Happy Gilmore Quotes

Happy Gilmore is a TV show that first aired in 1970 . Happy Gilmore ended its run in 1970.

It features Robert Simonds as producer, Mark Mothersbaugh in charge of musical score, and Arthur Albert as head of cinematography.

Happy Gilmore is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Happy Gilmore is 92 minutes long. Happy Gilmore is distributed by Universal Pictures.

The cast includes: Christopher McDonald as Shooter McGavin, Adam Sandler as Happy Gilmore, Kevin Nealon as Gary Potter, Frances Bay as Grandma, Julie Bowen as Virginia, Richard Kiel as Mr. Larson, Kevin Nealon as Terry, Carl Weathers as Chubbs, Allen Covert as Otto, Joe Flaherty as Donald, and Frances Bay as Fan.

Happy Gilmore Quotes

Adam Sandler as Happy Gilmore

• (Adam Sandler) "That Son of a Bitch. Give me my ball, come on, pop it up, you dirty bastard. I swear I'm gonna -- give the ball, alligator. Hey, you've got one eye, Chubbs. You took his hand."

• (Adam Sandler) "Hey, my girlfriend is dead, you know. She fell off a cliff and died on impact."

• (Adam Sandler) "Where are you going with those clubs, punk?"
• (Happy's Waterbury Caddy) "Mr. Gilmore, I'm your caddy."
• (Adam Sandler) "Oh, I'm sorry about that. Let me carry these, alright, they were my grandfather's, they're pretty old."
• (Happy's Waterbury Caddy) "Well, what should I do then?"
• (Adam Sandler) "I don't know. Why don't you just watch me, and make sure I don't do anything stupid. Okay?"
• (Starter #1) "Mr. Gilmore, Mr. Lafferty will be teeing off now."
• (Adam Sandler) "Alright, good luck, buddy."
• (Happy's Waterbury Caddy) "Get out the way."
• (Adam Sandler) "Where were you on that one, dips***?"

• (Guy on Green) "It's about time."
• (Adam Sandler) "Yeah it is about time. I mean I just couldn't get the ball in the hole. I wanted to but I just couldn't do it."

• (Adam Sandler) "My name is Happy Gilmore. Ever since I was old enough to skate, I loved hockey. I wasn't really the greatest skater though. But that didn't stop my dad from teaching me the secret of smacking his greatest slap shot."

• (Adam Sandler) "Dammit. Is that goal regulation size or what? Sheesh."

• (Crazy Old Lady) "Mister. Mister. Get me outta here."
• (Adam Sandler) "Here, eat that and leave us alone."

• (Doctor) "Well, You're a little banged up but no serious injury's. Just keep off your feet for a few days."
• (Adam Sandler) "To hell with that. I gotta finish up."
• (Doctor) "Fine. Do whatever you like. What would I know? I'm just a Doctor."

• (Adam Sandler) "It ain't over, McGavin. The way I see it -- we've only just begun."

• (Bob Barker) "How you doing, Happy? I'm Bob Barker."
• (Adam Sandler) "What an honor. How nice to meet you."
• (Bob Barker) "Looks like you and I are going to be playing together today."

• (Adam Sandler) "But she's an old lady. I mean, look at her. She's old. You can't just take her stuff. She's too old."
• (IRS Agent) "I'm sorry, I have no discretion. Her stuff is now our stuff."

• (Adam Sandler) "Happy learned how to putt. Uh-oh."

• (Adam Sandler) "Did that go in? I wasn't watching, did it go in? I didn't see it, could you tell me if it went in?"

• (Adam Sandler) "I'd love to punch that guy in the face right now. But I can't, you know, because I'd get in trouble. I bet you get a lot of that on "Let's Make A Deal.""
• (Bob Barker) "It's "The Price Is Right," Happy."
• (Adam Sandler) "Oh, yeah. Sorry."
• (Bob Barker) "It happens. Let's play some golf."
• (Adam Sandler) "Okay."

• (Crazy Old Lady) "Mista, mista. Get this off of me."
• (Crazy Old Lady) "Mista."
• (Adam Sandler) "Hang on, I'll be right down there."
• (Adam Sandler) "Hey, you know that 'Mista Mista Lady' -- I think I just killed her."

• (Adam Sandler) "What the hell is the matter with you?"
• (Christopher McDonald) "Well, Real Estate is a hobby of mine --"
• (Christopher McDonald) "Ah ah. You lay another finger on me, I burn the house down and piss on the ashes."

• (Adam Sandler) "I'm telling you this place is perfect, you're gonna make friends in no time."

• (Adam Sandler) "A guy your size, why don't you play a real sport, like football?"
• (Carl Weathers) "My Momma wouldn't sign the permission slip. Said it might be a little too dangerous."
• (Adam Sandler) "Yeah, good call."

• (Adam Sandler) "You little son of a bitch ball. Why you don't you just go HOME? That's your HOME. Are you too good for your HOME? ANSWER ME. SUCK MY WHITE ASS, BALL."

• (Adam Sandler) "Let me just enjoy the one thing that makes me a little bit happy. This fresh, cold, delicious, turkey-filled --"
• (Adam Sandler) "-- Cold-cut combo from Subway. I eat three every day to keep me strong."
• (Frances Bay) "Hey Happy, hit one over here."
• (Adam Sandler) "Comin' right up."
• (Adam Sandler) "That's what I call a hole-in-one."

• (Adam Sandler) "During high school, I played junior hockey and still hold two league records: most time spent in the penalty box; and I was the only guy to ever take off his skate and try to stab somebody."

• (Adam Sandler) "That guy's driving me crazy."
• (Bob Barker) "You know what's driving me crazy? You, not getting the ball in the hole."
• (Adam Sandler) "Don't push me, Bob. Now's not the time."
• (Bob Barker) "This guy sucks."
• (Announcer) "We haven't seen Happy Gilmore play this badly since his first day on tour. He and Bob Barker are now dead-last."
• (Bob Barker) "I can't believe you're a professional golfer. I think you should be working at the snack bar."
• (Adam Sandler) "You better relax, Bob."
• (Bob Barker) "There is no way that you could have been as bad at hockey as you are at golf."
• (Adam Sandler) "Alright, let's go."
• (Adam Sandler) "You like that, old man? You want a piece of me?"
• (Bob Barker) "I don't want a piece of you, I want the whole thing."
• (Adam Sandler) "Now you're gonna get it, Bobby."
• (Adam Sandler) "The price is wrong, bitch."
• (Bob Barker) "I think you've had enough."
• (Bob Barker) "No?"
• (Bob Barker) "Now you've had enough -- bitch."

• (Mover) "I'll tell you what, you hit a ball past my ball, and we'll go straight back to work so you can watch your precious hockey game."
• (Adam Sandler) "Give me the stupid club."
• (Adam Sandler) "Look at this stupid thing."
• (Mover) "This is going to be hilarious. I mean, look how he's standing."
• (Adam Sandler) "Yeah you like that?"
• (Mover) "Holy s***."
• (Adam Sandler) "Go back to work."
• (Mover) "That house is like four hundred yards away."
• (Adam Sandler) "Is that good?"
• (Mover) "That's unbelieveable."
• (Mover) "Beginner's luck. Twenty bucks says you can't do it again."
• (Adam Sandler) "Bring it on."
• (Unnamed) "You boys are going to pay for that. clunk AHH."
• (Mover) "You hit that guy."
• (Adam Sandler) "He shouldn't have been standing there."
• (Mover) "One more time, double or nothing."
• (Adam Sandler) "You better pay up."
• (Adam Sandler) "Oops. All right, maybe we should get back inside."

• (Adam Sandler) "Step right up, folks. See if you can out drive the amazing Golf Ball, uh, Whacker Guy."

• (Adam Sandler) "Somebody's closer."

• (Adam Sandler) "Whoa, must be Burt Reynolds or somethin'."

• (Adam Sandler) "Oh, God, that hurt a little, but I'm alright."

• (Adam Sandler) "I got into this tournament for one reason: money. And now I have a new reason: kicking your ass."
• (Christopher McDonald) "Well, I'd like to see you try."
• (Adam Sandler) "Let's do it, then."
• (Christopher McDonald) "I meant on a golf course."
• (Julie Bowen) "Hey. What's going on here, huh?"
• (Adam Sandler) "Oh, uh, I was just looking for the other half of this bottle and there's some of it and there's some of it right there, too."
• (Julie Bowen) "Why don't you just put it down?"
• (Adam Sandler) "Yeah, I know."

• (Adam Sandler) "Do you know what the pathetic thing is? You have been doing this your whole life."

• (Adam Sandler) "He shoots, he scores."
• (Adam Sandler) "Oh, man. That was so much easier than putting. I should just try to get the ball in one shot every time."
• (Carl Weathers) "Good plan."
• (Julie Bowen) "Did you see that?"
• (Christopher McDonald) "Yes. Nice shot."
• (Julie Bowen) "He just got a Hole-in-One on a par four."
• (Christopher McDonald) "I know. I just said I saw it."
• (Julie Bowen) "Oh, I hope he wins. He's a publicist's dream. I mean, a guy who could drive the ball that far; oh, he could really draw a crowd."
• (Christopher McDonald) "You know what else could draw a crowd? A golfer with an arm growing out of his ass."

• (Adam Sandler) "Piece of monkey s***."

Frances Bay as Grandma

• (Frances Bay) "It makes me hungry."
• (Adam Sandler) "Yeah, well we won't have to worry about eating anymore, Grandma. See, they gave me this card: free Subway for life."

• (Frances Bay) "How's that nice girlfriend of yours?"
• (Adam Sandler) "Oh, she got hit by a car. She's dead."

• (Frances Bay) "Who are you waving at, Happy?"
• (Adam Sandler) "Nobody, Grandma. Let's go home."

• (Frances Bay) "Happy, the gold jacket's yours. Shooter's gonna choke."

Joe Flaherty as Donald

• (Joe Flaherty) "Hey Gilmore, you suck ya jackass."
• (Adam Sandler) "Why don't you shut the hell up."

• (Joe Flaherty) "You're gonna need a blanket and suntan lotion, cause you're never gonna get off that beach, just like the way you never got into the NHL -- you jackass."

• (Joe Flaherty) "Good shooting soldier."

• (Joe Flaherty) "You will not make this putt -- you jackass."

Richard Kiel as Mr. Larson

• (Richard Kiel) "Hey Shooter, haven't you forgot your nine iron."

• (Richard Kiel) "That's two thus far, Shooter."
• (Christopher McDonald) "Oh, you can count. Good for you."
• (Richard Kiel) "And you can count, on me, waiting for you in the parking lot."

• (Richard Kiel) "I believe that's Mr. Gilmore's."

• (Richard Kiel) "Trying to reach the green from here, Shooter?"
• (Christopher McDonald) "I'm afraid that's impossible, sir."
• (Richard Kiel) "I beg to differ. Happy Gilmore accomplished that feat no more than an hour ago."
• (Christopher McDonald) "Well, moron --"
• (Christopher McDonald) "good for Happy Gilm-OH MY GOD."

Christopher McDonald as Shooter McGavin

• (Christopher McDonald) "You're in big trouble though, pal. I eat pieces of s*** like you for breakfast."
• (Adam Sandler) "You eat pieces of s*** for breakfast?"
• (Christopher McDonald) "No."

• (Christopher McDonald) "Everyone seems to be coming around -- Well I'm not Doug."

• (Christopher McDonald) "I tell you, the real winner today is the city of Portland. Every time I come here it gets hard to leave. I bet you put something to the water."

• (Christopher McDonald) "Just stay out of my way -- or you'll pay. LISTEN to what I say."
• (Adam Sandler) "Hey, why don't I just go eat some hay, make things out of clay, lay by the bay? I just may. What'd ya say?"

• (Christopher McDonald) "Damn you people. Go back to your shanties."

• (Christopher McDonald) "Thank you, Doug. You know, I saw Doug playing yesterday. And I've got to tell you, this guy spends more time in the sand than David Hasselhoff."

• (Christopher McDonald) "Stop fraternizing with the help Gilmore. Just hit your ball -- if you can find it."

• (Christopher McDonald) "Damn you people. This is golf. Not a rock concert."

• (Christopher McDonald) "Hey, Happy Gilmore. Come on down."

• (Christopher McDonald) "Oh, he's gonna be on the tour that's -- that's super."
• (Christopher McDonald) "That's -- that's cute."

Julie Bowen as Virginia

• (Julie Bowen) "I thought we were going to be just friends."
• (Adam Sandler) "What? Friends listen to "Endless Love" in the dark."

• (Julie Bowen) "Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey. You want to beat him? Beat him on the course."
• (Adam Sandler) "That's right, I'm gonna beat your ass on the course."
• (Christopher McDonald) "Yeah, right. And Grizzly Adams had a beard."
• (Lee Trevino) "Grizzly Adams did have a beard."

• (Julie Bowen) "Happy. Happy are you okay?"
• (Adam Sandler) "Volkswagen."
• (Joe Flaherty) "Jackass."

• (Julie Bowen) "What's this I hear about you breaking a rake and throwing it in the woods?"
• (Adam Sandler) "What? I didn't break it, I was just testing its durability, and then I placed it in the woods because it's made of wood and I just thought he should be with his family."

Carl Weathers as Chubbs

• (Carl Weathers) "Shut up, Happy. Don't feel bad about me. I got my hand back, see?"

• (Carl Weathers) "What are you doing Happy? Riding a bull? You're acting like a damn fool."

• (Carl Weathers) "Back in 1965, Sports Illustrated said I was going to be the next Arnold Palmer."
• (Adam Sandler) "Yeah? What happened?"
• (Carl Weathers) "They wouldn't let me play on the Pro Tour anymore."
• (Adam Sandler) "Ah, I'm sorry. Because you're black?"
• (Carl Weathers) "Hell no. Damned alligator BIT my hand off."
• (Adam Sandler) "OH MY GOD."
• (Carl Weathers) "Yeah. tournament down in Florida. I hooked my ball in the rough down by the lake. Damned alligator just POPPED up, cut me down on my prime. He got me, but I tore one of that bastard's eyes out though. Look at that."
• (Adam Sandler) "You're pretty sick, Chubbs."

• (Carl Weathers) "Golf's no different from Hockey. It requires talent and self discipline."
• (Adam Sandler) "Golf requires goofy pants and a fat ass. You should talk to my neighbor, the accountant. Probably a great golfer -- huge ass."
• (Carl Weathers) "Hey, I'll bet your neighbor the accountant can't drive the ball four hundred yards. I'll bet your neighbor the accountant doesn't have a shot to get on the Pro Tour."
• (Adam Sandler) "And how would I do that?"
• (Carl Weathers) "You win the Open tomorrow, and you're automatically on the Pro Tour. Then who knows? Maybe you'll win the Tour Championship one day. Get that gold jacket that I never got."
• (Adam Sandler) "Gold jacket, green jacket, who gives a s***?"

• (Carl Weathers) "Thanks for dressing up."
• (Adam Sandler) "If saw myself in clothes like that, I'd have to kick my own ass."

• (Carl Weathers) "It's all in the hips. It's all in the hips. It's all in the hips. It's all in the hips."
• (Adam Sandler) "Get off of me."
• (Carl Weathers) "Just easin' the tension, baby. Just easin' the tension."
• (Adam Sandler) "Yeah, well ease it on someone else."

Kevin Nealon as Gary Potter

• (Kevin Nealon) "Oh yeah. Lotta pressure. You gotta rise above it. You gotta harness in the good energy, block out the bad. Harness. Energy. Block. Bad. Feel the flow Happy. Feel it. It's circular. It's like a carousel. You pay the quarter, you get on the horse, it goes up and down, and AROUND. It's circular. Circle, with the music, the flow. All good things."
• (Adam Sandler) "Yeah, alright. Good to meet you."
• (Adam Sandler) "Psycho."

• (Kevin Nealon) "Doin' the Bull Dance. Feelin' the flow. Workin' it. Workin' it."

• (Kevin Nealon) "All you ever talk about is becoming a pro hockey player, but there's a problem: you're not any good."
• (Adam Sandler) "I am good. You know what, you're a lousy kindergarten teacher. I've seen those finger-paintings you bring home and they SUCK."

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