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Major League II Quotes

Major League II is a TV show that first aired in 1970 . Major League II ended in 1970.

It features James G. Robinson as producer, Michel Colombier in charge of musical score, and Victor Hammer as head of cinematography.

Major League II is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Major League II is 105 minutes long. Major League II is distributed by Warner Bros..

The cast includes: James Gammon as Lou Brown, Tom Berenger as Jake Taylor, Bob Uecker as Harry Doyle, Eric Bruskotter as Rube Baker, Corbin Bernsen as Roger Dorn, David Keith as Jack Parkman, Omar Epps as Willie Mays Hayes, Margaret Whitton as Rachel Phelps, Takaaki Ishibashi as Tanaka, Dennis Haysbert as Cerrano, Michelle Burke as Nikki Reese, Charlie Sheen as Vic, and Alison Doody as Rebecca Flannery.

Major League II Quotes

Bob Uecker as Harry Doyle

  • (Bob Uecker) "Well fans, Roger Dorn has done a little redecorating around the ballpark. The outfield walls now look like the yellow pages. And any of you folks having trouble finding a good proctologist, might want to come down here and check out the area around the 375 foot sign. As for the game, we've got a real nailbiter here tonight. It's a lot closer than that 11-2 score."
  • (Bob Uecker) "And look at this. Willie Mays Hayes is calling his shot."
  • (Johnny) "All right Willie. Right here."
  • (Eric Bruskotter) "What's he pointing at? Does he know somebody out there."
  • (Bob Uecker) "Hayes steps in and gets his pitch. There's a swing and it's going toward left. And it is --"
  • (Bob Uecker) "Not quite gone."
  • (Omar Epps) "That had to be the wind."
  • (Johnny) "It must have been the wind."
  • (Bob Uecker) "Hello, Tribe fans, welcome to Major League Baseball -- sort of. The attendance today is 14 hundred and 12. Most of them left after that 10 run inning the Red Sox put up. Take over Monty, I'm in the bag."
  • (Monte) "Fly ball -- Caught."
  • (Bob Uecker) "Well he's gonna walk Beck to pitch to Parkman obviously Taylor's thinking -- I don't know WHAT the hell he's thinking."
  • (Bob Uecker) "Well, The Indians have a runner. I think I'll wet my pants."
  • (Bob Uecker) "You know I used to hate Parkman when he was with the A's. It's amazing how a new uniform can change your attitude about a guy."
  • (Bob Uecker) "He's still a dick."
  • (Bob Uecker) "So a tough loss for the Indians as Pedro Cerrano doubles off a pigeon and is tagged out while administering CPR before the tying run could score. Funny game ain't it Monty?"
  • (Monte) "Well at least the bird survived."
  • (Bob Uecker) "Who cares? It's a rat with wings."
  • (Bob Uecker) "Hello everybody. Harry Doyle here, welcoming all you Wahoo maniacs to the year's first session of Tribe Talk. As you know, the Indians had a Cinderella season last year. Despite the fact that toxic owner Rachel Phelps wanted the team to lose so she could move it to Florida, the Indians won the American League East for the first time since divisional play began. Rachel's gone now, thank God, having sold the team to retired Indian third baseman Roger Dorn, after a long, hard fought series of negotiations."
  • (Corbin Bernsen) "Mmmight be willing to go as high as a hundred."
  • (Margaret Whitton) "120."
  • (Corbin Bernsen) "120? Rachel, you just started at 110."
  • (Margaret Whitton) "130."
  • (Corbin Bernsen) "Rachel, this isn't fair."
  • (Margaret Whitton) "140."
  • (Corbin Bernsen) "130."
  • (Margaret Whitton) "150."
  • (Corbin Bernsen) "We'll take it."
  • (Margaret Whitton) "Oooh, you're good Dorn."
  • (Bob Uecker) "Even with Dorn in the owner's box, the Indians are solid favorites to repeat in the East, and to go all the way to the World Series. And why not? Look at the lineup we have coming back. First of all, the Cuban Crusher, the voodoo man with a bad attitude, Pedro Cerrano. Even though his training methods were a little unusual, Pedro finished in the top five in homers, RBI's, slugging percentage and total baldness. Also back is centerfielder Willie May Hayes, who came out of nowhere to lead the league in great catches and stolen bases. We're told he starred in an action movie during the offseason, where he not only did his own stunts, but even his own acting. And don't forget about catcher and team leader Jake Taylor. Despite chronic knee problems he had a fine season, and beat out the bunt that drove in the run that won the division title. And finally one of the brightest young stars in the game today, Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn. Vaughn began the season in the uniform of the California Penal League and had some control problems early on. But with the help of a pair of black hornrims, he went on to set a Major League record for strikeouts in a season by an ex-carcy. All in all, things couldn't be looking better for the Tribe."
  • (Bob Uecker) "He'll need a rocket up his ass to catch that one; that baby's out of here."
  • (Bob Uecker) "Cerrano doing some interesting limbering up exercises in right."
  • (Bob Uecker) "What a pansy."
  • (Bob Uecker) "Here's a fly ball hit to right. Easy play for Cerrano, under it now, and makes the catch --"
  • (Bob Uecker) "No, that ball is off his glove and outta here. So credit Cerrano with an RBI, and that play could be a finalist in the Trojan-Enz Boner of the Week Award."
  • (Bob Uecker) "Hello, fans. Welcome back to major league baseball, sort of. Today's attendence is --"
  • (Bob Uecker) "1,214. Most of them left after the 10-run inning the red Sox put up, take over Monte, I'm in the bag."
  • (Monte) "Me?"
  • (Monte) "Fly ball,"
  • (Monte) "caught."
  • (Monte) "Hey, wake up."
  • (Bob Uecker) "What? My god. the Indians are showing signs of life in weeks."
  • (Bob Uecker) "It seems that Willie Mays Hayes is trying to hit Vaughn, who blames him, everybody else in the league does."
  • (Bob Uecker) "Vaughn is hanging his left a little low, this could hurt him in the later rounds."
  • (Bob Uecker) "Tribe fans, we're one out away from our second consecutive divisional title. Rick Vaughn has gone 3 and 2 to Mel Koskie. Here's the pitch. Ball four, and he walked him. That's going to bring the tying run to the plate for the Toronto Blue Jays. A little excitement here at the end. I know I wouldn't have it any other way, and I'm sure you folks feel the same."
  • (Bob Uecker) "So, Hiroshi "Kamikaze" Tanaka, recently of the Tokyo Giants, knocks himself cold for the second time this week. Maybe in Japan, that's actually better than catching the ball. Personally, I think he's just trying to get out of the lineup."
  • (Bob Uecker) "My God. Good news fans, the Indians are showing signs of life for the first time in weeks. As a matter of fact they appear to be beating the crap out of each other. It looks like Willie Hayes is trying to hit Rick Vaughn, and why not, everyone else in the league does. Hayes swings and misses. I don't know Monte, it looks like Vaughn is carrying his left a little low. This could hurt him in the later rounds."
  • (Bob Uecker) "We're in the top of the 9th inning leading 10-7, bases loaded, two down, and Rick Vaughn has come on to try to nail it down against Felipe Aguilar, a dangerous right-handed batter. Here's the pitch."
  • (Bob Uecker) "Aww, s***."
  • (Charlie Sheen) "No. No. No."
  • (Bob Uecker) "If that's not Shaquille O'Neal in left, that baby's outta here."
  • (Johnny) "NO. You rotten bums. You overpaid weenies. Mild thing, you make my butt sting. I detest you. You're all garbage. All of ya. Back up the truck. Back it up."
  • (Bob Uecker) "You know, he could be pointing at the left fielder."

Tom Berenger as Jake Taylor

  • (Tom Berenger) "Rube, you look at Playboy all the time, don't you?"
  • (Eric Bruskotter) "I don't just look at it. I read the articles."
  • (Tom Berenger) "Sure you do."
  • (Eric Bruskotter) "I do. I especially like it when they mention the girls' interests, like Betsy loves surfing."
  • (Tom Berenger) "You even memorize them?"
  • (Eric Bruskotter) "Yep. I guess I do."
  • (Tom Berenger) "Bingo."
  • (Tom Berenger) "You know, Rick, I may have to use you tomorrow in the late innings. Pitching staff's pretty overworked."
  • (Rick Vaughn) "Yeah. So? I'll be ready."
  • (Tom Berenger) "Ready, huh? Ready to what? Run and hide if the game's on the line?"
  • (Rick Vaughn) "I don't get it, Jake. What's your problem?"
  • (Tom Berenger) "You're the problem. You used to be the toughest guy on this team. Now you're trying to prop yourself up with the right woman or the right shrink or God knows what else. You want to be a major league pitcher? You have to find something in yourself that yours and nobody else's. You had that once, Rick. And if I were you, I spend the rest of the night trying to find it again. Without it, you're no good to me or the team."
  • (Rick Vaughn) "What an asshole. What an amazing asshole. I thought he was my friend. Why is everybody so threatened by me improving myself?"
  • (Rick Vaughn) "What an asshole."
  • (Tom Berenger) "Say Parkman, I just want to say that even though we're competing for the same position, I'm glad they signed you. You're a good ball player."
  • (David Keith) "Cut the crap, Taylor. I don't like you and you don't like me. Just don't blame your bum knees when I take your job."
  • (Tom Berenger) "Hey, you're lookin' good, Lou."
  • (James Gammon) "Forget about me. I'm fine. You gotta talk to the team, Jake. Give 'em hell. Let 'em know they're too damn good to roll over and play dead."
  • (Tom Berenger) "Will do, Skip. And, hey, we'll win this one for you."
  • (James Gammon) "Hey, Taylor."
  • (James Gammon) "Promise me one thing."
  • (Tom Berenger) "Sure. What?"
  • (James Gammon) "When you talk to the team, don't give 'em one of them "let's win one for Lou" corny speeches. I couldn't stand that."
  • (Tom Berenger) "Hayes, go run for Rube."
  • (Omar Epps) "My leg's hurtin'."
  • (Corbin Bernsen) "I'll run."
  • (Tom Berenger) "Rube's hurting worse than you. Now get in there."
  • (Omar Epps) "If the gutless wonder doesn't have to pitch than why should I have to run?"
  • (Rick Vaughn) "Who are you calling a gutless wonder, tin man?"
  • (Omar Epps) "Tin man?"
  • (Omar Epps) "I got a genuine leg injury here, pal."
  • (Rick Vaughn) "And that limp is the best acting you've done all year."
  • (Omar Epps) "Well at least I don't have some cover girl dragging me around by my johnson."
  • (Tom Berenger) "Rube, what's going through your head just before you throw the ball back to the pitcher?"
  • (Eric Bruskotter) "I'm thinking, "Damn, I don't want to screw this up.""
  • (Tom Berenger) "Well, what are you thinking when you throw a strike to nail the runner down at second base?"
  • (Eric Bruskotter) "Well, I, I'm not thinking nothing. I just throw it."
  • (Tom Berenger) "You see what I'm getting at?"
  • (Eric Bruskotter) "You want the pitcher to pitch from second base?"
  • (Tom Berenger) "Oooogh."
  • (Tom Berenger) "Hey, didn't I tell you to go to the bullpen."
  • (Rick Vaughn) "We're down by 10 runs, Jake."
  • (Tom Berenger) "Well you can still get some work in."
  • (Rick Vaughn) "I've had enough of that maniac out there."
  • (Tom Berenger) "Hayes, go run for Rube."
  • (Omar Epps) "My legs hurtin'."
  • (Corbin Bernsen) "I'll run."
  • (Tom Berenger) "Rube's hurting worse than you. Now get in there."
  • (Omar Epps) "The Gutless Wonder doesn't have to pitch. Why should I have to run?"
  • (Rick Vaughn) "Who you calling a Gutless Wonder, Tin Man?"
  • (Omar Epps) "Tin Man? I got genuine leg injury here, pal."
  • (Rick Vaughn) "That limp is the best acting you've done all year."
  • (Omar Epps) "Well at least I don't have some Cover Girl dragging me around by my Johnson."

David Keith as Jack Parkman

  • (David Keith) "Welcome to the Bug Leagues, Hayseed. Next time, don't stand on the tracks when the train's coming through."
  • (David Keith) "I'm the only winner on this team. The rest of 'em, they're losers. Either by choice, or by birth."
  • (David Keith) "Ooh, must be tough to be old."
  • (David Keith) "What do you call that garbage?"
  • (Rick Vaughn) "It's my eliminator. I've got another pitch. You get a piece of it, I'll let you name it."
  • (David Keith) "I'd, uh, call it the masturbator."

Takaaki Ishibashi as Tanaka

  • (Takaaki Ishibashi) "You know, you have no -- you have no --"
  • (Takaaki Ishibashi) "Marbles."
  • (Dennis Haysbert) "Marbles?"
  • (Takaaki Ishibashi) "Marbles. You have no marbles."
  • (Dennis Haysbert) "Marbles?"
  • (Dennis Haysbert) "Huevos?"
  • (Takaaki Ishibashi) "Let's beat their brains in."
  • (Takaaki Ishibashi) "Miss Phelps."
  • (Takaaki Ishibashi) "May you be mounted by a rabid dog. You're lower than rat excrement."
  • (Takaaki Ishibashi) "Miss Phelps."
  • (Takaaki Ishibashi) "May you be mounted by a rabid dog. You're lower than rat excrement."

James Gammon as Lou Brown

  • (James Gammon) "OK, we won a game yesterday. If we win today, it's called "two in a row". And if we win again tomorrow, it's called a "winning streak" -- It has happened before."
  • (James Gammon) "Now we're starting to roll, boys."
  • (Lou's Nurse) "Are you alright, Mr. Brown?"
  • (James Gammon) "Uh, yeah. I love this British stuff."
  • (James Gammon) "Damn."
  • (James Gammon) "This is tragic stuff."
  • (James Gammon) "Good one, Pedro. Big knock, baby. Big knock"
  • (Lou's Nurse) "Mr. Brown. What are you doing?"
  • (James Gammon) "I love this s***, I may move to England"
  • (James Gammon) "Come on, you're not going to let her get you down, are you? You guys won last year just to spite her. Maybe, she's what we need."
  • (Tom Berenger) "Oh, Skip, they were a different team last year."
  • (James Gammon) "Taylor, it's not your job to make excuses. That's all you guys do good. It's either a leg thing or a spiritual thing, or a psychological thing, or a heart attack."
  • (Tom Berenger) "Who used heart attack?"
  • (James Gammon) "Me."
  • (James Gammon) "Parkman, I saw your little interview in this morning's paper. You're benched for two games and if you ever rip any of your teammates like that,"
  • (David Keith) "Save your breath."
  • (James Gammon) "What did you just say?"
  • (David Keith) "You oughta listen to the radio more, Lou. Your biggest gun just got traded to Chicago. As a matter of fact, your only gun. Au revoir."
  • (James Gammon) "How can you sell my best player without asking me?"
  • (Corbin Bernsen) "I'm on my ass, tapped out. I'm even going to be able to make next month's payroll."
  • (James Gammon) "Geez."
  • (Corbin Bernsen) "But I didn't sell Parkman outright. I got you an outfielder. He used to play for the Giants."
  • (James Gammon) "Franklin?"
  • (Corbin Bernsen) "Not those Giants."

Eric Bruskotter as Rube Baker

  • (Eric Bruskotter) "They're going to send me back to Omaha and I don't even live there."
  • (Eric Bruskotter) "Mr. Parkman, you're a good ball player, but I want to say, that you're standing on the tracks and the train's is about to come through, bonehead."
  • (Eric Bruskotter) "When the tough get goin', go an' get tough."
  • (Eric Bruskotter) "Hey. Ya know Ricky, breaking up with a girlfriend can be a very painful thing. But it don't have to keep ya down for long. I mean, let me tell ya something from my own personal experience. I've never had a regular girlfriend like you, but I did get kicked in the balls once by a mule. Now, I thought I would be hurting for the rest of my life. But you know what happened the very next week?"
  • (Rick Vaughn) "What?"
  • (Eric Bruskotter) "My momma died. Hell, after that, I didn't care no more about my balls hurtin'. You see what I'm gettin' at?"
  • (Eric Bruskotter) "My momma always said, "It's better to eat s*** than to not eat at all.""
  • (Eric Bruskotter) "Mr. Parkman, you're a great ballplayer and I just like to say, your standing on the tracks and the train's coming through, butthead."
  • (Eric Bruskotter) "Hey, Cerrano. I'm on the rooster."
  • (Eric Bruskotter) "Women: you can't live with them, and they can't pee standing up."

Omar Epps as Willie Mays Hayes

  • (Omar Epps) "That spot didn't show the real dramatic parts, like when they kill my boa constrictor and I vow revenge."
  • (Tom Berenger) "Oh."
  • (Omar Epps) "Lucky son of a gun. At least you ain't gotta hang around to play the second game, right?"
  • (Eric Bruskotter) "Hey, Willie. Willie. I can't believe you said that. s***. I talked to a boy in the bleachers the other day who hails from downtown. He told me the most grass he's ever seen in his whole life is the patch that we get to play on everyday."
  • (Eric Bruskotter) "We're in the goldarn major leagues, boys. I don't know about any of you, but I've been waiting my whole life to get here. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna act like my best pig died just cuz we ain't doin' so good. I love to play baseball and I'll bet, somewhere along the line, you all did too."
  • (Eric Bruskotter) "I'm ready to play ball if you need me. My Dad figured I wouldn't amount to much except -- well, I never came up with anything, but I know I can play ball a little. And a day of playin' ball is better than what most people have to do for a living. So just put me in someplace."
  • (Omar Epps) "Told you I wasn't gonna slide."
  • (David Keith) "You got a long way to go peckerhead"
  • (Omar Epps) "That's Mr. Peckerhead to you, PAL."

Michelle Burke as Nikki Reese

  • (Rick Vaughn) "Oh, yeah? Name one park in America that ball wouldn't have gone out of."
  • (Michelle Burke) "Yellowstone."
  • (Michelle Burke) "He's afraid of his fastball."
  • (David Keith) "He's screwed."
  • (Johnny) "You're screwed Vaughn."
  • (Takaaki Ishibashi) "He's dicked."

Alison Doody as Rebecca Flannery

  • (Alison Doody) "You were so wonderful out there, Rick. The General Cereals reps are here."
  • (Suit #1) "Great game, Rick. We'd like to offer you a 3 year --"
  • (Rick Vaughn) "Sorry, fellas, but you got the wrong guy. I'm sure you make a great cereal, but I like my hair the way it is. I don't get up in time to eat breakfast anyway."
  • (Alison Doody) "Rick, what are you saying?"
  • (Rick Vaughn) "You're a great gal, Flannery. Much too good for me. Take a hike."

Dennis Haysbert as Cerrano

  • (Dennis Haysbert) "Parkman, my good friend. How you doing?"
  • (David Keith) "Look at the scoreboard, Buddha, I'm doing just fine."
  • (Dennis Haysbert) "That last pitch man: that was beautiful."
  • (Dennis Haysbert) "Not as beautiful as that though."
  • (Dennis Haysbert) "Look. At. The. Scoreboard. Now, Grasshopper."

Corbin Bernsen as Roger Dorn

  • (Corbin Bernsen) "As General Manager of this team, I demand to know when I'm getting a start."
  • (Tom Berenger) "There's an old timer's game coming soon."

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