Man of the House (2005 film) Quotes

Man of the House (2005 film) is a TV show that was first aired in 1970 . Man of the House stopped airing in 1970.

It features Steven Reuther, Todd Garner, and Allyn Stewart as producer, David Newman (composer) in charge of musical score, and Peter Menzies Jr. as head of cinematography.

Man of the House (2005 film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Man of the House (2005 film) is 100 minutes long. Man of the House (2005 film) is distributed by Columbia Pictures.

The cast includes: Tommy Lee Jones as Roland Sharp, R. Lee Ermey as Captain Nichols, Cedric the Entertainer as Percy Stevens, Anne Archer as Molly McCarthy, Vanessa Ferlito as Heather, Christina Milian as Anne, Paula Garcés as Teresa, Kelli Garner as Barb, Monica Keena as Evie, Shea Whigham as Ranger Holt, and Terrence Parks as Ranger Riggs.

Man of the House (2005 film) Quotes

Kelli Garner as Barb

• (Kelli Garner) "Oh, do you want a piece?"
• (Tommy Lee Jones) "No, I do not."
• (Kelli Garner) "What, you don't like gum?"
• (Tommy Lee Jones) "No. Chewing gum is the most significant factor in the decline of Western civilization."
• (Monica Keena) "The decline of what?"

• (Kelli Garner) "What's the big deal, presidents don't write their own speeches --"

• (Kelli Garner) "You like me, don't you?"
• (Tommy Lee Jones) "No."

Tommy Lee Jones as Roland Sharp

• (Tommy Lee Jones) "Stay here, don't go contemplating the universe with anybody."

• (Tommy Lee Jones) "I cannot hear myself think."
• (Monica Keena) "Okay, as we involuntarily enter into this enforced period of silence, can I ask if there's any medication you forgot to take -- or some I might recommend you should try?"
• (Kelli Garner) "Yes, like take a --"
• (All Girls) "CHILL PILL."
• (Tommy Lee Jones) "I only need one witness."
• (Kelli Garner) "Get. Out."

• (Tommy Lee Jones) "Furthermore, I'd appreciate it if you'd cover yourselves in our presence. I realize how very proud you are -- of your tattoos, piercings, and other body modifications. However, my colleagues and I do not need to see these. Are there any questions?"
• (Paula Garcés) "I have one. Are you always such a dick?"
• (Tommy Lee Jones) "Yes."

• (Tommy Lee Jones) "Set the pizza on the porch, take two steps back, put your hands behind your head."
• (Unnamed) "Uhh -- what's the problem dude?"
• (Tommy Lee Jones) "If that pizza's warm, there won't be a problem."
• (Unnamed) "Dude, do you live here with all these girls?"
• (Tommy Lee Jones) "Temporarily."
• (Unnamed) "Dude, you're my new hero."
• (Tommy Lee Jones) "Imagine what that means to me."

• (Tommy Lee Jones) "Why do you find it necessary to listen to this constant crap ?"
• (Christina Milian) "What's the matter? You don't like vagina music?"
• (Tommy Lee Jones) "Do you have to use that word before I've had my coffee and soymilk?"
• (Christina Milian) "Vagina, vagina, vagina."
• (Paula Garcés) "Whose?"

• (Tommy Lee Jones) "-- and you couldn't possibly be talking about my mother, because my mother is allergic to dogs."

• (Tommy Lee Jones) "We need to establish that the bathroom at the end of the hall is a 100% masculine bathroom, and from this moment on it is off-limits to you people and your foolish undergarments."

• (Tommy Lee Jones) "You're not really the cheerleading type, are you?"
• (Vanessa Ferlito) "For me, it's more penance than a passion. Religious ascetics wear a hair shirt, I carry the pom-poms. I don't know. I guess it's the duality of man, you know. "That Jungian thing, sir," Matthew Modine, Full Metal Jacket. Peace sign on one side of his helmet. "Born to Kill" on the other. It's my favorite movie."

• (Tommy Lee Jones) "I gave up alcohol about ten years ago."
• (Anne Archer) "Didn't like yourself when you were drinking, huh?"
• (Tommy Lee Jones) "Hell, I loved myself when I was drinking. It was the other people that had the problem."

• (Unnamed) "You see the taller blonde. Is that Anne or Barb? I can never remember."
• (Tommy Lee Jones) "HEBAT."
• (Unnamed) "What?"
• (Tommy Lee Jones) "HEBAT. It's a mnemonic device: Heather, Evie, Barbara, Anne, Theresa. HEBAT."

• (Tommy Lee Jones) "Well, if it ain't Martin Luther Vandross."
• (Cedric the Entertainer) "Uh, why don't you all take a break. Everybody go ahead, real quick. This man's probably got a lot of sins he needs to confess. Probably may have to exorcise him."

• (Unnamed) "Where's your happy face?"
• (Tommy Lee Jones) "This is my happy face."

Christina Milian as Anne

• (Christina Milian) "No, he means the other Texas Rangers, you know, like The Lone Ranger."
• (Vanessa Ferlito) "He had that cool Indian friend, what was his name?"
• (Paula Garcés) "Tonto?"
• (Kelli Garner) "He was hot. Why don't guys wear loincloths anymore?"

• (Christina Milian) "We had the situation under control."
• (Paula Garcés) "Yeah. We were about to go all Buffy on their gringo asses."

• (Christina Milian) "Roger, we're going to church."
• (Unnamed) "That's why I didn't bring a helicopter."

Paula Garcés as Teresa

• (Paula Garcés) "What is that?"
• (Tommy Lee Jones) "The Carnivore. Pepperoni, sausage, ground beef, ham and olive loaf all gathered together in one savory pie. With jalepenos. Want some?"
• (Vanessa Ferlito) "Yes. No."
• (Tommy Lee Jones) "Extra thick crust."
• (Christina Milian) "I can't, I'm on the zone."
• (Tommy Lee Jones) "What zone?"
• (Christina Milian) "The proper combination of protein, fat and carbohydrates."
• (Tommy Lee Jones) "This combination here is proper as hell."
• (Kelli Garner) "I'm a total Atkins girl."
• (Monica Keena) "I'm on Weight Watchers, you'll probably blow all your daily points with just one bite."
• (Tommy Lee Jones) "This baby has one point and one point only, and that is tasting good."

• (Paula Garcés) "I'll tell you something about this daughter of yours that you know nothing about, she must be severely messed up in the head from living with you."
• (Tommy Lee Jones) "She lives with her mother."
• (Monica Keena) "Why did your marriage fall apart?"
• (Tommy Lee Jones) "That is one of many things you and I will never discuss."

• (Paula Garcés) "I have to have my baby in America."

• (Paula Garcés) "You clearly don't know how to speak to women."
• (Tommy Lee Jones) "I know how to speak to women. I clearly choose not to."

Vanessa Ferlito as Heather

• (Vanessa Ferlito) "-- like in Full Metal Jacket? That's my favorite movie."
• (Tommy Lee Jones) "My favorite movie is the Sound of Music."

Shea Whigham as Ranger Holt

• (Unnamed) "Howdy neighbor. Just wanted to say, you know -- welcome to the building. And uh, if you ever need any weed or anything, just come knock on my door."
• (Shea Whigham) "Yeah. Thanks Jimmy, you'll definitely be hearing from us."
• (Unnamed) "Cool."

• (Shea Whigham) "Uh, let me guess --"
• (Shea Whigham) "Clay. You're looking for Jimmy?"
• (Unnamed) "Exactly. Dude, are you like a psychic or some kinda s***?"
• (Shea Whigham) "Some kinda s***, yeah. See dude, here's the thing; Jimmy moved."
• (Unnamed) "Oh, where to?"
• (Shea Whigham) "Travis county jail."
• (Unnamed) "Well that ain't good."

Terrence Parks as Ranger Riggs

• (Terrence Parks) "Yes, sir. And I just want to say thank you for taking me along on this one, sir."
• (Tommy Lee Jones) "That's the third time today you've thanked me, and I can honestly say at this point I feel the full brunt of your gratitude."
• (Terrence Parks) "Thank you again, sir."
• (Tommy Lee Jones) "Get in the damn van."

Cedric the Entertainer as Percy Stevens

• (Cedric the Entertainer) "Who put that table there?"

R. Lee Ermey as Captain Nichols

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