Pilot (How I Met Your Mother) Quotes

Pilot (How I Met Your Mother) is a TV program that debuted in 1970 . Pilot stopped airing in 1970.

Pilot (How I Met Your Mother) Quotes

• (Ted) "I'm so happy for Marshall, I really am. I just can't imagine settling down right now."
• (Yasmin) "So, do you think you'll ever get married?"
• (Ted) "Well, maybe eventually -- some fall day, possibly in Central Park -- simple ceremony, we'll write our own vows -- band, no DJ, people will dance, I'm not gonna worry about it."

• (Barney) "Why are we still sitting here? Let's go, we can still make last call. What do you say, Lil? Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum? Coz you're a pirate?"

• (Barney) "Ted, do you remember what I told you the day we met?"
• (Barney) "Ted, I am gonna teach you how to live."
• (Ted) "Barney. We met at the urinal."
• (Barney) "Oh, right."
• (Barney) "Lesson one, lose the goatee. It doesn't go with your suit."
• (Ted) "I don't have a suit."
• (Barney) "Lesson two, get a suit. Suits are cool. Exibit A."
• (Barney) "Lesson three, don't even think about getting married 'til you're 30."
• (Ted) "Thirty. Right, you're right."

• (Barney) "This is totally going in my blog."

• (Robin) "I think I like your suit."
• (Ted) "I think I like your new french horn."
• (Robin) "I think I like your nose."
• (Ted) "I think I'm in love with you."
• (Robin) "What?"

• (Barney) "De -wait for it- Nied. Denied."
• (Ted) "We're going out tomorrow night."
• (Barney) "But I thought we were playing laser tag tomorrow night."
• (Ted) "Yeah, I was never going to go play laser tag."

• (Robin) "I love a Scotch that's old enough to order its own Scotch."

• (Older Ted) "Kids, I'm gonna tell you an incredible story. The story of how I met your mother."
• (Son) "Are we being punished for something."
• (Older Ted) "No."
• (Daughter) "Yeah, is this gonna take awhile?"
• (Older Ted) "Yes. Twenty-five years ago, before I was "dad" I had this whole other life. I was 27, just starting out as an architect, living with your uncle Marshall. My life was good. Then your uncle Marshall went screwed the whole thing up."
• (Marshall Eriksen) "Will you marry me?"
• (Ted) "Yes. Perfect. You pop the champagne. You drink a toast. You have sex on the kitchen floor. Don't have sex on our kitchen floor."
• (Marshall Eriksen) "Right. Got it. Thanks for helping me plan this out, Ted."
• (Ted) "Are you kidding? It's you and Lily. I've been there for all the big you and Lily moments. The night you met, your first date -- other firsts."
• (Marshall Eriksen) "Yeah -- sorry, we thought you were asleep."
• (Ted) "It's physics, Marshall. If the bottom bunk moves, the top bunk moves too. Oh my God, you're getting engaged tonight."
• (Marshall Eriksen) "Yeah. What are you doing tonight?"
• (Older Ted) "What was I doing? Here, your uncle Marshall was taking the biggest step of his life and me? I'm calling up your uncle Barney."
• (Barney) "Hey, so you know how I've always had a thing for half-Asian chicks? Well, now I've got a new thing. Lebanese chicks. Lebanese chicks are the new half-Asians."
• (Ted) "Hey, you wanna do something tonight?"
• (Barney) "Okay, meet me at the bar in 10 minutes, and suit up."
• (Barney) "Where's your suit? Just once, when I say, "suit up" I wish you'd put on a suit."
• (Ted) "I did -- that one time."
• (Barney) "It was a blazer."

• (Barney) "There's no such thing as the signal. But yeah, that was the signal."

• (Lily Aldrin) "Ugh. I'm exhausted, it was finger-painting day at school and a five year old boy --"
• (Lily Aldrin) "got to second base with me."

• (Marshall Eriksen) "To my fiance."
• (Lily Aldrin) "To the future."
• (Ranjit) "To one hell of a night."

• (Ted) "But even if I was ready, which I'm not, it's like, "Okay, I'm ready. Where is she?""
• (Older Ted) "And there she was."

• (Ted) "So, you're a reporter?"
• (Robin) "Sorta, I do those fluff stories at the end of the show, like -- Monkey can play a ukulele. I'm hoping for some bigger stories."
• (Ted) "Bigger -- like, a Gorilla with an upright bass? Sorry, you're very pretty."

• (Ted) "She didn't even give me the signal."
• (Barney) "What, is she gonna -- is she gonna bat her eyes at you in morse code?"
• (Barney) "Ted -- kiss me. No. You just kiss her."
• (Ted) "Not if you don't get the signal."
• (Barney) "Did Marshall give me the signal?"
• (Marshall Eriksen) "No."
• (Marshall Eriksen) "I didn't, I swear."

• (Ted) "You know ever since college it's always been Marshall and Lily and me. Now it's gonna be Marshall and Lily -- and me. They'll go off get married, start a family, and before you know it, I'm that middle-aged bachelor their kids call "uncle Ted.""
• (Barney) "I see what this is about. Have you forgot what I told you the night we met?"
• (Barney) "Ted, I'm gonna teach you how to live."
• (Ted) "Barney, we met at the urinal."
• (Barney) "Oh right."
• (Barney) "Lesson one, lose the goatee, it doesn't go with your suit."
• (Ted) "I'm not wearing a suit."
• (Barney) "Lesson two, get a suit. Suits are cool. Exhibit A. And, lesson three, don't even think of getting married till -- you're thirty."
• (Ted) "Thirty. Right, you're right. I don't know. Your best friend gets engaged, you start thinking about that stuff."
• (Barney) "I thought I was your best friend? Ted, say I'm your best friend."
• (Ted) "You're my best friend, Barney."
• (Barney) "Good, than as your best friend, I suggest we play a game called, "Have You Met Ted?"."
• (Ted) "No, no, we're not playing "Have You Met Ted?"."
• (Barney) "Hi, have you met Ted?"
• (Ted) "Hi, I'm Ted."
• (Yasmin) "Yasmin."
• (Ted) "Very pretty name."
• (Yasmin) "Thanks, it's Lebanese."

• (Marshall Eriksen) "Huh. The guy didn't jump."
• (Ted) "I'm gonna go kiss her. Right now."
• (Marshall Eriksen) "Dude, it's midnight. As your future lawyer, I'm gonna advise you, that's freaking crazy."
• (Ted) "I never do anything crazy. I'm always waiting for the moment, planning the moment. Well, she's leaving tomorrow, and this may be the only moment I'm gonna get. I'm gonna do what that guy couldn't, I'm gonna take the leap --. Okay, not a perfext metaphor. 'Cause for me it's falling in love and getting married, and for him it's -- death."
• (Barney) "Actually, that is a perfect metaphor."

• (Older Ted) "That, kids, is the true story of how I met your Aunt Robin."
• (Son) "Aunt Robin?"
• (Daughter) "I thought this was how you met Mom?"
• (Older Ted) "Will you relax? I'm getting to it. Like I said, it's a long story."

• (Ted) "You know what? I'm done being single, I'm not good at it. Look, obviously you can't tell a woman you just met that you love her, but it sucks that you can't. I'll tell you something though, if a woman, not you, just some hypothetical woman, were to bear with me through all this, I think I'd make a damn good husband, because that's the stuff I'd be good at. Stuff like making her laugh and being a good father and walking her five hypothetical dogs. Being a good kisser --"
• (Robin) "Everyone thinks they're a good kisser."
• (Ted) "Oh, I've got references."

• (Older Ted) "It was like something out of an old movie. Where the sailor sees the girl across the crowded dance floor and turns to his buddy, and says, "See that girl? I'm gonna marry her someday.""
• (Ted) "Hey, Barney. See that girl?"
• (Barney) "Oh, yeah, you know she likes it dirty."

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