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Hamlet 2 Quotes

Hamlet 2 is a TV program that appeared on TV in 1970 . Hamlet 2 completed its run in 1970.

It features Eric Eisner as producer, Ralph Sall in charge of musical score, and Alexander Gruszynski as head of cinematography.

Hamlet 2 is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Hamlet 2 is 92 minutes long. Hamlet 2 is distributed by Focus Features.

The cast includes: Steve Coogan as Dana Marschz, Phoebe Strole as Epiphany Sellars, Amy Poehler as Cricket Feldstein, Skylar Astin as Rand Posin, Catherine Keener as Brie Marschz, Michael Esparza as Chuy, and Joseph Julian Soria as Mr. Marquez.

Hamlet 2 Quotes

Amy Poehler as Cricket Feldstein

  • (Amy Poehler) "Well, this play is gonna bitch-slap Broadway like a cheap hooker at a gangbang."
  • (Steve Coogan) "Uh -- yeah."
  • (Amy Poehler) "Y'know, and those Bible-humping protesters can suck a bag of dicks, 'cause all I ended up doing was giving you free publicity."
  • (Steve Coogan) "Yeah, and did you see my dressing room? It has a bidet."
  • (Unnamed) "That was a sink."
  • (Steve Coogan) "It was?"
  • (Amy Poehler) "You wanna hit me? I would love it if you hit me. I'm married to a Jew, I've got nothing to lose."

Phoebe Strole as Epiphany Sellars

  • (Phoebe Strole) "What about the acting?"
  • (Skylar Astin) ""It is perhaps best not to mention the acting. In the theater, actors endeavor to simulate human emotion. Rand Posin and Epiphany Sellars flap their lips and wave their arms like malfunctioning wind-up toys -- ""
  • (Steve Coogan) "That's enough. Every trimester we get fisted by this guy."
  • (Phoebe Strole) "What's "fisted"?"
  • (Skylar Astin) "What?"
  • (Steve Coogan) "I have so much anger. I feel like I've been raped. In the face."
  • (Phoebe Strole) "I still get nervous around ethnics."

Steve Coogan as Dana Marschz

  • (Steve Coogan) "I feel like I'm in a cage. And I feel like Nicolas Cage in Leaving Las Vegas. Starring my good friend, Elisabeth Shue."
  • (Steve Coogan) "Chuy, you're going to have a magical life. Because no matter where you go, it's always going to be better than Tucson."
  • (Steve Coogan) "Oh, come on you guys. Could you not even Google her? The Karate Kid, the Crane, Wax on-Wax off, Soapdish, Dreamer with the fucking horse. Any of that shit ring a bell?"
  • (Steve Coogan) "What the fuck is your problem, man?"
  • (Steve Coogan) "Let there be light."
  • (Steve Coogan) "My eyes."
  • (Steve Coogan) "I'm having a herpes outbreak, right now; but you'd never know it. Thanks, Herpocol."
  • (Steve Coogan) "It's a slippery slope -- beer, liquor, dope, coke, meth, chicks with dicks, then jail."
  • (Steve Coogan) "Oh my god, writing is so hard."
  • (Steve Coogan) "I work for gas money. That's why I'm always on rollerskates."
  • (Steve Coogan) "We are putting on this play and if you don't like it, then tough titties you assturd monkey fucker."

Catherine Keener as Brie Marschz

  • (Catherine Keener) "Maybe it's better that we just can't get pregnant. I feel like we shouldn't pass on this gene pool."

Michael Esparza as Chuy

  • (Michael Esparza) "Hmp."
  • (Phoebe Strole) "Watch it, Nacho Bell Grande."
  • (Michael Esparza) "Bitch. Why you always gotta fuck with me?"
  • (Phoebe Strole) "Ill show you why, Vato."

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