Nuts (1987 film) Quotes

Nuts (1987 film) is a TV show that first aired in 1970 . Nuts completed its run in 1970.

It features Barbra Streisand as producer, Barbra Streisand in charge of musical score, and Andrzej Bartkowiak as head of cinematography.

Nuts (1987 film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Nuts (1987 film) is 116 minutes long. Nuts (1987 film) is distributed by Warner Bros..

The cast includes: Leslie Nielsen as Allen Green, Barbra Streisand as Claudia Draper, Richard Dreyfuss as Aaron Levinsky, Eli Wallach as Dr. Herbert A. Morrison, Robert Webber as Francis MacMillan, Karl Malden as Arthur Kirk, James Whitmore as Judge Stanley Murdoch, and Maureen Stapleton as Rose Kirk.

Nuts (1987 film) Quotes

Eli Wallach as Dr. Herbert A. Morrison

• (Eli Wallach) "Would you like a cup of coffee?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "Not unless there's Thorazine in it."
• (Eli Wallach) "Sorry, only milk and sugar."
• (Barbra Streisand) "Pass."

• (Eli Wallach) "You need treatment in order to control yourself."
• (Barbra Streisand) "I'm in control, because right now I would like to ring your f***ing neck. But I'm not going to."
• (Eli Wallach) "Good. That's a step in the right direction. I would like to help you put your life back in order."
• (Barbra Streisand) "Oh Herbie, there is no order in life. Maybe you need order. Maybe that's why you're here. Behind bars. Makes you feel safe doesn't it?"
• (Dr. Hebert A. Morrison) "Do you think this is productive?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "I know you. You see I know you better than you know me. Because I've seen you with your pants down. You drop your pants and talk about your troubles or how you couldn't make it on 5th Avenue or better yet Columbus. So you're stuck in the s***iest and crumbiest joint in town. Right Herbie?"

Robert Webber as Francis MacMillan

• (Robert Webber) "You don't believe your mother loves you?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "God, of course, she loves me. She told you that. Didn't you hear her? He wrote it down. Now you stand up there asking, "Do you love your daughter?" And she says, "Yes, I love my daughter." And you think you've asked something real? And she thinks she said something real? You think because you toss this word "love" around like a Frisbee we're all gonna get warm and runny. No. Sometimes people love you so much their love is like a god**** gun that keeps firing straight into your head. They love you so much you go right into a hospital. Right, Mama?"
• (Maureen Stapleton) "I didn't know. I didn't know."
• (Barbra Streisand) "No, you didn't want to know."
• (Robert Webber) "Mrs. Draper, I'm a little confused. Do you love your mother?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "Sure, I love her. So what?"

• (Robert Webber) "Did your husband leave you when you got pregnant?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "No, I had an abortion."
• (Robert Webber) "Why?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "I don't believe in childhood."

• (Robert Webber) "What did you live on?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "Gifts."
• (Robert Webber) "Gifts. Gifts from whom?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "Friends."
• (Robert Webber) "Men friends?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "Uh-huh."
• (Robert Webber) "And what did these men friends give you? Jewelry?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "Sometimes."
• (Robert Webber) "Furs?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "I got a fox boa once."
• (Robert Webber) "Did they give you food?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "Food? One guy used to bring caviar. Is that what you mean?"
• (Robert Webber) "Did you exchange your jewels and furs for food at the supermarket?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "Now isn't that silly?"
• (Robert Webber) "Well, did you?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "No."
• (Robert Webber) "Well, then how'd you pay for your food? I assume you didn't live on caviar."
• (Barbra Streisand) "Hardy."
• (Robert Webber) "Or did you use those gifts to pay your rent?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "Um, excuse me. Is it legal to take cash gifts?"
• (James Whitmore) "I beg your pardon?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "I mean, if I say to you, "Stanley, here's, um, five hundred dollars just because I like you," is that legal?"
• (James Whitmore) "Yes, that's legal."
• (Barbra Streisand) "Thank you."
• (Barbra Streisand) "A lot of the gifts were cash."

• (Robert Webber) "Do you trust His Honor, the court?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "More than I trust you."
• (Robert Webber) "Do you trust your own attorney, Mr. Levinsky?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "As lawyers go, he's all right."
• (Robert Webber) "Do you trust your mother, Mrs. Kirk?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "My mother?"
• (Robert Webber) "Yes. Do you trust your mother?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "No."
• (Robert Webber) "Well, is there anyone in this courtroom you do trust?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "Him."
• (Robert Webber) "You're pointing at Officer Harrison?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "Uh-huh."
• (Robert Webber) "Officer Harrison is the only person in this room you trust?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "He can't hurt me. You can. The judge can. Morrison can. She can. I don't trust people who can hurt me, not anymore."
• (Robert Webber) "You believe that your mother wants to hurt you?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "She doesn't want to, but --"
• (Robert Webber) "You don't believe she wants to help you?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "Sure she wants to help me."
• (Barbra Streisand) "You ALL want to "help" me. Except for Harry. Harry doesn't give a s***."

• (Robert Webber) "You don't trust me, do you?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "Are you crazy? Oh, I'm sorry. That's YOUR question, isn't it?"
• (Robert Webber) "Well, have I ever done anything to harm you?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "I don't believe this. You're trying to put me away."
• (Robert Webber) "You don't believe that I have no personal motive, that I'm just simply doing my job?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "Your job is to "get" me. Your job is to put me in a hospital. Now, I don't know, maybe I'm dumb, but I take that personally."
• (Robert Webber) "You also believe that Dr. Morrison is acting out of personal motive, too, don't you?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "No, I don't. I'm sure he believes what he believes. He thinks whores are girls who hang out on 8th Avenue and stick needles in their arms. Whores aren't nice white girls from nice white homes. He knows that as sure as he knows his wife is home cleaning the oven."
• (Barbra Streisand) "Isn't that right, Herbie?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "But what if he's wrong? What if his wife is out balling the insurance salesman? What if he doesn't know his ass from his elbow? What if he's just an asshole with the power to lock me up? What if that's all he is? An asshole with power."

• (Robert Webber) "Do you believe Dr. Morrison is acting out of a personal motive?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "No, I'm sure he believes what he believes. He thinks whores are girls who hang out on 8th Avenue and stick needles in their arms. He knows whores aren't nice white girls from nice white families. He knows that just as sure as he knows his wife is at home cleaning the oven. Isn't that right Herbie? But what if he's wrong? What if his wife is out balling the insurance salesman? What if he doesn't know his ass from his elbow? What if he's just an asshole with power to lock me up? What if that's all he is? An asshole with power."

Leslie Nielsen as Allen Green

• (Leslie Nielsen) "Do you have certain questions that you ask?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "No. I just go by the seat of my pants."
• (Leslie Nielsen) "Well how am I doing?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "I'm about to slide off my chair."

Richard Dreyfuss as Aaron Levinsky

• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Doctor Morrison, before your examination of Mrs. Draper were you aware of why she had been arrested?"
• (Eli Wallach) "Yes. First-degree manslaughter."
• (Barbra Streisand) "Well, actually, it was more like womanslaughter, only I finished first."

• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Mrs. Draper. Do you want me to represent you in this competency hearing?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "I don't know. Are you any good?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "You had good. Now you got me."
• (Barbra Streisand) "I could do worse."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Don't be so sure."

• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Mrs. Draper, could you tell me your understanding of the legal concept of justifiable force?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "That's when someone's beating your brains out the back of your head, you're allowed to stop them any way you can."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Thank you. Now, would you tell us your understanding of the provisions of the 730 process?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "Yeah. If I lose today, they can commit me for a year. Sixty days before the year is up, the hospital can ask to retain me. If I lose again, I'm gone for another year. And from then on, it's two-thirds of the maximum sentence, which comes out to be 16 or 17 years, and that's without a trial."
• (Robert Webber) "Now, Your Honor --"
• (James Whitmore) "Mr. MacMillan, you'll have ample time to cross-exam. Let her finish."
• (James Whitmore) "Mrs. Draper, what does all that mean to you?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "Well, it means if they do it right, they can lock me up in a hospital for the criminally insane forever."

• (Richard Dreyfuss) "You look wonderful."
• (Barbra Streisand) "You know what I use this dress for? For the ones who want to sit on Mommy's lap."

Barbra Streisand as Claudia Draper

• (Barbra Streisand) "Are you married?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Pardon me?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "You got a missus?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Uh-huh."
• (Barbra Streisand) "She give good head?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "You want to talk about your situation here or what? You've been indicted for manslaughter first degree."
• (Barbra Streisand) "I know all that. Tell me why you're here."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "The truth?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "No, the bulls***, Levinsky. I love listening to bulls***, especially when I'm drowning in it."

• (Barbra Streisand) "Why don't we stop all the bulls*** and get to the point? Now, you want to know what I do for a living? Ask me. My time is very expensive, Mr. MacMillan. Probably more than yours. I get 500 dollars an hour. How much do you get? I get four-hundred dollars for a straight lay, three-hundred for a hand job, and five-hundred for head. If you want to wear my panties, that's another hundred. You take them home, Mr. MacMillan, that's another hundred. No whips, no ropes, no spikes. I've got liquor and grass. Anything else, you bring your own. It works like this: You call me up, we make a date. I look you over, and IF I like you, we make a deal. And, darling, I am worth the trouble. Take my word for it, if you want the best. Do you want the best, Mr. MacMillan?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "I am talking about taking your body to heaven and sending your mind south. I'm talking about spoiling you so bad you'll hate every other woman you touch. I'm talking about my mouth on your mouth, and my tongue anywhere you want it. I'm talking about indulging your every fantasy, and then giving you those fantasies one by one. Just for you. All for you. Nobody but you. You get all that, darling? Would you like that, baby? You get what I'm telling you?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "Do you all GET what I'm telling you?"

• (Barbra Streisand) "Now, you talk to me and pretend I'm sane, okay?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Okay."
• (Barbra Streisand) "And I'll do the same for you."

• (Barbra Streisand) "I know women who crawl through s*** for a fur coat."

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