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Mr. Deeds Quotes

Mr. Deeds is a TV program that debuted in 1970 . Mr. Deeds ended in 1970.

It features Sid Ganis as producer, Teddy Castellucci in charge of musical score, and Peter Lyons Collister as head of cinematography.

Mr. Deeds is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Mr. Deeds is 96 minutes long. Mr. Deeds is distributed by Columbia Pictures.

The cast includes: Adam Sandler as Longfellow Deeds, Steve Buscemi as Crazy Eyes, John Turturro as Emilio, Conchata Ferrell as Jan, Peter Gallagher as Chuck Cedar, Peter Dante as Murph, Erick Avari as Cecil Anderson, Jared Harris as Mac McGrath, J.B. Smoove as Reuben, and Harve Presnell as Preston Blake.

Mr. Deeds Quotes

Adam Sandler as Longfellow Deeds

  • (Adam Sandler) "Ma'am, you were just the victim of a New York City mugger. As I suspected, he was a coward and a weakling, and also wore more cologne than any man should wear."
  • (Adam Sandler) "I promise to love you for fifty years more / Even when your bosoms sag down to the floor."
  • (Adam Sandler) "I can't run a company -- I can't even run my own life."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Whoa, you kinda snuck up on me there --"
  • (John Turturro) "I am very very sneaky, sir."
  • (Cat Lady) "I'm not leaving without my kitties."
  • (Adam Sandler) "How many do you got?"
  • (Cat Lady) "Seven."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Holy s***. Let's get cracking."
  • (Adam Sandler) "I apologize for the language."
  • (Cat Lady) "Apology accepted."
  • (John McEnroe) "I like the way you beat up those guys who were making fun of you. It was pretty cool."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Yeah I bet you know what it's like to get all riled up Johnny Mac."
  • (John McEnroe) "That I do."
  • (Babe, aka "Pam Dawson") "You know, when I was a kid, I wanted to be a news reporter."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Oh yeah?"
  • (Babe, aka "Pam Dawson") "Yeah. I used to go around interviewing everyone, and writing notes in my little Holly Hobby notebook."
  • (Babe, aka "Pam Dawson") "People didn't like that; I got beat up a lot."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Do you remember their names?"
  • (Adam Sandler) "I got wicked bad frost bite when I was in the scouts. Check it out."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Are you sure about that?"
  • (Adam Sandler) "So how is the elevator business treating you, Reuben?"
  • (Unnamed) "Oh, it has its ups and downs."
  • (Adam Sandler) "How did I get into these pajamas?"
  • (John Turturro) "I changed you. I was very gentle, sir."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Ah, hold on a moment. Allow him to hang around a little longer. He can do a good job if you give him the chance."
  • (John Turturro) "Very well --"
  • (John Turturro) "I shall expect you at seven tomorrow morning, so that I can change your socks."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Oh, I get it -- You all invited me here so you could look down on me. Well, let me tell you that here you may all laugh at me, but down in Mandrake Falls we would laugh at you all."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Handshakes are for strangers, pal. We hug around here, buddy. What's up? What's up?"
  • (Adam Sandler) "Where do you got the camera hidden? In the woods?"
  • (Babe) "No camera. I'm s-s-so cold. Please."
  • (Adam Sandler) "You're gonna get mugged in there, too?"
  • (Babe) "I'm s-s-s-so s-s-s-sorry. I really l-l-love you."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Bu-bu-bu-bu-bulls***."
  • (Babe, aka "Pam Dawson") "I'm of Swedish ancestry."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Really?"
  • (Babe, aka "Pam Dawson") "Yes. My grandfather was in ABBA."
  • (Adam Sandler) "You didn't really fall out of an apple tree, did you?"
  • (Babe) "No. But I really do love you."
  • (Adam Sandler) "I don't know who you are. I'm sorry --"
  • (Adam Sandler) "Get ready -- here comes the foot."
  • (Babe) "NOOOO."
  • (Adam Sandler) "I know, it's gross; grab it."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Don't be nervous, go ahead. Didn't feel it. Isn't that awesome. Oh, yeah, enjoy the force. I know you're starting to like it aren't ya? You sick. You sick. Why would you do that to me? I'm just kidding you, pal."
  • (Adam Sandler) "# This is major Tom to ground control / I'm stepping through the door #"
  • (Rev. Al Sharpton) "Now Brother Preston is soaring with eagles high above, because he lived a life of love. Yes he's flying way up high, because he was a supercool guy. He's gone away, too soon it seems, leaving behind his unfinished dreams."
  • (Adam Sandler) "This guy could live a life writing greeting cards."
  • (Rev. Al Sharpton) "Yes we remember Preston Blake, a man with faith no man could shake. A strength no man could break. A character no man could fake. For goodness sake, let's eat some cake."
  • (Unnamed) "Amen"
  • (Adam Sandler) "You, sir. What did you want to be when you grew up?"
  • (Shareholder) "I wanted to be veterinarian."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Cool. Why did you want to do that?"
  • (Shareholder) "I wanted to help sick animals."
  • (Adam Sandler) "And what do you do now?"
  • (Shareholder) "I own a chain of slaughterhouses."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Kind of went the other way on that one."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Anyone else?"
  • (Shareholder) "I wanted to be a magician."
  • (Adam Sandler) "What do you do now?"
  • (Shareholder) "I operate a pornographic website."
  • (Adam Sandler) "I guess that makes people happy too, in a much grosser way."
  • (Adam Sandler) "What are you doing in New York?"
  • (Babe, aka "Pam Dawson") "I'm a school nurse."
  • (Adam Sandler) "There's no way you're a school nurse."
  • (Babe, aka "Pam Dawson") "Why, don't you believe me?"
  • (Adam Sandler) "You're too nice to be a school nurse. My school nurse was so mean, every time I'd tell her I had a tummy ache, she'd send me back to my class and say, "Stop whining.""
  • (Babe, aka "Pam Dawson") "But that's awful."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Well, I said it every day."
  • (Adam Sandler) "I bet if we ran into the sixth grade version of ourselves, they'd give us wet willies and put bubble gum in our hair for even thinking about doing this."
  • (Shareholder) "He's right. I would've beaten my greedy ass red."
  • (Shareholder) "I would've thrown myself off the merry-go-round."
  • (Shareholder) "I would've duct tape myself naked to a chair and burnt myself with lit cigarettes."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Did anyone dream of becoming a psychiatrist? Just kidding."
  • (Adam Sandler) "It's hard to soar with the eagles when you're surrounded by turkeys."
  • (Adam Sandler) "And if it wasn't for Miss Dawson being here, I'd probably knock your heads in."
  • (Babe, aka "Pam Dawson") "I don't mind."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Okay."
  • (Adam Sandler) "You guys football fans?"
  • (Adam Sandler) "I think the Pats can take the conference this year. I mean, let's face it. The Dolphins are overrated and the Jets are choke artists."
  • (Helicopter Pilot) "I wouldn't say that if I were you, Mr. Deeds."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Just Deeds, but why is that?"
  • (Helicopter Pilot) "You own the Jets, Deeds."
  • (Adam Sandler) "I do? That sucks. I hope they don't play the Pats in the playoffs or else I'm going to have to kill myself."
  • (Babe, aka "Pam Dawson") "Where do you hail from, Deeds?"
  • (Adam Sandler) "Mandrake Falls, New Hampshire. Just a little town nobody's ever heard of."
  • (Babe, aka "Pam Dawson") "I'm from a little town like that. In Iowa."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Is that right? What part?"
  • (Babe, aka "Pam Dawson") "Winchesterton -- field -- ville --"
  • (Adam Sandler) "What up, Chuck?"

John Turturro as Emilio

  • (John Turturro) "That is my mother's name -- That is my birth date -- That is my MONEY?"
  • (John Turturro) "Here are some aspirins, Mr. Deeds. They make your head seem smaller."
  • (John Turturro) "You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You, sir, you are definitely fired."
  • (Erick Avari) "I'd like to stay. I think I can do some good around here."
  • (John Turturro) "Okay, not fired. But tomorrow morning, you will let me change your socks."
  • (Erick Avari) "Okay."
  • (John Turturro) "How can I thank you?"
  • (Adam Sandler) "All I want is your friendship, Emilio. You're a good man."
  • (John Turturro) "Deeds. How about a billion dollars?"
  • (Adam Sandler) "Alright."
  • (John Turturro) "Done."
  • (John Turturro) "The hideousness of that foot will haunt my dreams forever."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Oh, yeah. I've heard that before"
  • (John Turturro) "I fear you are underestimating the sneakiness, sir."

Steve Buscemi as Crazy Eyes

  • (Steve Buscemi) "These things are damn fast."
  • (Steve Buscemi) "I'm all right."
  • (Steve Buscemi) "I wasn't talking to you, Deeds. I was talking to that squirrel over there."
  • (Steve Buscemi) "I watch the stock market channel all the time; I just watch because I suspect that anchor man of being an evil leprechaun -- he can bulls*** everybody else, but he ain't fooling me."
  • (Steve Buscemi) "Peanut butter and gumballs, nice combo."
  • (Steve Buscemi) "Time heals all things -- except these crazy eyes."

J.B. Smoove as Reuben

  • (Babe) ""Hard to breathe / Feels like floating -- ""
  • (J.B. Smoove) ""So full of love my heart's exploding -- ""
  • (John Turturro) ""Mouth is dry / Hands are shaking -- ""
  • (Erick Avari) ""My heart is yours for the taking -- ""
  • (Nazo, the Italian Delivery Man) ""Acting weird / Not myself -- ""
  • (Conchata Ferrell) ""Dancing around like the Keebler elf -- ""
  • (Adam Sandler) ""Finally time / for this poor schlubb / To know how it feels to fall in lub.""

Peter Dante as Murph

  • (Peter Dante) "Hey look, Deeds is hanging out with John McEnroe."
  • (Steve Buscemi) "I love The Beach Boys."
  • (Peter Dante) "Look at Deedsy haning out with McEnroe. That's awesome."
  • (Steve Buscemi) "I love the Beach Boys."

Erick Avari as Cecil Anderson

  • (Erick Avari) "Is Mrs. Deeds around?"
  • (Conchata Ferrell) "Mrs. Deeds? I don't think that poor boy ever had a date."

Jared Harris as Mac McGrath

  • (Jared Harris) "Well, it was quite a night for Longfellow Deeds."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Oh, no. They're gonna know my name is Longfellow."
  • (Jared Harris) "Are you gonna see him again tonight?"
  • (Babe, aka "Pam Dawson") "Yes. I'm calling him around 4. It's when I get off work. Remember, I am Pam Dawson, virgin school nurse from Winchestertonfieldville, Iowa."
  • (Jared Harris) "Ha ha, that's priceless -- YOU a VIRGIN. Ha ha ha."
  • (Babe) "He risked his life to save that woman and her pets. He was heroic."
  • (Jared Harris) "Heroic is nice; depraved and insane is better."
  • (Babe) "I'm gonna tell him that I've fallen in love with him, and who I really am."
  • (Jared Harris) "And what if he punches you?"
  • (Babe) "I'm kinda hoping he does."
  • (Jared Harris) "Ah, come off it, Babe. You'd actually leave all this for that dipstick?"
  • (Babe) "He is not a dipstick. He is a kind, sweet-hearted guy who we think is a dipstick because he doesn't have our sense of cynicism and negative that we put into the news to make it sell."
  • (Jared Harris) "Garbage."
  • (Babe) "Right."
  • (Jared Harris) "Well, after this meeting, I'm going down to my limo and head across to my 16-floor mansion to touch my girlfriend's big fake pompoms."
  • (Babe) "Good for you, Mac. But I'm still gonna tell him."
  • (Jared Harris) "I feel for you, I do. "Big journalist leaves career for Forrest Gump." I'm really gonna miss you --"

Conchata Ferrell as Jan

  • (Babe) "You must be Jan. My name is --"
  • (Conchata Ferrell) "I know who you are. Wham-Bam Dawson, a.k.a. Little Miss Slut-slut."
  • (Babe) "Okay, I deserved that --"
  • (Conchata Ferrell) "Do you have any idea how much you hurt him? You're not getting anywhere near that boy."
  • (Babe) "I have to find him, and there's nothing you can do to stop me."
  • (Conchata Ferrell) "There's a lot I can do to stop you."
  • (Babe) "He needs to know how bad I feel, and I would go to the end of the earth, I would do anything, anything, to take back what I did to him."
  • (Conchata Ferrell) "-- I'm sorry? All I heard was, "blah blah blah, I'm a dirty tramp.""
  • (Conchata Ferrell) "I always wanted to be a man."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Okay, well I guess that explains a lot --"
  • (Conchata Ferrell) "Tell you what: you get by me, I'll tell you where he is."
  • (Conchata Ferrell) "Whoo. Feeling crazy."
  • (Babe) "Okay --"
  • (Conchata Ferrell) "Come to mama."
  • (Babe) "Ow --"
  • (Conchata Ferrell) "I was a rodeo clown for six years. You're gonna have to step it up a notch, shorty."

Peter Gallagher as Chuck Cedar

  • (Peter Gallagher) "We're looking for somebody. Longfellow Deeds."
  • (Peter Dante) "Wow. Is that's Deeds's first name?"
  • (Erick Avari) "Well, if the Deeds you're referring to is Longfellow Deeds, then yes, that is Deeds's first name."
  • (Peter Dante) "Well, I don't know Deeds's first name, maybe it's Greg."
  • (Erick Avari) "Maybe it's Longfellow."
  • (Peter Dante) "Maybe. But I don't know. I know another guy named Greg. You want me to call him up?"
  • (Peter Gallagher) "No. Thank you. Please. Just tell us where Deeds lives."
  • (Peter Gallagher) "If I lose control of this company, it will be catastrophic."
  • (Peter Gallagher) "This company is a player on so many levels, and in so many areas, that running it is literally a 24-hour-a-day job. I only got three hours of sleep last night."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Then it's actually a 21-hour-a-day job, huh?"
  • (Peter Gallagher) "He's gonna get 100 grand for that picture, it'll be all over the news in an hour."
  • (Adam Sandler) "Well, he deserves it with those James Bond moves he just pulled."
  • (Peter Gallagher) "No, he deserves to get his throat cut. Filthy spy."
  • (Peter Gallagher) "Congratulations, you have a spastic colon."
  • (Erick Avari) "That would explain a lot."

Harve Presnell as Preston Blake

  • (Harve Presnell) "I'm gonna get to the top of Everest, if it's the last thing I do."
  • (Harve Presnell) ""I am a volcano of lust. My soul has been filled with images of this woman for ages. For years I have followed my mind in my business. Tonight I shall follow my heart -- ""
  • (Consuela Lopez) "Want me to wipe the leaves on your ficus tree, Mr. Blake?"
  • (Harve Presnell) "Please, call me Preston."
  • (Consuela Lopez) "Want me to wipe the leaves on your ficus tree -- Preston?"
  • (Harve Presnell) "Yes -- yes, Yes, YES."

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