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Just One of the Guys Quotes

Just One of the Guys is a television program that appeared on TV in 1970 . Just One of the Guys ended in 1970.

It features Andrew Fogelson as producer, Tom Scott (musician) in charge of musical score, and John McPherson as head of cinematography.

Just One of the Guys is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Just One of the Guys is 90 minutes long. Just One of the Guys is distributed by Columbia Pictures.

The cast includes: Clayton Rohner as Rick, Joyce Hyser as Terry, Billy Jayne as Buddy, William Zabka as Greg Tolan, Toni Hudson as Denise, Kenneth Tigar as Mr. Raymaker, Sherilyn Fenn as Sandy, Leigh McCloskey as Kevin, and Arye Gross as Willie.

Just One of the Guys Quotes

Billy Jayne as Buddy

  • (Billy Jayne) "This morning I knew her. I talked to her. She screamed at me. Everything was great. Now she's wearing my clothes."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Hey, who do think you are, Tootsie?"
  • (Billy Jayne) "Always when I'm busy."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Don't get me wrong. It's not like I've never had sex before. I've had lots of sex. Just that now I want to try it with a partner."
  • (Billy Jayne) "She's in the pool."
  • (Leigh McCloskey) "What took you so long?"
  • (Billy Jayne) "I knew it was you."
  • (Leigh McCloskey) "I keep forgetting how young you are."
  • (Billy Jayne) "What a waste of a sports car."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Big improvement, huh? The room needed something."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Your room is why my life is totally screwed up. You guys think beautiful women are nothing but decoration. Total airheads."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Hey, not me. These women have my deepest respect."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "For showing their boobs?"
  • (Billy Jayne) "And for their minds. It just so happens that Kim here reads Vonnegut in her bubble bath, and Louann has dedicated her centerfold to help clean up toxic waste. And the only reason Barbara does her physics homework buck-naked is 'cause that library is hot."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Can I be totally honest with you? Your touch is the reason why I went through puberty."
  • (Billy Jayne) "That girl had incredible self-control."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Kevin hates me. Rick hates me. Everybody hates me except Sandy."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Oh, yeah, how'd it go? Did you get laid?"
  • (Joyce Hyser) "I bet I came closer than you."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Our parents are gone for two weeks. You know what that means? Their king-sized bed is empty. Well, what do you think?"
  • (Toni Hudson) "I think if you and I were the last man and woman on Earth, the human race would die out."
  • (Billy Jayne) "You want time to think it over. I understand."
  • (Linda) "Why are you smiling like that?"
  • (Billy Jayne) "'Cause it's party time. Let's dance. Let's get crazy. Let's get drunk. Let's get naked."
  • (Linda) "Buddy, I love a good party, but something about you worries me."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Linda, you're a nut. What do you like, skinny dip in the pool? Back rub in the bedroom? Pick a sin. Any sin."
  • (Billy Jayne) "I'm 15 years old. In two years, I reach the peak of my sexual powers. The clock is ticking. I have to get jamming."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Can't you hear what you're saying? Aren't you a little embarrassed?"
  • (Billy Jayne) "Nope. I'm horny. Horny will kick embarrassment's ass every time."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Budster, listen to me. Don't you want your first time to be with someone you love?"
  • (Billy Jayne) "I guarantee it, I'll be in love."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Terry, it's summer. Smile."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "My face hurts when I smile."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Listen to me, oh, sister of my loins, I've got a driver's license and a sex life. You've got the job of your dreams, and a chauffeur. Life is sweet. Let's get an ice cream."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Not much has been happening, Ma. Yeah, I did pretty good on my history test. Terry's become a transsexual. Yeah, she's starting to grow hair on her chest. Yeah, just a second. Hey, Mom wants to talk to you."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "No, no."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Uh, she can't talk mom. The doctors have advised her not to speak. Something hormonal and vocal."
  • (Billy Jayne) "I have two words for you. Slumber party. We'll invite every girl you know. Tall, short, loose, easy -- I'll be the bartender. They can use my bedroom, they can use my body. I want to help."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "You want to molest my friends."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Forget it."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Why? You'll have a party. And I'll --"
  • (Billy Jayne) "Very crucial. Something every guy does. Let me see you scratch your balls."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Hey, come on, try it."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Wait a minute. Watch the master. Now first, there's your basic shift."
  • (Billy Jayne) "But that's not always enough. Sometimes you've got to get inside, dig a little, let some air in, move things around."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Yeah, well, maybe my balls don't itch."
  • (Billy Jayne) "All balls itch. It's a fact."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Don't worry. I'm a stunt driver. I do this for a living."
  • (Billy Jayne) "I know this place that delivers. 'Massage Delight' or something. Can I borrow $200?"
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Buddy, why don't you just call the guys and go to the mall?"
  • (Billy Jayne) "I'd rather wallow in my virginity."
  • (Linda) "Bye."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Linda, wait. For God's sake, I vacuumed, Linda."
  • (Linda) "Buddy, you're a nice guy."
  • (Billy Jayne) "No, not a nice guy. That's the kiss of death."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Okay. Let's see you walk."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Hold it. Look. You got balls now. Use 'em."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Say, baby, what's happening? I'm a lean, mean, sex machine, and that be the way it is."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "'Say, baby, what's happening? I'm a lean, mean, sex machine, and that be the way it is.'"
  • (Billy Jayne) "I think you'll pass as long as you don't move."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Mr. Wonderful is Mr. History?"
  • (Billy Jayne) "All right."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Hold it. It's time Kevin knew the truth. Terry moved to Oregon to join a religious cult that she saw on '60 Minutes.'"
  • (Billy Jayne) "It's all in the letter. You should go home and wait for it, Kevin."
  • (Billy Jayne) "I'll tell you what, I'll do the dishes."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Thank you."
  • (Billy Jayne) "I can see myself."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Hey, Denise. What's your rush? We're young. We're wild. Let's be young and wild together."
  • (Toni Hudson) "I'd rather get the phone book and pick a name at random."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Sorry, Spike."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Okay. Well, uh -- Look how you're standing. I mean, drop your hands. Okay, now stick your hip in. All right, now move your feet out."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Hey. Guys take up space."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Uh, you've got some pudding on your shoes."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Hello? Hey, yo, scumbag. Hey, suck your own. Eat me. Hey, same to you, buttface."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Mom says 'hi.'"
  • (Billy Jayne) "What are the odds of this being a homeless nymphomaniac?"
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Is your sister home?"
  • (Billy Jayne) "Yeah."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Terry, you got company."
  • (Billy Jayne) "You are so hot."
  • (Toni Hudson) "Buddy."
  • (Toni Hudson) "I just ate."

Arye Gross as Willie

  • (English Teacher) "I don't care what planet you two are from, you've been pulling this routine for three years. You'll be here another year if you don't straighten out. I want that homework now."
  • (Arye Gross) "The Earth woman seems so tense. Irritable. Too much coffee."
  • (Phil) "Not enough sex."
  • (Arye Gross) "Phil. Phil."
  • (Phil) "Oh, Willie."
  • (Arye Gross) "I hate gym."
  • (Phil) "I really hate Gym."
  • (Arye Gross) "I really hate gym, a lot."
  • (Phil) "I'm picking up curious life readings."
  • (Arye Gross) "Is it human?"
  • (Phil) "Unknown. It seems to be some sort of carbon-based douchebag."
  • (English Teacher) "Willie, will you give us a synopsis of 'Catcher in the Rye'?"
  • (Arye Gross) "'Catcher in the Rye', a novel written by the Earthling Salinger that every adolescent Homo Sapien in America is forced to read."
  • (English Teacher) "You didn't read it, did you?"
  • (Arye Gross) "Our mission on your planet is to study human behavioral patterns."
  • (Phil) "Last night, we simulated a daily teenage ritual, homework avoidance. We consumed large quantities of fermented hops and were transformed into degenerate party animal head bangers."

Clayton Rohner as Rick

  • (Clayton Rohner) "Um, excuse me. Could I have your attention please? Your attention? Every day at lunch, we get a very special treat from a very special guy. A guy who has dedicated his life to building his body, pushing his muscles to the very limits of human endurance. Why, you ask? Why? Well, to be strong enough to lift tables and spill food, Greg Tolan."
  • (Clayton Rohner) "Whoa, wait. Let's take a moment to find out a little bit about the man behind the mess. Greg. May I call you Greg? Now, tell us, Greg, how did you get into spilling food, huh? Were you a messy baby? Did you hate your strained peas? Well, you know, how most psychologists tell us that guys, well, they get into body building to compensate for either a lack of IQ, or a small weenie. Which is it, Greg? Well, those of us in Greg's gym class certainly know the answer to that one."
  • (William Zabka) "I'm going to beat the shit out of you, Morehouse."
  • (Deborah) "Greg, please."
  • (Clayton Rohner) "Hey, isn't he great? Muscles and a sense of humor. Well, let's thank Greg for the many lunchtime thrills and spills he's given us. All right everybody, up. Come on, everybody up. Grab an end of your table."
  • (Clayton Rohner) "A tribute to you, Greg. Lift."
  • (Clayton Rohner) "We love you, Greg."
  • (Clayton Rohner) "Um -- Beth. Doing anything, uh, prom night?"
  • (Beth) "I'm going to the prom."
  • (Clayton Rohner) "What about Saturday?"
  • (Beth) "I'm busy."
  • (Clayton Rohner) "Night?"
  • (Beth) "I'm busy."
  • (Clayton Rohner) "How about Sunday?"
  • (Beth) "I'm busy."
  • (Clayton Rohner) "How about any night in 1987?"
  • (Beth) "I'm busy."
  • (Clayton Rohner) "How about yesterday? You busy yesterday?"
  • (Beth) "I think so, but you can ask me out again."
  • (Clayton Rohner) "Um, if my Mom comes home from work and she asks you about my girlfriend -- Just so you know, her name is Alice, and she looks a lot like Chris Evert Lloyd."
  • (Clayton Rohner) "I just don't want her to worry, you know, about my social life."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Yeah, but Chris Evert Lloyd?"
  • (Clayton Rohner) "Did you want to come in?"
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Well, I was just going to -- Just going to tune on my car, maybe play a little football, but, yeah I got time."
  • (Clayton Rohner) "'No pain, no gain.'"
  • (Clayton Rohner) "Wait a minute, are those what I think they are?"
  • (Joyce Hyser) "I'm sorry."
  • (Clayton Rohner) "Where do you get off having tits?"
  • (Clayton Rohner) "She's pretty nice."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Yeah, but I got this one rule. I never go out with girls who say 'bitchin.'"
  • (Clayton Rohner) "I'm kind of into James Brown."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "I guess so."
  • (Clayton Rohner) "You know, Prince, Michael Jackson? It all goes back to James Brown, the godfather of soul. Not to mention, Mr. Humanitarian, My. Dynamite and the hardest working man in show business. Ah, New York City, live, the Apollo Theater, 1962. This man was king."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Well, let's hear some sounds."
  • (Clayton Rohner) "I don't think so."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Stereo broken?"
  • (Clayton Rohner) "No, it's just something I do by myself."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Huh?"
  • (Clayton Rohner) "Well, when I hear James I have to dance. You know, like James. I can't help it. I go crazy. And, uh, I'm usually alone when I do it."
  • (Clayton Rohner) "It's okay, everybody. It's all right. He has tits."
  • (Clayton Rohner) "You know, I sit right next to you in physics class."
  • (Clayton Rohner) "You have beautiful eyes."
  • (Clayton Rohner) "I'll bet."
  • (Clayton Rohner) "Yeah. Big night, huh?"
  • (Joyce Hyser) "I bet you're a little confused."
  • (Clayton Rohner) "I think I understand."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "I know I should've told you sooner, but, uh -- I didn't. Um -- I'm a --"
  • (Clayton Rohner) "Terry, I know. You're gay."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "I'm not gay."
  • (Clayton Rohner) "Wait a minute. Now I'm confused."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "I'm a girl. I'm a woman."
  • (Clayton Rohner) "Right, and I'm Cindi Lauper."

Sherilyn Fenn as Sandy

  • (Sherilyn Fenn) "Do you guys like pizza?"
  • (Sherilyn Fenn) "So, how's the fish?"
  • (Billy Jayne) "Great. I put a frogman in the bowl. And you know what? They really do love pizza."
  • (Sherilyn Fenn) "Look. What a fox. Dresses like Elvis Costello, looks like 'The Karate Kid.' I'm going to get him."
  • (Sherilyn Fenn) "Wow. Like this is where you sleep? Do your homework."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Yeah, well, uh -- I like pictures of people."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Terry loves tits and ass."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "These women aren't just tits and ass. Kim reads Vonnegut -- and Louann -- Louann despises toxic waste."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Don't let him fool you. Hard-core sex maniac."
  • (Sherilyn Fenn) "Where's Terry?"
  • (Billy Jayne) "Gone. This isn't the first time that that androgynous sleaze bucket has broken a beautiful girl's heart."
  • (Sherilyn Fenn) "I am so embarrassed."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Why? The room is full of naked women."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Wait. Would you feel more comfortable if I took my shirt off?"
  • (Billy Jayne) "What a nice girl."

Joyce Hyser as Terry

  • (Joyce Hyser) "Come on, Buddy."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "How do I look?"
  • (Billy Jayne) "Dashing."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "My zipper's open."
  • (Billy Jayne) "That was the dashing part."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Hi, uh, I'm Terry Griffith."
  • (Reptile) "Oh, hi, I'm Harold 'Reptile' Sherpico. It's time to feed Snowball his lunch."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Oh, Snowball. He's cute."
  • (Reptile) "Oh, that's not Snowball. This is Snowball."
  • (Reptile) "That's lunch. They don't make snake chow."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "It was very nice meeting you."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Hey, how you doing?"
  • (Joyce Hyser) "We'll talk more later."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Sometimes I just wish I were a guy."
  • (Billy Jayne) "No, you don't. The male body needs sex at all times. It's a living hell."
  • (Freshman) "Hey, Terry, I really liked your article. Especially the part about how you could be cool even though you don't dress cool and stuff. I feel the same way. You want to go out sometime?"
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Oh -- I'm really not ready yet, but thanks anyway."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "I am going to be a reporter."
  • (Kenneth Tigar) "That's good. I like that attitude. But don't you think that it would be nice to have something to fall back on?"
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Like what?"
  • (Kenneth Tigar) "Uh, well, you're a pretty girl, you could be a model."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Be a model? Why? Because a pretty girl couldn't possibly have a brain?"
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Great bunch of guys."
  • (Clayton Rohner) "I see you met Greg Tolan. He kinda runs the school. I'm Rick Moorehouse. Try not to get us confused."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "There was this contest, and I needed prove it, but then I stayed and I met you. And you're so wonderful that --"
  • (Clayton Rohner) "Shit -- I can't believe this."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Rick, I know you're mad, but I think you're terrific, and your friendship means so much to me that I just --"
  • (Clayton Rohner) "Then this whole thing was bullshit. Major bullshit."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "What are you doing?"
  • (Clayton Rohner) "What's it look like I'm doing?"
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Well, do you have to do that in here?"
  • (Clayton Rohner) "Seemed like the right time, certainly the right place."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Swift parking job, Bud, and you're late."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Yeah, I ran out of gas, but don't worry, I put a buck's worth in --"
  • (Billy Jayne) "On me."
  • (Boy in Locker Room) "Oh, it's spreading. Have you ever seen anything like this?"
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Never."
  • (Coach Mickey Morrison) "Got a problem, son?"
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Oh, stomach, shooting pains. I ate in the cafeteria."
  • (Coach Mickey Morrison) "Come on. Tough it out. When life rolls you a 7-10 split, what do you do?"
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Go to the nurse?"
  • (Coach Mickey Morrison) "No. Hell, no. You aim for that 7 pin, and let it rip."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Listen, sex is not that big a deal."
  • (Billy Jayne) "I'd like to form my own opinion."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Oh, man, I've had it with that jerk. You want to know about Greg Tolan? I'll tell you about Greg Tolan. Greg Tolan is toast. He can't get away with this. We've got to get him back."
  • (Clayton Rohner) "We and what army?"
  • (Joyce Hyser) "No violence. No need to sink to his level. You see, we have somethig that Greg Tolan will never have. Intelligence."
  • (Clayton Rohner) "You know, you're right. I mean, we're smart. Okay, Terry. What do we do?"
  • (Joyce Hyser) "I don't know."
  • (Clayton Rohner) "Me neither."
  • (Coach Mickey Morrison) "Severe intestinal disorder? What's the matter? You have a little tummy ache? What are you, a pussy?"
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Uh -- My doctor said that I should be okay by a week from Monday. So, I guess I'll just go to Study Hall."
  • (Coach Mickey Morrison) "No, you won't. I have a little job for you, son."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Bud, what do you want?"
  • (Billy Jayne) "Guess who came by to pick you up for school this morning? Your true love. Kevina."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Kevina was very upset that you left without her. You know how she worships your rippling muscles and your hairy chest. Terry is such a stallion. Go on, show him your hairy chest."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Buddy."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Budmeister, are you okay?"
  • (Billy Jayne) "No, Terry, I'm not. Mom and Dad come home Monday. I've had two weeks of total freedom. The closest that I've come to sex was a girl who took her top off to seduce my sister. What's wrong with me?"
  • (Joyce Hyser) "You know, my voyage of self-discovery has ended in despair."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Hey, that's so interesting, really. Can you shut the light off please?"
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Budster, the refrigerator gives new meaning to the word 'empty.'"
  • (Billy Jayne) "Hey, don't worry about breakfast. This stuff tastes great cold."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "You agreed to do half the shopping around here while Mom and Dad were gone."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Yeah, that's right, the second half."
  • (Deborah) "It's driving me crazy. I looked everywhere, I can't find the back of my earring. What am I suppose to do? Walk around all day with one earring? That is so punk."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Listen, all you got to do is break the eraser off a pencil. And you can use it to hold your earring on. Should get you through the day."
  • (Deborah) "Oh, thanks."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "I have sisters."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "I can't give up. And today was a disaster, and I was a major geek, but they all thought I was a guy. I was in the boys' locker room."
  • (Toni Hudson) "You were?"
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Yes."
  • (Toni Hudson) "And they were?"
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Yes."
  • (Toni Hudson) "Can I be your younger brother?"
  • (Joyce Hyser) "I'm going to do it. I'm going to take that article to Sturgis-Wilder, and I'm going to submit it as a guy."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Hey, it makes perfect sense. You got a problem, you get in drag."
  • (Cool Guy #1) "What's up, Terry?"
  • (Cool Guy #2) "How it's going, Terry?"
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Hi, guys."
  • (Toni Hudson) "Hi, guys. Bye -- Guys. Am I invisible?"
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Well, hey, why don't we go out and have some fun? You know, like, maybe we could go out dancing Friday night."
  • (Clayton Rohner) "Wait a minute. I'm the guy here. Let me just try this, okay? Why don't we go out dancing on Friday night?"
  • (Joyce Hyser) "What an original idea."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Listen, there's a half-naked woman in your bedroom feeding pizza to some fish, and she's all yours."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Sounds too kinky for me."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Budster, I need you. She needs you. You need her."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Is she really half-naked?"
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Maybe more by now."
  • (Billy Jayne) "What if you're lying?"
  • (Joyce Hyser) "What if I'm not?"
  • (Billy Jayne) "Good point. If I'm not back in a week, forward my mail."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Bowling, uh, great game."
  • (Coach Mickey Morrison) "The greatest. But it's more than a game, it's the ultimate challenge. One man, one ball, 10 pins."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "10 frames, too."
  • (Coach Mickey Morrison) "Exactly."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Uh, you see coach, um, I just transferred here from another school, so I don't have my gym clothes yet, so I guess I'll just go to Study Hall."
  • (Coach Mickey Morrison) "Hold it. Everyone dresses for my Gym class. Everyone."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Great."
  • (Coach Mickey Morrison) "I have surprise jock inspections three times a week. A word to the wise -- wear it."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "I mean, it's as if women's lib never existed."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Today's woman has the freedom to be as sick and perverted as us guys."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Oh, that's wonderful. I mean, I write an excellent article, and just because I'm cute, no one takes me seriously. It's not fair."
  • (Billy Jayne) "And yet somehow you find the courage to go on living. You've got guts."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Come on, Buddy, admit it. You would love to spend your entire life just using women's bodies."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Yeah, all but the last 60 seconds."
  • (Billy Jayne) "I'd like a little time to reminisce."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "I know I could do better. I'm just confused."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Of course you're confused. You're wearing my underwear."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "All men care about is sex."
  • (Billy Jayne) "I resent that."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "It's just that you looked so nice today. You were perfect."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Denise -- Just say you'll go to the prom with me."
  • (Toni Hudson) "I'll go to the prom with you."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Oh, thank you."
  • (Toni Hudson) "I want a limo. And you can't tell anyone, not my friends, not my parents, no one. Deal?"
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Look, I'm not proud of this either."
  • (Toni Hudson) "God, look how low I've sunk, and you know what's really sad, you're the best date I've had in weeks."
  • (Deborah) "Greg just likes to act tough. He doesn't really hate you guys."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Oh, that's no act. He truly hates us."
  • (Deborah) "Deep down, he's insecure."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Yeah, well, upfront, he's an asshole."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "I'm just seeing Sandy for Rick."
  • (Billy Jayne) "For Rick? What happened to research?"
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Well, that's what I meant."
  • (Billy Jayne) "So for research, you're willing to toy with this poor girl's emotions? All you transvestites are alike. You disgust me."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Whoops."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Hey, no problem. Just a couple of nice, clean all-American kids experimenting with sex."

Leigh McCloskey as Kevin

  • (Leigh McCloskey) "What did you do to your hair?"
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Oh, I cut it. Isn't it cute?"
  • (Leigh McCloskey) "Cut? It's gone."
  • (Leigh McCloskey) "All right, where is she?"
  • (Billy Jayne) "It's that darn cult again. They have her totally brainwashed. Want to split her records?"
  • (Leigh McCloskey) "Look, you can tell me now, or you can tell me in the hospital."
  • (Billy Jayne) "I'm suddenly remembering."
  • (Leigh McCloskey) "Terry, are you all right?"
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Kevin?"
  • (Leigh McCloskey) "What are you doing here in a tuxedo?"
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Please go home. I'll call you tonight."
  • (Leigh McCloskey) "Can I tell you a little story? When I was a kid, I was, I was obsessed with being a fireman. I'd set little fires in the backyard, and I practiced putting them out. Then one day, when -- I was 12, I learned I could never be a fireman."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Why, what happened?"
  • (Leigh McCloskey) "I found out how much money they make. Pitiful."

Toni Hudson as Denise

  • (Toni Hudson) "Terry --"
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Denise, why aren't you in Science?"
  • (Toni Hudson) "They're showing a film strip. Everyone left. I have to talk to you."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Denise, I'm really into this article."
  • (Toni Hudson) "I know, but I need your advice and you are my best friend. And I tried to deal with this myself, okay, and I'm really stressed out. Three guys want to take me out Saturday night and I'm not too thrilled about any of them, but I think I should go out with someone in case I don't have a real boyfriend by the prom."
  • (Toni Hudson) "Bruce Schulmann. Edward Zink. And Roger Gibbler."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "This is serious."
  • (Toni Hudson) "I know."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "All right, on a scale of lame to cute, who rates the least low."
  • (Toni Hudson) "They're all lame. Put Roger in a Rent-a-Tux, he might move up to semi-lame."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Okay, forget the looks. Who's got the hottest car?"
  • (Toni Hudson) "A Pinto, Dad's Skylark, and a Schwinn."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Looks like you're going to have to skip the prom."
  • (Toni Hudson) "Terry, I hate when you're depressed. I mean, if you're this upset over your life, I should be suicidal."
  • (Toni Hudson) "I mean, look what Kevin sent you. I'd do anything to come home and find roses."
  • (Billy Jayne) "Can we define the word anything?"
  • (Toni Hudson) "Terry, you have to snap out of this."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "I will. It just may take me a couple of years."

Kenneth Tigar as Mr. Raymaker

  • (Kenneth Tigar) "I'm sorry I misjudged you."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "You don't have to apologize. I wouldn't have this job if it weren't for you. I mean, you forced me to fight for what I wanted, and I will never forget you for that."
  • (Kenneth Tigar) "Thank you."
  • (Freshman) "Mr. Raymaker, Mr. Vino, the driver's ed. teacher, just ran over a dog. Should I take a photographer over?"
  • (Kenneth Tigar) "No."

William Zabka as Greg Tolan

  • (William Zabka) "Shit, where'd these guys learn to fight?"
  • (Deborah) "Excuse me. Hi. Thanks. It worked great."
  • (Deborah) "He knew how to fix my earring."
  • (William Zabka) "That's 'cause he's a little tulip."
  • (William Zabka) "Who invited you?"
  • (Joyce Hyser) "Uh, I'm new here."
  • (William Zabka) "Just what we need, another pussy."
  • (Joyce Hyser) "As strong as an Ox and almost as smart."
  • (Deborah) "Come on Greg, Greg. Lighten up. It was a joke. People laughed. Let it slide."
  • (William Zabka) "Stay out of this, Deborah."
  • (Deborah) "I'm getting real bored watching you push people around."
  • (William Zabka) "Yeah? Well, stick around 'cause it's gonna get real exciting."
  • (Deborah) "You know, Terry was right. You are an asshole."
  • (William Zabka) "That asshole called me an asshole?"
  • (Deborah) "Oh, now you want to beat him up too, right?"
  • (William Zabka) "No, I wanna buy him an ice cream."

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