Napoleon Dynamite Quotes

Napoleon Dynamite is a TV program that first aired in 1970 . Napoleon Dynamite ended its run in 1970.

It features Plainlist, Jeremy Coon; Chris Wyatt; Sean C. Covel, and Jory Weitz as producer, John Swihart in charge of musical score, and Munn Powell as head of cinematography.

Napoleon Dynamite is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Napoleon Dynamite is 95 minutes long. Napoleon Dynamite is distributed by Plainlist and, Fox Searchlight Pictures, and Paramount Pictures.

The cast includes: Jon Heder as Napoleon Dynamite, Trevor Snarr as Don, Tina Majorino as Deb, Aaron Ruell as Kip, Sandy Martin as Randy, Sandy Martin as Grandma, Efren Ramirez as Pedro, Diedrich Bader as Rex, Emily Dunn as Trisha, Shondrella Avery as LaFawnduh, Ellen Dubin as Ilene, and Haylie Duff as Summer.

Napoleon Dynamite Quotes

Aaron Ruell as Kip

• (Uncle Rico) "What about your girlfriend?"
• (Aaron Ruell) "Well, things are getting pretty serious right now. I mean, we chat online for, like, two hours every day so I guess you could say things are gettin' pretty serious."

• (Aaron Ruell) "It's a time machine, Napoleon. We bought it online."
• (Jon Heder) "Yeah, right."
• (Aaron Ruell) "It works, Napoleon. You don't even know."
• (Jon Heder) "Have you guys tried it yet?"
• (Aaron Ruell) "No."

• (Aaron Ruell) "I'm just really trying to raise a few bucks now so I can bring her out for a few days."
• (Uncle Rico) "Yeah, well what does she look like?"
• (Aaron Ruell) "She's uh -- she's got sandy blonde hair. She's uh -- pretty good looking face, but I'm just getting really -- just kinda T.O.'d because -- I mean she hasn't even sent me a full body shot yet."

• (Uncle Rico) "Kip, I reckon -- you know a lot about -- cyberspace? You ever come across anything -- like time travel?"
• (Aaron Ruell) "Easy, I've already looked into it for myself."
• (Uncle Rico) "Right on -- right on."

• (Aaron Ruell) "LaFawnduh is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm 100% positive she's my soul mate. Don't worry Napoleon, I'm sure there's a babe out there for you too. Peace out."

• (Aaron Ruell) "She has sandy blonde hair."

• (Aaron Ruell) "Why do you love me? Why do you need me? Always and forever -- We met in a chatroom, now our love can fully bloom -- Sure the world wide web is great, but you, you make my salivate -- I love technology, but not as much as you, you see -- But I STILL love technology -- Always and forever. Our love is like a flock of doves, flying up to heaven above -- always and forever, always and forever -- Why do you need me? Why do you love me? Always and forever --"

• (Aaron Ruell) "Your sandy hair floats in the air -- To me it's like a lullaby -- I'm just flying by -- Oh so high -- like a kite -- tied to a skate --"

• (Uncle Rico) "Back in '82, I used to be able to throw a pigskin a quarter mile."
• (Aaron Ruell) "Are you serious?"
• (Uncle Rico) "I'm dead serious."

• (Aaron Ruell) "So, how long are we talkin' about workin'?"
• (Uncle Rico) "What? Are you? You're already losing your steam?"
• (Aaron Ruell) "No. I just -- I have a chat room meeting at 4:00. I gotta be back here by then."
• (Uncle Rico) "All right, you just start a little earlier. That's all."
• (Aaron Ruell) "All right."
• (Uncle Rico) "Or else work afterwards. How long's the chat room?"
• (Aaron Ruell) "Geez, sometimes up to three, four hours maybe -- maybe not. I don't know."
• (Uncle Rico) "You -- You? You pay the bills for that? Does that cost money every time you're on, like, for minutes on the phone?"
• (Aaron Ruell) "Yeah. Grandma's still payin' per minute. She gets kinda pissed at me sometimes 'cause I'm on there so long."
• (Uncle Rico) "I'll bet she does. I'll tell you something, I'd be throwin' you out the window."

• (Uncle Rico) "We also need some way to make us look official, like we got all the answers."
• (Aaron Ruell) "How bout some gold bracelets?"
• (Uncle Rico) "We need like some name tags with our picture on it, all laminated and what not. I mean, we gotta look legit man."
• (Aaron Ruell) "That's true, that's true."

• (Aaron Ruell) "So when's grandma coming back?"
• (Uncle Rico) "I don't know. Not sure."
• (Jon Heder) "You don't have to stay here with us, we're not babies."
• (Uncle Rico) "Ha ha. Talk to your Auntie Carolyn."
• (Jon Heder) "Kip is like 32 years old."
• (Aaron Ruell) "I don't mind if you stay."

• (Uncle Rico) "Why don't you sell some to your girlfriend. Might as well do somethin' while you're doing nothin'."
• (Aaron Ruell) "Because she doesn't NEED any, that's why."

• (Aaron Ruell) "Ow. Ah geez."
• (Jon Heder) "What the crap was Uncle Rico doin' at my girlfriend's house?"
• (Aaron Ruell) "Napoleon, let go of me. I think you're bruisin' my neck meat."
• (Jon Heder) "Fine."
• (Jon Heder) "What the heck are you guys doin'? Tryin' to ruin my life and make me look like a freakin' idiot?"
• (Aaron Ruell) "I'm out makin' some sweet moola with Uncle Rico. Geez, I think you ripped my mole off."
• (Jon Heder) "I did?"
• (Aaron Ruell) "Yeah, is it bleeding?"
• (Jon Heder) "A little bit."

Jon Heder as Napoleon Dynamite

• (Jon Heder) "Tina, you fat lard, come get some DINNER --. Tina, eat. Food. Eat the FOOD."

• (Unnamed) "Welcome to D-Qwon's dance grooves, are you ready to get your groove on?"
• (Jon Heder) "Yes."
• (Unnamed) "All right then, let's get started."

• (Jon Heder) "What kind of bike do you have?"
• (Efren Ramirez) "It's a sledgehammer."
• (Jon Heder) "Dang. You got shocks, pegs -- lucky. You ever take it off any sweet jumps?"
• (Jon Heder) "You got like three feet of air that time."

• (Jon Heder) "How long did it take you to grow that moustache?"
• (Efren Ramirez) "A couple of days."

• (Jon Heder) "Well, I have all your equipment in my locker. You should probably come get it cause I can't fit my numchucks in there anymore."

• (Jon Heder) "My old girlfriend from Oklahoma was gonna fly out for the dance but she couldn't cause she's doing some modeling right now."
• (Efren Ramirez) "Is she hut ?"
• (Jon Heder) "See for yourself."
• (Efren Ramirez) "Wow."
• (Jon Heder) "Yeah, I took her to the mall to get some glamour shots for her birthday one year."
• (Efren Ramirez) "I like her bangs."
• (Jon Heder) "Me too."

• (Jon Heder) "Just follow your heart. That's what I do."

• (Unnamed) "What are you gonna do today, Napoleon?"
• (Jon Heder) "Whatever I feel like I wanna do. Gosh."

• (Jon Heder) "Grandma just called and said you're supposed to go home."
• (Uncle Rico) "She didn't tell me anything."
• (Jon Heder) "Too bad, she said she doesn't want you here when she gets back because you've been ruining everybody's lives and eating all our steak."
• (Uncle Rico) "I'm not goin' anywhere, Napoleon."
• (Jon Heder) "Get off my property."
• (Uncle Rico) "It's a free country. I can do whatever I want."
• (Jon Heder) "Get off my property or I'll call the cops on you."
• (Uncle Rico) "Well then do it. Go on."
• (Jon Heder) "Maybe I will, GOSH."

• (Jon Heder) "Gosh."

• (Jon Heder) "Deb just called me. She pretty much hates me by now."
• (Efren Ramirez) "Why?"
• (Jon Heder) "Because my uncle Rico's an IDIOT."
• (Efren Ramirez) "Do you have anything to give to her?"
• (Jon Heder) "No. Not unless she likes fish."

• (Jon Heder) "Pedro, how do you feel about that one?"
• (Efren Ramirez) "It looks nice."
• (Jon Heder) "Yeah, it looks pretty sweet. It looks awesome. That suit, it's -- it's incredible."

• (Jon Heder) "Sorry I'm late. I just got done taming a wild honeymoon stallion for you guys."

• (Jon Heder) "Where have you been?"
• (Efren Ramirez) "I was seek."
• (Jon Heder) "Has Summer said anything to you yet?"
• (Efren Ramirez) "No, not yet."
• (Jon Heder) "Well, she said no."
• (Efren Ramirez) "She did?"
• (Efren Ramirez) "Well, what about that other girl?"
• (Jon Heder) "What other girl?"
• (Efren Ramirez) "The one that left all that crap on your porch."
• (Jon Heder) "You mean Deb?"
• (Efren Ramirez) "Yes her."
• (Jon Heder) "What about her?"
• (Efren Ramirez) "Well, I asked her out too."
• (Jon Heder) "What?"

• (Jon Heder) "Ow. Ow. Ow. Kill the pow -- It kills. My pack. Ow. Turn it off. Turn it off, Kip."
• (Jon Heder) "It's a piece of crap it doesn't work."
• (Uncle Rico) "Well, I could've told you that."

• (Jon Heder) "What the flip was Grandma doing at the sand dunes?"

• (Jon Heder) "Are you guys having a killer time?"
• (Tina Majorino) "Yes."

• (Jon Heder) "Ugh. Kip hasn't done flipping anything today."

• (Jon Heder) "The defect in that one is bleach."
• (FFA Judge No. 1) "That's right."
• (Jon Heder) "Yessssssssss."
• (Jon Heder) "This tastes like the cow got into an onion patch."
• (FFA Judge No. 2) "Correct."
• (Jon Heder) "Yessssssssss."

• (Jon Heder) "I caught you a delicious bass."

• (Jon Heder) "Hey, is that a new kid or something?"

• (Jon Heder) "You wanna play me?"

• (Jon Heder) "Well, nobody's going to go out with me."
• (Efren Ramirez) "Have you asked anybody yet?"
• (Jon Heder) "No, but who would? I don't even have any good skills."
• (Efren Ramirez) "What do you mean?"
• (Jon Heder) "You know, like numchuku skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills -- Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills."
• (Efren Ramirez) "Aren't you pretty good at drawing, like animals and warriors and stuff?"
• (Jon Heder) "Yes -- Probably the best that I know of."
• (Efren Ramirez) "Just draw a picture of the girl you want to take out -- and give it to her for like a gift or something."
• (Jon Heder) "That's a pretty good idea."

• (Jon Heder) "Is Trisha here?"
• (Ellen Dubin) "Oh, I'm sorry, she's not. She's at a friend's house, right now."
• (Uncle Rico) "Well, hey, Napoleon -- Napoleon's m'nephew."
• (Ellen Dubin) "Oh, that's nice."
• (Jon Heder) "Could you just give this to her for me?"
• (Ellen Dubin) "I certainly could."
• (Jon Heder) "Thanks."
• (Ellen Dubin) "Bye-bye."
• (Uncle Rico) "Poor kid. I've been takin' care of him while his grandma's in the hospital. He still wets the bed and everything."
• (Ellen Dubin) "You're kidding."
• (Uncle Rico) "Yeah, he's a tender little guy. He still gets beat up and what-not."
• (Uncle Rico) "Anyway uh -- so we still feelin' pretty good about this, uh, 32-piece set, here?"

• (Jon Heder) "You know, there's like a boat-load of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join because I'm pretty good with a bo staff."

• (Jon Heder) "Why do you got your hood on like that?"
• (Efren Ramirez) "Well, when I came home from school my head started to get really hot. So I drank some cold water, but it didn't do nothing. So I laid in the bathtub for a while, but then I realized that it was my hair that was making my head hot. So I went into my kitchen and I shaved it all off. I don't want anyone to see."
• (Jon Heder) "I know what you mean."

• (Jon Heder) "Well, what is there to eat?"
• (Sandy Martin) "Knock it off, Napoleon. Just make yourself a dang quesa-dilluh."

• (Jon Heder) "So, we're pretty much friends by now, right?"
• (Efren Ramirez) "Yes."
• (Jon Heder) "So, you got my back and everything, right?"
• (Efren Ramirez) "What?"
• (Jon Heder) "Never mind."

• (Jon Heder) "Just tell them that their wildest dreams will come true if they vote for you."

• (Jon Heder) "I see you're drinking 1%. Is that 'cause you think you're fat? 'Cause you're not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to."

• (Teacher) "Your current event, Napoleon."
• (Jon Heder) "Last week, Japanese scientists explaced -- placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Loch Ness to blow Nessie out of the water. Sir Cort Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland's local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally."

• (Jon Heder) "That one's good. It looks like a medieval warrior."

• (Jon Heder) "Tina, come get some ham."

• (Corrina) "Bueno?"
• (Jon Heder) "Hello?"
• (Corrina) "Who's this?"
• (Jon Heder) "Napoleon Dynamite."
• (Corrina) "Who?"
• (Jon Heder) "Napoleon Dynamite. I'm one of Pedro's best friends."
• (Corrina) "Your name is Napoleon?"

• (Jon Heder) "Stay home and eat all the freakin' chips, Kip."
• (Aaron Ruell) "Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes -- all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter."
• (Jon Heder) "Since when, Kip? You have the worst reflexes of all time."
• (Aaron Ruell) "Try and hit me, Napoleon."
• (Jon Heder) "What?"
• (Aaron Ruell) "I said come down here and see what happens if you try and hit me."

• (Jon Heder) "I like your sleeves. They're real big."
• (Tina Majorino) "Thank you. I made them myself."
• (Jon Heder) "So are you and Pedro getting really serious now?"
• (Tina Majorino) "No. We're just friends."

• (Jon Heder) "Hey can I use your guys's phone for a sec?"
• (Secretary No. 1) "Is there anything wrong?"
• (Jon Heder) "I don't feel very good."
• (Aaron Ruell) "Hi."
• (Jon Heder) "Is grandma there?"
• (Aaron Ruell) "No, she's getting her hair done."
• (Jon Heder) "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh --"
• (Aaron Ruell) "What do you need?"
• (Jon Heder) "Can you just go get her for me?"
• (Aaron Ruell) "I'm really busy right now."
• (Jon Heder) "Just tell her to come get me."
• (Aaron Ruell) "Why?"
• (Jon Heder) "Cause I don't feel good."
• (Aaron Ruell) "Well, have you talked to the school nurse?"
• (Jon Heder) "No, she doesn't know anything. Will you just come get me?"
• (Aaron Ruell) "No."
• (Jon Heder) "Well, will you do me a favor then? Can you bring me my chapstick?"
• (Aaron Ruell) "No, Napoleon."
• (Jon Heder) "But my lips hurt real bad."
• (Aaron Ruell) "Just borrow some from the school nurse. I know she has like five sticks in her drawer."
• (Jon Heder) "I'm not gonna use hers, you sicko."
• (Aaron Ruell) "See ya."
• (Jon Heder) "Uh. Idiot."

Sandy Martin as Randy

• (Sandy Martin) "Napoleon, give me some of your tots."
• (Jon Heder) "No, go find your own."
• (Sandy Martin) "Come on, give me some of your tots."
• (Jon Heder) "No, I'm freakin' starving. I didn't get to eat anything today."
• (Jon Heder) "Ugh. Gross. Freakin' idiot."

• (Sandy Martin) "Hey, give me 50 cents so I can buy a pop."
• (Unnamed) "I don't have any, Randy."
• (Sandy Martin) "C'mon, I'll pay you back."
• (Unnamed) "I don't have --"
• (Sandy Martin) "I'll do this to you --"
• (Unnamed) "Don't. Stop. Stop. Don't. Ow. Here, here."
• (Jon Heder) "How's your neck?"
• (Unnamed) "Stings."
• (Jon Heder) "That's too bad."
• (Jon Heder) "Pedro offers you his protection."
• (Sandy Martin) "Hey, let me borrow your bike."
• (Unnamed) "No."
• (Sandy Martin) "C'mon, I'll give you some chips."
• (Unnamed) "No."

Tina Majorino as Deb

• (Tina Majorino) "I could wrap you in some foam, or something billowy?"

• (Tina Majorino) "It's Deb. And I'm calling to let you know I think you're a shallow friend."
• (Jon Heder) "What the heck are you even talking about?"
• (Tina Majorino) "Don't lie, Napoleon. Your Uncle Rico made it very clear how you feel about me. I don't need herbal enhancers to feel good about myself. And if you're so concerned about that, why don't you try eating some yourself?"

• (Tina Majorino) "Um, hello. Would you like to look like this?"
• (Jon Heder) "This is a girl."
• (Tina Majorino) "Because for a limited time only, Glamour Shots by Deb are 75% off."
• (Jon Heder) "I already get my hair cut at the Cuttin' Corral."
• (Tina Majorino) "Well, maybe you'd be interested in some home-woven handicrafts?"
• (Tina Majorino) "-- And here we have some boondoggle key chains. A must-have for this season's fashion."
• (Jon Heder) "I already made like infinity of those at scout camp."

• (Tina Majorino) "Are they still letting you run for president?"
• (Efren Ramirez) "Yes. I don't understand -- they say you're not allowed to have pinatas that look like real people, but in Mexico, we do it all the time."

• (Tina Majorino) "I'm trying to earn money for college."
• (Aaron Ruell) "Your mom goes to college."

• (Tina Majorino) "Okay, turn you head on more of a slant --"
• (Tina Majorino) "Now, make a fist. Slowly ease it up underneath your chin."
• (Tina Majorino) "This is looking really good."
• (Aaron Ruell) "You can say that again."
• (Tina Majorino) "Kay, hold still right there. Now, just imagine you're weightless, in the middle of the ocean, surrounded by tiny little seahorses."
• (Tina Majorino) "That was the one. I think that's gonna come out really nice."
• (Uncle Rico) "Ah, how you did it -- wow -- well I felt really relaxed. Thanks Deb."
• (Uncle Rico) "You're up Kip."
• (Aaron Ruell) "Is there some kind of vest that I can wear?"

• (Tina Majorino) "What are you drawing?"
• (Jon Heder) "A liger."
• (Tina Majorino) "What's a liger?"
• (Jon Heder) "It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed -- bred for its skills in magic."

Diedrich Bader as Rex

• (Diedrich Bader) "Bow to your sen-sei."
• (Diedrich Bader) "Bow to your sen-sei."

• (Starla) "I don't feel comfortable reading this."
• (Uncle Rico) "Oh, that's fine, that's fine. But do you feel comfortable with me?"
• (Uncle Rico) "You could be -- somewhere around -- here"
• (Diedrich Bader) "Come here, boy."

Trevor Snarr as Don

• (Trevor Snarr) "Vote for Summer."
• (Jon Heder) "Yeah, right, I'm not voting for her."
• (Trevor Snarr) "Then who you gonna vote for?"
• (Jon Heder) "I'm voting for Pedro Sanchez, who do you think?"
• (Jon Heder) "Hey, Don. Can I have one of those buttons?"

• (Trevor Snarr) "Hey, Napoleon. What did you do last summer again?"
• (Jon Heder) "I told you. I spent it with my uncle in Alaska hunting wolverines."
• (Trevor Snarr) "Did you shoot any?"
• (Jon Heder) "Yes, like 50 of 'em. They kept trying to attack my cousins, what the heck would you do in a situation like that?"
• (Trevor Snarr) "What kind of gun did you use?"
• (Jon Heder) "A freakin' 12-gauge, what do you think?"

Efren Ramirez as Pedro

• (Efren Ramirez) "Did you draw her a picture?"
• (Jon Heder) "Heck yes I did."

• (Efren Ramirez) "Vote for me, and all your wildest dreams will come true."

• (Efren Ramirez) "They're pretty good, except for one little problem. That little guy right there. He is nipple number five. A good dairy cow should have, like, four."

• (Efren Ramirez) "If I win, you can be my secretary or something."
• (Jon Heder) "Sweet. Plus I could be your bodyguard, too. Or like, Secret Service Captain, or -- whatever --"

• (Efren Ramirez) "Do you think people will vote for me?"
• (Jon Heder) "Heck yes. I'd vote for you."
• (Efren Ramirez) "Like what are my skills?"
• (Jon Heder) "Well, you have a sweet bike. And you're really good at hooking up with chicks. Plus you're like the only guy at school who has a mustache."

• (Efren Ramirez) "Who was that?"
• (Jon Heder) "Trisha."
• (Efren Ramirez) "Who's she?"
• (Jon Heder) "My woman I'm taking to the dance."
• (Efren Ramirez) "Did you draw her a picture?"
• (Jon Heder) "Heck yes I did."

• (Efren Ramirez) "Well, what are you going to wear to the dance?"
• (Jon Heder) "Just like a silk shirt or something. What are you gonna wear?"
• (Efren Ramirez) "Deb has something for me. But you should probably get a suit."

Haylie Duff as Summer

• (Haylie Duff) "And if you vote for me, it will be summer all year round."

Emily Dunn as Trisha

• (Emily Dunn) "Hi, is Napoleon there?"
• (Jon Heder) "Yes."
• (Emily Dunn) "Can I talk to him?"
• (Jon Heder) "You already are."

• (Emily Dunn) "I wanted to thank you for the beautiful drawing you did of me."
• (Emily Dunn) "It's hanging in my bedroom."
• (Jon Heder) "Really? It took me like three hours to finish the shading on your upper lip. It's probably the best drawing I've ever done."
• (Emily Dunn) "Yeah -- it's really -- neat."

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