Judge Judy Quotes

Judge Judy is a Arbitration-based reality court show that debuted in 1996 on Broadcast syndication. Judge Judy stopped airing in 1970.

Judge Judy aired for 23 seasons. It features Arden Hofheins, Lisle Moore, Randall Thornton as theme composer. Judge Judy is executive produced by Randy Douthit. Judge Judy is created by Kaye Switzer.

Judge Judy is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Judge Judy is 22 minutes long.

Judge Judy Quotes

• (Unnamed) "I'm speaking. When my mouth moves, yours stops."

• (Unnamed) "-- And you ought to be ashamed of yourself."

• (Unnamed) "You know how I can tell if a 17-year-old girl is lying? When her mouth moves."

• (Unnamed) "You say you're on disability for a bad back? Couldn't you get a job in an office or something?"

• (Unnamed) "Who are you?"
• (Witness) "I'm here for pain and suffering."
• (Unnamed) "Yours or mine?"

• (Unnamed) "Get over it."

• (Unnamed) "You are about to enter the courtroom of Judge Judith Sheindlin. The people are real, the cases are real, the rulings are final. This is Judge Judy."

• (Unnamed) "-- Ridiculous. NEXT."

• (Unnamed) "Women do stupid things when they're in love. That's why I've been in business for twelve years."

• (Unnamed) "The only attitude I tolerate around here is my own. You speak, then I rule, and after that you shut up. Do you understand?"

• (Unnamed) "He signed me a promissory note --"
• (Unnamed) "I don't care if he signed you the Declaration of Independence."

• (Unnamed) "Everyone is equal in the eyes of the law, but that doesn't mean the law has to treat everyone equally."

• (Unnamed) "-- I would trust your witness much more if he didn't have holes in his jeans."

• (Unnamed) "I only do one thing at a time; otherwise, I get confused and then I can't trick you."

• (Unnamed) "This is my courtroom and I can say what I want. When you become a judge, we will talk."

• (Unnamed) "-- Take your hands off your hips and stand up straight, like you're in court -- Uncross your arms. You are not at the beach -- Hey, stop swaying. It's making me nauseous."

• (Unnamed) "How old are you?"

• (Unnamed) "-- Do you feel as if you're getting whipped?"
• (Unnamed) "You sure are."

• (Unnamed) "There's only one wise-ass I tolerate in my courtroom -- and that's the bailiff."

• (Unnamed) "-- So you didn't feel the need to file taxes last year, huh? That's very interesting; I'll make sure the IRS receives a copy of this tape."

• (Unnamed) "In court, I ask the questions; you answer them. And so far, you've gotten most of them wrong."

• (Unnamed) "Did you forget you were coming to court today?"

• (Unnamed) "Just a second."

• (Unnamed) "You don't seem to get the drill here in court. In a court, I ask the questions and you answer the questions. So far, you've answered the questions and you've gotten most of them wrong."

• (Unnamed) "This is not "Let's Make a Deal," and I'm not Monty Hall."

• (Unnamed) "That must be the S.O.D.D.I. principle: "Some Other Dude Done It.""

• (Unnamed) "I'm the boss, Applesauce."

• (Unnamed) "Your counterclaim for your stress is dismissed. That's because the only one who is stressed around here, so far, is me."

• (Unnamed) "You have to speak slowly and PROJECT what you are saying."

• (Unnamed) "The sexes are not equal. They only start out equal, and then something happens along the way -- You think it's sports? Contact sports, maybe, to the head."

• (Unnamed) "Let me explain something to you, my husband once offended me on July 6th 1978. I can tell you exactly where I was sitting, and what he was eating. Most people have a memory of important dates and times. Now if somebody, gave me/loaned to be $5000 I would remember some of the circumstances surrounding it; because you, sir seem to have a very, very good memory of everything you did; calling the bank, calling the title company, getting the checks, sitting down and going over everything; the only thing you don't have a memory of is "Can I borrow $5000?". Judgment to the plaintiff for the amount of $5000; thank you."

• (Unnamed) "I'm going to deal with your counterclaim as fairly and expeditiously as I can: it's dismissed. You should bless her, not sue her."

• (Unnamed) "There are all kinds of worthwhile charities around. Breast augmentation surgery doesn't fall into that category."

• (Unnamed) "You get it?"

• (Unnamed) "This birthday is going to be more expensive than you thought."

• (Unnamed) "Is the word stupid written across my forehead?"

• (Unnamed) "If you want the facts, you go to a therapist. If you want the law, you come to court."

• (Unnamed) "-- I think something's wrong."

• (Unnamed) "I'm here because I'm smart, not because I'm young and gorgeous -- although I am."

• (Unnamed) "When you can't look at me in the eye and tell me the story, that means you're lying."

• (Unnamed) "Do you know when a gift becomes a loan? When the relationship is over. Have you ever heard that, sir? Well, neither have I. I just made it up. I'm going to put it on coffee mugs."

• (Unnamed) "I have 3 sons, so I know you are no gift. You're not even good looking."

• (Unnamed) "Have you ever heard of the K.I.S.S. principle? "Keep It Simple, Stupid.""

• (Unnamed) "-- I think you ought to be quiet. You know, they don't need anybody stirring up the pot. You're a pot-stirrer."

• (Unnamed) "-- Byrd, get her a jumper; she looks cold."

• (Unnamed) "People who are single and living together shouldn't rent for a higher monthly rate than either of them could pay alone. Now I know I'm probably going to lose about 40% of my cases if I say this, but I'm willing to make that sacrifice for the common good. If only enough folks got that through their heads. Then you wouldn't have two people who are homeless, with their credit in the toilet. THEN they could part ways without all that fuss and aggravation."

• (Unnamed) "-- Believe me, you are NOT that eager for me to embarrass you."

• (Unnamed) "Are you on any medication?"

• (Unnamed) "Stop getting hysterical."

• (Unnamed) "You mess around with me, and I'll wipe the floor with you. Do we follow each other?"

• (Senor Trujilo) "-- I have a lot to be proud of."
• (Unnamed) "Like what?"
• (Senor Trujilo) "I graduated high school."
• (Unnamed) "Oh, well. That's, like, the Eighth Wonder of the World, isn't it."
• (Senor Trujilo) "Yes; By our family's standards, that's a great accomplishment."

• (Unnamed) "What school of double-talk did you go to?"

• (Unnamed) "Can I suggest something Ma'am?"
• (Unnamed) "Shhh."

• (Unnamed) "Baloney."

• (Unnamed) "-- Of course I'm right; I'm always right. I'm like a truth machine."

• (Unnamed) "Goodbye, have a happy life."

• (Unnamed) "Don't look up at the heavens. God is not going to help you with this case. Only the truth will set you free."

• (Unnamed) "I'm sorry, I'm very nervous."
• (Unnamed) "Well; get un-nervous."

• (Unnamed) "I don't care how the Word of God applies here. This is a courtroom, not a church, so don't preach to me."

• (Unnamed) "For what I'd like to say right now, I wish we were on cable -- I'm not gonna waste another second on this case. Between the two of you, I doubt I could put together a three-digit IQ."

• (Unnamed) "Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining."

• (Unnamed) "-- I am not going to ask you to leave. But, the next time you come into my courtroom, dress more appropriately. You are not going to a beach party."

• (Unnamed) "-- I eat morons like you for breakfast. You're gonna be crying before this is over."

• (Unnamed) "You're gonna keep your mouth shut until I come to you and ask you a question; otherwise, Byrd will take you outside until you understand the rules. Because here, I'm in charge -- I run this show. Do you understand? You don't speak until I speak to you. Or do you want me to label you a liar before we even begin?"

• (Unnamed) "-- You spent $72 getting your hair done? You wasted your money."

• (Unnamed) "-- That's why they don't let people drink until they're 21 years old, because even 21-year-olds are morons. 20-year-olds and 19-year-olds are double-morons. They shouldn't even be allowed out of the house after nine o'clock at night."

• (Unnamed) "" -- She ran out of my house and slammed the door, breaking a window. I was extremely upset, so I grabbed a rock and tossed it gently at her car.""

• (Unnamed) "I love the truth. If you don't tell me the truth, you're gonna be eating your shoes."

• (Unnamed) "Don't spit on my cupcake and tell me it's frosting."

• (Unnamed) "Don't let the word "bar" fool you. This is a courtroom, not a barroom."

• (Unnamed) "DON'T lie to me."

• (Unnamed) "These children are entitled to at least one parent to set a good example. Grownups take care of their children, they don't just provide them with food, they provide them with a moral compass. They try not to teach them to become brawling animals in parking lots, hitting each other with 2X4's, scratching each others' eyes out. Human beings don't do that to each other. You don't belong at a club at 12 a.m., you belong HOME. Reading them stories from a BOOK."

• (Unnamed) "What do you do for a living, Sir?"
• (Unnamed) "Um --"
• (Unnamed) ""Um" is not an answer. What kind of training did you need to do "Um"?"

• (Unnamed) "Parties have been sworn in, Judge."
• (Unnamed) "You may be seated."

• (Unnamed) "I don't believe you."

• (Unnamed) "-- That's going to be the most expensive curse word you ever said."

• (Unnamed) "Sir, do you wanna say something to me? Are you sure you wanna say something to me? No, you don't. Believe me, that is the LAST thing you want."

• (Unnamed) "What do I know about Myspace? It's an Internet site where people, who have nothing better to do with their time, go and chat about a whole bunch of nonsense. We could eliminate a third of the problems in this country, if people actually had to shovel coal into a furnace for heat -- rather than spending all that time they have making problems for other people, by sitting at their personal computers doing things other than those which PCs were actually designed for."

• (Unnamed) "Never combine business with pleasure; that's not good business. Got what I mean?"

• (Unnamed) "-- Did you just curse at him? Get out."

• (Unnamed) "Don't get too comfortable. This case is not going to take long."

• (Unnamed) "Yeah, well, I'm probably just very old-fashioned about this whole tattoo thing. I think that when people do that in excess, which clearly to me, there's, there are excesses. I would prefer that somebody say, "Look at me, look at me, this is what I've accomplished. I wrote a book. I graduated from college. I've just completed a wonderful work of art that I hung in a museum. Something that I've accomplished," rather than saying, "Look at me, look at me, I'm gonna be the most outlandish I can be so I can get your attention." There's positive attention, there's negative attention. But maybe there will come a point where being tattooed over your whole body is accepted. I will be long gone when that happens fortunately."

• (Unnamed) "-- I've got a message for all you single people out there, in the audience, so listen to me very carefully; Aside from no joint bank accounts, no joint credit cards, no joint visas until you're married, take this home with you: NEVER cosign on anybody's behalf for anything, and I mean NOT EVER."
• (Unnamed) "Having said that, I think you should have brought your case to me sooner."

• (Unnamed) "When you mess around with jail-bait, you accept the consequences."

• (Unnamed) "-- Sir, the table didn't have three beers and then get up and move."

• (Unnamed) "-- Two people can't talk at the same time. When my mouth is moving, it means that you need to be quiet."

• (Unnamed) "Do you come from a long line of idiots?"

• (Unnamed) "Do you have a job? Well, GET ONE."

• (Unnamed) "Real cases, real people. Judge Judy."

• (Unnamed) "I don't want you, or anybody else, to think I'm stupid. Old, maybe; stupid, never."

• (Unnamed) "I don't care what you think. I'm the one who has to determine what is fair."

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