Grumpy Old Men (film) Quotes

Grumpy Old Men (film) is a television show that debuted in 1970 . Grumpy Old Men completed its run in 1970.

It features John Davis, and Richard C. Berman as producer, Alan Silvestri in charge of musical score, and John E. Jensen as head of cinematography.

Grumpy Old Men (film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Grumpy Old Men (film) is 104 minutes long. Grumpy Old Men (film) is distributed by Warner Bros..

The cast includes: Jack Lemmon as John Gustafson, Daryl Hannah as Grandpa Gustafson, Walter Matthau as Max Goldman, Kevin Pollak as Jacob, Ann-Margret as Ariel Truax, Buck Henry as Snyder, Steve Cochran as Weatherman, and Ossie Davis as Chuck.

Grumpy Old Men (film) Quotes

Walter Matthau as Max Goldman

• (Walter Matthau) "If I had known I would be doing a nude scene, I'd have asked for another million."

• (Walter Matthau) "You're trying to steal her away like you did Mae."
• (Jack Lemmon) "Oh, well, I'll remind you, Einstein, that Mae was no prize."
• (Walter Matthau) "She was to me."
• (Jack Lemmon) "I was married to the woman for 20 years, she was no prize."
• (Walter Matthau) "She was to me."
• (Jack Lemmon) "Well, that's why you're a moron. If you'd had Mae you wouldn't have had Amy. And Amy was a good woman."
• (Walter Matthau) "She was the best."
• (Jack Lemmon) "Yeah, and she was a darned sight more loyal than Mae ever was."
• (Walter Matthau) "Yeah."
• (Jack Lemmon) "Yeah."
• (Walter Matthau) "What?"
• (Jack Lemmon) "What?"
• (Walter Matthau) "Huh?"
• (Jack Lemmon) "Huh?"
• (Jack Lemmon) "What?"

• (Walter Matthau) "Did you win the Lottery Dickhead?"
• (Jack Lemmon) "Enjoy your shower Smart Ass?"

• (Walter Matthau) "When I had my ulcers, I was farting razor blades."

• (Walter Matthau) "You mean the low-life, ass-wipe, egg-sucker John Gustafson?"
• (Buck Henry) "Have you seen him?"
• (Walter Matthau) "The man's crazy. Loco. Always hanging out around those kinky strip bars. You know, the ones where the men take their clothes off. That's of course if he's taken his medication."
• (Buck Henry) "Medication?"
• (Walter Matthau) "Yes, without it he could be anywhere. Wandering around talking to the trees. I'm telling you the man's a menace, he's always drinking, starting fights."

• (Walter Matthau) "Do me a favor. Put your lip over your head -- and swallow."

• (Walter Matthau) "Hey, watch your mouth you dumb friggin' Swede."

• (Walter Matthau) "Hey dickhead you win the lottery?"

• (Walter Matthau) "You know what Jacob said? Jacob said old Billy Hensel was killed in a car crash. Cleared his car straight off the bridge into the Mississippi."
• (Jack Lemmon) "Lucky bastard."
• (Walter Matthau) "You bet."
• (Jack Lemmon) "Hey, how is he, anyway?"
• (Walter Matthau) "Dead. Died on impact."
• (Jack Lemmon) "Jacob, moron, Jacob."

• (Walter Matthau) "She chose me, and anyone who says different is a damn liar."

• (Walter Matthau) "Gotta use hot water, dickhead."

• (Walter Matthau) "Up yours, Gustafson."

• (Walter Matthau) "John. John. Are you dead?"
• (Jack Lemmon) "Not yet. But I don't want to die looking at your ugly face."

• (Walter Matthau) "Who's the guy yakkin' at your door?"
• (Jack Lemmon) "Just mind your own business, will ya?"
• (Walter Matthau) "Mind your own business, will ya? Mind your own business. Why don't you tie your shoelace, you'll fall on your stupid head."

Daryl Hannah as Grandpa Gustafson

• (Daryl Hannah) "Looks like Chuck's taking old one-eye to the optometrist."

• (Daryl Hannah) "Did you mount her?"
• (Jack Lemmon) "Oh, Dad."
• (Daryl Hannah) "Wait, wait. Has she got big thighs?"
• (Jack Lemmon) "No."
• (Daryl Hannah) "No.? Then what's the problem?"

• (Daryl Hannah) "Kids; Can't live with them, can't shoot them."

Ann-Margret as Ariel Truax

• (Ann-Margret) "John, when was the last time you made love?"
• (Jack Lemmon) "October 4th -- 1978."
• (Ann-Margret) "Oh, I think we're safe."

• (Ann-Margret) "And these two little guys?"
• (Jack Lemmon) "Oh. That's me and the moron."
• (Ann-Margret) "Is that Max?"
• (Jack Lemmon) "Of course it's Max. He's ugly isn't he?"
• (Ann-Margret) "Aw, you mean you were friends?"
• (Jack Lemmon) "I was 10, and didn't know any better."
• (Ann-Margret) "What makes two men spend most of their lives fighting?"
• (Jack Lemmon) "Oh? Guess."
• (Ann-Margret) "A woman."
• (Ann-Margret) "How romantic."
• (Jack Lemmon) "No, it wasn't romantic at all."

• (Ann-Margret) "Gay or straight?"
• (Jack Lemmon) "Huh?"
• (Ann-Margret) "Heterosexual or homosexual?"
• (Jack Lemmon) "Geez Louise."
• (Ann-Margret) "Well, it's a perfectly legitimate question."
• (Jack Lemmon) "Well, maybe in California, but here in Minnesota -- Who-ho-ho-ho."

Jack Lemmon as John Gustafson

• (Jack Lemmon) "Moron."
• (Walter Matthau) "Putz."

• (Jack Lemmon) "-- very interesting woman."
• (Kevin Pollak) "Sounds like a wacko to me."
• (Jack Lemmon) "I haven't had sex for fifteen years."

• (Jack Lemmon) "You're supposed to be smoking filter cigarettes."
• (Daryl Hannah) "I'm 94 years old. What the hell do I care?"

• (Jack Lemmon) "Ohh you don't know a damn things about me --"
• (Ann-Margret) "I do too. And I also know the only thing in life, that you regret, are the risks that you don't take."

• (Jack Lemmon) "We did the horizontal mambo."

• (Jack Lemmon) "I've laid more pipe in this town than Wabasha Plumbing."

• (Jack Lemmon) "The sequence where Max is pushing John's ice shanty onto the thin ice, Jack Lemmon uses exactly the same dialog that he uses with the character of Max in The Great Race."

Buck Henry as Snyder

• (Buck Henry) "Mr. Gustafson. I have to talk to you. Mr. Gustafson, will you answer the door, please? I know you're in there. It's no use pretending this isn't happening, Mr. Gustafson. I can't keep coming -- back here every couple of days. You have to talk to me. Mr. Gustafson, I'm just trying to help you. Come on and open the door. I'll just keep knocking. I'll come back, so you might as well answer the door. I know you're in there. Think of the neighbors, Mr. Gustafson. There's a letter for you, Mr. Gustafson. I suggest you read it."

Steve Cochran as Weatherman

• (Steve Cochran) "Cold enough for ya? Brrrrrrr."
• (Walter Matthau) "Oh, shut up, fatass."

Kevin Pollak as Jacob

• (Kevin Pollak) "You're a child."
• (Walter Matthau) "Don't tell me Jacob; it isn't me."
• (Kevin Pollak) "Oh it never is. Uh huh, I'm sure John started every fight since 1940."
• (Walter Matthau) "38."

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