Love Story (M*A*S*H) Quotes

Love Story (M*A*S*H) is a television program that debuted in 1970 . Love Story ended in 1970.

Love Story (M*A*S*H) Quotes

• (Charles) "Hunnicutt, I've known a lot of people in my life. You are not among them."

• (Hawkeye) "Life, Liberty, and Pursuit of happy hour."

• (Radar) "My own father didn't have me until he was 63, and the first time we played peek-a-boo together he had a stroke."

• (Hawkeye) "We like it. It's modeled after the Chicago sewer system."

• (Frank Burns) "That's not my department, sir; intelligence is something I try to avoid."

• (B.J.) "Why don't you do us a favour, and break it in."

• (Frank Burns) "I'm sick of hearing about the wounded. What about all the thousands of wonderful guys who are fighting this war without any of the credit or the glory that always goes to those lucky few who just happen to get shot?"

• (Margaret) "Act like a man, you sniveling twerp."

• (Hawkeye) "Margaret, I'm honored, touched -- and aroused."

• (Frank Burns) "I don't see why the American taxpayer has to pay for a wedding between these two pagans."
• (Margaret) "They're not pagans, Frank. Everyone's going to be wearing clothes."

• (Frank Burns) "This is the last straw."
• (Hawkeye) "Remind me to order more straws."

• (Col. Potter) "The General answers his own phone. Must be a Unitarian."

• (Trapper) "I've never met a nurse that didn't register."

• (Hawkeye) "War isn't Hell. War is war, and Hell is Hell. And of the two, war is a lot worse."
• (Father Mulcahy) "How do you figure, Hawkeye?"
• (Hawkeye) "Easy, Father. Tell me, who goes to Hell?"
• (Father Mulcahy) "Sinners, I believe."
• (Hawkeye) "Exactly. There are no innocent bystanders in Hell. War is chock full of them; little kids, cripples, old ladies. In fact, except for some of the brass, almost everybody involved is an innocent bystander."

• (Frank Burns) "It's nice to be nice -- to the nice."

• (Radar) "I thought this stuff was supposed to make you feel better."
• (B.J.) "No. It's supposed to make you feel nothing."

• (Charles) "Live. That's an order."

• (Frank Burns) "Funny thing, war: never have so many suffered so much so so few could be so happy."
• (Margaret) "We're lucky to be two of the few and not the many."
• (Frank Burns) "I know, darling, and I love being both of us."

• (Colonel Flagg) "You think you're real smart. But you're not smart; you're dumb. Very dumb. But you've met your match in me."

• (Unnamed) "Hear ye, Hear ye, it's 0700 and all is hell. Incoming wounded, folks."

• (Unnamed) "Attention all personnel. Due to the shortage of oil and wood, tonight's movie will be burned at 1800."

• (Father Mulcahy) "Colonel Blake, are you busy?"
• (Henry Blake) "No -- I'm telling this mian's fortune by reading his bowels."

• (Unnamed) "Attention, all personnel; this is your wake-up call."

• (Dr. Sidney Freedman) "You're a tribute to man's endurance. A monument to hope in size 12 pumps. I hope you do get out someday. There would be a battalion of men in hoop skirts right behind you."

• (Unnamed) "Attention all personnel. Due to a lack of casualties, today's midnight movie will be shown at 9:00 in the morning -- And midnight has been canceled."

• (Col. Potter) "Please excuse these two, they're themselves today."

• (B.J.) "What's Frank up to?"
• (Hawkeye) "I think he's vacuuming Korea. Eisenhower's coming; he wants everything just so."

• (Henry Blake) "Boy, those two poops are gonna drive me dippy."

• (Henry Blake) "Frank, whatever it is, just write it down and put it on my desk where I can't find it."

• (Father Mulcahy) "You'd be surprised what a priest can get away with."

• (Frank Burns) "We're making real progress."
• (Hawkeye) "I can tell. You have a Korean accent."

• (Henry Blake) "Will you stop saying what I'm thinking?"
• (Radar) "One of us has to."

• (Trapper) "They got a lot of guts."
• (Hawkeye) "And they keep serving them."

• (Frank Burns) "I know I'm a real asset."
• (Hawkeye) "You're only off by two letters."

• (Frank Burns) "It's the way these yellow devils think. It's burned into their brains. Kill Americans, kill, kill. They don't respect human life the way we do. I'd like to take him out and shoot him."

• (Frank Burns) "All right, where's my razor?"
• (Hawkeye) "Been shaving your legs again, Frank?"

• (Colonel Flagg) "I could kill you with one finger."

• (Radar) "Will Scotch be all right for everybody, sir?"
• (Henry Blake) "Yeah, fine, Radar; perfect."
• (Radar) "Uh, I ran out of ice sir, so I used bourbon."

• (Unnamed) "Due To circumstances beyond our control, lunch will be served today."

• (Frank Burns) "I'm taking this to a higher authority."
• (Trapper) "Aw, Frank -- you're not going to write your mother again."

• (Frank Burns) "I love it here."
• (Col. Potter) "Either you or Klinger is nuts. Now I have to figure out which one."

• (Charles) "Where is that Lebanese mongoose?"

• (Cpl. Igor Straminsky) "See these fresh oranges? They don't grow on trees, you know."

• (Hawkeye) "Unhand me you varlet, you know not who you touch."

• (Hawkeye) "You're a better nurse than I am, Gunga Din."

• (Hawkeye) "Insanity is just a state of mind"

• (Charles) "Klinger, you are a gentleman and a lady."

• (Frank Burns) "Spontaneity has its time and its place."

• (Hawkeye) "Klinger, get back here as fast as you can. We want a few minutes before the party to beat the daylights out of you."

• (Hawkeye) "Boy, did his draft board go crazy."

• (Father Mulcahy) "Here you go kids -- just something to read on the way."
• (Hawkeye) "If you have any questions they have branch offices everywhere."

• (Hawkeye) "I'm too frightened to be scared."

• (Radar) "Sir, I was just crossing the compound when --"
• (Frank Burns) "I have no interest in the compound."
• (Klinger) "He has no compound-interest."

• (Radar) "Sir, there's someone waiting to see you."
• (Henry Blake) "I was born with someone waiting to see me."

• (Frank Burns) "You disgust me."
• (Hawkeye) "You're right, Frank -- I discussed you with everyone I know and we all find you disgusting."

• (Col. Potter) "Y'know, I had a still, on Guam. One night, it blew up."
• (Col. Potter) "That's how I got my Purple Heart."

• (Hawkeye) "Did anyone ever tell you, you have the voice of a songbird slowly drowning in tar?"

• (Father Mulcahy) "Colonel, an ambulance has turned over in the compound, you better come on the double."
• (Col. Potter) "Anybody hurt?"
• (Father Mulcahy) "Well, the driver's a bit shaken-up, but he'll be all right."
• (Col. Potter) "No-one else inside?"
• (Father Mulcahy) "No."
• (Col. Potter) "Thank God."
• (Father Mulcahy) "I already did."

• (Dr. Sidney Freedman) "I haven't washed my hands since I became a psychiatrist."

• (Frank Burns) "Klinger, how dare you wear that hat while in uniform?"
• (Klinger) "It's spring, sir."

• (Frank Burns) "Why don't you guys like me?"
• (Hawkeye) "Because you're a lousy doctor and a rotten person."
• (Frank Burns) "Aside from that."
• (B.J.) "Well, there's your pimples."
• (Frank Burns) "My pores won't close."

• (Frank Burns) "The men hate me, don't they?"
• (Radar) "Just your guts, sir."

• (Hawkeye) "Blow in my ear."
• (Margaret) "What?"
• (Hawkeye) "I'm so cold I think my pilot's gone out."

• (Hawkeye) "Sidney? Hawkeye Pierce. Did I interrupt you in the middle of someone?"

• (Margaret) "Oh, Frank. You're so above average."

• (Frank Burns) "Courage is something you shouldn't be afraid to have."

• (Henry Blake) "Do we have enough sherry and ginger-ale for the General?"
• (Radar) "Oh, nobody does, sir."
• (Henry Blake) "Oh, fine then, if nobody does we don't have to, but make sure we do, just in case we don't."

• (Hawkeye) "If you act drunk long enough, you get a REAL hangover."

• (Hawkeye) "How much of this can a man take? We must have seen this picture twelve times in the last month. Its a recurring nightmare with popcorn."

• (Klinger) "Sir, I've had a lot of experience in these matters."
• (Charles) "I do not need the wisdom of your experience. I am not selling watches from the trunk of a car."

• (Henry Blake) "You two have gone over my head so many times I have athlete's scalp."

• (Henry Blake) "You're always wrong, Frank. That's what's so right about you."

• (Radar) "Whoa, did you know it's yesterday there?"
• (Hawkeye) "Well, it's today here."
• (B.J.) "It's always today here."
• (Hawkeye) "Oh, yeah? What about tomorrow?"
• (B.J.) "Good point."
• (Hawkeye) "Ha, I wasn't born yesterday."

• (Colonel Lambert) "Honest, true blue as the day is long, and about as interesting as a five-pound bag of fertilizer."

Add or Update Quotes

If you have a quote to add or change, please fill in the form below.