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Happy, Texas (film) Quotes

Happy, Texas (film) is a television program that appeared on TV in 1970 . Happy, Texas ended its run in 1970.

It features Mark Illsley as producer, Peter Harris (composer) in charge of musical score, and Bruce Douglas Johnson as head of cinematography.

Each episode of Happy, Texas (film) is 98 min. long. Happy, Texas (film) is distributed by Miramax Films.

The cast includes: Jeremy Northam as Harry Sawyer, William H. Macy as Sheriff Chappy Dent, Steve Zahn as Wayne Wayne Wayne Jr., and Ron Perlman as Marshal Nalhober.

Happy, Texas (film) Quotes

Steve Zahn as Wayne Wayne Wayne Jr.

  • (Steve Zahn) "You don't think I know what you're doin', do you? Goin' to the banker lady's house for popcorn and pillow talk. Goin' huntin'. What did you do tonight? Did you go someplace nice for dinner? Did you have a few drinks? Hmm? You don't think I'd like to get out some night or have a nice meal? Spend one night not thinkin' about the girls? You know what I did tonight? I'll tell you what I did. I spent it right here"
  • (Steve Zahn) "tryin' to figure out if slip-stitchin' or bastin' is the best way to put on a sparkly heart. Because you know what? I don't know how."
  • (Steve Zahn) "The pageant judges are gonna be here tomorrow. Madison's not gotten all the way through her song. The numbers are all over the place. Nobody can keep the beat. And I'm scared to death that Jensy is gonna drop her"
  • (Steve Zahn) "baton and fry like a Buddhist monk."
  • (Steve Zahn) "Why did the armadillo cross the road?"
  • (Jeremy Northam) "Why?"
  • (Steve Zahn) "It didn't. Look, see?"
  • (Steve Zahn) "Okay, God, just -- want you to look down on these girls here. They're like little flowers, and the rain you send 'em gutta be gentle and sweet. We come to you today, and we ask you to just -- help 'em; help us grab this pageant by the balls and rip 'em off. I mean, if those judges don't like us, then screw 'em. These girls here; they're talented, they're pretty, and if those judges say anything different, then I hope that on Judgement Day you put their asses through a meat grinder --. Amen."
  • (Steve Zahn) "If you ever leave me with a kid again I'll make sure you never have one. You have no idea what those screaming booger eaters are like. They expect you to -- know stuff."
  • (Steve Zahn) "The Light IS GREEN."
  • (Steve Zahn) "Because I've got my weight in my hip,"
  • (Steve Zahn) "weight in my hip."
  • (Steve Zahn) "JESUS -- ON A -- CRACKER."
  • (Steve Zahn) "Waddya mean "WE?" Did you grow another face?"

Jeremy Northam as Harry Sawyer

  • (Jeremy Northam) "So we're gay. How hard can that be?"
  • (Steve Zahn) "It might not be hard for you, Rock Hudson, but I have got heterosex --"
  • (Jeremy Northam) "What?"
  • (Steve Zahn) "'Not gay' written all over me."
  • (Jeremy Northam) "Don't make me come after you, they'll shoot me."
  • (Unnamed) "What are you DOING?"
  • (Jeremy Northam) "I'm trying to save you."
  • (Unnamed) "Well, knock it off. I'm trying to save YOU."
  • (Unnamed) "The last man in that safe who didn't work here, my Daddy shot in his tracks."
  • (Jeremy Northam) "I understand that's the most painful place to be shot in."

Ron Perlman as Marshal Nalhober

  • (Ron Perlman) "Well I'll be dipped."
  • (Ron Perlman) "That is one big dick cop."
  • (Ron Perlman) "Great googely moogely."
  • (Ron Perlman) "Sheriff Dent. I just want to shake your hand. I wish there were more men like you in law enforcement. You are one big dick cop."
  • (William H. Macy) "Thank you."

William H. Macy as Sheriff Chappy Dent

  • (William H. Macy) "I guess like, like everybody I'm scared of bein', you know, rejected."
  • (Jeremy Northam) "There's no way, man. You're a real catch, you're a man's man, a nice guy. You've got your health. And everybody knows what a turn-on that uniform is."
  • (William H. Macy) "That's what life's for, isn't it? Finding out?"

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