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Meatballs (film) Quotes

Meatballs (film) is a television show that first aired in 1970 . Meatballs completed its run in 1970.

It features John Dunning (film producer) as producer, Elmer Bernstein in charge of musical score, and Don Wilder as head of cinematography.

Meatballs (film) is recorded in English and originally aired in Canada. Each episode of Meatballs (film) is 99 minutes long. Meatballs (film) is distributed by Paramount Pictures.

The cast includes: Bill Murray as Tripper, Russ Banham as Crockett, Matt Craven as Hardware, Chris Makepeace as Rudy, Kate Lynch as Roxanne, Sarah Torgov as Candace, Keith Knight as Larry Finkelstein, and Jack Blum as Spaz.

Meatballs (film) Quotes

Russ Banham as Crockett

  • (Russ Banham) "What about Lance Cashman? Yeah, Lance."
  • (Sarah Torgov) "Lance Cashman? Lance Cashman is a TOTAL JERK-OFF."
  • (Russ Banham) "Allright. She likes me. She likes me."
  • (Lance) "Jerk off? I don't jerk off --"
  • (Russ Banham) "Hardware."
  • (Matt Craven) "Yeah, Crockett?"
  • (Russ Banham) "You're a dick."

Bill Murray as Tripper

  • (Bill Murray) "Alright, virgins to the left, non-virgins to the right."
  • (Bill Murray) "You guys split 'em up however you want."
  • (Bill Murray) "Ok, the zone's not working. They're a little too big to play man-to-man. And we can't shoot for s***."
  • (Bill Murray) "Attention. Bus for the Camp Mohawk basketball game leaving in 15 minutes, and there is a very fat pair of pants hanging on the flagpole this morning."
  • (Bill Murray) "Attention campers, afternoon swim schedule is as follows. Advanced dolphins, report to the dock for survival swimming and I.Q. testing. All senior silverfish, meet on the beach for nude sunbathing. All junior salmon, trout, and herring, report to the nearest delicatessen. And 6-year-old tadpoles, report to the swamp. And all lobsters, GET OUT OF HERE. YOU'RE A MENACE."
  • (Bill Murray) "Important announcement; Some hunters have been seen in the woods near Piney Ridge trail and the fish and game commission has raised the legal kill limit on campers to three. So, if you're hiking today, please wear something bright and keep low."
  • (Bill Murray) "Kids are starving in India and you're walking around with a sombrero full of peanuts."
  • (Bill Murray) "And even if we win, if we win, HAH. Even if we win. Even if we play so far above our heads that our noses bleed for a week to ten days; even if God in Heaven above comes down and points his hand at our side of the field; even if every man woman and child held hands together and prayed for us to win, it just wouldn't matter because all the really good looking girls would still go out with the guys from Mohawk because they've got all the money. It just doesn't matter if we win or we lose. IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER."
  • (Unnamed) "IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER. IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER --"
  • (Bill Murray) "I'm takin' the C.I.T.s on an overnight for the next couple days so you're gonna have to do your own training, son. I want you to run two miles today and two and a half tomorrow."
  • (Chris Makepeace) "I've never run that far."
  • (Bill Murray) "Neither have I but somebody's gotta do it. I can't be expected to do it. Somebody's gotta do it, and it can't be me. Because I'm too busy. I've responsibilities. I'm the entertainment director for the overnight."
  • (Bill Murray) "You must be the short depressed kid we ordered."
  • (Bill Murray) "Attention all campers, it's 9:30 -- and that's lights-out time here at Camp Northstar, 9:30 as you know. Tomorrow is parents day, and you must look rested or Morty will be sent to the state penitentiary."
  • (Bill Murray) "Is that a bra you're wearing, or are you expecting an assassination attempt?"
  • (Kate Lynch) "Are those Clorets in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?"
  • (Bill Murray) "OK, we're even. 3 years of this. I don't think I have many lines left. Frankly, Roxanne, I'm frightened."
  • (Kate Lynch) "Oh, no. Don't go human on me now, Tripper."
  • (Bill Murray) "Over loudspeaker -- Attention, here's an update on tonight's dinner -- It was veal. I repeat, veal. The winner of tonigh'ts mystery meat contest is Jeffery Corbin, who guessed, 'some kind of beef'."
  • (Bill Murray) "Roxanne, I have what doctors call "very active glands." You're the first person I've told, my folks don't even know."
  • (Kate Lynch) "Well, maybe you can have surgery without them knowing."
  • (Bill Murray) "Awww, heck with surgery. Let's wrestle."
  • (Bill Murray) "Attention. Here's an update on tonight's dinner. It was veal. I repeat, veal. The winner of tonight's mystery meat contest is Jeffrey Corbin who guessed "some kind of beef.""
  • (Bill Murray) "What's the matter? You're pacing like an expectant father with the clap."
  • (Bill Murray) "Mmmmm. Look at all those steaming wieners. Do you know what they're saying? They're saying, "This is the year that Fink beats 'The Stomach'.""
  • (Bill Murray) "No, it's a couple of them over here -- but they're saying it."

Chris Makepeace as Rudy

  • (Chris Makepeace) "I saw you dancing with Roxanne."
  • (Bill Murray) "Oh yeah? Well, she sort'a cornered me and there was nothing I could do without embarrassing her."
  • (Chris Makepeace) "Do you like her?"
  • (Bill Murray) "Well I feel sorry for her, you know. She's got a glass eye. And, uh, I'm one of the few people who knows exactly which eye to look at when they're talking to her, so she's sort of fixated on me."
  • (Chris Makepeace) "Well, I like her."
  • (Bill Murray) "Well you're not exactly known for your taste. I'll probably just use her for the rest of the summer and then throw her on the scrap heap with all the rest of the women that I've destroyed."
  • (Chris Makepeace) "I'm going away."
  • (Bill Murray) "You goin' to Vegas? If you're going to Vegas, I would be up for it because I love that town. I'm a party guy. I love that town."
  • (Chris Makepeace) "I don't think they want me around."
  • (Bill Murray) "You talkin' about the soccer heads back there?"
  • (Bill Murray) "Well, that's life in the fast-paced slam-bang, live-on-the-razor's-edge, laugh-in-the-face-of-death world of junior league soccer."

Keith Knight as Larry Finkelstein

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Jack Blum as Spaz

  • (Jack Blum) "I'm getting a boner."
  • (Keith Knight) "What?"
  • (Jack Blum) "I SAID I'M GETTING A BONER."
  • (Jack Blum) "What's cookin' good lookin'?"
  • (Unnamed) "Your fly's undone."
  • (Bill Murray) "Hey Spaz, I was watchin' you out there. Looked like you had a chance there for a second."

Kate Lynch as Roxanne

  • (Kate Lynch) "Where would I stay?"
  • (Bill Murray) "My place, what do you think?"
  • (Kate Lynch) "Is it big enough?"
  • (Bill Murray) "It's got a double bed. What's the matter with you, haven't you ever lived with anybody before?"
  • (Kate Lynch) "No. Have you?"
  • (Bill Murray) "Pets, you know, a dog, a fish. No, I haven't. I've never asked anybody before."

Matt Craven as Hardware

  • (Matt Craven) "Another panty raid, Trip?"

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