Mystery Men Quotes

Mystery Men is a TV program that first aired in 1970 . Mystery Men stopped airing in 1970.

It features Lawrence Gordon; Lloyd Levin; Mike Richardson as producer, Stephen Warbeck in charge of musical score, and Stephen H. Burum as head of cinematography.

Mystery Men is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Mystery Men is 120 minutes long. Mystery Men is distributed by Universal Studios.

The cast includes: Wes Studi as The Sphinx, Kel Mitchell as Invisible Boy, Paul Reubens as The Spleen, Tom Waits as Dr. Heller, Claire Forlani as Monica, Geoffrey Rush as Casanova Frankenstein, Prakazrel Michel as Tony C., Eddie Izzard as Tony P., and Ricky Jay as Vic Weems.

Mystery Men Quotes

Paul Reubens as The Spleen

• (Paul Reubens) "Where's Captain Amazing?"
• (The Blue Raja) "There's been a bit of a cock-up, actually --"
• (The Bowler) "Raja murdered him."
• (Mr. Furious) "Guys, I think we have a bigger fish to fry right now."

• (The Shoveller) "All right, I'll take point, you two flank. Let's triangulate."
• (Paul Reubens) "Equilateral or isosceles?"

• (Paul Reubens) "Why are you guys always dissing me? It hurts my feelings. I'm a superhero too. I have powers."
• (Kel Mitchell) "Really? Like what?"
• (Paul Reubens) "So glad you asked. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Well, it all started when I was just 13 years of age. One day, while walking with some friends, I accidentally cut the cheese. Well, in my adolescent awkwardness, I blamed it on an old gypsy woman who happened to be passing by. BIG MISTAKE. The gypsy woman placed a curse upon my head. Because I smelled it, she decreed I would forevermore BE HE WHO DEALT IT."

• (PMS Avenger) "PMS Avenger. I only work 4 days a month. Anybody have a problem with that?"
• (Paul Reubens) "No, no problem at all. That's good for us. Thank you."

• (Mr. Furious) "I'm a wannabe. I AM a wannabe; a TRUE wannabe, in the worst sense of -- You guys are gonna have to go fight this battle without me."
• (Paul Reubens) "You start doubting your super-powers, man, you are SHAFTED."
• (Mr. Furious) "If I had any super-powers to doubt, I w -- I guess I'd be in trouble, but I don't. What do I do? I don't. I don't. I go -- What do I -- I go 'R-r-r-r-r-r'."
• (Paul Reubens) "What? What are you talking about? You lifted a bus once."
• (The Blue Raja) "Yes, precisely. That story's legend'ry."
• (Mr. Furious) "Yeah -- It was really more of a --"
• (Mr. Furious) "-- a push, really, than a lift."
• (The Blue Raja) "That still takes INCREDIBLE super-human strength."
• (The Blue Raja) "Indeed, it does. To push an entire bus out of the way."
• (Mr. Furious) "Well, actually, the driver kinda had his foot on the accelerator -- JUST in the beginning; just to get it going. Then it actually was me. But he kinda --"
• (The Blue Raja) "Oh, s***."

• (Paul Reubens) "I CAN'T FEEL MY ASS. I CAN'T FEEL MY ASS."
• (Kel Mitchell) "Do your powers still work?"
• (Paul Reubens) "My powers?"
• (Kel Mitchell) "Yeah."
• (Paul Reubens) "Weapons check."
• (Paul Reubens) "It'll do."

Geoffrey Rush as Casanova Frankenstein

• (Geoffrey Rush) "Stick vith me, Tony, and you vill dance again."

• (Capt. Amazing) "Really? I'm not so sure about that. Your first night of freedom, and you blow up the asylum. Interesting choice. I knew you couldn't change."
• (Geoffrey Rush) "I knew you'd know that."
• (Capt. Amazing) "Oh, I know that. And I knew you'd know I'd know you knew."
• (Geoffrey Rush) "But I didn't. I only knew that you'd know that I knew. Did you know that?"
• (Capt. Amazing) "-- Of course."

• (Mr. Furious) "Rage -- taking over --"
• (Geoffrey Rush) "Ya, ya, ya. Ve've heard all that before."
• (Mr. Furious) "No, no, no. Rage -- really taking over --"

• (Mr. Furious) "I'm a Pantera's box you do not wanna open."
• (Geoffrey Rush) "It is "Pandora.""
• (Mr. Furious) "Please don't correct me, it sickens me."

• (Geoffrey Rush) "Mmm, oh, this is a fine, elegant Harvey Wallbanger."
• (Capt. Amazing) "Even when it's sucked by scum like you?"

• (Geoffrey Rush) "Ah, the old Disco Room. Just as I left it."
• (Eddie Izzard) "You been locked up for twenty years, Casanova. A lot of things have changed since then."
• (Geoffrey Rush) "It must have been hard for you, Tony, the way times and styles have changed -- hearing the people say that disco is dead --"
• (Eddie Izzard) "Disco is not dead. Disco is LIFE."
• (Geoffrey Rush) "Yes, Tony. That is the passion I remember. Stick with me, Tony, and you will dance again -- when I rule this town."

• (Capt. Amazing) "Listen, I really think we need to talk about your plans here."
• (Geoffrey Rush) "You know my plans, Lancie: Tomorrow night, I'm going to kill you."
• (Capt. Amazing) "Right, that's the part that really doesn't work for me --"
• (Geoffrey Rush) "When the clock strikes twelve -- cuckoo, cuckoo -- you will be dead. And my city will be given a new state of mind."

• (Geoffrey Rush) "I have created a beautiful machine that is going to encourage our fellow citizens to share my vision of the future. Can you dig it?"

• (Geoffrey Rush) "Blessed -- disciples of Hippocrates. My heart is torn in two. It aches with guilt from my abominable crimes, yet it is filled with love for this -- sanctuary, this place of healing, and it sings with Beethoven's immortal "Ode To Joy" where all men -- become -- brothers."

• (Capt. Amazing) "Oh looky here, a multi frequency radio detonator. You should be more careful when discarding incriminating evidence."
• (Geoffrey Rush) "Oh, no, no, no this is quite an amusing little gizmo. It's really quite cool."
• (Capt. Amazing) "Yeah? W-What is it?"
• (Capt. Amazing) "Yuck."
• (Geoffrey Rush) "It's a cholorform-deploying portable enticement snare."
• (Capt. Amazing) "Ah, Dang."

Wes Studi as The Sphinx

• (Wes Studi) "You must lash out with every limb, like the octopus who plays the drums."

• (Mr. Furious) "Why am I doing this, again?"
• (Wes Studi) "When you can balance a tack hammer on your head, you will head off your foes with a balanced attack."
• (Mr. Furious) "And why am I wearing the watermelon on my feet?"
• (Wes Studi) "I don't remember telling you to do that."

• (Wes Studi) "To learn my teachings, I must first teach you how to learn."

• (Wes Studi) "We are number one. All others are number two, or lower."

• (Wes Studi) "He who questions training only trains himself at asking questions."

• (The Shoveller) "Come on, somebody do something, we need him."
• (The Bowler) "Okay. Okay, you're a very furious man, you understand that?"
• (Mr. Furious) "No."
• (The Bowler) "No? Well you've got a lot to be furious about, and I'll tell you why: You're not well-liked. You're uh, you're abrasive and off- putting. You try and say pithy things, but your wit is a hindrance and therefore nothing is provocative. Just mixed metaphors. Now, doesn't that make you angry? Does it infuriate you?"
• (Mr. Furious) "No."
• (The Bowler) "Well, it should. Aren't you angry? Come on, man."
• (The Shoveller) "Your penmanship is atrocious."
• (Wes Studi) "You dress in the manner of a male prostitute."

Eddie Izzard as Tony P.

• (Eddie Izzard) "Disco is NOT dead."

• (Eddie Izzard) "You guys never learn, do you?"
• (The Blue Raja) "Apparently we don't, ass."

• (Eddie Izzard) "Kill ya later, Super Losers."

• (Eddie Izzard) "You're baby Bowler."
• (The Bowler) "Is that a problem?"
• (Eddie Izzard) "Hello, I'm the guy that gave your daddy the shaft. Ha-ha."

Claire Forlani as Monica

• (Claire Forlani) "What's your name?"
• (Mr. Furious) "D-do you mean my secret identity? 'Cause I couldn't --"
• (Claire Forlani) "No, I just mean your name."
• (Mr. Furious) "My name. Ummm -- wow. Okay -- It's -- Phoenix -- Phoenix Dark -- Dirk -- Phoenix -- Dark Dirk. I was christened Dirk Steel and then I changed it to Phoenix --"
• (Claire Forlani) "Forget about it. It's okay."
• (Mr. Furious) "It's Roy. That's, that's my name. My -- my real name is Roy."
• (Claire Forlani) "Just. Be. Roy. Okay?"

• (Mr. Furious) "You're into motorcycles."
• (Claire Forlani) "No, not really."
• (Mr. Furious) "Oh. 'Cause I got a motorcycle."
• (Claire Forlani) "Yeah, what kind?"
• (Mr. Furious) "It's a Harley --"
• (Claire Forlani) "A Harley."
• (Mr. Furious) "-- compatible. It's a Harley-compatible. Basically the same engineering."

• (Mr. Furious) "I just want to be there when the team rescues Amazing."
• (Claire Forlani) "Well, you could go back."
• (Mr. Furious) "Actually, I can't. I just left this morning."

• (Claire Forlani) "I don't find you threatening."
• (Mr. Furious) "Oh. Well, you're very, uh -- you're very, uh -- kind."
• (Claire Forlani) "At all."

• (Mr. Furious) "That could work. I'm a loose cannon. I'm unpredictable. I stormed off, why can't I storm back?"
• (Claire Forlani) "Or, you could just say you're sorry."
• (Mr. Furious) "Do you think there's a really angry way I can say I'm sorry?"

Kel Mitchell as Invisible Boy

• (Kel Mitchell) "Hey Dad, I'm going to my room with three strange men."

• (The Shoveller) "Excuse me, could I say something? I think we would all like this victory to go out to all the other guys, and I'm talking about the people in this city who are super good at their jobs but never get any credit. Like the lady in the DMV; that's a rough job."
• (Kel Mitchell) "To the people that remember jingles from tons of old commercials."
• (The Bowler) "And uh, uh, people that support local music and seek out independent film."
• (The Shoveller) "And the guy that drives the snow-plow. And the school nurse, that's a --"
• (Mr. Furious) "Eddie, Eddie, I think they got the point."
• (Becky Beaner) "What's the name of this group?"
• (Kel Mitchell) "The Super Dudes."
• (The Bowler) "No, no, no, not the Super Dudes."
• (Mr. Furious) "We're not the Super Dudes. We don't have a name yet, but we're definitely not the Super Dudes."
• (The Shoveller) "I gotta get home, it's late --"
• (The Bowler) "Picture, picture time."
• (Becky Beaner) "Well, whatever you call them, Champion City will forever owe a debt of gratitude to these mystery men."
• (Wes Studi) "Wait. Wait, that's it --. We are the Super Squad."
• (The Bowler) "No, no. Alliteration in these situations is corny -- What?"
• (The Bowler) "Yes, we're all very aware that you saved the day, and I'm sure we'll be hearing about it for the rest of our lives --"

• (Kel Mitchell) "Let me see, who else have I met? There's The Pincer, The Pickler, Princess Headbutt, um -- White Flight And The Black Menace; they work together."

• (Kel Mitchell) "I'm invisible. Can you see me?"
• (Paul Reubens) "Yes."
• (Mr. Furious) "Wow."
• (The Blue Raja) "Two hands there, son."
• (The Bowler) "Maybe you should put some shorts on or something, if you want to keep fighting evil today."

Tom Waits as Dr. Heller

• (Tom Waits) "Did that frakulator work or what? What's the deal there?"

• (Tom Waits) "That's a high-temperature fabric adhesive liquid projector, based on simple dry-cleaning technology. You aim that at a guy, and I'll tell you something: his clothes get so tight he can't even breathe."

• (The Shoveller) "Watch it, Spleen, you're going to kill someone with that thing."
• (Tom Waits) "Oh, no, no, no. All these weapons are completely non-lethal."
• (The Bowler) "Wow. How wonderfully eccentric while simultaneously being a complete waste of our time. Good day, sir. I say good day."

• (Tom Waits) "If you're gonna bust into that mansion, you're gonna need more than a station wagon."
• (Mr. Furious) "At the auto yard, there's this old Herkimer Battle Jitney. Sally's always telling me to junk it."
• (Tom Waits) "Wait. You have a Herkimer Battle Jitney? That's the finest nonlethal military vehicle ever made."

• (Tom Waits) "It's a process which results in an accelerated flow of electrons that creates such a powerful magnetic force."
• (Kel Mitchell) "So this is, basically, like a huge electromagnet."
• (Tom Waits) "Well, actually, it's an electro-nuclear-magnet. It's the next inevitable phase."

• (The Shoveller) "And what do you call this?"
• (Tom Waits) "Careful, careful, that's a Blame Thrower."
• (The Shoveller) "A Blame Thrower? Oops."
• (The Shoveller) "Oh, I'm sorry."
• (Paul Reubens) "I'm sorry."
• (The Bowler) "I'm sorry."
• (The Bowler) "No, no. No. No no no. No."
• (The Shoveller) "Doctor, you are a genius."
• (Tom Waits) "That's what the card says."

Ricky Jay as Vic Weems

• (Ricky Jay) "I think, right now, we should focus on the positive. Tonight was good."
• (Capt. Amazing) "Yeah? You think so? Cause I was worried it was, um, I don't know -- PATHETIC. "Amazing triumphs at a nursing home"? That's great copy, Vic."
• (Ricky Jay) "Look, I'm a publicist, not a magician. You want big news, you have to have big fights. A superhero needs a supervillain; and thanks to you, we've got none left."
• (Capt. Amazing) "Then get -- the Death Man."
• (Ricky Jay) "Death Man is dead."
• (Capt. Amazing) "Okay -- Father Doom."
• (Ricky Jay) "Life without parole. Apocalypto's doing fifty years. Armagezzmo's in exile. Baron von Chaos got the chair --"
• (Capt. Amazing) "Really?"
• (Ricky Jay) "Casanova Frankenstein is locked up in a nut-house."
• (Capt. Amazing) "Casanova Frankenstein; now there was a supervillain. You know, he just -- he's got those eyes, you know? I can't do it, but -- and that voice. Such pure evil. The battles we used to have; extraordinary."
• (Ricky Jay) ""Used to." That's the problem, Captain. "Used to.""

Prakazrel Michel as Tony C.

• (Mr. Furious) "What? Guns? That's your power, you shoot guns?"
• (The Blue Raja) "There's no theme at all here."
• (Mr. Furious) "Weak."
• (The Blue Raja) "At best."
• (The Shoveller) "And who are you supposed to be, the Disco Plumber?"
• (Mr. Furious) "See, you've got a chain, I would at least make it a gold chain. That's just off the top of my head."
• (Mr. Furious) "What's up, Tiger Lily?"
• (Prakazrel Michel) "Top of your head, huh."

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