L.A. Story Quotes

L.A. Story is a television show that first aired in 1970 . L.A. Story stopped airing in 1970.

It features Daniel Melnick as producer, Peter Melnick in charge of musical score, and Andrew Dunn (cinematographer) as head of cinematography.

L.A. Story is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of L.A. Story is 98 minutes long. L.A. Story is distributed by TriStar Pictures.

The cast includes: Marilu Henner as Trudi, Sam McMurray as Morris Frost, Steve Martin as Ted, Steve Martin as Harris, Iman as Cynthia, Victoria Tennant as Sara, Sarah Jessica Parker as SanDeE*, Richard E. Grant as Roland, Kevin Pollak as Frank Swan, Susan Forristal as Ariel, Steve Martin as Chef, and Kevin Pollak as Man.

L.A. Story Quotes

Steve Martin as Harris

• (Steve Martin) "Hello, L'Idiot? Yes, I'd like to make reservations for two for Friday. Saturday? Sunday? Ah good. Eight-thirty. Five-thirty or ten-thirty? Um, five-thirty. Visa -- I'm a weatherman -- yes, I'm on TV. Renting -- I just sold a condo -- yes, in this "soft market" -- well, I don't see how that's any of your -- the low fifties."

• (Steve Martin) "If confusion about your love life is ruining your day, I think it's good to go over to your best friend's house and ruin her day too."

• (Steve Martin) "A kiss may not be the truth, but it is what we wish were true."

• (Steve Martin) "I call it performance art, but my friend Ariel calls it wasting time. History will decide."

• (Steve Martin) "Hello, this is Harris. I'm in right now, so you can talk to me personally. Please start talking at the sound of the beep."
• (Victoria Tennant) "Hello?"
• (Steve Martin) "Hello."
• (Victoria Tennant) "Hello?"
• (Steve Martin) "Hello."
• (Victoria Tennant) "Is this a person?"
• (Steve Martin) "Yes, it is a person."

• (Steve Martin) "Okay, more wacky, less egghead. What was your name again?"

• (Steve Martin) "I've been thinking about myself and I think I can become the kind of person that's worth you staying for. First of all, I'm a man who can cry. Now it's true, it's usually when I've hurt myself, but it's a start."

• (Steve Martin) "I like the relationships. I mean, each character has his own story. The puppy is a bit too much, but you have to over look things like that in these kinds of paintings. The way he's holding her -- it's almost -- filthy. I mean, he's about to kiss her and she's pulling away. The way the leg's sort of smashed up against her -- Phew -- Look how he's painted the blouse sort of translucent. You can just make out her breasts underneath and it's sort of touching him about here. It's really -- pretty torrid, don't you think? Then of course you have the onlookers peeking at them from behind the doorway like they're all shocked. They wish. Yeah, I must admit, when I see a painting like this, I get emotionally -- erect."

• (Steve Martin) "Don't point it at me."
• (Marilu Henner) "Sorry, I don't know gun etiquette."

• (Steve Martin) "There are two reasons for the ridiculous detour I was about to embark on --"
• (Steve Martin) "Are you closed?"
• (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Ya. Sorry."
• (Steve Martin) "The first reason was: I believed a relationship with Sara was impossible --"
• (Steve Martin) "And the second reason was: I was a big, dumb male."

• (Steve Martin) "You're on time."
• (Victoria Tennant) "Actually I'm late."
• (Steve Martin) "You're exactly on time."
• (Victoria Tennant) "But I had planned to be early."

• (Steve Martin) "Forget for this moment the smog and the cars and the restaurant and the skating and remember only this. A kiss may not be the truth, but it is what we wish were true."

• (Steve Martin) "SanDeE, your -- your breasts feel weird."
• (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Oh, that's 'cause they're real."

• (Steve Martin) "Why is it that we don't always recognize the moment when love begins but we always know when it ends?"

• (Steve Martin) "Ordinarily, I don't like to be around interesting people because it means I have to be interesting too."
• (Victoria Tennant) "Are you saying I'm interesting?"
• (Steve Martin) "All I'm saying is that, when I'm around you, I find myself showing off, which is the idiot's version of being interesting."

• (Steve Martin) "How long has this been going on?"
• (Marilu Henner) "Three years."
• (Steve Martin) "Three years? You mean this has been going on since the '80s?"

• (Steve Martin) "So, I'll see you Sunday?"
• (Marilu Henner) "I got a shower Sunday."
• (Steve Martin) "Oh yeah, and I really should take a bath -- Monday?"

• (Steve Martin) "Right side -- right side. Get on the right side."
• (Victoria Tennant) "I don't think he can hear you."

• (Steve Martin) "We've got sun, earth, and atmosphere, and when you've got that, you've got weather."

• (Steve Martin) "Sitting there at that moment I thought of something else Shakespeare said. He said, "Hey -- life is pretty stupid; with lots of hubbub to keep you busy, but really not amounting to much." Of course I'm paraphrasing: "Life is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.""

• (Steve Martin) "A sign spoke to me, said I was in trouble."
• (Marilu Henner) "If you're talking to signs, you are in trouble."

• (Steve Martin) "Well, thank you for a lovely lunch and enema."

• (Steve Martin) "Ah; deep, sustained, booming sounds. Around nine, nine-fifteen."

• (Steve Martin) "Here, let me not drive for a while."

• (Steve Martin) "Let us just say I was deeply unhappy, but I didn't know it because I was so happy all the time."

• (Steve Martin) "When I really analyze it, Trudi wasn't for me anyway. The only good times we had were having sex and laying in bed watching TV."
• (Susan Forristal) "I hate to tell you this, Harris, but if you can find somebody you can have sex with and lie in bed and watch TV, you've really got something."

• (Steve Martin) "So there I was jabbering at her about my new job as a serious newsman; about anything at all; but all I could think was wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, and most wonderful and yet again, wonderful."

• (Steve Martin) "I don't think we should make love, all right?"
• (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Okay, we'll just have sex."

• (Mr. Perdue, Maitre D' at L'Idiot) "You think with a statement like this you can have the duck?"
• (Steve Martin) "He can have the chicken."

• (Crook) "Hi. My name is Bob. I'll be your robber."
• (Steve Martin) "Hi, how are you?"
• (Crook) "Thank you very much."

• (Steve Martin) "I could never be a woman, 'cause I'd just stay home and play with my breasts all day."

• (Steve Martin) "Some of these buildings are over 20 years old."

• (Gail, News Anchor) "And what a surprise this weekend when the weather turned unseasonably low. Here's Harris Telemacher, our "wacky weatherman" with a report."
• (Steve Martin) "And when the weather dropped down to 58 degrees this weekend, how did you cope?"
• (Kevin Pollak) "I went to make sure all the windows were shut."
• (Steve Martin) "And, what about your pets? Were they outside? What happened?"
• (Kevin Pollak) "Well, the cats were out till around ten. But it got a little too cold for them and they came in."
• (Steve Martin) "The cats were out till around ten. But it got a little too cold for them and they came in. Well, that's how L.A. coped with that surprise low of 58 degrees that turned the weekend into a real weenie shrinker."

• (Steve Martin) "I'm already finished and I don't remember eating."

• (Steve Martin) "But then I'd just be using you to get back at her."
• (Sarah Jessica Parker) "I don't mind."
• (Steve Martin) "Let's go."

• (Steve Martin) "And I thought they were only supposed to take 10 percent."

• (Steve Martin) "They're really excited. They must be cheating on someone."

• (Steve Martin) "There comes a time in a person's life when it's now or never. It's now or never. Let me read to you from this book of poems: "O pointy birds, o pointy pointy. Anoint -- ""

Victoria Tennant as Sara

• (Victoria Tennant) "And if I were to go?"
• (Steve Martin) "All I know is, on the day your plane was to leave, if I had the power, I would turn the winds around, I would roll in the fog, I would bring in storms, I would change the polarity of the earth so compasses couldn't work, so your plane couldn't take off."

• (Victoria Tennant) "I keep thinking I'm a grown up, but I'm not."

• (Victoria Tennant) "Roland thinks L.A. is a place for the brain-dead. He says, if you turned off the sprinklers, it would turn into a desert. But I think; I don't know, it's not what I expected. It's a place where they've taken a desert and turned it into their dreams. I've seen a lot of L.A. and I think it's also a place of secrets: secret houses, secret lives, secret pleasures. And no one is looking to the outside for verification that what they're doing is all right. So what do you say, Roland?"
• (Richard E. Grant) "I still say it's a place for the brain-dead."

• (Victoria Tennant) "Let your mind go and your body will follow."

• (Victoria Tennant) "What did you have in mind?"
• (Steve Martin) "Well, I was thinking of taking you on a cultural tour of L.A."
• (Victoria Tennant) "That's the first fifteen minutes, then what?"
• (Steve Martin) "All right, a cynic. First stop is six blocks from here."
• (Victoria Tennant) "Why don't we walk?"
• (Steve Martin) "Walk? A walk in L.A.?"

• (Victoria Tennant) "Why didn't you tell me you had just broke up with someone?"
• (Steve Martin) "How do you know I just broke up with someone?"
• (Victoria Tennant) "Because when men just break up with someone, they always run around with someone much too young for them."
• (Steve Martin) "She's not so young. She'll be 27 in four years."

• (Victoria Tennant) "Oh no, I can't. This is how Mommy met Daddy."
• (Steve Martin) "Let your mind go and your body will follow."

Kevin Pollak as Man

• (Kevin Pollak) "What do you do for a living, Rollie?"
• (Richard E. Grant) "I deal in English paintings."
• (Kevin Pollak) "Abstract or realistic?"
• (Richard E. Grant) "Depends on which way you look at them, I suppose."

Sarah Jessica Parker as SanDeE*

• (Sarah Jessica Parker) "I don't put any pressure on you, do I?"
• (Steve Martin) "Not at all -- I don't pressure you, do I?"
• (Sarah Jessica Parker) "No, no, I just don't think there should be any pressure."
• (Steve Martin) "No. Tell me if I pressure you."
• (Sarah Jessica Parker) "OK. And you too, but don't feel like you have to."

Marilu Henner as Trudi

• (Marilu Henner) "One of the first things I always teach my clients is about the point system. You should never have more than seven things on. You know, like your earrings count for two points, those daisies count for three points. But the best thing to do is, right before you go out, look in the mirror and turn around real fast, and the first thing that catches your eye, get rid of it. I mean, I had this thing in my hair before I left, remember? And I pulled it right out, 'cause as soon as I turned, gone. Marilyn Monroe did that."

• (Marilu Henner) "He said it's the first day of spring."
• (Steve Martin) "Oh s***. Open season on the L.A. freeway."

• (Marilu Henner) "Isn't that girl Sara awful? I mean, what's with that accent?"
• (Steve Martin) "She has an accent because she's English."
• (Marilu Henner) "Or maybe she's just trying to impress everybody."
• (Steve Martin) "Oh, like that big phony, Winston Churchill."

Richard E. Grant as Roland

• (Richard E. Grant) "That's the difference between England and America. The English maintain civil relationships with their exes. Americans sue them."

• (Richard E. Grant) "Sara just got off a plane from London."
• (Marilu Henner) "Oh, you must be exhausted."
• (Victoria Tennant) "Yes, I'm shattered, but it's nothing that some sleep and a good f*** wouldn't cure, as my sister used to say. Ha ha ha."
• (Richard E. Grant) "You'll have to forgive Sara."
• (Victoria Tennant) "Oh, it was just -- it was just a figure of speech. I've been on a plane for twelve hours next to a crying baby."

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