Manhattan Murder Mystery Quotes

Manhattan Murder Mystery is a TV show that was first aired in 1970 . Manhattan Murder Mystery stopped airing in 1970.

It features Robert Greenhut as producer, and Carlo Di Palma as head of cinematography.

Manhattan Murder Mystery is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Manhattan Murder Mystery is 104 minutes long. Manhattan Murder Mystery is distributed by TriStar Pictures.

The cast includes: Woody Allen as Larry Lipton, Diane Keaton as Carol Lipton, Marge Redmond as Mrs. Dalton, Alan Alda as Ted, Anjelica Huston as Marcia Fox, Lynn Cohen as Lillian House, Jerry Adler as Paul House, and Joy Behar as Marilyn.

Manhattan Murder Mystery Quotes

Woody Allen as Larry Lipton

• (Woody Allen) "I think it's a reasonable assumption that if you're dead you don't suddenly turn up in the New York City Transit System."

• (Woody Allen) "My life is passing before my eyes. The worst part about it is that I'm driving a used car."

• (Woody Allen) "I'm a world renowned claustrophobic."

• (Woody Allen) "What are you making a face for? He's the father of our country."

• (Woody Allen) "You're suggesting we try to provoke him into murdering us?"
• (Anjelica Huston) "You have a problem with that?"
• (Woody Allen) "Well, either that, or I suddenly developed Parkinson's."

• (Woody Allen) "I can't listen to that much Wagner, ya know? I start to get the urge to conquer Poland."

• (Woody Allen) "Don't do this. We should be asleep now in one of our many cuddling positions."

• (Woody Allen) "I forbid. I forbid you to go. I'm forbidding --. Is that what you do when I'm forbidding?"

• (Woody Allen) "Ted has a mind like a steel sieve."

• (Woody Allen) "I like a hotel with lots of blue powder sprinkled along the base boards."

• (Woody Allen) "Claustrophobia and a dead body; this is a neurotic's jackpot."

• (Woody Allen) "Ted sees himself as Rick in Casablanca; I see him more as Peter Lorre."

• (Hotel night clerk) "You are with police?"
• (Woody Allen) "Yes, I'm a detective. They lowered the height requirement."

• (Woody Allen) "C'mon, more, more. Adrenalin is leaking out of my ears."

• (Woody Allen) "New York is the city that never sleeps. That's why we don't live in Duluth. That, plus I don't even know where Duluth is. Lucky me."

• (Woody Allen) "C'mon, you promised to sit through the hockey game without being bored,"
• (Diane Keaton) "I know, honey, I promised."
• (Woody Allen) "and I'll sit through the Wagner opera with you next week."
• (Diane Keaton) "I know."
• (Woody Allen) "I already bought the earplugs."
• (Diane Keaton) "Yeah, well, with your eyesight I'm surprised you can see the puck. Wow, yay, come on."

• (Woody Allen) "I'd fix Ted up with Helen Dubin, but they'd probably get into an argument over penis envy; the poor guy suffers from it so."

• (Woody Allen) "Meanwhile, I can't get that Flying Dutchman theme out of my head. Remind me tomorrow to buy up all the Wagner records in town and rent a chainsaw."

• (Woody Allen) "This guy gets his jollies from licking the back of postage stamps."
• (Alan Alda) "I can see that, depending on who's on the stamp."

Jerry Adler as Paul House

• (Jerry Adler) "Well, what do you buy a woman who has everything?"
• (Lynn Cohen) "We already own twin cemetery plots."
• (Woody Allen) "I always think a Bentley is in good taste. Or, you could go the route I did and buy her a set of handkerchiefs."
• (Diane Keaton) "Well, they were very nice though, and they had my initials."
• (Woody Allen) "Yeah, and I didn't even know her size."

Diane Keaton as Carol Lipton

• (Diane Keaton) "You were jealous of Ted."
• (Woody Allen) "Ted, you've gotta be kidding, take away his elevator shoes and his fake suntan and his capped teeth and what do you have?"
• (Diane Keaton) "You."
• (Woody Allen) "Right, I like that."

• (Diane Keaton) "I don't understand why you're not more fascinated with this. I mean, we could be living next door to a murderer, Larry."
• (Woody Allen) "New York is a melting pot. I'm used to it."

• (Diane Keaton) "Did you see this? This man in Missouri killed twelve victims, dismemebered them, and ate them."
• (Woody Allen) "Really? Well, it's an alternative lifestyle."

• (Diane Keaton) "Look at you, you're all white."
• (Woody Allen) "All the blood rushed to my brother."

• (Diane Keaton) "Helen Dubin's wrong for Ted. She's too mousey."
• (Woody Allen) "Well, he's a little mousey. They could have their little rodent time together, they could eat cheese together --"

• (Diane Keaton) "Well, listen, I think maybe I will go back to seeing my shrink, I think, I think I --"
• (Woody Allen) "You don't have to see your shrink, there's nothing wrong with you that can't be cured with a little Prozac and a polo mallet."

• (Diane Keaton) "Larry, I think it's time we reevaluated our lives."
• (Woody Allen) "I've reevaluated our lives; I got a 10, you got a 6."

• (Diane Keaton) "Larry, I think she's dead."
• (Woody Allen) "Try giving her the present."

Marge Redmond as Mrs. Dalton

• (Unnamed) "I'm aiming at you, lover."
• (Marge Redmond) "I'm aiming at you, lover."
• (Unnamed) "Of course, killing you is killing myself."
• (Marge Redmond) "Of course, killing you is killing myself."
• (Unnamed) "But you know, I'm pretty tired of both of us."
• (Marge Redmond) "But you know, I'm pretty tired of both of us."
• (Woody Allen) "I'll never say that life doesn't imitate art again."

Alan Alda as Ted

• (Alan Alda) "I want to celebrate. You want to go see what Larry and Carol are doing?"
• (Anjelica Huston) "I think they want to be alone."
• (Alan Alda) "Oh, right. Well, uh, what about you? Do you have plans?"
• (Anjelica Huston) "You're taking me to dinner, right?"
• (Alan Alda) "Right, absolutely. Only we can't sleep together, not tonight."
• (Anjelica Huston) "Why not?"
• (Alan Alda) "Well, because I already slept with Helen Moss once today, and I'm not young and active like I used to be."
• (Anjelica Huston) "You'll do anything to catch a murderer, won't you?"
• (Alan Alda) "Mmm-hmm."

Lynn Cohen as Lillian House

• (Lynn Cohen) "Exercising changed my life."
• (Woody Allen) "I prefer to atrophy."

Joy Behar as Marilyn

• (Joy Behar) "I'd like to French pastry myself to death, right now."

Add or Update Quotes

If you have a quote to add or change and want to let us know, please fill in the form below. Include the time in the film/video if possible so we can find it.