How to Steal a Million Quotes

How to Steal a Million is a television program that was first aired in 1970 . How to Steal a Million ended in 1970.

It features William Wyler as producer, John Williams in charge of musical score, and Charles Lang as head of cinematography.

How to Steal a Million is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of How to Steal a Million is 123 minutes long. How to Steal a Million is distributed by 20th Century Fox.

The cast includes: Audrey Hepburn as Nicole Bonnet, Peter O'Toole as Simon Dermott, Hugh Griffith as Charles Bonnet, and Edward Malin as Insurance Clerk.

How to Steal a Million Quotes

Audrey Hepburn as Nicole Bonnet

• (Audrey Hepburn) "You wouldn't dare."
• (Peter O'Toole) "Fear not. I'm off duty."

• (Audrey Hepburn) "Now how do I get home?"
• (Peter O'Toole) "You see, you never can tell when you might need a friend."

• (Audrey Hepburn) "Well, it was pitch dark and there he was. Tall, blue eyes, slim, quite good-looking -- in a brutal, mean way, Papa. A terrible man."

• (Audrey Hepburn) "Papa, I caught a burglar."
• (Hugh Griffith) "Of course you did."

• (Audrey Hepburn) "I can't drive a stolen car."
• (Peter O'Toole) "Same principle, four gears forward, one reverse."

• (Audrey Hepburn) "I didn't think there'd be this much togetherness."
• (Peter O'Toole) "Well, it's the height of the tourist season. Everything was book up. It was the best I could do."
• (Audrey Hepburn) "Marvelous."
• (Peter O'Toole) "No applause, please."

• (Audrey Hepburn) "Your arm is much better."
• (Peter O'Toole) "Oh no no, it hurts, it hurts."
• (Audrey Hepburn) "It's the other arm."
• (Peter O'Toole) "The infection is spreading."

• (Audrey Hepburn) "I would like to remind you, Mr. Dermott; ours is a business relationship."

• (Audrey Hepburn) "Turn around."
• (Peter O'Toole) "What for?"
• (Peter O'Toole) "They go on over the clothes."

• (Audrey Hepburn) "I feel like I'm going to faint."
• (Peter O'Toole) "Don't, there's no room."

• (Audrey Hepburn) "Oh dear havens. I'll call you a taxi. And pay for it is that alright."
• (Peter O'Toole) "That's fine. However, if the police find my car parked outside your house. It could mean questions. I'm wanted you know."
• (Audrey Hepburn) "Alright, I'll drive you home, is that alright?"

• (Audrey Hepburn) "Don't be such a baby, it's only a flesh wound."
• (Peter O'Toole) "Happens to be my flesh."

• (Audrey Hepburn) "You really are the smuggest and most hateful man."

• (Audrey Hepburn) "I didn't want to keep you waiting, so I got engaged to him. Is it alright? Am I on time?"
• (Peter O'Toole) "Perfectly. In fact, we have ten more minutes, so if you want to go back and marry him?"

• (Audrey Hepburn) "I keep telling you, Papa, when you sell a fake masterpiece, that is a crime."
• (Hugh Griffith) "But I don't sell them to poor people, only to millionaires."

• (Audrey Hepburn) "Is this how you normally work, by the mile?"
• (Peter O'Toole) "I'm thinking. Look at my forehead: all wrinkled."

• (Audrey Hepburn) "All right, where to?"
• (Peter O'Toole) "The Ritz."
• (Audrey Hepburn) "The what?"
• (Peter O'Toole) "The Hotel Ritz. It's in the Place Vendôme."
• (Audrey Hepburn) "I know where it is. You're a very chic burglar."
• (Peter O'Toole) "Mmmhmmm."

Peter O'Toole as Simon Dermott

• (Peter O'Toole) "Oh don't you dare cry."
• (Audrey Hepburn) "I"m not I've got something in my eye."
• (Peter O'Toole) "There's nothing wrong with your eye. You're crying to try and soften me up."
• (Audrey Hepburn) "It's not true."
• (Peter O'Toole) "It won't work. I'm too tough."

• (Peter O'Toole) "I want you to take a long look at the trees, the blue sky, and the river, all of which I personally loathe, which is why a juicy stretch in a French prison doesn't bother me at all."

• (Peter O'Toole) "Yes, that's fine. That does it."
• (Audrey Hepburn) "Does what?"
• (Peter O'Toole) "Well, for one thing, it gives Givenchy a night off."

• (Peter O'Toole) "It's a fake, isn't it?"
• (Audrey Hepburn) "I --"
• (Peter O'Toole) "No long drawn out stories at this time of night. Just simply nod your head yes or no."

• (Peter O'Toole) "I tossed a coin on the way over. You lost."

• (Peter O'Toole) "GO."
• (Peter O'Toole) "And meet me at the museum at five-thirty sharp. And don't ask me why or I'll hit you with a bucket."

• (Peter O'Toole) "Who's that?"
• (Audrey Hepburn) "Papa's cousin -- from South America."
• (Peter O'Toole) "You know for someone who started lying recently, you're showing a real flair."
• (Audrey Hepburn) "Oh thank you."

• (Peter O'Toole) "Well, we made it here alive."

• (Peter O'Toole) "I'm the one that's bleeding."

• (Peter O'Toole) "I know about their so called tests."
• (Audrey Hepburn) "Papa, they aren't so called they are."

• (Peter O'Toole) "That thing isn't loaded is it?"
• (Audrey Hepburn) "Course it is."
• (Audrey Hepburn) "Are you armed?"

• (Peter O'Toole) "Yours is a capricious nature. Do you always blow hot and cold like this?"

• (Peter O'Toole) "Our telephones may be tapped, so I'll conduct this entire conversation in Swahili. How are you?"

• (Peter O'Toole) "Just one more tiny favour: like an idiot I forgot to wear gloves on the job. I may have left some fingerprints. Be an angel. Before you go to bed, just give the frame of the painting a little wipe with a clean cloth, ok?"
• (Audrey Hepburn) "Certainly. Anything else? You wouldn't like a forged passport or some counterfeit money or --"
• (Peter O'Toole) "Oh, no no no."
• (Audrey Hepburn) "You're mad. Utterly mad. I suppose you want to kiss me goodnight?"
• (Peter O'Toole) "Oh, I don't usually, not on the first acquaintance, but you've been such a good sport --"
• (Peter O'Toole) "38, Rue Parmentier, drive carefully."
• (Peter O'Toole) "Get a good night's sleep."

• (Peter O'Toole) "Look, it's early, why don't I show you the real Paris?"
• (Audrey Hepburn) "That's very kind of you, but I live here; I was born in Paris."
• (Peter O'Toole) "Oh, that's right, I forgot. Well why don't you show me the real Paris."

• (Peter O'Toole) "Good morning. We meet under the most artistic circumstances."

• (Peter O'Toole) "There's the bathroom. Take off your clothes."
• (Audrey Hepburn) "Are we planning the same sort of crime?"
• (Peter O'Toole) "You're quite safe. It's dress rehearsal time. That's why we bought all this lovely junk."

• (Peter O'Toole) "This should keep me out of action for a week."

• (Peter O'Toole) "Why must it be this particular work of art?"
• (Audrey Hepburn) "You don't think I'd steal something that didn't belong to me, do you?"
• (Peter O'Toole) "Excuse me, I spoke without thinking."

• (Peter O'Toole) "Where precisely were you in the early part of the sixteenth century?"
• (Audrey Hepburn) "I don't know but that's not how I was dressed."

Hugh Griffith as Charles Bonnet

• (Hugh Griffith) "Don't you know that in his lifetime Van Gogh only sold one painting? While I, in loving memory of his tragic genius, have already sold two."

• (Hugh Griffith) "My dirt."

• (Hugh Griffith) "What have I done? I've given the world a precious opportunity of studying and viewing the Cellini Venus."
• (Audrey Hepburn) "Which is not by Cellini."
• (Hugh Griffith) "Ahh, labels, labels. It's working with the Americans that's given you this obsession with labels and brand names. I wish you'd give up that ridiculous job."

• (Hugh Griffith) "American millionaires must be all quite mad. Perhaps it's something they put in the ink when they print the money."

• (Hugh Griffith) "I doubt very much if Van Gogh himself would have gone through so much trouble."
• (Audrey Hepburn) "He didn't have to. He was Van Gogh."

• (Hugh Griffith) "This tall, good-looking ruffian with blue eyes, he didn't, er, molest you in any way, did he?"
• (Hugh Griffith) "Well, did he?"
• (Audrey Hepburn) "Not much."

Edward Malin as Insurance Clerk

• (Edward Malin) "By the way sir, would you like to be present at the technical examination?"
• (Hugh Griffith) "Tech-technical examination?"

Add or Update Quotes

If you have a quote to add or change and want to let us know, please fill in the form below. Include the time in the film/video if possible so we can find it.