Major League (film) Quotes

Major League (film) is a TV program that appeared on TV in 1970 . Major League completed its run in 1970.

It features Chris Chesser as producer, James Newton Howard in charge of musical score, and Reynaldo Villalobos as head of cinematography.

Major League (film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Major League (film) is 106 minutes long. Major League (film) is distributed by Paramount Pictures.

The cast includes: Bob Uecker as Harry Doyle, Dennis Haysbert as Pedro Cerrano, Chelcie Ross as Eddie Harris, Corbin Bernsen as Roger Dorn, James Gammon as Lou Brown, Tom Berenger as Jake Taylor, Wesley Snipes as Willie Mays Hayes, Kip Powers as Rick Vaughn, Charles Cyphers as Charlie Donovan, Margaret Whitton as Rachel Phelps, Pete Vuckovich as Heywood, Andy Romano as Pepper Leach, Steve Yeager as Duke Temple, Rene Russo as Lynn Wells, Steve Yeager as Tom, and Stacy Carroll as Suzanne Dorn.

Major League (film) Quotes

Dennis Haysbert as Pedro Cerrano

• (Dennis Haysbert) "Hats for bats, keep bats warm."

• (Dennis Haysbert) "Bats, they are sick. I cannot hit curveball. Straightball I hit it very much. Curveball, bats are afraid. I ask Jobu to come, take fear from bats. I offer him cigar, rum. He will come."
• (Chelcie Ross) "You know you might think about taking Jesus Christ as your savior instead of fooling around with all this stuff."
• (Corbin Bernsen) "s***, Harris."
• (Dennis Haysbert) "Jesus, I like him very much, but he no help with curveball."
• (Chelcie Ross) "You trying to say Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball?"

• (Dennis Haysbert) "I'm pissed off now, Jobu. Look, I go to you. I stick up for you. You no help me now. I say "f*** you Jobu", I do it myself."

• (Dennis Haysbert) "Is very bad to steal Jobu's rum. Is very bad."

Bob Uecker as Harry Doyle

• (Bob Uecker) "JUST a bit outside."

• (Bob Uecker) "Haywood is coming up to the plate, who is now leading the league in every offensive catagory, including nosehair."

• (Bob Uecker) "Heywood leads the league in most offensive categories, including nose hair. When this guy sneezes, he looks like a party favor."

• (Bob Uecker) "Well, you can close the book on Kellner."
• (Bob Uecker) "Thank God."

• (Bob Uecker) "This guy threw at his own son in a father son game."

• (Bob Uecker) "So, an eerie start for the Erie warriors as they drop a heartbreaker to the Yankees, nine to nothing. The pst game show is brought to you by --"
• (Bob Uecker) "Christ I can't find it, the hell with it."

• (Bob Uecker) "And Heywood crushes one towards South America."

• (Bob Uecker) "Whoa. It's about time, it's 8-nothing."

• (Bob Uecker) "Monty, anything to add?"
• (Colorman) "Ummm -- no."
• (Bob Uecker) "He's not the best colorman in the league for nothing, folks."

• (Bob Uecker) "In case you haven't noticed, and judging by the attendance you haven't, the Indians have managed to win a few here and there, and are threatening to climb out of the cellar."

• (Bob Uecker) "Just a reminder, fans, comin' up is our "Die-hard Night" here at the stadium. Free admission to anyone who was actually alive the last time the Indians won a pennant."

• (Bob Uecker) "So, here is Rick Vaughn, the one they call the "Wild Thing". So, he sets and deals."
• (Bob Uecker) "Just a bit outside, he tried the corner and missed."
• (Bob Uecker) "Ball 4."
• (Bob Uecker) "Ball 8."
• (Bob Uecker) "Low, and he walks the bases loaded on 12 straight pitches. How can these guys lay off pitches that close?"

• (Bob Uecker) "Uh, oh."
• (James Gammon) "Interesting."
• (Bob Uecker) "'Bout time it's Eight nothing."
• (Unnamed) "You, you're gone."
• (Kip Powers) "What?"
• (Unnamed) "You hear me, you're gone."
• (Kip Powers) "He was on top of the plate."
• (Pete Vuckovich) "Oh, c'mon that's horses***."
• (James Gammon) "I think you can get him out of there."
• (Kip Powers) "The ball slipped out of my hand, it was an accident."
• (Unnamed) "You threw at him intentionally."
• (Kip Powers) "Oh, kiss my ass."
• (Unnamed) "Get out of here."
• (Kip Powers) "You're full of s***, f*** you."
• (Unnamed) "Get out of here, rookie."
• (Kip Powers) "Hey, why don't you blow me, ump?"

James Gammon as Lou Brown

• (James Gammon) "You may run like Hayes. but you hit like s***."

• (James Gammon) "Who is that?"
• (Charles Cyphers) "Must be Cerrano. Defected from Cuba, wanted religious freedom."
• (James Gammon) "What's his religion?"
• (Charles Cyphers) "Voodoo."

• (James Gammon) "I thought you said we didn't have any high priced talent."
• (Charles Cyphers) "Forget about Dorn, he's just high priced."
• (Andy Romano) "Look at this f***in'guy."
• (James Gammon) "My kinda team, Charlie, my kinda team."

• (James Gammon) "All right people, we got 10 minutes 'till game time, let's all gather 'round. I'm not much for giving inspirational addresses, but I'd just like to point out that every newspaper in the country has picked us to finish last. The local press seems to think that we'd save everyone the time and trouble if we just went out and shot ourselves. Me, I'm for wasting sportswriters' time. So I figured we ought to hang around for a while and see if we can give 'em all a nice big s***burger to eat."

• (James Gammon) "Nice catch, Hayes. Don't ever f***in' do it again."

• (James Gammon) "Oh, this old body could use a soak --"
• (Corbin Bernsen) "Yeah, but you won't like it too much,'cuase it ain't working again."
• (James Gammon) "Dammit, I thought that they were gonna replace this thing."
• (Chelcie Ross) "Hey. there's no hot water in here."
• (James Gammon) "I've had it with this nickel and dime stuff. I want that bitch on the phone."
• (Margaret Whitton) "You wanna talk to the bitch?"
• (James Gammon) "Yeah."
• (Margaret Whitton) "Shouldn't you cover yourself up with a towel, Mr. Brown?"
• (James Gammon) "We're out of towels. And I'm too old to go diving into lockers."
• (Margaret Whitton) "I can take it if you can."
• (James Gammon) "What happened to the new whirlpool we were supposed to get?"
• (Margaret Whitton) "Our budget has forced us to cut back on equipment."
• (Margaret Whitton) "ooh, cups still work though. Guess you're gonna have to fix the old whirlpool."
• (James Gammon) "We've fixed it six times already. Now there's no hot water in the shower."
• (Margaret Whitton) "The pipes in this building are old and rusty."
• (James Gammon) "How am I supposed to take care of my players with no hot water and no therapy equipment?"
• (Margaret Whitton) "Your players have to get a little tougher. What are they a bunch of pansies?"
• (James Gammon) "Over 162 games and even tough guys get strains -- Sore arms -- Muscle pulls --"
• (Margaret Whitton) "It's only temporary. If I can get anybody to watch this team none of this would be necessary."
• (Margaret Whitton) "You're lucky I can still afford to pay your salary."

• (James Gammon) "Come on Dorn, get in front of the damn ball. Don't give me this "olé" bulls***."

• (James Gammon) "Forget about the curve ball Ricky, give him the heater."

• (James Gammon) "Well, you can run like Hays, but you hit like s***. With your speed, you should be hitting the ball on the ground and be legging them out. Everytime I see you hit one in the air, you owe me 20 push-ups."
• (Wesley Snipes) "Hey, no problem."
• (Wesley Snipes) "s***."

• (James Gammon) "I've had it with this nickel and dime stuff. I'm gonna get that bitch on the phone."
• (Margaret Whitton) "You wanted to talk to the bitch?"
• (James Gammon) "Yeah."
• (Margaret Whitton) "Don't you think you oughta cover yourself with a towel first, Mr. Brown?"
• (James Gammon) "We're out of towels, and I'm too old to go diving into lockers."
• (Margaret Whitton) "I can take it if you can."

• (James Gammon) "Hey, Jake. Hows the knees holding up?"
• (Tom Berenger) "Great. Never been better."
• (James Gammon) "Mobility's good? No problem getting off the throw to second?"
• (Tom Berenger) "No problemo."
• (James Gammon) "I need a catcher, Jake. Someone who can lead this team on the field. But I want the absolute truth, here, are you one-hundred percent?"
• (Tom Berenger) "Yeah, would I bulls*** you about something like that?"
• (James Gammon) "You better, if you wanna make this team."

• (James Gammon) "Can I have your attention, please?"
• (James Gammon) "I have something I think you all ought to know about.It seems that Mrs. Phelps doesn't think too highly of our worth. She put this team together because she thought we'd be bad enough to finish dead last, knocking attendance down to the point where she could move the team to Miami -- and get rid of all of us for better personnel."
• (Corbin Bernsen) "Even me?"
• (James Gammon) "Even you, Dorn."
• (Chelcie Ross) "What if we DON'T finish last?"
• (James Gammon) "She'll REPLACE you with somebody who WILL. After this season, you'll be sent back to the minors or given your outright release."
• (Tom Berenger) "Well then I guess there's only one thing left to do."
• (Corbin Bernsen) "What's that?"
• (Tom Berenger) "Win the whole f***ing thing."
• (Wesley Snipes) "Yeah."
• (Dennis Haysbert) "YES."

• (James Gammon) "I thought you said you didn't have any high-priced talent on this team."
• (Charles Cyphers) "Forget Dorn, because he's only high-priced. Picked him up as a free-agent three years ago."
• (James Gammon) "Still hits the ball well, doesn't he?"
• (Charles Cyphers) "Yeah, just can't field it."
• (James Gammon) "We'll shape him up."

• (James Gammon) "What happened to the new whirlpool we're supposed to get?"
• (Margaret Whitton) "We're having a few problems that have forced us to cut back on equipment."
• (Margaret Whitton) "Ooh. Cups still work, though. We simply have to fix the old whirlpool."
• (James Gammon) "Yep, that's 6 times already. Now there is no hot water in the shower."
• (Margaret Whitton) "The pipes in this building are old and rusty."

Tom Berenger as Jake Taylor

• (Tom Berenger) "Hello?"
• (Charles Cyphers) "Jake Taylor, this is Charlie Donovan of the Clevland Indians. How would you like to play for us this season."
• (Tom Berenger) "What?"
• (Charles Cyphers) "We would surely like to --"
• (Tom Berenger) "Is that you, Tolbert? Look, I am hung over, my knees are killing me and if you're gonna pull this s*** at least you can say you're from the Yankees."

• (Chaire Holloway) "So, what team do you play for?"
• (Tom Berenger) "The Indians."
• (Chaire Holloway) "Here in Cleveland. I didn't know they still had a team?"
• (Tom Berenger) "Yeah. We have uniforms and everything, it's great."
• (Chaire Holloway) "I heard that Ball players make a lot of money, how much you make?"
• (Tom Berenger) "I make the league minimum."

• (Tom Berenger) "Second base -- s***."

• (Tom Berenger) "I play for the Indians."
• (Chaire Holloway) "Here in Cleveland? I didn't know they still had a team."
• (Tom Berenger) "Yup, we've got uniforms and everything, it's really great."

• (Tom Berenger) "What I was concerned with was why you didn't come up with that grounder that Rockert hit in the 9th"
• (Corbin Bernsen) "It was out of my reach, what do you want me to do dive for it?"
• (Tom Berenger) "Rog, it could have meant the game."
• (Corbin Bernsen) "oh come on cut the rah rah s*** Taylor. Year after this I go free agent. Plus me and my agent got a couple of plans for life after baseball. So I am not about to risk major injury or displace this property for a collection of stiffs."
• (Tom Berenger) "Ya know Dorn, I liked you so much better when you were just a ballplayer. If you wanna be an interior decorator now that's none of my business. But some of us still need this team. Now you listen to me. This is my last shot at a winner and for some of the younger guys it could be their only shot. I don't know what happened to you. But if you ever, ever tank another play like you did today, I'm gonna cut your nuts off and stuff em down your f***in throat."

• (Tom Berenger) "That ball wouldn't have been out of a lot of parks."
• (Kip Powers) "Name one."
• (Tom Berenger) "Yellowstone?"

• (Tom Berenger) "Thanks for the beer."
• (Steve Yeager) "Don't mention it."
• (Tom Berenger) "I'll let you know if I land a good job, I'm sure you're real concerned about it."
• (Steve Yeager) "Well I just wanted Lynn to know what she would have had ahead of her."
• (Steve Yeager) "Stay away from her."
• (Tom Berenger) "Suck my dick."

• (Tom Berenger) "I'm hung over, my knees are killin' me and if you're going to pull this s*** at least you could've said you were from the Yankees."

• (Unnamed) "Hello. Do you know us?"
• (Unnamed) "We're a Major League Baseball team."
• (Tom Berenger) "But since we haven't won a pennant in over 30 years, nobody recognizes us; not even in our own home town."
• (Chelcie Ross) "That's why we carry the American Express card."
• (Kip Powers) "No matter how far out of first we are, it's cool. You know, it keeps us from getting shut out at our favorite hotels and restaurant-type places."
• (Dennis Haysbert) "So if you're looking for some Big-League clout, apply for that little green home-run hitter."
• (Corbin Bernsen) "Look what it's done for US. People still DON'T recognize us but --"
• (James Gammon) "We're contenders now."
• (Wesley Snipes) "The American Express card: Don't steal home without it."

• (Tom Berenger) "I had no choice. She bet me fifty dollars that she had a better body than you and I had to defend your honor."
• (Rene Russo) "Oh, what a bunch of bulls***. I have a much better body than she does."
• (Tom Berenger) "She's right."

• (Tom Berenger) "That's my wife --"
• (Wesley Snipes) "Does she know that?"
• (Tom Berenger) "Well, she would've been if I hadn't screwed it up -- who's that guy she's with?"
• (Wesley Snipes) "I don't know. He's not wearing a nametag."
• (Kip Powers) "Want me to drag him outta here, kick the s*** out of him?"

• (Tom Berenger) "Nice throw, dickhead."

• (Janice Bowden) "I hear baseball players make awfully good salaries nowadays."
• (Tom Berenger) "Well it all depends on how good you are."
• (Janice Bowden) "How good are you?"
• (Tom Berenger) "I make the league minimum."

Steve Yeager as Duke Temple

• (Steve Yeager) "Stay away from her."
• (Tom Berenger) "Suck my dick."

Pete Vuckovich as Heywood

• (Pete Vuckovich) "Going somewhere, meat?"
• (Wesley Snipes) "About 90 feet."

• (Pete Vuckovich) "How's your wife and my kids?"

• (Pete Vuckovich) "You really knocked the crap out of that one."
• (Wesley Snipes) "Oh, I plan to get at least a double out of this."
• (Wesley Snipes) "I bought a hundred of these. One for every base I'm gonna steal. Excuse me while I take my first step toward the Hall of Fame."
• (Pete Vuckovich) "My ass."
• (Bob Uecker) "We don't know where Hayes played last year, but I'm sure he did a hell of a job."
• (Pete Vuckovich) "Real hard to steal second with your shoe untied."
• (Bob Uecker) "Throw to first -- Hayes is picked off. Personally, I think we got hosed on that call."

Wesley Snipes as Willie Mays Hayes

• (Wesley Snipes) "Willie Mays Hayes. I hit like Mays, and I run like Hayes."

• (Wesley Snipes) "Cerrano's looking for some extra power for tonight. He's looking to sacrifice a live chicken. Man, we can't have people puking in the locker room before the game."

• (Wesley Snipes) "We should've got the live chicken."

• (Wesley Snipes) "The American Express Card. Don't steal home without it."

• (Wesley Snipes) "Call the stewardess, Vaughn. I need one of those bags."
• (Kip Powers) "There aren't any stewardesses."
• (Wesley Snipes) "I wonder if they are any pilots."

• (Wesley Snipes) "Don't you guys go anywhere. I plan to put on a hitting display."

• (Wesley Snipes) "Moby Dick? What you reading that for?"
• (Tom Berenger) "This happens to be a masterpiece of American Literature."
• (Wesley Snipes) "Lynn turn you on to that?"
• (Tom Berenger) "Yeah -- a long time ago."
• (Wesley Snipes) "Well listen, if we ever get out of here, me and the other guys are going to a club later on tonight. You want to come with us?"
• (Tom Berenger) "Oh, I can't, I got some reading to do."
• (Wesley Snipes) "What man, you got a test or something? Jake, man why don't you just go over there and see her. Maybe she'll let you slide on a couple of these."
• (Tom Berenger) "Well I would if I knew where she lived."
• (Wesley Snipes) "That's easy. Just tail her home from the library."
• (Tom Berenger) "You mean sit in my car and wait for her to get out of work and then follow her? That's kind of juvenille don't you think?"
• (Wesley Snipes) "Yeah."

• (Wesley Snipes) "s***. I've been cut already?"
• (Andy Romano) "Who the hell is that?"
• (James Gammon) "Get him a uniform."

Corbin Bernsen as Roger Dorn

• (Corbin Bernsen) "Let's cut through the crap, Vaughn. I only got one thing to say to you: Strike this guy out."

• (Corbin Bernsen) "Let's cut through the crap, Vaughn. I only got one thing to say to you: "Strike this mother f***er out.""

• (Corbin Bernsen) "Lou. Can I have a word with you, here?"
• (James Gammon) "Sure."
• (Corbin Bernsen) "See, I've got it right here in my contract. It says, "I don't have to do any calisthenics that I don't feel are necessary." So what do you think about that?"

• (Corbin Bernsen) "I only got one thing to say to you, Vaughn. Strike this motherf***er out."

Kip Powers as Rick Vaughn

• (Kip Powers) "I got news for you Mr. Brown, you haven't heard the last of me. You may think I'm s*** now, but someday you're gonna be sorry you cut me. I'm gonna catch on somewhere else and every time that I pitch against you I'm gonna stick it up you're f***in' ass."
• (James Gammon) "Good, I like that kind of spirit in a player. The only problem is I didn't cut you."
• (Kip Powers) "What?"
• (James Gammon) "I think someone's been having some fun with you."

• (Unnamed) "You threw at him intentionally."
• (Kip Powers) "Oh, kiss my ass."
• (Unnamed) "You're gone."
• (Kip Powers) "You're full of s***. f*** you."
• (Unnamed) "Get outta here, rookie."
• (Kip Powers) "Oh, why don't you blow me ump?"

• (Kip Powers) "f***ing Dorn. This game should be over by now. He could've had that ball, he tanked it on purpose."
• (Tom Berenger) "Hey. This isn't the California Penal League, Vaughn, we're professionals here. We don't tank plays for personal reasons, so cut the cry baby s***. Now, you've pitched a hell of a game, you want to finish it, don't you?"
• (Kip Powers) "Yeah."
• (Tom Berenger) "Good -- think you can get a strike on this guy?"
• (Kip Powers) "Won't be much on it, my arm feels like Jello right now."
• (Tom Berenger) "Just get it over the plate, I want him to swing."
• (Kip Powers) "The last time I did that, the guy hit a ball that hasn't even landed yet."
• (Tom Berenger) "Don't worry, I'll take care of it."

• (Kip Powers) "What's that s*** on your chest?"
• (Chelcie Ross) "Crisco."
• (Chelcie Ross) "Bardol."
• (Chelcie Ross) "Vagisil. Any one of them will give you another two to three inches drop on your curve ball. Of course if the umps are watching me real close I'll rub a little jalapeo up my nose, get it runnin', and if I need to load the ball up I just --"
• (Chelcie Ross) "-- wipe my nose."
• (Kip Powers) "You put snot on the ball?"
• (Chelcie Ross) "I haven't got an arm like you, kid. I have to put anything on it I can find. Someday you will too."

• (Unnamed) "Hey, Vaughn. Can I have your autograph?"
• (Kip Powers) "Sure."
• (Kip Powers) "My first autograph. I couldn't give these away a few weeks ago."
• (Unnamed) "I heard your news on the radio. You made their hall of shame."
• (Kip Powers) "Nice hair."
• (Tom Berenger) "Yeah, well you're a celeberty now, Vaughn"

Chelcie Ross as Eddie Harris

• (Chelcie Ross) "Hey, man, they look nice. I had a pair just like them."
• (Kip Powers) "Well, after the game I'm gonna go pick out a pair that's more me."
• (Chelcie Ross) "Good luck."
• (James Gammon) "They look good. Besides, seeing is the most important thing, son."
• (Wesley Snipes) "I don't think it's that important."
• (Kip Powers) "f*** --"

• (Chelcie Ross) "Hey, Lou. Aren't we gonna have a prayer?"
• (Chelcie Ross) "I mean, uh, we're not all savages, like Cerrano over there."
• (Dennis Haysbert) "Cállate, cabrón."
• (James Gammon) "You guys go ahead."
• (Chelcie Ross) "Oh, well, ok. Uh, let's, all bow our heads."
• (Corbin Bernsen) "Excuse me I'll be in my office."
• (Chelcie Ross) "Dear heavenly father, we humbly pray that you will guide --"
• (Chelcie Ross) "Jesus Christ Cerrano."
• (Dennis Haysbert) "Have to wake up bat."
• (Chelcie Ross) "Ok, s***. Can we try this again?"

• (Chelcie Ross) "We did it. We did it."

Andy Romano as Pepper Leach

• (Andy Romano) "Look at this f***ing guy."

• (Andy Romano) "You want me to go get him?"
• (James Gammon) "No, keep him in. Let's see how he reacts."
• (James Gammon) "Interesting."

Charles Cyphers as Charlie Donovan

• (Charles Cyphers) "Vaughn's been looking good out there today."
• (Margaret Whitton) "Don't worry, he'll blow it."

• (Charles Cyphers) "How would you like to manage the Indians this year?"
• (James Gammon) "Gee, I don't know --"
• (Charles Cyphers) "What do you mean, you don't know? This is your chance to manage in the big leagues."
• (James Gammon) "Let me get back to you, will ya, Charlie? I got a guy on the other line asking about some white walls."

• (Charles Cyphers) "There's Jake Taylor."
• (James Gammon) "He was an all-star in Boston, wasn't he?"
• (Charles Cyphers) "Yeah, wound up in the Mexican League. Had problems with his knees."
• (Andy Romano) "Wish we had him two years ago."
• (Charles Cyphers) "We did."

Margaret Whitton as Rachel Phelps

• (Margaret Whitton) "I think he'll fit right in with our team concept."
• (Charles Cyphers) "That reminds me, I was going to ask you. What exactly is our team concept?"

• (Margaret Whitton) "Any ideas?"
• (Charles Cyphers) "On how we can get worse?"
• (Margaret Whitton) "Mmmmm --"
• (Charles Cyphers) "How about a series of fines for good play? Maybe a $30,000 bonus to the guy voted Least Valuable Player."
• (Margaret Whitton) "Maybe the problem is -- we're coddling these guys too much. Yeah."

• (Margaret Whitton) "Sit down, Charlie."

Stacy Carroll as Suzanne Dorn

• (Stacy Carroll) "Mind if I join you?"
• (Kip Powers) "I don't think I'm very good company, right now."
• (Stacy Carroll) "Why not?"
• (Kip Powers) "The job I guess. I'm uh, a ball player."
• (Stacy Carroll) "That's not why I'm here. I don't chase ball players."
• (Stacy Carroll) "I think you're the sexiest man I have ever layed my eyes on."
• (Kip Powers) "Check?"

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