No Strings Attached (film) Quotes

No Strings Attached (film) is a TV show that appeared on TV in 1970 . No Strings Attached ended its run in 1970.

It features Jeffrey Clifford, Joe Medjuck, and Ivan Reitman as producer, John Debney in charge of musical score, and Rogier Stoffers as head of cinematography.

No Strings Attached (film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of No Strings Attached (film) is 108 minutes long. No Strings Attached (film) is distributed by Paramount Pictures.

The cast includes: Ashton Kutcher as Adam, Natalie Portman as Emma, Olivia Thirlby as Katie, Kevin Kline as Alvin, Mindy Kaling as Shira, Jake Johnson as Eli, Ophelia Lovibond as Vanessa, Guy Branum as Guy, Vedette Lim as Lisa, Abby Elliott as Joy, Greta Gerwig as Patrice, Cary Elwes as Dr. Metzner, Talia Balsam as Sandra Kurtzman, Lake Bell as Lucy, Ludacris as Wallace, and Ben Lawson as Sam.

No Strings Attached (film) Quotes

Natalie Portman as Emma

• (Natalie Portman) "You want to go with me to this stupid thing?"

• (Natalie Portman) "I'm Emma Kurtzman. You tried to finger me."

• (Natalie Portman) "That hole is my bitch."

• (Natalie Portman) "I'm going to start peeing with the door open, it's going to get weird."

• (Natalie Portman) "Dr. Metzner? Adam, what's going on? What happened?"
• (Cary Elwes) "He sprained his wrist punching a wall."
• (Natalie Portman) "You texted me that you were dying."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "It really hurt."
• (Cary Elwes) "I gave him some Hyrdocodone for the night. It's a very strong painkiller. You might want to have Dr. Kurtzman here drive you home. And here is a prescription for an anti-inflammatory."
• (Cary Elwes) "Don't worry, you're in good hands. Your girlfriend here is a very talented doctor."
• (Natalie Portman) "No. I'm not his girlfriend."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "She is not my girlfriend."
• (Cary Elwes) "Oh sorry. I saw that he listed you as an emergency contact. My mistake. Oh by the way, I enjoyed your dad's TV show. Great Scott. It's funny stuff."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "I'll tell him you said that."

• (Natalie Portman) "Sometimes, my neck gets sore."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Why?"
• (Natalie Portman) "Because my brain is so big."

• (Natalie Portman) "Yeah, I stuck it in."

• (Natalie Portman) "I'll be gone for like, an hour -- I'm just getting some -- Yogurt."

• (Natalie Portman) "Adam."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "What?"
• (Natalie Portman) "We fell asleep and we were spooning."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "We were?"
• (Natalie Portman) "Yeah. And we were spooning with our clothes on which is like 10 times worse."

• (Natalie Portman) "This isn't really my place. I mean, who am I? I just have sex with your son sometimes."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Yes she does."
• (Natalie Portman) "But, there is really no reason for you to bring a child into this world since you're acting like children already."
• (Ophelia Lovibond) "That was really mean."
• (Natalie Portman) "Yeah, I'm mean. But you're f***ing crazy. Because given the choice between Adam and his dad. Given the choice between Adam and anyone, really, I'd choose Adam. Every time."
• (Natalie Portman) "Do you want to get out of here?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Yeah. f*** this."
• (Natalie Portman) "Oh, by the way. It's the best sex of my life."
• (Natalie Portman) "Great Scott."

• (Natalie Portman) "Adam, you're wonderful. If you're lucky you're never gonna see me again."

• (Natalie Portman) "You look like a pumpkin, bitch."

• (Natalie Portman) "I lost him."

• (Natalie Portman) "The height difference. When we stand next to each other it looks like he's kidnapping me."
• (Greta Gerwig) "You always do this. You always find something wrong with everybody who likes you. And I date guys who have real problems. I date guys who steal my credit card and then they tell me it's my fault because I left it out. You find these perfect guys and then you're like, it will never work he's too happy."
• (Natalie Portman) "What's up, Dr. Metzner."
• (Natalie Portman) "Did I just say what's up to Steven Metzner?"
• (Greta Gerwig) "That was really hard to watch."
• (Natalie Portman) "Look I know I'm supposed to want to be in a relationship, but I just end up with a broken heart and a bunch of his old t-shirts."

• (Natalie Portman) "People aren't meant to be together forever."

• (Natalie Portman) "Don't list me as your emergency contact. I won't come."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Isn't that against your Hypocratic Oath?"
• (Natalie Portman) "Yeah. I'd let you die."

• (Natalie Portman) "Ring ring. It's the pumpkin patch. They want their pumpkins back."
• (Vedette Lim) "We're not pumpkins."
• (Abby Elliott) "We're ladies."
• (Natalie Portman) "But you're so orange."
• (Natalie Portman) "Hey. Someone call Charlie Brown. We found the Great Pumpkin."

• (Natalie Portman) "I think monogamy goes against our basic biology."

• (Natalie Portman) "Taxi."
• (Natalie Portman) "Take me to Adam's house."
• (Taxi Driver) "Okay, ma'am, where's that?"
• (Natalie Portman) "Where Adam lives."

• (Natalie Portman) "Wow -- it looks like it's coming right at me."

• (Natalie Portman) "I made you a Valentine's Day card."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "What?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "It's perfect. Will you read it for me?"
• (Natalie Portman) "You give me premature ventricular contractions."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "I'm assuming that's a good thing."
• (Natalie Portman) "You make my heart skip a beat."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Aww."
• (Natalie Portman) "Don't make fun of me."

• (Natalie Portman) "Do you wanna do this?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Do what?"
• (Natalie Portman) "Use each other for sex, at all hours of the day and night. Nothing else."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Yeah, I could do that."
• (Natalie Portman) "Good. It's gonna be fun."

• (Natalie Portman) "I can't stop thinking about him."
• (Olivia Thirlby) "Who? Adam?"
• (Natalie Portman) "Yeah. I know it's over and I'm looking. It's just that no one is as."
• (Olivia Thirlby) "Tall?"
• (Natalie Portman) "He's so tall."
• (Olivia Thirlby) "So tall."
• (Natalie Portman) "And he's so, like."
• (Olivia Thirlby) "Happy?"
• (Natalie Portman) "Annoyingly happy, all the time. But he has this."
• (Natalie Portman) "He has the best heart."

Jake Johnson as Eli

• (Jake Johnson) "I'd have sex with a pioneer, for sure."

• (Jake Johnson) "I can't focus on my porn with all this real sex going on around me."

• (Jake Johnson) "Ten years from now you're gonna be having sex with your wife. And it's gonna be in the missionary position. And one of you is going to be asleep."

• (Jake Johnson) "Hey."
• (Greta Gerwig) "Did we? Yes, we did. We went to college together. You have two gay dads."
• (Jake Johnson) "Yeah, I'm the man with the two gay dads."
• (Greta Gerwig) "They helped me move my boxes sophomore year."
• (Jake Johnson) "They're the best. I love them. I'm super straight, though."
• (Greta Gerwig) "Okay."

• (Jake Johnson) "You know what the best part about my gay dads is?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "What?"
• (Jake Johnson) "They're never gonna eat out my ex-girlfriends."
• (Ludacris) "You and your dad are tunnel buddies, huh?"

• (Jake Johnson) "Who do you think you are, the old guy from "Up"?"

Ashton Kutcher as Adam

• (Ashton Kutcher) "Go on a date with me."
• (Natalie Portman) "You're heavily sedated."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "So, what's up with not calling me back?"
• (Natalie Portman) "I'm not good at this stuff."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "At what? Talking?"
• (Natalie Portman) "Yeah, talking. Communicating. Relationship stuff. If we were in a relationship I would become a weird scary version of myself. My throat starts constricting. The walls start throbbing. It's like a peanut allergy, like an emotional peanut allergy."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Well, I can't date you either. You're not my dad's type."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "Hey."
• (Natalie Portman) "What?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Thank you for what you did back at the restaurant."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Go on a date with me."
• (Natalie Portman) "You're heavily sedated."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Come on,it's -- It's one date. Just do it."
• (Natalie Portman) "Why? So I can wear make up and act perfect all night?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Yeah. I'll pick you up, and we can talk about our favorite books and our favorite TV shows. I'll pay for everything and you can reward me with an over-the-jeans cock rub. Like a real date."
• (Natalie Portman) "Is that really what you want?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "This Friday."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "You're crazy. I felt like Flava-Flav."
• (Natalie Portman) "I can't believe you chose those girls."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "You jealous?"
• (Natalie Portman) "Don't do that. Don't just disappear like that on me."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "You told me to."
• (Natalie Portman) "You shouldn't listen to me."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Alright, I won't."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "I can't keep doing this. I'm not gonna see you again."
• (Natalie Portman) "I know. That makes sense."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Bye."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "You eat like a baby dinosaur; you don't even chew."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "So, did I just pass out on your couch?"
• (Natalie Portman) "No. Then you did this thing. It was like, a dance?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Dance?"
• (Natalie Portman) "Yeah, like."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "I shook my dick at you?"
• (Natalie Portman) "Yeah."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Oh, s***. I'm sorry."
• (Natalie Portman) "No, no. It was exciting. It was like, you were cheering while you were doing it. You were like, "look at my dick.""
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Did you look at it?"
• (Natalie Portman) "Yeah I looked. It was nice. You have a really nice penis."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Nice?"
• (Natalie Portman) "Seems kind of like carefree."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "I understand what's going on. You're all on the same cycle. This is very exciting. Your uterine walls will be shedding for the next three to five days."
• (Mindy Kaling) "Nice memorization. Did you Google that?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "I may have. Because you're women. And I think that's a beautiful thing. Oh --"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "I also made you this."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "To help soothe your womb."
• (Greta Gerwig) "It's a mix --."Even Flow." "Red, Red Wine.""
• (Mindy Kaling) ""Sunday Bloody Sunday"?"
• (Natalie Portman) "Adam. You made me -- a period mix?"
• (Guy Branum) "That's so romantic."
• (Greta Gerwig) "Frank Sinatra, "I've Got the World on a String"."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "It's a classic."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "Don't call my penis cute. Even if it's dressed up as a Care Bear and it's giving you a care stare."
• (Natalie Portman) "Don't dress up your penis. Ever."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "You know, I don't want to freak you out, but I'd love to hang out with you in the daytime sometime."
• (Natalie Portman) "It's not really possible. I have no time. I work 80 hours a week doing 36-hour shifts. What I need is someone who's going to be in my bed in 2 a.m. who I don't have to lie to or eat breakfast with."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "I hate breakfast."
• (Natalie Portman) "Do you want to do this?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Do what?"
• (Natalie Portman) "Use each other for sex at all hours of the day and night, nothing else."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Yeah, I could do that."
• (Natalie Portman) "Good."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "I'm warning you, if you take one step closer, I'm never letting you go."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "Hello?"
• (Natalie Portman) "Hi. It's Emma Kurtzman from Camp Weehawken."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Yes. What is it?"
• (Natalie Portman) "So my sister's getting married in Santa Barbara tomorrow and, I don't know. I heard your show was tonight. Congratulations."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Thank you."
• (Natalie Portman) "I know this is random. I just, um, I miss you. I miss you so much."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Ok. I don't know what to say. You're calling me because you're at your sister's wedding and she looks happy and everyone is happy and you're not"
• (Natalie Portman) "I thought."
• (Natalie Portman) "I don't know what I thought. I guess I wanted to hear your voice. I mean, I know we broke up but."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Emma. We didn't break up. We never started. Look, I gotta go. I'm still at work. Have fun at the wedding and tell your sister congratulations for me. Bye."
• (Natalie Portman) "Aw f***."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "Come on, it's one date. Just do it."
• (Natalie Portman) "Why? So I can wear make up and act perfect all night?"

• (Ashton Kutcher) "Listen, I want you to know that I respect you."
• (Mindy Kaling) "Thank you."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Normally I would remember the name of someone that I've"
• (Mindy Kaling) "What? Oh my God. Did you think we had sex? We did not have sex."
• (Guy Branum) "Hey Adam. You left your socks in my room."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Did I?"
• (Guy Branum) "You did."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Did I, by chance, leave my pants in your room?"
• (Guy Branum) "No. When we met you weren't wearing pants."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "You can't just suddenly call me and say you miss me."
• (Natalie Portman) "I know --"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "No, do not call me to say you miss me. Do not text me, do not e-mail me -- do not write it on my wall. If you really miss me, come here and tell me that."

Kevin Kline as Alvin

• (Kevin Kline) "Come on. Hit me."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "What? No. I'm not going to hit you. I don't want to hurt you."
• (Kevin Kline) "You're not going to hurt me. Come on."
• (Kevin Kline) "Come on, quick before I get a hernia."

• (Kevin Kline) "When you're married and you do blow, try to stay away from women who want to f*** you. Even ugly women. Blow is blind, Adam. Blow is blind."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "You're an asshole."
• (Kevin Kline) "But you're not. You got a good heart, Adam. Try to keep it."

• (Kevin Kline) "She's just so hot."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "I know how hot she is."
• (Ophelia Lovibond) "That's really sweet, thanks guys."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "f*** you."

• (Kevin Kline) "How long have you two been together?"
• (Natalie Portman) "Oh, we're not."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "We're sex friends."
• (Natalie Portman) "Yes we are."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Friends with benefits. f*** buddies."
• (Kevin Kline) "Great Scott."

Guy Branum as Guy

• (Guy Branum) "Yup, I'm definitely gay."

• (Guy Branum) "I love it when we're all on the same cycle. We all get to be passive-aggressive and fight."
• (Greta Gerwig) "You are not even a woman."

Greta Gerwig as Patrice

• (Greta Gerwig) "Hello?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Hi, it's Adam."
• (Greta Gerwig) "Go away."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "I've got cupcakes."

• (Greta Gerwig) "This is a frat party. You just have to be drunk and look hot. Watch and learn."
• (Greta Gerwig) "Hey. Hey. I'm so drunk."

• (Greta Gerwig) "Don't worry, we're all doctors here, so we've seen plenty of penises."

• (Greta Gerwig) "It's like a crime scene in my pants."

Lake Bell as Lucy

• (Lake Bell) "So then when I was, like, 11 I was in therapy because I was, like, obsessively biting my hair and then three months in my therapist died. I know. So that was, like, kind of a bummer. But yeah, that's why I hate planes."

• (Lake Bell) "Chuck. If I catch you taking pictures of your dick one more time I'm taking that thing away."

• (Lake Bell) "That was such a fail on my part."

Olivia Thirlby as Katie

• (Olivia Thirlby) "Mom is so excited. She was like screaming and crying last night. Oh, and she's going to fly down with Bones and help me shop for the dress."
• (Natalie Portman) "Who? Bones? Who's Bones? Katie, who's Bones?"
• (Olivia Thirlby) "He's mom's friend. I wasn't supposed to tell you about him."
• (Natalie Portman) "She has a boyfriend named Bones? What is he a drifter?"
• (Olivia Thirlby) "No."
• (Natalie Portman) "Why didn't she tell me?"
• (Olivia Thirlby) "Emma, you're so good at being alone. Mom and I aren't like that."
• (Natalie Portman) "What's that supposed to mean?"
• (Olivia Thirlby) "Just, it's true."

Mindy Kaling as Shira

• (Mindy Kaling) "God, I am single as f***."

• (Mindy Kaling) "I just pulled a penis out of a Vitamin Water yesterday, so we are cool with penises here."

Ludacris as Wallace

• (Ludacris) "Look at my face."

Talia Balsam as Sandra Kurtzman

• (Talia Balsam) "You know I worry about you sometimes."
• (Natalie Portman) "Why? Is this about me not having a date?"
• (Talia Balsam) "No, I know you can dance alone. I know that you'll be fine. You're always fine."
• (Natalie Portman) "So?"
• (Talia Balsam) "I don't know. When we lost your father I couldn't stand to see you in pain and I think you knew that. I think that you got good at being strong for me."
• (Talia Balsam) "I'm telling you be hurt. I can take it. The world can take it."
• (Natalie Portman) "Okay."

Ben Lawson as Sam

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