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Heaven Help Us Quotes

Heaven Help Us is a television program that was first aired in 1970 . Heaven Help Us completed its run in 1970.

It features Mark Carliner as producer, James Horner in charge of musical score, and Miroslav Ondříček as head of cinematography.

Heaven Help Us is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Heaven Help Us is 104 minutes long. Heaven Help Us is distributed by TriStar Pictures.

The cast includes: Kevin Dillon as Rooney, Malcolm Danare as Caesar, Jay Patterson as Brother Constance, Andrew McCarthy as Michael Dunn, Kevin Dillon as Boo, Donald Sutherland as Brother Thadeus, John Heard as Brother Timothy, Mary Stuart Masterson as Danni, Dana Barron as Janine, Patrick Dempsey as Corbet, and Stephen Geoffreys as Williams.

Heaven Help Us Quotes

Andrew McCarthy as Michael Dunn

  • (Social Worker) "We'll make arrangements with your mother to have the inventory accounted for."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "They made this happen, didn't they?"
  • (Mary Stuart Masterson) "Nobody made this happen."
  • (Mary Stuart Masterson) "I just don't want you to be sad -- 'cause I'm not. Promise?"
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "No."
  • (Social Worker) "We have to go."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "Well, hey listen, I'm glad I got to dance with you"
  • (Kevin Dillon) "Don't worry, Dunn -- we'll find her."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "If Gram sees you smoking she'll have a heart attack."
  • (Kevin Dillon) "If she's hears you talking about not being a priest she have a stroke."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "Can't decide?"
  • (Malcolm Danare) "Oh, I've decided all right, Dunn. I've decided I'd rather die than eat this crap."

Kevin Dillon as Rooney

  • (Kevin Dillon) "In 1966, Everyone graduated from St. Basil's, except me."
  • (Kevin Dillon) "Hey, let me buy you a Coke or somethin'."
  • (Dana Barron) "Oh, hot shit."
  • (Kevin Dillon) "Thadeus wouldn't know a good time if it crawled up his leg and bit him on the ba-doyng-as."
  • (Kevin Dillon) "If I don't make you my friend it means I gotta kick your ass everytime I see you. Nobody wants that, do they?"
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "Drop dead."
  • (Kevin Dillon) "I think that faggot figured out who did it."
  • (Malcolm Danare) "What gives you that idea?"
  • (Patrick Dempsey) "Well, what are you gonna tell him?"
  • (Malcolm Danare) "Let's see, you're sitting in the assembly with a saint's head in your lap. I'd tell him you found it in a box of Cracker Jacks."
  • (Kevin Dillon) "No, that's no good. We gotta think of something better than that."
  • (Patrick Dempsey) "Hey, Williams, what are you doing?"
  • (Kevin Dillon) "Corbet, shut up."
  • (Patrick Dempsey) "Yeah, but Williams is playing with himself in here."
  • (Kevin Dillon) "All right, I got it. Listen, this is what we'll tell him when he comes back -- We'll tell him --"
  • (Kevin Dillon) "We'll tell him we don't know what the fuck he's talkin' about."
  • (Kevin Dillon) "Come here, kid. I'm not gonna bite ya."
  • (Malcolm Danare) "I wouldn't count on it."
  • (Kevin Dillon) "Me? I went to beautician's school where everybody graduated except me, but I got a job as a shampoo boy at Marisa's House of Hair in Bensonhurst. The hours suck; the pay sucks; I'm surrounded by 'funny guys,' but the tips are great. Thank you, God."
  • (Kevin Dillon) "Jesus, what'd they do to Elvis? Cut his balls off, or something?"
  • (Kevin Dillon) "I've been kicked off the track team, and without track my grades will be based on"
  • (Kevin Dillon) "my grades."

John Heard as Brother Timothy

  • (John Heard) "I expected to be given a lesson in teaching, but instead I got a lesson in brutality. The man seemed to be enjoying himself, brother."
  • (Donald Sutherland) "A rather slanderous thought, brother -- one that ought to be kept to oneself. Brother Constance is an effective teacher, one of the best we have."
  • (John Heard) "I hear you brother, but --"
  • (Donald Sutherland) "But what?"
  • (Donald Sutherland) "We all come to the order, full of ideas -- and we often find that we have much to learn ourselves. Nevertheless, authority must never be undermined by the display of dissent among the faculty. For the students' sake, you understand."
  • (John Heard) "No, I don't understand."
  • (Donald Sutherland) "Then you should try to restrain yourself until you do."
  • (John Heard) "There's the pitch."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "You know, I never figured out how a guy like you became a brother."
  • (John Heard) "What's that supposed to mean? There's different types of guys, what's wrong with me?"
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "I just can't figure it out, is all."
  • (John Heard) "Well, most people can't figure it out. My brother was the one who was supposed to have the vocation. Me, they had me written off as the bum. But here I am, wearing a robe, bouncing a ball off the steps of the rectory."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "Was your brother a bum?"
  • (John Heard) "Sort of. Sells life insurance down in Maryland."
  • (John Heard) "What's your excuse?"
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "I don't know. Waiting for inspiration."
  • (John Heard) "Inspiration? Who from? The Holy Ghost? Come on, it's a cinch. You walk up to some girl, you look her in the eye, you say 'Excuse me, but do you want to dance?' It works every time."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "Yeah, what if it doesn't?"
  • (John Heard) "If it doesn't work, then you gotta start thinking about joining a relgious order."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "Maybe I'll see you later."
  • (John Heard) "Maybe you better start dancin'."

Malcolm Danare as Caesar

  • (Malcolm Danare) "I will reason with him, I'll appeal to his better nature."
  • (Kevin Dillon) "Oh, you're gonne reason with a grown man in a dress?"
  • (Malcolm Danare) "I'll never ever get into Harvard now. I'll have to settle for Queen's College."
  • (Malcolm Danare) "Well, you should feel right at home in QUEEN'S College."
  • (Malcolm Danare) "Welcome to St. Basil's."

Jay Patterson as Brother Constance

  • (Jay Patterson) "Are you familiar with the term "miserable"? Because miserable is what I'm going to make your miserable lives, every miserable minute of every miserable day."
  • (Unnamed) "Yes, Brother."
  • (Jay Patterson) "Yes Brother what?"
  • (Unnamed) "Yes Brother, miserable, Brother."
  • (Jay Patterson) "They should be expelled. In the real world, they'd be charged with assault."
  • (John Heard) "In the 'real world', they'd have a case of self-defense."
  • (Jay Patterson) "I think expulsion is justified here."
  • (John Heard) "I don't think so."
  • (Jay Patterson) "Well, no one cares what you think."
  • (Donald Sutherland) "Let the boys in here."
  • (Jay Patterson) "Oh, you'll pay for that Caesar."
  • (Malcolm Danare) "But, Brother my screws are gone."

Mary Stuart Masterson as Danni

  • (Mary Stuart Masterson) "You're not like those other jerks, are you?"
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "I just got here."
  • (Mary Stuart Masterson) "What the hell are you doing here?"
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "The door was open, I was looking for you. I guess I shouldn't have just come in, huh?"
  • (Mary Stuart Masterson) "Damn straight you shouldn't have just come in."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "I'm sorry I just wanted to talk."
  • (Mary Stuart Masterson) "Get out of here, ok."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "Sorry, I just wanted to dance with you."

Donald Sutherland as Brother Thadeus

  • (Donald Sutherland) "Can you gentlemen give me one good reason why you shouldn't be expelled?"
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "It's my fault, brother. I'm the one who should be expelled."
  • (Donald Sutherland) "You all acted as one, Mr. Dunn. And as one, you shall bear the consequences."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "Yes, brother, but I started it."
  • (Donald Sutherland) "Did you? As I understand it, Brother Constance started it."
  • (Jay Patterson) "What?"
  • (Donald Sutherland) "I'm suspending you for two weeks. Good day, gentlemen."
  • (Jay Patterson) "What do you mean I started it? They've assaulted the faculty, the've disgraced this institution, and they destroyed a statue of St. Basil."
  • (Donald Sutherland) "I always hated that statue."
  • (Jay Patterson) "What's this?"
  • (Donald Sutherland) "Well, you're transferred out of this institution. I don't want you working with children anymore."
  • (Jay Patterson) "You can't do this. I will demand an investigation. I will take this all the way to the bishop if I have to."
  • (Donald Sutherland) "Take it whereever you want, brother --"
  • (Donald Sutherland) "just take it out of my office."
  • (Donald Sutherland) "It appears we have a vacancy, brother. Think you can fit in?"
  • (John Heard) "I think so, brother."

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