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Overboard (1987 film) Quotes

Overboard (1987 film) is a television program that appeared on TV in 1970 . Overboard completed its run in 1970.

It features Nick Abdo, Roddy McDowall, Alexandra Rose, and Anthea Sylbert as producer, Alan Silvestri in charge of musical score, and John A. Alonzo as head of cinematography.

Overboard (1987 film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Overboard (1987 film) is 112 minutes long. Overboard (1987 film) is distributed by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer.

The cast includes: Goldie Hawn as Annie, Kurt Russell as Dean Proffitt, Roddy McDowall as Andrew, Goldie Hawn as Joanna, Jeffrey Wiseman as Joey Proffitt, Michael G. Hagerty as Billy Pratt, Jamie Wild as Greg Proffitt, Brian Price as Travis Proffitt, Jared Rushton as Charlie Proffitt, Edward Herrmann as Grant Stayton, Goldie Hawn as Joanna Stayton/Annie Proffitt, Henry Alan Miller as Dr. Norman Korman, Katherine Helmond as Edith Mintz, and Jared Rushton as Charlie.

Overboard (1987 film) Quotes

Goldie Hawn as Annie

  • (Doctor at Hospital) "Now, Miss X -- we have a safer, more comfortable, private room -- where you'll be a lot more comfortable, and we'll all be a lot safer."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "Well, I'm glad you've finally come to your senses. I was prepared to sue you. I don't know who I am, but I'm sure I have a lawyer."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "I'm not a bitch. ANDREW. Are you going to bring me my lemon or do I have to squeeze it from my hat?"
  • (Goldie Hawn) "You know forks were invented so that man could at least make a pretense of separating himself from the apes."
  • (Kurt Russell) "So were thumbs."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "What did you say?"
  • (Kurt Russell) "Nothing. It was -- my stomach."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "Well try to control your bodily noises so I can hear myself think."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "Joey don't, don't get that near your eye. See it says right here on the bottle, 'don't get it near your eye'."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "What's going on here?"
  • (Jamie Wild) "He's upset because he can't read."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "Well he's a small child."
  • (Jamie Wild) "He can't read for a small child either."
  • (Jared Rushton) "The teacher makes fun of him."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "Hey mister, what was I doing out in the ocean?"
  • (Kurt Russell) "That's something you like to do, go fishing for oysters at night"
  • (Goldie Hawn) "Oysters in a cold ocean at night, doesn't sound like me."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "Thank you Dean. Thank you for bringing me here and making a wife, and a mother and WHY DID YOU DO THAT?"
  • (Goldie Hawn) "I'm a short, fat slut."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "-- I KNOW it will cost me, but it's the CUTEST little painting. I simply MUST have it. You'll do the bidding for me at the auction? $1,700,000."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "Grant, I'm on the phone."
  • (Edward Herrmann) "I can't hear you, Tea Rose. I'm shooting skeet."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "These gnats keep landing on my wet nail polish. I guess I'm supposed to walk around with their little corpses stuck to my fingers, is that it? -- It's easy for you to say. You don't have to sit out here in the brine with your perm frizzing to oblivion. I look like a bushman."
  • (Roddy McDowall) "-- I've finished, madam. Would you like me to put your jewelry back on you?"
  • (Goldie Hawn) "No, I'm still tacky."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "What's my name?"
  • (Kurt Russell) "Mrs. Annie Proffitt"
  • (Goldie Hawn) "Well what's my maiden name?"
  • (Kurt Russell) "Annie Goolaheey"
  • (Goldie Hawn) "ANNIE GOOLAHEY -- Where in God's name did I grow up, Dogpatch?"
  • (Kurt Russell) "No, not there honey over in Goober, Idaho but it's a nuclear waste dump"
  • (Goldie Hawn) "But why do I always look so glum and downcast in all of my wedding pictures? Wasn't I happy to marry you?"
  • (Kurt Russell) "Oh, you were just always kind of a sad person in those days. I didn't mind it, though. You were always good to me, so I loved you just the same."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "Well. I almost had to wait."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "What is this gelatinous MUCK? Andrew, when I tell you to pack staples, must I specify that you are to pack good caviar and not this $1.99 fish bait? Caviar should be round, and hard, and of adequate size, and should burst in your mouth at precisely the right moment."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "I don't belong here, I feel it, don't you think I feel it. I can't do any of these vile things and I wouldn't WANT to. Oh, my life is like death. My children are the spawn of hell, and you're the devil. Oh God."
  • (Kurt Russell) "But baby, we LIKE you."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "Oh, and give my regards to Schwartzman and Heineken."
  • (Capt. Karl) "What're you doing?"
  • (Goldie Hawn) "I'm turning the boat around."
  • (Capt. Karl) "Why?"
  • (Goldie Hawn) "I'm going home."
  • (Capt. Karl) "You're turning that wheel around too fast."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "Grant's having another nervous breakdown, he thinks he's God. Keep him busy."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "I speak French. Do I know what I said? Yes I do. I must've learned in Paris. When was I in Paris? In the Navy."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "Captain Karl?"
  • (Capt. Karl) "Yes madam?"
  • (Goldie Hawn) "We've never really had time to talk."
  • (Capt. Karl) "No, we haven't."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "Well, there's no time now."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "Tell me something about my life, Dean, something not horrible."
  • (Kurt Russell) "Well uh -- yeah, there was that time you were working at Burger Boy, and this kid started choking on a French fry, and everybody in the place panicked, including me, except you, you knew exactly what to do. You ran over to the kid and you gave him that Heimlech, you know,"
  • (Kurt Russell) "and puh. The kid puked up the fry and they named you Burger Boy employee of the month. They put your picture above the cash register and everything."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "Try to understand,Grant, I don't love you anymore."
  • (Edward Herrmann) "What's love got to do with marriage?"
  • (Goldie Hawn) "Mrs. Burbridge, would you come over here for a moment? Has it escaped your attention that these children have head to toe poison oak?"
  • (Adele Burbridge) "Well no, I -- well yes, but --"
  • (Goldie Hawn) "But WHAT? My children are in need of medical assistance. And you can sit here and smugly lecture me on the importance of tests? Tests which exist to pigeonhole childrens potential, a thing which cannot possibly be measured, least of all by anal compulsive HUNS. And my husband may be a "large child," but that's none of your business. And my children may be rotten, but they're MINE. And I think that they're bright, and sensitive, so I have no doubts whatsoever about their intelligence. I do however have serious doubts about YOURS."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "Well, the entire civilized world knows that ALL closets are made of CEDAR."
  • (Kurt Russell) "Well up here in Elk Snout ma'am see we don't know 'bout them closets, nor bathrooms neither. s*** woman, you're lucky I am house broke."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "I have behaved so badly. You've done so many wonderful things for me and I've never even once said thank you. I'm sorry"
  • (Roddy McDowall) "Apology accepted, madam."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "You -- and the closet."
  • (Kurt Russell) "That's right. This is me and I'm standing in front of the closet."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "Something's familiar."
  • (Kurt Russell) "Yeah, well -- that's 'cause we used to do it in the closet."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "Oh stop with the sex stories."

Brian Price as Travis Proffitt

  • (Brian Price) "Are you sure this is gonna work?"
  • (Jared Rushton) "My ideas ALWAYS work. I'm gifted."
  • (Brian Price) "I loved it when you glued Joey to the toilet seat."
  • (Brian Price) "Are we gonna trade her in for a new mom?"
  • (Kurt Russell) "Not if we don't blow it."
  • (Brian Price) "Who is it?"
  • (Kurt Russell) "Doctor Death, let's go."
  • (Brian Price) "We're gonna go get her."
  • (Kurt Russell) "Come on guys. Billy's friends are gonna help us."

Michael G. Hagerty as Billy Pratt

  • (Gertie) "Hey Billy, who are you talking to?"
  • (Michael G. Hagerty) "Nobody."
  • (Gertie) "Hey is that Dean? Hey Dean. Whats going on? Why dont you come in?"
  • (Michael G. Hagerty) "Honey, go back to bed."
  • (Gertie) "HOW DARE YOU TREAT ME LIKE THAT. I'M GOING HOME."
  • (Michael G. Hagerty) "Back in the day he was known as Mean Dean Proffitt and me I was Bad Billy Pratt"

Edward Herrmann as Grant Stayton

  • (Edward Herrmann) "Tofuuuuuuuti -- Tofuuuuti Klein."
  • (Edward Herrmann) "-- Joanna, I want you tonight; How can you have your period EVERY WEEK?"
  • (Goldie Hawn) "-- Must you watch that THING incessantly?"
  • (Edward Herrmann) "Yes, I must. It has a tawdry, escapist quality that sooths my nerves."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "What YOU have to escape from, I can't possibly imagine -- Grant, I left my wedding ring on the deck."
  • (Edward Herrmann) "Well, what can I do?"
  • (Goldie Hawn) "Go and get it."
  • (Edward Herrmann) "It's after midnight."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "I don't care. I want it now."
  • (Edward Herrmann) "Let me just see who's in the Top Ten Luxury Yachts. This is the Big League of the Seven Seas, the one purchase that separates mere millionaires from MULTI-millionaires."
  • (Edward Herrmann) "Do we have a straight jacket on board?"
  • (Henry Alan Miller) "I always carry one, yes."
  • (Edward Herrmann) "We're at sea, and I'm a GOD at sea."
  • (Edward Herrmann) "I suppose we're on our way back to the jungles of Oregon?"
  • (Goldie Hawn) "I want to go back, Grant."
  • (Edward Herrmann) "To him."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "Yes. I'm sorry."
  • (Edward Herrmann) "You haven't begun to be sorry, you hillbilly harlot."
  • (Edward Herrmann) "Can she see us?"
  • (Cop at Hospital) "Not unless she's Superwoman"
  • (Goldie Hawn) "Listen to me, medical people.. As of now, I have a light history of a dirty garbage scow and a breakfast of extremely runny eggs over easy. I refuse, REFUSE"
  • (Goldie Hawn) "to be incercerated in this semi-private room while there are no efforts being made."
  • (Cop at Hospital) "Is that her?"
  • (Edward Herrmann) "No, I've never seen her before in my life."
  • (Edward Herrmann) "Halt. You treasonous tramp. Conspiring with the enemy at sea is MUTINY."
  • (Roddy McDowall) "Pull."
  • (Roddy McDowall) "I am giving my notice, sir."

Kurt Russell as Dean Proffitt

  • (Kurt Russell) "Zippedy Doo-Dah. Zippedy Yay. My, oh my, I got a wonderful slave."
  • (Kurt Russell) "Their making out their Christmas lists"
  • (Goldie Hawn) "Oh already?"
  • (Brian Price) "How do you spell Porsche?"
  • (Kurt Russell) "Well, they got me thinkin' though what can I possibly give you ever that you don't already have?"
  • (Goldie Hawn) "A little girl"
  • (Cop at Hospital) "Nice panties. J.S., she didn't know what that meant?"
  • (Kurt Russell) "See she wouldn't, I bought them for her at a garage sale."
  • (Cop at Hospital) "Yeah, I bought my wife a garter at a yard sale once too."
  • (Kurt Russell) "I'm sure you did."
  • (Kurt Russell) "I can't believe you did that."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "Oh. I saw you jump so I jumped --"
  • (Kurt Russell) "No I don't mean that. I can't believe you gave all that up just for me."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "I didn't."
  • (Kurt Russell) "What? What do you mean?"
  • (Goldie Hawn) "Well the truth of the matter is it's all mine, the boat, the money, everything is all mine."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "Dean. Dean, it's okay."
  • (Kurt Russell) "You jumped my bones the first night we met."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "We did it on the first date?"
  • (Kurt Russell) "Couldn't call it a date really, we just did it in the parking lot of the 7-Eleven"
  • (Goldie Hawn) "I'm a slut"
  • (Kurt Russell) "What did you say?"
  • (Goldie Hawn) "Nothing"
  • (Kurt Russell) "Hey hey hey guys, look who's home"
  • (Jamie Wild) "Hi Mom."
  • (Brian Price) "Hi Mom."
  • (Jared Rushton) "Hi Mom."
  • (Jamie Wild) "Gee Mom, we really missed you, we're so glad you're baaaaaack."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "They aren't mine --"
  • (Kurt Russell) "Oh I was sure you'd remember them."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "I think I'd remember if I had 3 children --"
  • (Kurt Russell) "-- FOUR honey, don't forget little Joe."
  • (Kurt Russell) "Hey guys, what's going on?"
  • (Jamie Wild) "I got the part of Tiny Tim in the school play."
  • (Jared Rushton) "I got an A in English."
  • (Brian Price) "I'm flunking math."
  • (Kurt Russell) "Yeah well we'll work on the math after dinner."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "You're just in time, Dr. Death's on the rampage."
  • (Kurt Russell) "That's her"
  • (Michael G. Hagerty) "Who?"
  • (Kurt Russell) "THE BITCH."
  • (Michael G. Hagerty) "I can't believe he's skipping out on her"
  • (Kurt Russell) "Of course he's skipping out on her, it's his shot at freedom."
  • (Michael G. Hagerty) "Maybe you should go down to the hospital and see if you can get some of your money back?"
  • (Kurt Russell) "Look, he's gone."
  • (Michael G. Hagerty) "Not him, her."
  • (Kurt Russell) "She doesn't even know who she is, you think she's gonna know who I am?"
  • (Kurt Russell) "Billy, there is a God and he loves me."
  • (Michael G. Hagerty) "You're not gonna shave your head, are you?"
  • (Kurt Russell) "No, i gotta go home and talk to my kids --"
  • (Michael G. Hagerty) "Dean, don't do this"
  • (Kurt Russell) "-- and I want you to take them shopping at the Salvation Army."
  • (Michael G. Hagerty) "Dean, it's illegal -- Dean you're crazy, you know that."
  • (Kurt Russell) "-- You look the morning after Halloween. Probably had a day like I did, what happened to you?"
  • (Adele Burbridge) "Monday is their first day of school and I came here to WELCOME your family. And WHAT do I get in return? I get TOILET-PAPERED by your children. They were about to douse the toilet paper in GASOLINE and strike;."
  • (Kurt Russell) "Wait. Stop. Greg and Charlie are twins, right? --"
  • (Kurt Russell) "-- They're goin' through this arson period. They don't know this, but I'm way ahead of them. I got two fire extinguishers ready to go. I didn't catch your name?"
  • (Adele Burbridge) "Adele Burbridge, principal of the Elk Cove School -- Your children are MONSTERS."
  • (Kurt Russell) "Oh, you won't think that when you get to know them."
  • (Adele Burbridge) "Where is Mrs. Proffitt while all of this is going on?"
  • (Kurt Russell) "She died three years ago"
  • (Adele Burbridge) "Mr. Proffitt, your children are totally lacking in parental supervision."
  • (Kurt Russell) "Hey, you don't have to tell me these kids are lucky."
  • (Adele Burbridge) "Fine, you can joke around about it all you want, but if you don't do something, I will notify the proper authorities."
  • (Kurt Russell) "Hey I have had babysitters in here by the dozen, I'm low on cash, I'm new in town but if I have the chance I'll hire a housekeeper."
  • (Adele Burbridge) "I'll believe it when I see it, good day Mr. Proffitt."
  • (Kurt Russell) "-- I'M A GOOD FATHER."
  • (Kurt Russell) "The best thing the doctor is to do is to take a bath and --"
  • (Kurt Russell) "GUYS GET THE TURTLE OUT OF THE BATHTUB -- and I will look for the pictures first thing in the morning."
  • (Kurt Russell) "What's going on here?"
  • (Jared Rushton) "We're gonna get Mom back."
  • (Jeffrey Wiseman) "We miss her."
  • (Jamie Wild) "Yeah, she cut the crust off the bread."
  • (Brian Price) "She doesn't take any of my s*** either, I need discipline."
  • (Jamie Wild) "We've got three dollars and four cents."
  • (Jared Rushton) "Yeah, we're gonna go rent a fishing boat and we're gonna get her back."
  • (Kurt Russell) "Well no fishing boat's going to catch a yacht, especially at that price."
  • (Jamie Wild) "Maybe she'll change her mind and come back."
  • (Brian Price) "Oh right, doofus, she's on a yacht heading to New York."
  • (Jeffrey Wiseman) "This is a job for Dr. Death."
  • (Jamie Wild) "Yeah. Dr. Death could do it."
  • (Brian Price) "We've got to do something, right, Dad?"
  • (Kurt Russell) "What could I possibly give you -- ever -- that you don't already have?"
  • (Goldie Hawn) "A little girl."
  • (Kurt Russell) "What's wrong with her?"
  • (Jared Rushton) "She's been like that for an hour now."
  • (Brian Price) "She's getting better though."
  • (Kurt Russell) "Better?"
  • (Jared Rushton) "Yeah she's not going"
  • (Jeffrey Wiseman) "Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo."
  • (Kurt Russell) "Why'd she do that?"
  • (Brian Price) "She destroyed the scarecrow, Dad, she ripped that sucker's head off."
  • (Jeffrey Wiseman) "And now she just goes bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo."
  • (Kurt Russell) "Hey, baby doll? What's for dinner?"
  • (Goldie Hawn) "Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo."
  • (Kurt Russell) "Alright, I got it from here. Get upstairs."
  • (Brian Price) "Dad, you think we should trade her in for a new one?"
  • (Kurt Russell) "Nah, she'll be alright."
  • (Kurt Russell) "I can't talk to you with you pulled away from me. Will you please get your head out of there and look at me?"
  • (Goldie Hawn) "No."
  • (Kurt Russell) "Why?"
  • (Goldie Hawn) "Because I'm so ugly, I got poison oak too."
  • (Kurt Russell) "Nobody cares what you look like, normally you look really pretty, you just don't now."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "I dont even have a wedding ring."
  • (Kurt Russell) "What?"
  • (Goldie Hawn) "I lost my wedding ring in the sea."
  • (Kurt Russell) "This one's flat, give me another one Billy."
  • (Michael G. Hagerty) "I only got six."
  • (Kurt Russell) "Well, I guess we better send the ol' ball and chain out to buy us more."
  • (Kurt Russell) "You know what your problem is? You are so god**** bored, you have to invent things to bitch about. You don't have a single thing to do on this earth except for your hair. The closet was fine, you just needed something to fill up your useless, nail-polishing, toe-polishing, rich bitch, sun-tanning days."
  • (Kurt Russell) "What's this?"
  • (Goldie Hawn) "Travis found a girlfriend."
  • (Jeffrey Wiseman) "Hey, Trav, don't knock her up."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "Very funny."

Henry Alan Miller as Dr. Norman Korman

  • (Henry Alan Miller) "You're overwrought, Grant. I want you to take a Valium. Here, take one of mine."
  • (Henry Alan Miller) "Joanna, what motivated you to rise and get the serving tray?"
  • (Goldie Hawn) "I thought you might be hungry."
  • (Henry Alan Miller) "That's excellent, excellent."
  • (Edward Herrmann) "What's excellent about it?"
  • (Henry Alan Miller) "I was hungry."
  • (Henry Alan Miller) "Joanna's memory is almost completely restored. Why, she even recalled the session where I wrote this :"
  • (Henry Alan Miller) "'I love you madly even though you treat me sadly -- '"

Jeffrey Wiseman as Joey Proffitt

  • (Jeffrey Wiseman) "Are you gonna leave?"
  • (Goldie Hawn) "No, I'm your mommy."
  • (Jeffrey Wiseman) "Sometimes moms leave."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "Well I suppose that's true, but I'm not going anywhere."
  • (Jeffrey Wiseman) "Good."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "Ooh. Is this a present for me?"
  • (Jeffrey Wiseman) "Yes, I did it with macaroni."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "I love this, I'll always wear it."
  • (Jeffrey Wiseman) "YOU SAID MOMS DON'T LEAVE."
  • (Jeffrey Wiseman) "Hi, Mom. My name's Joe."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "A falsetto child?"
  • (Kurt Russell) "Nah. He thinks he's Pee-Wee Herman."
  • (Jeffrey Wiseman) "I love Pee-Wee Herman."

Jared Rushton as Charlie Proffitt

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Roddy McDowall as Andrew

  • (Roddy McDowall) "Champagne for everyone."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "Andrew, I'd like a beer."
  • (Katherine Helmond) "A beer?"
  • (Goldie Hawn) "Mmmmm, good stuff."
  • (Roddy McDowall) "Oh no Madam. I cannot let you do this."
  • (Goldie Hawn) "What?"
  • (Roddy McDowall) "Not without a life jacket."

Katherine Helmond as Edith Mintz

  • (Katherine Helmond) "-- Joanna, why do you care what some carpenter from Elk Snout thinks of you?"
  • (Goldie Hawn) "I'm surely just premenstrual."
  • (Katherine Helmond) "Then you must go right back to bed for at least two days --"
  • (Katherine Helmond) "-- Inga. You don't shove the food down s***ake's throat. You place it on her tongue. Don't they have dogs in Sweden?"
  • (Katherine Helmond) "But darling, if you have a baby, you won't be the baby anymore."

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