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Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay Quotes

Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay is a TV program that appeared on TV in 1970 . Harold &amp stopped airing in 1970.

It features Nathan Kahane, and Greg Shapiro as producer, George S. Clinton in charge of musical score, and Daryn Okada as head of cinematography.

Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay is 102 minutes long. Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay is distributed by New Line Cinema.

The cast includes: Kal Penn as Kumar Patel, James Adomian as George W. Bush, Rob Corddry as Ron Fox, Jack Conley as Deputy Frye, John Cho as Harold Lee, Neil Patrick Harris as Neil Patrick Harris, David Krumholtz as Rosenberg, Danneel Harris as Vanessa, Echo Valley as Tits Hemmingway, Randal Reeder as Big Bob, Amir Talai as Raza, Clyde Kusatsu as Mr. Lee, Ed Helms as Interpreter, Jason Konopisos as Lt. Derek Davis, Adam Herschman as Archie, Jason Konopisos as Travis, Richard Christy as Kenny, Jon Reep as Raymus, Eric Winter as Colton, and Paula Garcés as Maria.

Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay Quotes

Neil Patrick Harris as Neil Patrick Harris

  • (Neil Patrick Harris) "Mother-fucker."
  • (Neil Patrick Harris) "Gentlemen, start your engines. It's gonna be a bumpy fuckin' ride."
  • (Neil Patrick Harris) "Anyway, last day of shooting, I told her. I said -- "T-Bird, we're gonna have to break up.""
  • (Kal Penn) "Why did you do that?"
  • (Neil Patrick Harris) "I didn't think I could take on that kind of responsibility. It was such a big mistake."
  • (Kal Penn) "Why? I mean, with T-Bird gone, couldn't you have sex with whoever you wanted?"
  • (Neil Patrick Harris) "Let me be clear. There is nothing on the planet that I love more than a hot, new pussy."
  • (Kal Penn) "Sure."
  • (Neil Patrick Harris) "Nothing. What does the P.H. Stands for in N.P.H?"
  • (John Cho) "Patrick Harris."
  • (Neil Patrick Harris) "No, common mistake. Poon handler."
  • (Neil Patrick Harris) "What's your name, miss?"
  • (Echo Valley) "Tits Hemmingway."
  • (Neil Patrick Harris) "Why do they call you that?"
  • (Echo Valley) "Beacause I have huge tits, and my favourite book is "A Moveable Feast"."
  • (Neil Patrick Harris) "Well I hope you're ready for me, Tits. Because I'm going to rock out with my cock out, and you're going to jam out with your clam out. It's going to be magical."
  • (Neil Patrick Harris) "Pooo-sy. I'm home."
  • (Neil Patrick Harris) "Did you see that unicorn? Its horn was so shiny --"
  • (Neil Patrick Harris) "I have a lost love story of my own."
  • (Kal Penn) "Oh yeah?"
  • (Neil Patrick Harris) "I'll never forget her. Her name was Tashonda. She was Whoopi Goldberg's stand-in. Her skin was so soft, her lips were so sweet. She had these tiny little Hershey kisses nipples that you just wanted to suck on all night long. Anyway, last day of shooting I told her. I said "T-Bird, we're gonna have to break up"."
  • (Kal Penn) "Why'd you do that?"
  • (Neil Patrick Harris) "I didn't think I could take on that kind of responsibility. What a big mistake."
  • (Neil Patrick Harris) "The point is boys, even though I loved having sex with some hot random trim, a day hasn't gone by where I haven't thought of Tashonda. Every time I see a bag of Hershey kisses, my balls get so wet."
  • (Neil Patrick Harris) "If you want to know the secret of being, you'll come with us."

Jack Conley as Deputy Frye

  • (Jack Conley) "I assume Secretary Whitmore is coming?"
  • (Rob Corddry) "Negative. He's on an ice fishing trip in Glacier Bay. I'm in charge while he's gone."
  • (Dr. Beecher) "Well, shouldn't he be alerted? Isn't this issue of more importance than an ice fishing trip?"
  • (Rob Corddry) "Who are you again?"
  • (Dr. Beecher) "Dr. John Beecher, Vice Chairman of the NSA."
  • (Rob Corddry) "Yeah, well, listen Dr. Dipshit; you've obviously never been ice fishing before."
  • (Dr. Beecher) "No, I haven't."
  • (Rob Corddry) "Well it's fucking exhilarating."

Kal Penn as Kumar Patel

  • (Kal Penn) "That looks like Osama Bin Laden's beard."
  • (Kal Penn) "What are you doing here, man?"
  • (Neil Patrick Harris) "This is where God took me."
  • (Kal Penn) "Dude, this thing is huge. I think it still has cheese on it."
  • (Kal Penn) "Look how cute this deer is, dude. Not like those asshole deer in New Jersey."
  • (Kal Penn) "Oh God, dude."
  • (John Cho) "What the fuck? What the fuck? What are you doing?"
  • (Kal Penn) "I'm taking the most incredible dump of all time, man."
  • (John Cho) "You couldn't wait until I got out of the shower?"
  • (Kal Penn) "Um, may I remind you that we both just ate 30 burgers and 4 large orders of fries?"
  • (Kal Penn) "Don't worry, in a little bit I'm sure it'll hit you too."
  • (John Cho) "Maybe, but I'm going to wait until you get out of the shower."
  • (Kal Penn) "Well don't wait too long. We gotta leave for the airport in an hour."
  • (John Cho) "An hour?"
  • (Kal Penn) "Uh-huh. Oh, hey, Roldy?"
  • (John Cho) "Yeah?"
  • (Kal Penn) "Nice pubes."
  • (Kal Penn) "I have this fantasy --"
  • (Danneel Harris) "What is it?"
  • (Kal Penn) "I thought it would be kind of cool to bring someone else in bed with us?"
  • (Danneel Harris) "Who?"
  • (Kal Penn) "Hey baby."
  • (Kal Penn) "Ladies and Roldy, how would you like to get really fucking high since we're in Amsterdam?"
  • (Danneel Harris) "Yeah."
  • (John Cho) "Shall we?"
  • (Paula Garcés) "Sounds like a plan."
  • (John Cho) "Let's do it."
  • (Kal Penn) "Harold Lee, I'd like to introduce you to an invention of mine."
  • (Kal Penn) "Meet the smokeless bong."
  • (John Cho) "You made this?"
  • (Kal Penn) "You know I did. When you were slaving away at work, I was actually being a productive member of society."
  • (Kal Penn) "I thought you were joking when you said that you have an inbred son who lives in your basement?"
  • (Jon Reep) "Well it ain't a joke. Raylene and I here are siblings. And we get it on. But that don't mean we oughtta be judged."
  • (Kal Penn) "Oh man, that was so fucking extreme."
  • (Kal Penn) "What's up with this party?"
  • (Amir Talai) "What do you mean?"
  • (John Cho) "There's exposed vagina all over your house."
  • (Amir Talai) "Oh, yeah, that was my idea. I don't know about you guys; I'm sick of all the hype over topless."
  • (John Cho) "Really? I always liked topless."
  • (Amir Talai) "Yeah, well I'm starting the bottomless trend. Hence the bottomless party."
  • (Kal Penn) "I've never had to suck a dick before."
  • (John Cho) "Me neither."
  • (Kal Penn) "I bet it sucks dick."
  • (Kal Penn) "I'm telling you Jorge, the first thing you have to do when you get to America; buy a device called TiVo. Okay? Freedom means nothing if you're a slave to regular programming. I promise you that."
  • (Goldstein) "The other night I ended up at that Asian party and I shtupped Cindy Kim."
  • (Kal Penn) "Shut the fuck up. Are you serious?"
  • (Goldstein) "Yeah man, she even gave me a blumpkin."
  • (Kal Penn) "What is a blumpkin?"
  • (Goldstein) "It's when a girl gives you head while you're sitting on the toilet taking a shit."
  • (Kal Penn) "You guys wanna hear something fucked up and awesome? I took a Korean guy's toothbrush and I rubbed it all over my dick."
  • (John Cho) "You did that?"
  • (Kal Penn) "Look, I can't promise you the kind of lifestyle that Colton could. I can't promise you that I'll mature over night. But what I can promise you is --"
  • (Kal Penn) "Sorry, I smoked weed with the president and I totally forgot what I was going to say."
  • (Kal Penn) "You fucking pissed on me you racist fuck."
  • (Kal Penn) "Hey, you don't happen to have a Baby Ruth on you, do you?"
  • (John Cho) "No. Why do you need a Baby Ruth?"
  • (Kal Penn) "That's how Chunk got over with Sloth in The Goonies."
  • (John Cho) "This thing looks like Sloth?"
  • (Kal Penn) "All I saw was the creature's hand."
  • (John Cho) "The hand looks like Sloth?"
  • (Kal Penn) "The fucking hand of an evil monster, dude. Like claws and shit."
  • (Light-Skinned Black Security) "Sir, I need you to step aside please. I need to search you."
  • (Kal Penn) "Did I beep?"
  • (Light-Skinned Black Security) "Oh no, you didn't beep. Just a random security check. If you can just step aside, please. Just over here."
  • (Kal Penn) "Random, huh?"
  • (Light-Skinned Black Security) "Yeah."
  • (Kal Penn) "So this has nothing to do with my ethnicity?"
  • (John Cho) "Come on, just do what the guy says."
  • (Light-Skinned Black Security) "Sir, it's our job as airport security to search for all possible weapons or illegal drugs."
  • (Kal Penn) "So just because of the color of my skin you assume that I have drugs on me? Are you a racist?"
  • (Light-Skinned Black Security) "Racist? Dude, I'm black."
  • (John Cho) "He's black. He's not racist."
  • (Kal Penn) "Please, dude. You're barely even brown. Compared to me, you look like Matthew Perry."
  • (John Cho) "No --."
  • (Light-Skinned Black Security) "Hey, who you callin' Matthew Perry, bitch?"
  • (Kal Penn) "I'm calling you Matthew Perry, you Matthew Perry-looking bitch."
  • (Kal Penn) "This car is frickin' sweet."
  • (John Cho) "Oh yeah. Yeah, it's sweet. 'Cuz we're fugitives. Driving a yellow convertible with the top down, dressed like assholes."
  • (Kal Penn) "So you get high and you put other people who smoke weed in jail?"
  • (James Adomian) "DUH."
  • (Kal Penn) "That's so hypocritical."
  • (James Adomian) "Oh yeah? Well let me ask you something, Kumar, do you like giving hand jobs?"
  • (Kal Penn) "No sir."
  • (James Adomian) "Do you like gettin' hand jobs?"
  • (Kal Penn) "Heh, yeah."
  • (James Adomian) "Yeah well, that makes you a fuckin' hypocriticizer too, so shut the fuck up. Now smoke my weed."

Eric Winter as Colton

  • (Eric Winter) "Look, I know things can be hectic with the wedding, but you know if you get stressed out, just do what I do. Snort Zoloft, okay?"

John Cho as Harold Lee

  • (John Cho) "In less than eight hours we're gonna be in Amsterdam. This is nuts. This is nuts."
  • (Kal Penn) "I know, dude. It's gonna be exactly like Eurotrip only it's not going to suck. It's going to be awesome."
  • (John Cho) "It's not not going to be awesome."
  • (John Cho) "It's because of assholes like you that we're even in this fucking place; fucking cowards."
  • (Terrorist #1) "Well maybe if the people in your country stopped eating doughnuts and started realizing what their government is doing to the world, "assholes" like us wouldn't exist."
  • (Kal Penn) "Fuck you. Doughnuts are awesome."
  • (John Cho) "I did knee an Indian guy in the balls."
  • (Adam Herschman) "Send those Indians back to Africa."
  • (John Cho) "We gotta get Neil."
  • (Kal Penn) "Why?"
  • (John Cho) "We're stealing his car. We can't leave him back there."
  • (Kal Penn) "He stole your fucking car last week."
  • (John Cho) "Can you focus on the driving? Focus on the road. You've had dozens of shrooms, my friend."
  • (Neil Patrick Harris) "Uh, dude, I was able to perform an apendectomy at age 14. I think I can handle a couple of mushrooms."
  • (Kal Penn) "Wasn't that just the TV show?"
  • (John Cho) "Quiet, Anus."
  • (John Cho) "If you like weed so much, why don't you just legalize it?"
  • (James Adomian) "Are you fucking kidding me? You know how pissed off my dad would get if I did that?"
  • (John Cho) "Can we have the right to make a phone call?"
  • (Rob Corddry) "Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry. You want rights now. You want freedoms. Right now. Is it time? Is it freedom o'clock?"
  • (John Cho) "Kumar -- our dicks are touching, aren't they?"
  • (John Cho) "Hey, I ran into Todd at Whitaker's, of course. He told me, uh, you got a job working for the government."
  • (Eric Winter) "Yeah. Yeah, President Bush and my dad were in the same fraternity."
  • (Kal Penn) "Oh, sheesh."
  • (Eric Winter) "When he gave my dad that appointment in the Defense Department, I became his right hand man."
  • (Kal Penn) "Douche."
  • (John Cho) "Is that a KKK bonfire?"
  • (Kal Penn) "Yeah, I think it is."
  • (John Cho) "Maybe we should get the fuck out of here."
  • (John Cho) "Why does everything has to be a huge argument with you, man?"
  • (Kal Penn) "Because this is America, dude, and as long as I have my freedom of speech no one's going to shut me up."
  • (John Cho) "Yo, I'm not joining the mile high club with you."
  • (Kal Penn) "What about the really high club?"

Richard Christy as Kenny

  • (Richard Christy) "When it comes to feeling good, I'd rate pissin' right up there with comin'and shittin'."
  • (Jason Konopisos) "I like to do all three."

Jason Konopisos as Travis

  • (Jason Konopisos) "All right. Cockmeat sandwich time. You know the drill."
  • (Terrorist #1) "What about them? They just got here."
  • (Jason Konopisos) "Hmph. Big Bob's looking after them."
  • (Unnamed) "Big Bob."
  • (Terrorist #1) "Big Bob."
  • (Unnamed) "Hope you like doughnuts."

Rob Corddry as Ron Fox

  • (Rob Corddry) "What's up with the guy with the weird eyes? He handicapped or something?"
  • (Jack Conley) "We believe he's of Korean decent."
  • (Rob Corddry) "My God. North Korea and Al Qaeda working together. This is bigger than I thought."
  • (Rob Corddry) "Do you have a problem with the way I run the show, Beecher?"
  • (Dr. Beecher) "I'm just saying I looked through the files on Harold Lee and Kumar Patel. They were both born and raised in New Jersey. Other than a couple of traffic tickets, they're clean."
  • (Rob Corddry) "Oh, right. That's why they just broke out of prison."
  • (Dr. Beecher) "It's not even clear that they should've been there in the first place."
  • (Rob Corddry) "Shouldn't have --"
  • (Rob Corddry) "You see this cute little white girl, Beecher?"
  • (Dr. Beecher) "Yeah."
  • (Rob Corddry) "Do you want her to get raped and murdered?"
  • (Dr. Beecher) "Of course not."
  • (Rob Corddry) "You sure? Cause this is America. Do you want to rape America?"
  • (Dr. Beecher) "No."
  • (Rob Corddry) "Then stop fucking with me."
  • (Rob Corddry) "Neil -- Patrick -- Harris."
  • (Neil Patrick Harris) "Yo."
  • (Rob Corddry) "It is an honor to meet you, sir."
  • (Neil Patrick Harris) "Yeah, I would imagine so."
  • (Goldstein) "Don't insult us, alright? I don't know what the hell's going on here, but I'm pleading the 5th until I speak to my lawyer."
  • (Rob Corddry) "Oh, you plead the 5th, huh? Beecher, get me a copy of the Bill of Rights."
  • (Dr. Beecher) "The Bill of Rights? Why?"
  • (Rob Corddry) "Just do it."
  • (Rob Corddry) "5 right?"
  • (David Krumholtz) "5, sure."
  • (Goldstein) "5 alive."
  • (Rob Corddry) "Okay."
  • (Rob Corddry) "You want to know what I think of the 5th Amendment?"
  • (Rob Corddry) "There it is. That's what I think of the 5th Amendment."
  • (Goldstein) "Why the hell is your ass so dirty? Don't you wipe?"
  • (Rob Corddry) "Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to buddy."

James Adomian as George W. Bush

  • (James Adomian) "Shit. It's Cheney. Come on, you guys. Keep quiet. Follow me."

Clyde Kusatsu as Mr. Lee

  • (Clyde Kusatsu) "Look, we have been American citizens for over 40 years. Now frankly, I find this very offensive."
  • (Ed Helms) "They're using some sort of dialect I've never heard before. But I'm pretty sure he said something about going on the offensive."

Danneel Harris as Vanessa

  • (Danneel Harris) "Did you take calculus in high school or something?"
  • (Kal Penn) "No, actually my dad taught me in sixth grade."
  • (Danneel Harris) "What are you, like Doogie Howser?"
  • (Kal Penn) "No. Although that would be incredible. He's my hero. I love that show."
  • (Danneel Harris) "You remember that time that you broke into the animal lab and like stole that monkey and put it in Andy Rosenberg's dorm room?"
  • (Kal Penn) "First of all, that was Goldstein's idea, and second of all, had I known that the monkey had AIDS, I never would've done that."

Randal Reeder as Big Bob

  • (Randal Reeder) "I'm Big Bob. You boys ready for your cockmeat sandwich?"
  • (John Cho) "Uh, no."
  • (Randal Reeder) "Well you better get hungry real fast -- because I've got a whole lotta sandwich waiting for you."

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