Hitch (film) Quotes

Hitch (film) is a television program that debuted in 1970 . Hitch stopped airing in 1970.

It features Will Smith; James Lassiter; Teddy Zee as producer, George Fenton, and Alan Elliott in charge of musical score, and Andrew Dunn (cinematographer) as head of cinematography.

Hitch (film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Hitch (film) is 118 minutes long. Hitch (film) is distributed by Columbia Pictures.

The cast includes: Eva Mendes as Sara, Will Smith as Hitch, Jeffrey Donovan as Vance, Adam Arkin as Max, Amber Valletta as Allegra Cole, Kevin James as Albert, Julie Ann Emery as Casey Sedgewick, Robinne Lee as Cressida Baylor, Will Smith as Chip, and Michael Rapaport as Ben.

Hitch (film) Quotes

Will Smith as Hitch

• (Will Smith) "I had a really nice time tonight, Albert."
• (Kevin James) "I had a -- great time, too, Allegra -- with a beard."
• (Kevin James) "What's up?"
• (Will Smith) "I'm not feeling it."
• (Kevin James) "What do you mean? I -- I came ninety."
• (Will Smith) "I'm just not feeling like you want it. Look, I'm Allegra Cole. The woman of your dreams. The woman whose green eyes are limpid pools of desire. Now show me the magic, Albert. Show me the ma --"
• (Will Smith) "What the hell was that?"
• (Kevin James) "I'm showing you the magic."
• (Will Smith) "No, I said come ninety and then I'll come ten. You don't go the whole hundred. My mouth was open, Albert. You overeager son-of-a -- blech."
• (Kevin James) "Other than that, how was it?"

• (Will Smith) "What you got there?"
• (Kevin James) "This? I figured maybe if my heart stops beating, it wouldn't hurt so much."

• (Will Smith) "When you're wondering what to say or how you look, just remember, she's already out with you. That means she said yes when she could have said no. That means she made a plan when she could have just blown you off. So that means it's no longer your job to make her like you. It's your job not to mess it up."

• (Will Smith) "All right, come on, just -- show me what you got."
• (Kevin James) "What do you -- what do you mean?"
• (Will Smith) "Just show me how you would kiss me."
• (Kevin James) "Well, I -- wouldn't kiss you."
• (Will Smith) "I'm not me. I'm Allegra."
• (Kevin James) "But you're really not."
• (Will Smith) "Okay, Albert. End of the night, you're dropping me off at home. Show me the magic."
• (Kevin James) "Yeah. You know, I'm really not comfortable with this --"
• (Will Smith) "Albert, I had such a wonderful time with you."
• (Kevin James) "Yeah. How about those Knicks, huh?"
• (Will Smith) "See what I'm doing? All right? This is a signal, okay? I'm fiddling with my keys, all right? A woman who doesn't want to kiss takes her keys out, puts them in the door, goes in the house. A woman that wants to kiss, she fiddles."
• (Will Smith) "I'm fiddling."

• (Will Smith) "Do you know the definition of perseverance, Miss Melas?"
• (Eva Mendes) "An excuse to be obnoxious?"
• (Will Smith) "Continuing a course of action without regard to discouragement, opposition or previous failure, over."

• (Will Smith) "Coquille St-Jacques, my ass. Death on a leaf."

• (Will Smith) "Now, on the one hand, it is very difficult for a man to even speak to someone who looks like you. But, on the other hand, should that be your problem?"
• (Eva Mendes) "So life's kind of hard all around."
• (Will Smith) "Not if you pay attention. I mean, you're sending all the right signals; no earrings, heels under two inches, your hair is pulled back, you're wearing reading glasses with no book, drinking a Grey Goose martini, which means you had a hell of a week and a beer just wouldn't do it. And if that wasn't clear enough, there's always the "f*** off" sign that you have stamped on your forehead."

• (Will Smith) "What is the objective?"
• (Kevin James) "Shock and awe."
• (Will Smith) "That was shockingly awful. What is the objective?"
• (Kevin James) "Shock and awe."
• (Will Smith) "What is the objective ?"

• (Will Smith) "I'm like a vault baby, locked down."

• (Will Smith) "In case you didn't go to high school, hitting is a good thing."

• (Will Smith) "No guile, no game -- No girl"

• (Will Smith) "Heard of Michelangelo? Heard of the Sistine Chapel?"
• (Kevin James) "Yeah?"
• (Will Smith) "Michelangelo."
• (Will Smith) "Sistine Chapel."
• (Kevin James) "So you're saying you can make this work?"
• (Will Smith) "My name is Alex Hitchens. Let's go paint that ceiling."

• (Will Smith) "Basic principles: no woman wakes up saying, "God, I hope I don't get swept off my feet today." Now, she might say, "This is a really bad time for me," or something like, "I just need some space," or my personal favorite, "I'm really into my career right now." You believe that? Neither does she. You know why? Because she's lying to you, that's why. You understand me? Lying. It's not a bad time for her. She doesn't need any space. And she may be into her career, but what she's really saying is, "Uh, get away from me now," or possibly, "Try harder, stupid." But which one is it? Sixty percent of all human communication is nonverbal, body language; thirty percent is your tone. So that means that ninety percent of what you're saying ain't coming out of your mouth. Of course she's going to lie to you. She's a nice person. She doesn't want to hurt your feelings. What else she going to say? She doesn't even know you -- yet. Luckily, the fact is that just like the rest of us, even a beautiful woman doesn't know what she wants until she sees it, and that's where I come in. My job is to open her eyes. Basic principles: no matter what, no matter when, no matter who -- any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet. He just needs the right broom."

• (Will Smith) "I noticed your glass was getting a little low so I took the liberty of bringing you another apple martini."
• (Eva Mendes) "Thank you."
• (Will Smith) "And I couldn't help but notice -- you look a lot like my next girlfriend."
• (Eva Mendes) "What's your name?"
• (Will Smith) "They call me Chip."
• (Eva Mendes) "Aww, you can't get them to stop?"
• (Will Smith) "That was funny."
• (Eva Mendes) "Listen, Chip, I understand the courage it takes to walk across a room and try to generate a relationship out of thin air, so don't take the following personally --"
• (Will Smith) "You have fantastic eyes."
• (Eva Mendes) "Thanks, try to listen. I -- uh, this is no reflection on you, I'm just not interested. But thank you for the compliment of coming over."
• (Will Smith) "You're welcome. So, do you like Cuban food?"
• (Eva Mendes) "Chip, seriously, that wasn't code for "I wish you'd try harder"."
• (Will Smith) "Are you always so shut down and afraid? That the right man might make you feel --"
• (Will Smith) "-- Feel like a natural woman?"
• (Will Smith) "Sorry, I'm late, honey, I couldn't get a cab. How was the meeting?"
• (Eva Mendes) "Ooh. Well, there was a beginning, a middle -- and an end. Nice to meet you, Chip."
• (Will Smith) "You, too."

• (Will Smith) "Does it ever occur to women that maybe a guy might like to have a plan, you know, because he's nervous? He's not sure that he could just walk up to you and you'd respond if he said "I like you." "I like you." "I like you.""

• (Will Smith) "Life is not the amount of breaths you take, it's the moments that take your breath away."

• (Will Smith) "I just know that I want to be -- miserable. Like, really miserable. But hey, if that's what it takes for me to be happy, then -- wait, that didn't come out right."

• (Will Smith) "Get out."

• (Will Smith) "One dance, one look, one kiss, that's all we get, Albert. Just one shot to make the difference between happily-ever-after, and oh-he's-just-some-guy-I-went-to-some-thing-with-once."

• (Will Smith) "Lean in, place your hand on the small of her back, say it in her ear like a secret. But watch your hand placement, too high says, 'I just wanna be friends,' too low says, 'I just wanna grab some ass.'"
• (Kevin James) "Okay -- Friends. Ass. Me."

• (Will Smith) "Love is my life."
• (Kevin James) "No, love is your job."

• (Will Smith) "So how does it happen, great love? Nobody knows -- but what I can tell you is that it happens in the blink of an eye. One moment you're enjoying your life, and the next you're wondering how you ever lived without them."

• (Will Smith) "Because thats what people do -- they leap and hope to God they can fly. Because otherwise, we just drop like a rock -- wondering the whole way down -- "why in the hell did I jump?" But here I am Sarah, falling. And there's only one person that makes me feel like I can fly -- That's you."

• (Will Smith) "That man would have sold his soul to make you happy."
• (Amber Valletta) "So what does that make you? The devil?"

• (Will Smith) "Don't need no pizza. They got plenty of food there."

• (Will Smith) "Basic principles -- there are none."

Kevin James as Albert

• (Kevin James) "What was your name, Eggnog?"

• (Kevin James) "You know, honestly, I never knew I could feel like this. You know? I swear I'm going out of my mind. It's like I want to throw myself off of every building in New York. I see a cab and I just wanna dive in front of it because then I'll stop thinking about her."
• (Will Smith) "Look, you will. Just give it time."
• (Kevin James) "That's just it. I don't want to. I mean, I've waited my whole life to feel this miserable. I mean, and if this is the only way I can stay connected with her, then -- well, this is who I have to be."

• (Kevin James) "You can't stop it --"
• (Kevin James) "You cannot stop it --"

Eva Mendes as Sara

• (Eva Mendes) "Why don't you go hit a titty bar with your buddy Vance?"
• (Will Smith) "Wow. I don't believe this. That's your source?"
• (Eva Mendes) "You buried yourself, Alex."
• (Will Smith) "Then you weren't listening."
• (Eva Mendes) "I heard every word. You're a scam artist. You trick women into getting --"
• (Will Smith) "Into getting out of their own way, so great guys like Albert Brennaman have a fighting chance."
• (Will Smith) "Okay, no, no, no, no. I want everybody to take a good look at this right now. Because this, this right here, this is exactly why falling in love is so god**** hard."
• (Speed Dating Guy) "Sir, let's go, now."
• (Will Smith) "And Vance Munson is a pig. And I refused to work with him. You need to get your facts right. It's because of jerks like him that I even have a job -- had a job."
• (Eva Mendes) "Can you believe that guy?"
• (Julie Ann Emery) "Actually -- I do."
• (Eva Mendes) "Me, too."

• (Eva Mendes) "So, you kinda like me, huh?"
• (Will Smith) "No. I love you."

• (Eva Mendes) "}: If he's stupid enough to cheat, the world should know he's dumb enough to get caught."

• (Eva Mendes) "So how'd you meet him?"
• (Julie Ann Emery) "I was in La Perla just buying some weekend thongs."
• (Eva Mendes) "And he was doing likewise?"
• (Julie Ann Emery) "No. Actually he said he was buying something for his mom."
• (Eva Mendes) "His mom? Casey, who buys high-priced lingerie for their mother?"
• (Julie Ann Emery) "Well, maybe he was looking for a robe."
• (Eva Mendes) "Oh Casey. Casey, he was hitting on you while he was buying lingerie for another woman."
• (Julie Ann Emery) "Well, I prefer the mother story."
• (Eva Mendes) "I know you prefer it, but that's not the point."
• (Julie Ann Emery) "No, the point is I'm not gonna start out assuming the guy's a liar."
• (Eva Mendes) "Why not?"
• (Julie Ann Emery) "Because, that's how you wind up --"
• (Eva Mendes) "Like me? Is that what you were gonna say?"
• (Julie Ann Emery) "No, I was going to say 'like you.'"

• (Eva Mendes) "What should we toast to?"
• (Will Smith) "Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away."

Robinne Lee as Cressida Baylor

• (Robinne Lee) "Adam?"
• (Will Smith) "Oh s***. Alex."
• (Robinne Lee) "Alex. Right, of course, Jesus. Oh my God, look at you."
• (Robinne Lee) "You don't remember me, do you?"
• (Will Smith) "Um, Cressida right?"
• (Robinne Lee) "Wow. God, what's it been, like ten -- twelve years?"
• (Will Smith) "Fourteen? Couple months?"
• (Robinne Lee) "This is so; Wow."
• (Robinne Lee) "How are you?"
• (Will Smith) "I'm good. I'm good. I'm -- I'm just good."
• (Robinne Lee) "Wow, you look amazing."
• (Will Smith) "Thank you. Thank you."
• (Robinne Lee) "Do you live around here?"
• (Will Smith) "Yes, actually I live just down; Nope."
• (Will Smith) "So what brings you to town?"
• (Robinne Lee) "Oh well, I'm at Sotheby's London and Russell Simmons is one of my biggest clients."
• (Will Smith) "Okay, big timer."
• (Robinne Lee) "I'm actually staying over at the Soho House."
• (Robinne Lee) "Uh listen. Maybe you can help me. I need a great restaurant. I've got these other buyers I'm meeting for lunch and I tried Nouveau but there was a two week wait."
• (Will Smith) "Kim? Hitch. Can you do a reservation for a party of --"
• (Will Smith) "three at about --"
• (Will Smith) "one o'clock? Last name Baylor. And take very good care of her. She's an old friend. Buh-bye."
• (Robinne Lee) "Well I guess you're the man to know."
• (Will Smith) "Yeah that's me; Adam Hitchens."
• (Robinne Lee) "You are so silly."
• (Will Smith) "Thanks for the paper."
• (Robinne Lee) "Oh, yeah, well --"
• (Robinne Lee) "Alex. Uh, listen. Russell's hosting this black tie thing at the Guggenheim and -- I don't have a date."
• (Will Smith) "That's very very tempting."
• (Robinne Lee) "Well, call me. I'm at the Soho House."
• (Will Smith) "Yeah, you said that."

Amber Valletta as Allegra Cole

• (Amber Valletta) "How did you know all that stuff about me?"
• (Amber Valletta) "Well, you really did your homework. Like at boarding school, when everyone used to tease me because I couldn't whistle?"
• (Amber Valletta) "And having him dance like a buffoon, knowing I can't dance, either? Then telling him to drop mustard on his shirt so I'd feel like less of a dork? That was all you, right?"
• (Will Smith) "Uh, no. Hell, no."
• (Amber Valletta) "That was him?"
• (Will Smith) "That's got Albert written all over it."
• (Amber Valletta) "Did you put him up to the inhaler?"
• (Will Smith) "Stop it. He did not show you that."
• (Amber Valletta) "He chucked it right before he kissed me."
• (Will Smith) "So, wait -- that stuff worked for you?"
• (Amber Valletta) "It was adorable."
• (Amber Valletta) "What did you do?"
• (Will Smith) "Nothing. Absolutely nothing."

Jeffrey Donovan as Vance

• (Jeffrey Donovan) "No, I was told that you help guys get in there."
• (Will Smith) "Right, but see, here's the thing; my clients actually like women. "Hit it and quit it" is not my thing."
• (Jeffrey Donovan) "Let me make one thing clear to you, rabbi, I need professional help."
• (Will Smith) "Well, that is for damn certain."

Adam Arkin as Max

• (Adam Arkin) "There is more to life than to watch other people live it."

• (Adam Arkin) "Spoken like a true cynic."
• (Eva Mendes) "I'm not a cynic, I'm a realist."
• (Adam Arkin) "Or a realist masquerading as a cynic who is secretly an optimist."

Michael Rapaport as Ben

• (Michael Rapaport) "You know what your problem is, Hitch? You're all about the short game. You pick your shots based on what you see first, not what's necessarily best for you in the long run."
• (Will Smith) "Well, all of us are not married to the woman of our dreams and about to have a baby. Now I'm very happy for you. It's just not for everybody. So please just leave me to my hot, sweaty, totally varied, wildly experimental short game."
• (Michael Rapaport) "I was just talking about pool, but whatever."
• (Will Smith) "Yeah, okay."
• (Michael Rapaport) "Honestly, I just hope one day you're able to experience the unconditional love, trust and openness that I share with Grace every single day."
• (Will Smith) "Is this really bar room talk?"
• (Michael Rapaport) "You need to listen to me, man. I'm serious. Because when you get to a place with a woman like that, it's so beyond anything physical, that when I think back to when I used to run around with you and chase all these really gorgeous but shallow women -- I don't know, it's kind of ridiculous and vaguely pathetic."
• (Will Smith) "Yeah I see what you're saying. That's pathetic. That's pathetic."

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