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Parenthood (film) Quotes

Parenthood (film) is a television show that was first aired in 1970 . Parenthood completed its run in 1970.

It features Brian Grazer as producer, Randy Newman in charge of musical score, and Donald McAlpine as head of cinematography.

Parenthood (film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Parenthood (film) is 124 minutes long. Parenthood (film) is distributed by Universal Studios.

The cast includes: Dianne Wiest as Helen, Keanu Reeves as Tod, Helen Shaw as Grandma, Steve Martin as Gil, Martha Plimpton as Julie, Mary Steenburgen as Karen, Paul Linke as George Bowman, Harley Jane Kozak as Stan, Max Elliott Slade as Young Gil Buckman, Tom Hulce as Larry Buckman, Jason Robards as Frank, Alisan Porter as Taylor, Joaquin Phoenix as Garry, Rick Moranis as Nathan, Eileen Ryan as Marilyn Buckman, Zachary La Voy as Justin, Jasen Fisher as Kevin Buckman, Alex Burrall as Cool, Max Elliott Slade as Lou, and Harley Jane Kozak as Susan.

Parenthood (film) Quotes

Martha Plimpton as Julie

  • (Martha Plimpton) "He said that he loved me."
  • (Dianne Wiest) "Men say that. They all say that. Then they cum."
  • (Martha Plimpton) "I can't do this. This is too intense."
  • (Dianne Wiest) "This is marriage."
  • (Martha Plimpton) "I can't believe I trusted him --"
  • (Dianne Wiest) "Well, what did you expect from a kid like that?"
  • (Martha Plimpton) "Oh, Mom, back off. The last guy you dated stole our furniture."
  • (Martha Plimpton) "If he thinks I'm having his baby now, he's crazy."
  • (Dianne Wiest) "Baby?"
  • (Paul Linke) "Your daughter's having a baby?"
  • (Dianne Wiest) "A baby?"
  • (Paul Linke) "You're going to be a grandma?"
  • (Dianne Wiest) "No, no, no, no. I'm too young to be a grandmother. Grandmothers are old. They bake, and they sew, and they tell you stories about the Depression."
  • (Dianne Wiest) "I was at Woodstock, for Christ's sake. I peed in a field. I hung on to The Who's helicopter as it flew away."
  • (Paul Linke) "I was at Woodstock."
  • (Dianne Wiest) "Oh yeah? I thought you looked familiar."
  • (Martha Plimpton) "I wouldn't live with you if the world were flooded with piss and you lived in a tree."

Steve Martin as Gil

  • (Steve Martin) "And you want my advice? Why me? Why now?"
  • (Jason Robards) "Because I know you think I was a s***ty father."
  • (Jason Robards) "Thank you for not arguing. And I know you're a good father."
  • (Steve Martin) "That's what you're wearing to bed? You'll catch a cold."
  • (Steve Martin) "Perfect."
  • (Steve Martin) "Karen, how about after the kids are asleep --"
  • (Steve Martin) "I wear this outfit?"
  • (Highway Policeman) "So, how did this happen?"
  • (Steve Martin) "Show him, honey."
  • (Steve Martin) "What's this?"
  • (Alisan Porter) "Mommy, what was that?"
  • (Mary Steenburgen) "That was -- an electric ear cleaner."
  • (Alisan Porter) "It was kind of big."
  • (Helen Shaw) "It sure was."
  • (Steve Martin) "They call me Cowboy Gil, as in guil-ty. I saw Cowboy Dan. I didn't like the look on his face. It was like this --"
  • (Steve Martin) "-- so I killed him. I blew a hole in him this big. Actually it was about this big. You know, when I think about it, that hole was about THIS BIG. And his guts were spilled out all over the floor. As I was walkin' away, I slip around on his guts. A couple of other people came by and started slippin' on his guts too. After I blow a hole in somebody and slip around on their guts -- afterwards, I always like to make balloon animals. That's mighty courteous of you. Here we go."
  • (Steve Martin) "Your lower intestines."
  • (Steve Martin) "What's the matter, honey? You don't feel so good?"
  • (Alisan Porter) "Yeah."
  • (Steve Martin) "You feel like you wanna throw up?"
  • (Alisan Porter) "Okay."
  • (Mary Steenburgen) "Oh Taylor, baby -- Gil, why are you standing there?"
  • (Steve Martin) "Waiting for her head to spin around."
  • (Steve Martin) "Well, great. Let's see how I can screw the fourth one up. Hey, let's have five. Let's have six. Let's have a dozen and pretend they're donuts."
  • (Steve Martin) "Women have choices, and men have responsibilities."
  • (Patty) "The Penal Colony, by Franz Kafka."
  • (Steve Martin) "Hey, Nathan, Patty a doctor yet?"
  • (Rick Moranis) "Mock if you will."
  • (Steve Martin) "All right."
  • (Rick Moranis) "Our children are more capable of retaining and absorbing information than we are and yet we insist on treating them like adorable little morons."
  • (Steve Martin) "What are you saying, Patty can learn things I can't learn?"
  • (Rick Moranis) "Patty, which one of these is the square root of 8,649?"
  • (Patty) "93."
  • (Rick Moranis) "They're like sponges, Gil, just waiting to absorb."
  • (Zachary La Voy) "I want this."
  • (Rick Moranis) "You see? Take my advice, forget about Kevin and Taylor, it's too late. Work on Justin."
  • (Steve Martin) "Actually, Justin is quite bright. In his preschool class, he was the only --"
  • (Steve Martin) "Slow down, Justin. I'll get you some dip."

Tom Hulce as Larry Buckman

  • (Tom Hulce) "Dad, I can't get a break. I have been so close so many times I could touch it."
  • (Jason Robards) "Did you ever think about getting a job?"
  • (Tom Hulce) "Oh great. Oh that is just great now. What did you always tell me? "Make your mark, don't be one of the numbers.""
  • (Jason Robards) "You misunderstood me. You weren't listening."
  • (Tom Hulce) "Hi, Dad. Dinner ready?"
  • (Jason Robards) "What was that?"
  • (Tom Hulce) "Huh? Oh, some; friends were just dropping me off."
  • (Jason Robards) "Friends? Friends slow down, they even stop."

Zachary La Voy as Justin

  • (Zachary La Voy) "They're hurting my sister."
  • (Steve Martin) "He's going. Get him."
  • (Zachary La Voy) "Hang on, Taylor. Taylor, I'm gonna save you."
  • (Zachary La Voy) "Who's that?"
  • (Steve Martin) "It's my kid brother, Larry, your uncle. Don't give him any money."
  • (Zachary La Voy) "I won't."

Mary Steenburgen as Karen

  • (Mary Steenburgen) "Justin's going to go full time next year, so everybody's asking when I'm going to go back to work. Like I'm supposed to. And I'm thinking about it, I mean, I used to like work, it was OK, but -- you know, I think I'm better at this, I mean, I think I'm sort of good at it, so -- But then people make me feel embarrassed, like I don't have goals or something. Like I sit around here eating bonbons all day, right? Oh, I don't know."
  • (Dianne Wiest) "Well, what does Gil say?"
  • (Mary Steenburgen) "He says I should do whatever I want. I could have killed him for that."
  • (Mary Steenburgen) "He likes to butt things -- with his head."
  • (Rick Moranis) "How proud you must be."
  • (Mary Steenburgen) "I happen to LIKE the roller coaster, okay? As far as I'm concerned, your grandmother is brilliant."
  • (Steve Martin) "Yeah, if she's so brilliant, why is she sitting in our NEIGHBOR'S CAR?"

Eileen Ryan as Marilyn Buckman

  • (Eileen Ryan) "Cool is adorable. Adorable. Why didn't you write us when you had a son?"
  • (Tom Hulce) "I didn't know myself until a couple of months ago. You see, a few years ago, I was living in Vegas with this girl. Showgirl. She was in that show "Elvis On Ice". Anyhow, we drifted apart, as people do in these complicated times, and then a couple of months ago, she shows up with Cool and tells me "You watch him. I shot someone. I have to leave the country." That's a parent?"

Rick Moranis as Nathan

  • (Rick Moranis) "You see, Grandma, Patty studies Eastern philosophy. Our future leaders are going to have to be much more in tune with the Oriental mind."
  • (Rick Moranis) "Did he say "Cool"?"
  • (Steve Martin) "Cool."
  • (Rick Moranis) "Well?"
  • (Susan Buckman Merrick) "Why are you pouring water through my diaphragm?"
  • (Rick Moranis) "To check. To see if it's OK. You didn't know I did that, did you?"
  • (Susan Buckman Merrick) "No."
  • (Rick Moranis) "Obviously not or you wouldn't have tried this."
  • (Susan Buckman Merrick) "Are you accusing me of making that hole?"
  • (Rick Moranis) "No, a woodpecker came in here, went into the bathroom, opened the drawer with his little wing and pecked a couple of holes in your diaphragm."

Dianne Wiest as Helen

  • (Dianne Wiest) "I swear, Julie, if you walk out that door, don't you dare come back."
  • (Martha Plimpton) "Don't worry about it."
  • (Martha Plimpton) "Hey Garry."
  • (Joaquin Phoenix) "Hi."
  • (Martha Plimpton) "I'm moving out."
  • (Joaquin Phoenix) "Bye."
  • (Dianne Wiest) "See? Now you've upset your brother."
  • (Dianne Wiest) "I -- I -- I think this this one is my favorite."
  • (Martha Plimpton) "It was just for fun, Mom."
  • (Dianne Wiest) "Well, I'm glad to know it's not a job. That's that Tod, isn't it? There's one with his face."
  • (Martha Plimpton) "Is that what bothers you? That I did those things? Or that I did those things with Tod?"
  • (Dianne Wiest) "Gee whiz, Julie, so many things bother me about this, I don't know where to separate them."
  • (Dianne Wiest) "Oh. Whoo. Here's something for my wallet."
  • (Martha Plimpton) "Tod is very important to me."
  • (Dianne Wiest) "And we've got the photos to prove it."
  • (Martha Plimpton) "Mom --"
  • (Dianne Wiest) "This is your room. You did these things right here? In my house?"
  • (Martha Plimpton) "Well, I thought someone in this house ought to be having sex. I mean with something that doesn't require batteries."
  • (Dianne Wiest) "l assume you're watching these because you're curious about sex -- you know. Or filmmaking."
  • (Dianne Wiest) "I give them six months. Three, if she cooks."
  • (Dianne Wiest) "Tod?"
  • (Keanu Reeves) "Yeah?"
  • (Dianne Wiest) "Do you want me to make you breakfast?"
  • (Keanu Reeves) "No thanks, Julie will."
  • (Dianne Wiest) "Great."
  • (Dianne Wiest) "I'll get the fire extinguisher."
  • (Dianne Wiest) "Open this door. god****it. I was just like a little respect. Not a lot, just a little. Do you know why I'm having sex with machinery? Because your father went to have a party and I stayed to raise two kids, and I HAVE NO LIFE."

Keanu Reeves as Tod

  • (Keanu Reeves) "Now we can record our love."
  • (Keanu Reeves) "Hi. Where's my wife?"
  • (Dianne Wiest) "She's still at school. She's got cheerleading practice."
  • (Keanu Reeves) "Bitchin'."
  • (Keanu Reeves) "Can I speak frankly, no holds barred?"
  • (Keanu Reeves) "That is one messed up little dude. We can talk straight?"
  • (Keanu Reeves) "Um, a few months ago, Garry got his first -- boner. You know what that is?"
  • (Dianne Wiest) "If memory serves."
  • (Keanu Reeves) "Aw, great. Anyway, since then, he's been -- uh -- slappin' the salami. No offense."
  • (Dianne Wiest) "No."
  • (Keanu Reeves) "Apparently, he's goin' for a world record. Anyway, he was afraid there was something wrong with him, you know? Like he was a pervert or something. I told him that's what little dudes do; we've all done it. It made him happy."
  • (Dianne Wiest) "Garry was happy?"
  • (Keanu Reeves) "He even smiled. I never even knew he had teeth."
  • (Keanu Reeves) "Julie, you're here."
  • (Martha Plimpton) "What does that make you, Sherlock Holmes? I live here."
  • (Keanu Reeves) "Julie, you belong with me."
  • (Dianne Wiest) "Let go of her."
  • (Keanu Reeves) "You're my wife."
  • (Dianne Wiest) "I said-."
  • (Dianne Wiest) "His what?"
  • (Martha Plimpton) "His wife. We got married a few days ago."
  • (Dianne Wiest) "Are you out of your mind ? Are you out of your mind ?"

Jason Robards as Frank

  • (Jason Robards) "Gil, you have a good memory. Uh, was it yours or Helen's or Susan's wedding I got drunk at?"
  • (Steve Martin) "It was all three, Dad. Congratulations."
  • (Jason Robards) "Well, which one did I punch the band leader?"
  • (Steve Martin) "That was mine. We have photos. I'm having them blown up for the commitment hearings."
  • (Jason Robards) "Well, you think he's funny. Well, when he was a kid, he wasn't as funny. Stayed in his room all day. Boy, you were a moody little son of a bitch."
  • (Steve Martin) "Gee, I wonder why."
  • (Jason Robards) "It's like your Aunt Edna's ass. It goes on forever and it's just as frightening."
  • (Steve Martin) "That's true."
  • (Jason Robards) "There is no end zone. You never cross the goal line, spike the ball and do your touchdown dance. Never."

Joaquin Phoenix as Garry

  • (Joaquin Phoenix) "What is it with all the women in this family, that makes all the men in this family wanna leave?"

Helen Shaw as Grandma

  • (Helen Shaw) "When I was a girl, Grover Cleveland was president. Hehe."
  • (Helen Shaw) "You know, when I was nineteen, Grandpa took me on a roller coaster."
  • (Steve Martin) "Oh?"
  • (Helen Shaw) "Up, down, up, down. Oh, what a ride."
  • (Steve Martin) "What a great story."
  • (Helen Shaw) "I always wanted to go again. You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together. Some didn't like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it."
  • (Susan Buckman Merrick) "Helen? Oh, the door was unlocked."
  • (Helen Shaw) "What channel is this?"
  • (Dianne Wiest) "No Gran, this is a tape."
  • (Helen Shaw) "She needs a man -- Now."
  • (Dianne Wiest) "Gran, this isn't mine. I don't watch this."
  • (Helen Shaw) "One of those men reminded me of your Grandpa. God bless him."

Alex Burrall as Cool

  • (Alex Burrall) "My dad's going away."
  • (Jason Robards) "Yes."
  • (Alex Burrall) "He's leaving right away."
  • (Jason Robards) "Yes."
  • (Alex Burrall) "Is he ever coming back?"
  • (Jason Robards) "No."
  • (Jason Robards) "Would you like to live here, with us?"
  • (Alex Burrall) "Yeah."
  • (Jason Robards) "Good."

Max Elliott Slade as Lou

  • (Max Elliott Slade) "Hey, Gil, our boys finally gonna win one game?"
  • (Steve Martin) "Way to be supportive, Lou."

Harley Jane Kozak as Susan

  • (Harley Jane Kozak) "You don't talk like a kid."
  • (Max Elliott Slade) "Yeah, well I'm not really a kid."
  • (Harley Jane Kozak) "You're not a duck."
  • (Max Elliott Slade) "This is a memory of when I was a kid. I'm 35 now. I have kids of my own. You don't even really exist. You're an amalgam."
  • (Harley Jane Kozak) "A what?"
  • (Max Elliott Slade) "A combination of several ushers my dad left me with over the years. I combined them into one memory."
  • (Harley Jane Kozak) "Why?"
  • (Max Elliott Slade) "This was a great symbolic moment of my life. My father dumping me with you -- it's why I swore things would be different with my kids. It's my dream. Strong, happy, confident kids."
  • (Harley Jane Kozak) "That's great, that's great. You know, you; you got a lovely family, and I'm a god-damn amalgam."
  • (Harley Jane Kozak) "Patty, why don't you play with Justin?"
  • (Patty) "I don't understand what he's doing."
  • (Harley Jane Kozak) "Well, he's -- spinning."
  • (Patty) "What for?"
  • (Harley Jane Kozak) "Uh -- no reason, just for fun."
  • (Patty) "It doesn't look like fun."
  • (Rick Moranis) "It isn't."
  • (Harley Jane Kozak) "You tried it?"
  • (Harley Jane Kozak) "You see, when I met him, I was a little wild, I was a little out of control and he kind of -- took me in hand. I liked that. He's very -- commanding. He got me into teaching, he got my s*** together. Boy, he really turned on."
  • (Mary Steenburgen) "Really?"
  • (Mary Steenburgen) "I-I mean, uh, of course. Really?"
  • (Harley Jane Kozak) "Oh, Nathan and I used to be hot. I know he doesn't look it but, I mean, we were like rabbits. I used to give him -- you know -- oral, you know -- on the highway."
  • (Mary Steenburgen) "What?"
  • (Harley Jane Kozak) "You know, he was always trying to get a research grant."
  • (Mary Steenburgen) "And you thought that would help?"
  • (Harley Jane Kozak) "No. But, I mean, he kept getting turned down and he'd get real, real tense. So, if I saw him getting, you know, really tense, I'd just -- lean over while he was driving and, uh --"

Jasen Fisher as Kevin Buckman

  • (Jasen Fisher) "When you're sliding into first and you're feeling something burst, diarrhea, diarrhea. When you're sliding into third and you feel a juicy turd, diarrhea, diarrhea. When you're sliding into home and your pants are full of foam, diarrhea, diarrhea. When you're driving in your Chevy and your pants are feeling heavy, diarrhea, diarrhea."
  • (Mary Steenburgen) "Kevin, honey, where did you learn that song?"
  • (Jasen Fisher) "Last summer at camp, Mom."
  • (Steve Martin) "Ah, that was money well spent."
  • (Jasen Fisher) "When you're sliding into first and you're feeling something burst, diarrhea, diarrhea."

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