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Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica Quotes

Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica is a television program that was first aired in 2003 on MTV. Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica ended in 2005.

Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica lasted 3 seasons and 41 episodes. Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica is executive produced by Greg Johnston, Lois Curren, and Rod Aissa.

Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica is 23 minutes long.

Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica Quotes

  • (Unnamed) "What does it mean when you take a really big breath and it hurts?"
  • (Unnamed) "It hurts really bad right here."
  • (Unnamed) "It means you shouldn't talk for a day and a half."
  • (Unnamed) "Rigor who?"
  • (Unnamed) "Is that weird, taking my Louis Vuitton bag camping?"
  • (Unnamed) "It's a little display case for my baseballs."
  • (Drew) "Open it up, you douche."
  • (Unnamed) "Oh, you mean, there's already one in there?"
  • (Drew) "I'm cheap but I'm not that cheap."
  • (Unnamed) "We're going to have to re-wall our house."
  • (Guy) "All right, Hamburger Hamlet, Harbor House, Oriental Seafood --"
  • (Unnamed) "Anal Seafood? What?"
  • (Tina) "Angel Seafood."
  • (Unnamed) "Oh."
  • (Guy) "No, Oriental Seafood."
  • (Unnamed) "Oriental."
  • (Unnamed) "I thought he said "Anal Seafood"."
  • (Unnamed) "No thanks. I don't eat buffalo."
  • (Unnamed) "Oh gaa."
  • (Lea) "Jessica."
  • (Unnamed) "Shut it."
  • (Unnamed) "Well, I'm gonna take a shower. And wash off everybody's foot jam."
  • (Unnamed) "Foot- foot jam?"
  • (Unnamed) "Yeah, I mean, I was in a pool of water all day long that everybody's feet was in."
  • (Unnamed) "Isn't it toe jam?"
  • (Unnamed) "Whatever."
  • (Unnamed) "Platypus? I thought it was pronounced platymapus. Has it always been pronounced platypus?"
  • (Unnamed) "Do you remember, right after we got married; I tried to get some in the car and you weren't having it?"
  • (Unnamed) "Well, no. I wanted my first time to be in a bed. You think I'd wait that long and then go at it in a car? Ew."
  • (Unnamed) "I love the smell of these candles, I wonder what are they again?"
  • (Unnamed) "Oh, unscented."
  • (Unnamed) "I hate record labels. They think they know everything. I want to hear them try to sing it."
  • (Unnamed) "Do you want to go have sex?"
  • (Unnamed) "No."
  • (Unnamed) "Jessica has waited to sing about or have sex until she's married. And now she's married and now and I think we're celebrating the fact that she can do it until she's blue in the face and she can sing about it too."
  • (Unnamed) "Well, 23 is old. It's almost 25 which is almost mid-twenties."
  • (Unnamed) "You married me."
  • (Unnamed) "Don't remind me."
  • (Unnamed) "Whatever, I think they're sluts."
  • (Unnamed) "Excuse me, sir, can I just get your opinion on this? Do you think the girls who work at Hooters are sluts?"
  • (Waiter) "I really don't have one opinion one way or the other."
  • (Unnamed) "Well, would you ever date one?"
  • (Waiter) "No, I'm gay."
  • (Unnamed) "I still love you."
  • (Unnamed) "What do you mean, 'I still love you.' What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
  • (Unnamed) "No I mean --"
  • (Unnamed) "I still love you in spite of what? I still love you in spite of what?"
  • (Unnamed) "In spite of your decorating."
  • (Unnamed) "Well then you get off your ass and do it."
  • (Unnamed) "You're such a girl. Why do you care? I'm going to do it."
  • (Unnamed) "I have a hard booger in my nose, and it makes it; I think it's going to make it bleed."
  • (Unnamed) "What do you mean we're going to be in Atlantic City on our anniversary."
  • (Unnamed) "My dad didn't know it was our anniversary and he scheduled me to perform."
  • (Unnamed) "Are you kidding me?"
  • (Unnamed) "I wish. He doesn't know when our anniversary is."
  • (Unnamed) "Oh, bulls t he doesn't know when our anniversary is. He was at the wedding."
  • (Unnamed) "Not there."
  • (Unnamed) "Oh, I'm sorry."
  • (Unnamed) "You'll mess up my cleavage."
  • (Unnamed) "Impossible."
  • (Unnamed) "Even the washing machine thinks that $1400 is"
  • (Unnamed) "ridiculous. It refuses to wash them."
  • (Unnamed) "Get fired up."
  • (Unnamed) "Oh gaa."
  • (Unnamed) "That's it, I'm going to bed."
  • (Unnamed) "I have to go -- drop some kids in the pool."
  • (Unnamed) "The first thing I'm going to do is poop."
  • (Unnamed) "My boob gets in the way."
  • (Unnamed) "Why don't you open the car door for me any more? At the begining of our marriage you were so eager to open the door for me."
  • (Unnamed) "Because at the beginning of our marriage I got laid."
  • (Unnamed) "Is there, like, maids for, like, celebrities?"
  • (Unnamed) "Listen, Miss Bossy Britches."
  • (Unnamed) "I'm asking you. I'm not bossing."
  • (Unnamed) "Yes, you are."
  • (Unnamed) "I'm not. I'm asking you. Please."
  • (Unnamed) "No, you didn't ask."
  • (Unnamed) "Baby, I'm drunk. Let me be bossy."
  • (Unnamed) "It's got a little lean to it. Kind of reminds you of something else, doesn't it?"
  • (Unnamed) "Okay."
  • (Unnamed) "Oh, I can't help myself."
  • (Unnamed) "Don't be nasty. And don't tell everybody you lean."
  • (Unnamed) "Lea had dinner on the table and I had dinner in grocery sacks. I'm sorry."
  • (Unnamed) "I like your hairy ass. If you want me to lick it, I'll lick it."
  • (Unnamed) "I have bubbles in my tummy -- it's just air. It's not stink. Promise."
  • (Unnamed) "So you want to go to Home Depot today?"
  • (Unnamed) "I'm kissing your neck and you ask about Home Depot. What the hell is wrong with that picture?"
  • (Unnamed) "I'm 23, that's almost 25, and that's almost mid-twenties."
  • (Unnamed) "I could feel your teeth."
  • (Unnamed) "They're not my teeth, actually."
  • (Unnamed) "Oh, I forgot. They're "ventures". No, that's dentures."
  • (Unnamed) "Ventures?"
  • (Unnamed) "What are they called?"
  • (Unnamed) "Veneers."
  • (Unnamed) "I thought "dentures" and I thought "veneers". And then I came up with "ventures"."
  • (Unnamed) "Yeah. "Think" is the key word."
  • (Unnamed) "How much were they?"
  • (Unnamed) "Huh?"
  • (Unnamed) "How much? How much?"
  • (Unnamed) "$1400."
  • (Unnamed) "Jessica Simpson."
  • (Unnamed) "What?"
  • (Unnamed) "Don't be mad. Oh, Nick, come on."
  • (Unnamed) "$1400 for sheets?"
  • (Unnamed) "Well, you sleep on 'em every night."
  • (Unnamed) "I sleep on the ones we got now every night. I don't have a problem."
  • (Unnamed) "Well, I don't like them. I don't sleep good."
  • (Unnamed) "Holy crap. I better have a wet dream when I sleep on those sheets."
  • (Unnamed) "I'm complaining about the money to get a designer. That is all I'm complaining about. And I will just hire you. That's fine."
  • (Unnamed) "Well how am I getting paid if you are hiring me?"
  • (Unnamed) "In the bed."
  • (Unnamed) "Well I want a raise. With extra benefits."
  • (Unnamed) "What are those?"
  • (Unnamed) "You know what I'm talking about."
  • (Unnamed) "I wanna love you forever."

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