Unnamed) "Who else in here knows how to do this?"
  • (Unnamed) "Don't talk to my control room."
  • (Unnamed) "Get him off."
  • (Unnamed) "You have two kids in school."
  • (Unnamed) "What?"
  • (Unnamed) "She said you have two kids in private school whose father is about five seconds away from never working again."
  • (Unnamed) "America's broadcasters have turned into pornographers. It's not even good pornography. It's just this side of snuff films. And friends, that's what's next."
  • (Unnamed) "Cal, come on --"
  • (Unnamed) "-- And the two things that make them scared gutless are the FCC and every psycho religious cult that gets positively horny at the mention of a boycot. These are the people they're afraid of --"
  • (Unnamed) "All right, stand by --"
  • (Unnamed) "- feckless, off-the-chocks greed-filled whorehouse --"
  • (Unnamed) "There is is."
  • (Unnamed) "- this thoroughly unpatriotic motherf --"
  • (Unnamed) "Cut in now."
  • (Unnamed) "Do you think television is bad?"
  • (Unnamed) "Why do you ask?"
  • (Unnamed) "Because that's what you'll be asked by the press."
  • (Unnamed) "No; I think "My Mother the Car" was bad. I think this is something else."
  • (Unnamed) "Wesley?"
  • (Unnamed) "Yeah?"
  • (Unnamed) "You're fired."
  • (Unnamed) "No kidding."
  • (Unnamed) "Listen, fellas, we're going to stop that."
  • (Unnamed) "Did we lose the feed?"
  • (Unnamed) "No, we're live. I want both of you to clear the stage; I don't want anyone to think that you were a part of this."
  • (Unnamed) "Clear the stage. Go on."
  • (Unnamed) "Uh, it's not going to be a very good show tonight. I think you should change the channel."
  • (Unnamed) "What the hell?"
  • (Unnamed) "Change the channel. Right now."
  • (Unnamed) "When did they put this in?"
  • (Unnamed) "Does anyone know what the hell is going on?"
  • (Unnamed) "Better yet, turn off the TV, okay?"
  • (Unnamed) "No, no, I know like it seems like this is supposed to be funny, but tomorrow, tomorrow you're going to find out that it wasn't, and by that time I'll have been fired."
  • (Unnamed) "No, this; this is not supposed; this is not a sketch."
  • (Unnamed) "Uh, this is real."
  • (Unnamed) "I was great, by the way. I got a standing ovation."
  • (Unnamed) "Harry, I'm sure you were great, but it's the national anthem. They were standing already."
  • (Unnamed) "This show used to be cutting-edge political and social satire, but it's gotten lobotomized by a candy-assed broadcast network hell-bent on doing nothing that might challenge their audience. We were about to do a sketch you've seen already about five hundred times. Yeah, no one is going to confuse George Bush with George Plimpton. We get it. We're all being lobotomized by this country's most influential industry. It's just thrown in the towel on any endeavor to do anything that doesn't include the courting of twelve-year-old boys. Not even the smart twelve-year-olds; the stupid ones. The idiots; of which there are plenty, thanks in no small measure to this network. So why don't you just change the channel? Turn off the TV. Do it right now. Go ahead."
  • (Unnamed) "Get the camera off of him."
  • (Unnamed) "And put it on what?"
  • (Unnamed) "Cut the boom mike then."
  • (Unnamed) "It's his show. I take my instructions from him."
  • (Unnamed) "-- struggle between art and commerce. Well there's always been a struggle between art and commerce, and now I'm telling you, art is getting it's ass kicked, and it's making us mean, and it's making us bitchy. It's making us cheap punks; that's not who we are. People are having contests to see how much they can be like Donald Trump?"
  • (Unnamed) "Are you bleeping this out?"
  • (Tech) "He hasn't said anything you're not allowed to say."
  • (Unnamed) "He's telling people to change the channel."
  • (Unnamed) "I don't think you have to worry about anybody changing the channel right now."
  • (Unnamed) "Get him off or you don't have a job tomorrow."
  • (Unnamed) "I'm running a live national broadcast right, can you threaten me later?"
  • (Unnamed) "Are they swinging this thing in front of your face?"
  • (Unnamed) "The point is, the new movie --"
  • (Unnamed) "Sons of bitches."
  • (Unnamed) "- does not have to; Matt? Matt."
  • (Unnamed) "Well, there are gonna be some horny psycho-religious cults tonight."
  • (Unnamed) "Are you people using the confidential information that Danny failed a drug test to force him into taking over Studio 60 to deflect attention from what happened on the air tonight?"
  • (Unnamed) "-- He failed a drug test?"
  • (Unnamed) "Yeah, actually Matt, I was the only one who knew about that. Shoulda trusted me a little, Danny."
  • (Unnamed) "Sorry about that, that one was all me."
  • (Unnamed) "Yeah."
  • (Unnamed) "Ironically, I'm the one who's high as a paper kite right now, but legitimately. I had back surgery Tuesday. L5 S1, if that means anything to you. Stop talking now? Yeah, you bet."
  • (Unnamed) "There's gonna be a press conference at noon on Monday announcing that you two are running "Studio 60". I know I can count on you to answer questions in a way that doesn't embarass the National Broadcasting System. Will that be hard for you?"
  • (Unnamed) "I wouldn't think it'd be hard for anybody, cause if you pointed a camera at two people masturbating it'd be among the least embarassing things on the National Broadcasting System. I'll tell Blair to start working on the deal."
  • (Unnamed) "I've already got a dual masturbation show in active development, so --"
  • (Unnamed) "I'm the only sane person I know."
  • (Unnamed) "I'm sorry about Matt. I'm a big fan of his, and I like him a lot."
  • (Unnamed) "I'm a big fan of his, and I hate his breathing guts."
  • (Unnamed) "Vancouver doesn't look like anything. It doesn't even look like Vancouver. It looks like Boston, California."
  • (Unnamed) "Thanks, man. I miss her. I really do. I'm dying inside, and I appreciate your support."
  • (Unnamed) "Matt."
  • (Unnamed) "Yeah?"
  • (Unnamed) "Go up on the stage now."
  • (Unnamed) "Why?"
  • (Unnamed) "You just won."
  • (Unnamed) "Really?"
  • (Unnamed) "Yeah."
  • (Unnamed) "Hey, that's great."
  • (Unnamed) "The woman I broke up with is a cast member and it would be awkward if I went to the party and -- killed her in front of all those people."
  • (Unnamed) "But it's gonna be our show now, and only one of us can screw up at a time and I think that we both know that most of the time, it's gonna be me. You're the big shoulders."
  • (Unnamed) "I hear you."
  • (Unnamed) "Good, cause I don't remember what I just said."
  • (Unnamed) "I do."
  • (Unnamed) "What went on in the control room?"
  • (Unnamed) "We got word the sketch was cut. Next thing I knew Wes was up on stage, Standards blew into the room, and I waited 53 seconds before I pulled the plug."
  • (Unnamed) "There had to be a lot of confusion; it's not like there are rules or procedures for this kind of thing."
  • (Unnamed) "No, there are strict rules and procedures for this kind of thing, I just didn't follow any of them."
  • (Unnamed) "You know what, rook? When you start making a contribution to this show, you can talk to me any way you want. But you had two lines tonight and you stepped on one of them. So until you either accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior or make somebody laugh, why don't you talk to somebody else?"
  • (Unnamed) "Who's it gonna offend, huh? Tell me."
  • (Unnamed) "Wes --"
  • (Unnamed) "Just give me the names."
  • (Unnamed) "People who, religious people. God, Wes, and you knew that when you"
  • (Unnamed) "- What do you want me to say to the fifty million people who are gonna go out of their minds as soon as it airs?"
  • (Unnamed) "First of all you tell them that we average nine million households, so that's at least 41 million who are full of crap. And the second, you can tell them that living where there's free speech means sometimes you get offended."
  • (Unnamed) "First of all, could you stop telling people we broke up because of the national anthem? It makes me sound like an idiot."
  • (Unnamed) "Actually, the consensus is it makes me sound like an idiot."
  • (Unnamed) "Well, be that as it may and truer words were never spoke, please stop it."
  • (Unnamed) "Okay, look, wait. I'll bond you."
  • (Unnamed) "What?"
  • (Unnamed) "I'll pay for the bond."
  • (Unnamed) "How much money do you have?"
  • (Unnamed) "Well -- with my savings, and investments, and my percentage of the first dollar gross in this movie -- sixty-five dollars."
  • (Unnamed) "They broke up."
  • (Unnamed) "Oh no. Why?"
  • (Unnamed) "Because he couldn't stop himself from speaking."
  • (Unnamed) "I was right, she was wrong, I'm all about the truth, partner."
  • (Unnamed) "You gotta give her style points."
  • (Unnamed) "Yeah."
  • (Unnamed) "And you gotta ask yourself --"
  • (Unnamed) "What?"
  • (Unnamed) "What if she's for real?"
  • (Unnamed) "Yeah."

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