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Good Will Hunting Quotes

Good Will Hunting is a TV show that appeared on TV in 1970 . Good Will Hunting completed its run in 1970.

It features Lawrence Bender as producer, Danny Elfman in charge of musical score, and Jean-Yves Escoffier as head of cinematography.

Good Will Hunting is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Good Will Hunting is 126 minutes long. Good Will Hunting is distributed by Miramax Films.

The cast includes: Robin Williams as Sean, Matt Damon as Will, Ben Affleck as Chuckie, Scott William Winters as Clark, Stellan Skarsgård as Lambeau, Minnie Driver as Skylar, Cole Hauser as Billy, Casey Affleck as Morgan, John Mighton as Tim, George Plimpton as Henry Lipkin, John Mighton as Tom, and Jimmy Flynn as Judge George H. Malone.

Good Will Hunting Quotes

Ben Affleck as Chuckie

  • (Ben Affleck) "Morgan, I'm not going to Kelly's just because you like the takeout girl. It's 15 minutes out of our way."
  • (Casey Affleck) "What the f*** are we gonna do that we can't spare 15 minutes?"
  • (Ben Affleck) "Are we gonna have a problem here?"
  • (Scott William Winters) "No, no, no, no. There's no problem here. I was just hoping you might give me some insight into the evolution of the market economy in the southern colonies. My contention is that prior to the Revolutionary War, the economic modalities, especially in the southern colonies, could be most aptly described as agrarian pre-capitalist."
  • (Matt Damon) "Of course that's your contention. You're a first-year grad student; you just got finished reading some Marxian historian, Pete Garrison probably. You're gonna be convinced of that 'till next month when you get to James Lemon. Then you're going to be talking about how the economies of Virginia and Pennsylvania were entrepreneurial and capitalist way back in 1740. That's gonna last until next year; you're gonna be in here regurgitating Gordon Wood, talkin' about, you know, the pre-revolutionary utopia and the capital-forming effects of military mobilization."
  • (Scott William Winters) "Well, as a matter of fact, I won't, because Wood drastically underestimates the impact of social --"
  • (Matt Damon) ""Wood drastically underestimates the impact of social distinctions predicated upon wealth, especially inherited wealth"? You got that from Vickers' "Work in Essex County," page 98, right? Yeah, I read that too. Were you gonna plagiarize the whole thing for us? Do you have any thoughts of your own on this matter? Or do you, is that your thing, you come into a bar, read some obscure passage and then pretend; you pawn it off as your own, as your own idea just to impress some girls, embarrass my friend?"
  • (Matt Damon) "See, the sad thing about a guy like you is, in 50 years you're gonna start doin' some thinkin' on your own and you're going to come up with the fact that there are two certainties in life: one, don't do that, and two, you dropped 150 grand on a f***in' education you could have got for a dollar fifty in late charges at the public library."
  • (Scott William Winters) "Yeah, but I will have a degree. And you'll be servin' my kids fries at a drive-thru on our way to a skiing trip."
  • (Matt Damon) "That may be, but at least I won't be unoriginal. But I mean, if you have a problem with that, I mean, we could just step outside; we could figure it out."
  • (Scott William Winters) "No, man, there's no problem. It's cool."
  • (Ben Affleck) "Wait, Bill. Hold it. Did you hear that?"
  • (Ben Affleck) "Morgan. If you're watching pornos in my mom's room again, I'm gonna give you a f***ing beating."
  • (Casey Affleck) "What's up, fellas?"
  • (Cole Hauser) "Morgan, why don't you jerk off in your own f***ing house? Man, that's f***ing filthy."
  • (Casey Affleck) "I ain't got a VCR in my house."
  • (Ben Affleck) "Aw, c'mon, not on my glove."
  • (Casey Affleck) "I didn't use the glove."
  • (Ben Affleck) "That's my Little League glove."
  • (Casey Affleck) "What do you want me to do?"
  • (Ben Affleck) "I mean, what's wrong with you? You'll hump a baseball glove?"
  • (Casey Affleck) "I was just using it for cleanup."
  • (Ben Affleck) "Stop jerking off in my mother's room."
  • (Casey Affleck) "Ain't there another VCR in the house?"
  • (Ben Affleck) "It's just sad, bro."
  • (Ben Affleck) "Hey asshole."
  • (Matt Damon) "What, bitch?"
  • (Ben Affleck) "Happy birthday."
  • (Ben Affleck) "I didn't get on Cathy last night."
  • (Matt Damon) "No?"
  • (Ben Affleck) "Nah."
  • (Matt Damon) "Why not?"
  • (Ben Affleck) "I don't know."
  • (Ben Affleck) "Cathy."
  • (Cathy) "What?"
  • (Ben Affleck) "Why didn't you give me none of that nasty little hoochie-woochie you usually throw at me?"
  • (Cathy) "Oh, f*** you and your Irish curse, Chuckie. Like I'd waste my energy spreading my legs for that Tootsie Roll dick? So go home and give it a tug yourself."
  • (Ben Affleck) "So this is a Harvard bar, huh? I thought there'd be equations and s*** on the wall."

Casey Affleck as Morgan

  • (Casey Affleck) "My boy's wicked smart."
  • (Casey Affleck) "Man, I can't believe you brought Skylar here when we're all f***ing bombed and been drinking. What the f*** is she gonna think about us?"
  • (Matt Damon) "Yeah, Morgan, it's a real rarity that we'd be out drinking."
  • (Casey Affleck) "If you were gonna fight them, why didn't you fight them back there? We got snacks now."
  • (Casey Affleck) "Double Burger."
  • (Casey Affleck) "Chuck, I had a double burger."
  • (Ben Affleck) "Will you shut the f*** up? I know what you ordered, I was there."
  • (Casey Affleck) "So give me my f***ing sandwich."
  • (Ben Affleck) "What do you mean your sandwich? I bought it. Hey Morgan, how much money you got on you?"
  • (Casey Affleck) "I said I'd give you the change when we ordered the Sno-Cones when we pulled up, so why don't you give me my sandwich and stop being a prick."
  • (Ben Affleck) "Well why don't you give me your f***ing sixteen cents you got on you and we'll put your sandwich on layaway. There you go, keep it right up here for you, We'll put you on a program. Everyday you bring your six cents and at the end of the week you'll get your sandwich."
  • (Casey Affleck) "Why do you have to be such an asshole?"
  • (Ben Affleck) "What am I, f***in' sandwich welfare? I think you should establish a good line of credit. Like how you bought your couch, payment plans. Remember how your mother brought in $10 everyday for a year and she finally got her couch Rent-A-Center Style?"
  • (Casey Affleck) "Can I have my food now please?"
  • (Ben Affleck) "Here's your f***ing double burger."

Minnie Driver as Skylar

  • (Minnie Driver) "Well, let's see if you can get this one. I've got a little story for you. All right. There's an old couple in bed. Mary and Paddy. And they wake up on the morning their -- fiftieth anniversary. And Mary looks over and gazes adoringly at Paddy, she's like, "Aw, Jesus, Paddy. You're such a good lookin' feller. I love you. I want to give you a little present. Anything your little heart desires, I'm going to give it to ya'. What would you like?" And Paddy's like, "Aw, gee, Mary, that's a very sweet offer. Now, in fifty years, there's one thing that's been missing. And uh -- I would like you to give me a blow job. I would like that." And Mary's like, "All right." She takes her teeth out, puts them in the glass and she gives him a blow job. And afterwards, Paddy's like, "Ah, geez, now THAT's what I've been missin'. That was the most beautiful, Earth-shatterin' thing ever. Beautiful Mary, I love ya'. Is there anything that I can do for you?" And Mary looks up at him and she goes,"
  • (Minnie Driver) ""Give us a kiss.""
  • (Minnie Driver) "What is your obsession with this money? My father died when I was 13 and I inherited this money. You don't think that every day I wake up and wish I could give it back? That I would give it back in a second if I could have one more day with him? But I can't, and that's my life and I deal with it. So don't put your s*** on me when you're the one that's afraid."
  • (Matt Damon) "I'm afraid? What am I afraid of? What the f*** am I afraid of?"
  • (Minnie Driver) "You're afraid of me. You're afraid that I won't love you back. f*** it, I wanna give it a shot. At least I'm honest with you."
  • (Minnie Driver) "You're an idiot."
  • (Matt Damon) "What?"
  • (Minnie Driver) "You're an idiot. I've been sitting there all night waiting for you to come over to talk to me. But I'm tired now, and I have to go home, and couldn't just keep sitting there waiting."
  • (Minnie Driver) "I can be in the NBA. I'm tall, I like to wear shorts. Hook. Hook. Dunk. Dunk. Baby, I'm all about three points."
  • (Minnie Driver) "Do you have lots of brothers and sisters?"
  • (Matt Damon) "I'm Irish Catholic, what do you think?"
  • (Minnie Driver) "But how many?"
  • (Matt Damon) "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."
  • (Minnie Driver) "Why? Go on, what, 5? 7? 8? How many?"
  • (Matt Damon) "I have 12 big brothers."
  • (Minnie Driver) "You do not have 12 brothers."
  • (Matt Damon) "I swear to God, I swear to God, I'm lucky 13 right here."
  • (Minnie Driver) "Do you know all their names?"
  • (Matt Damon) "Do I -- yeah, they're my brothers."
  • (Minnie Driver) "What are they called?"
  • (Matt Damon) "Marky, Ricky, Danny, Terry, Mikey, Davey, Timmy, Tommy, Joey, Robby, Johnny, and Brian."
  • (Minnie Driver) "Say it again."
  • (Matt Damon) "Marky, Ricky, Danny, Terry, Mikey, Davey, Timmy, Tommy, Joey, Robby, Johnny, and Brian."
  • (Minnie Driver) "-- and Willy."
  • (Matt Damon) "Willy? Will --"
  • (Minnie Driver) "What if I said I wouldn't have sex with you again 'til I got to meet your friends; what would you say?"
  • (Matt Damon) "I'd say it's 4:30 in the morning; they're probably up."
  • (Minnie Driver) "Men are shameless. If you're not thinking with your wiener, then you're acting directly on its behalf."
  • (Matt Damon) "Thank you."
  • (Ben Affleck) "Eh. What the f***?"
  • (Matt Damon) "Nothing, Chuckie; go back to sleep."
  • (Minnie Driver) "You were hoping for a good night kiss."
  • (Matt Damon) "No, you know. I'll tell ya, I was hoping for a good night lay, but I'd settle for a good night kiss."
  • (Minnie Driver) "How very noble of you."
  • (Matt Damon) "Thank you -- But I was, you know, hoping for a good night kiss."
  • (Minnie Driver) "Well, let's just get it out of the way. Come on, come on."
  • (Minnie Driver) "I think I got some of your pickle."

Robin Williams as Sean

  • (Robin Williams) "You'll have bad times, but it'll always wake you up to the good stuff you weren't paying attention to."
  • (Robin Williams) "Hey, Gerry, In the 1960s there was a young man that graduated from the University of Michigan. Did some brilliant work in mathematics. Specifically bounded harmonic functions. Then he went on to Berkeley. He was assistant professor. Showed amazing potential. Then he moved to Montana, and blew the competition away."
  • (Stellan Skarsgård) "Yeah, so who was he?"
  • (Robin Williams) "Ted Kaczynski."
  • (Stellan Skarsgård) "Haven't heard of him."
  • (Robin Williams) "Hey, Timmy."
  • (Timmy) "Yo."
  • (Robin Williams) "Who's Ted Kaczynski?"
  • (Timmy) "Unabomber."
  • (Robin Williams) "See you Monday. We'll be talking about Freud and why he did enough cocaine to kill a small horse."
  • (Robin Williams) "Look, if you're gonna jerk off, why don't you do it at home with a moist towel?"
  • (Robin Williams) "If you ever disrespect my wife again, I will end you. I will f***ing end you. You got that, chief?"
  • (Matt Damon) "Time's up."
  • (Robin Williams) "Do you feel like you're alone, Will?"
  • (Matt Damon) "What?"
  • (Robin Williams) "Do you have a soul mate?"
  • (Matt Damon) "Define that."
  • (Robin Williams) "Somebody who challenges you."
  • (Matt Damon) "I have Chuckie."
  • (Robin Williams) "You know Chuck; he's family. He'd lie down in f***in' traffic for you. No, I'm talking about someone who opens up things for you; touches your soul."
  • (Matt Damon) "I got; I got --"
  • (Robin Williams) "Who?"
  • (Matt Damon) "-- I got plenty."
  • (Robin Williams) "Well, name them."
  • (Matt Damon) "Shakespeare, Nietzsche, Frost, O'Connor, Pope, Locke --"
  • (Robin Williams) "That's great. They're all dead."
  • (Matt Damon) "Not to me they're not."
  • (Robin Williams) "Well, you don't have a lot of dialogue with them. You can't give back to them, Will."
  • (Matt Damon) "Well, not without some serious smelling salts and a heater."
  • (Robin Williams) "Yeah. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You'll never have that kind of relationship in a world where you're always afraid to take the first step because all you see is every negative thing ten miles down the road."
  • (Robin Williams) "Thought about what you said to me the other day, about my painting. Stayed up half the night thinking about it. Something occurred to me -- fell into a deep peaceful sleep, and haven't thought about you since. Do you know what occurred to me?"
  • (Matt Damon) "No."
  • (Robin Williams) "You're just a kid, you don't have the faintest idea what you're talkin' about."
  • (Matt Damon) "Why thank you."
  • (Robin Williams) "It's all right. You've never been out of Boston."
  • (Matt Damon) "Nope."
  • (Robin Williams) "So if I asked you about art, you'd probably give me the skinny on every art book ever written. Michelangelo, you know a lot about him. Life's work, political aspirations, him and the pope, sexual orientations, the whole works, right? But I'll bet you can't tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You've never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling; seen that. If I ask you about women, you'd probably give me a syllabus about your personal favorites. You may have even been laid a few times. But you can't tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman and feel truly happy. You're a tough kid. And I'd ask you about war, you'd probably throw Shakespeare at me, right, "once more unto the breach dear friends." But you've never been near one. You've never held your best friend's head in your lap, watch him gasp his last breath looking to you for help. I'd ask you about love, you'd probably quote me a sonnet. But you've never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes, feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you. Who could rescue you from the depths of hell. And you wouldn't know what it's like to be her angel, to have that love for her, be there forever, through anything, through cancer. And you wouldn't know about sleeping sitting up in the hospital room for two months, holding her hand, because the doctors could see in your eyes, that the terms "visiting hours" don't apply to you. You don't know about real loss, 'cause it only occurs when you've loved something more than you love yourself. And I doubt you've ever dared to love anybody that much. And look at you -- I don't see an intelligent, confident man -- I see a cocky, scared s***less kid. But you're a genius Will. No one denies that. No one could possibly understand the depths of you. But you presume to know everything about me because you saw a painting of mine, and you ripped my f***ing life apart. You're an orphan right?"
  • (Robin Williams) "You think I know the first thing about how hard your life has been, how you feel, who you are, because I read Oliver Twist? Does that encapsulate you? Personally -- I don't give a s*** about all that, because you know what, I can't learn anything from you, I can't read in some f***in' book. Unless you want to talk about you, who you are. Then I'm fascinated. I'm in. But you don't want to do that do you sport? You're terrified of what you might say. Your move, chief."
  • (Robin Williams) "Do you like books?"
  • (Matt Damon) "Yeah."
  • (Robin Williams) "Did you read any of these books?"
  • (Matt Damon) "I don't know."
  • (Robin Williams) "How about any of these books?"
  • (Matt Damon) "Probably not."
  • (Robin Williams) "What about the ones on the top shelf? You read those?"
  • (Matt Damon) "Yeah, I read those."
  • (Robin Williams) "Good for you. What do you think about 'em?"
  • (Matt Damon) "Hey, I'm not here for a f***in' book report. They're your books. Why don't you read them?"
  • (Robin Williams) "I did. I had to."
  • (Matt Damon) "Must've taken you a long time."
  • (Robin Williams) "Yeah, it did."
  • (Robin Williams) "You have a bulls*** answer for everything."
  • (Robin Williams) "So what do you really want to do?"
  • (Matt Damon) "I wanna be a shepherd."
  • (Robin Williams) "Really."
  • (Matt Damon) "I wanna move up to Nashua, get a nice little spread, get some sheep and tend to them."
  • (Robin Williams) "Maybe you should go do that."
  • (Robin Williams) "He pushes people away before they get a chance to leave him. It's a defense mechanism. And for 20 years he's been alone because of that. And if you push him right now, it's gonna be the same thing all over again and I'm not gonna let that happen to him."
  • (Robin Williams) "You're not perfect, sport, and let me save you the suspense: this girl you've met, she's not perfect either. But the question is whether or not you're perfect for each other."
  • (Robin Williams) "I just have a little question here. You could be a janitor anywhere. Why did work at the most prestigious technical college in the whole f***in' world? And why did you sneak around at night and finish other people's formulas that only one or two people in the world could do and then lie about it? 'Cause I don't see a lot of honor in that, Will."
  • (Robin Williams) "There's honor, ya know, in taking that 40-minute so those college kids could come in the morning, and their floors are clean and their wastebaskets are empty. That's real work."
  • (Matt Damon) "That's right."
  • (Robin Williams) "Right, and that's honorable. Sure, that's why you took that job. I mean, for the 'honor' of it."
  • (Robin Williams) "Maybe you're perfect right now. Maybe you don't wanna ruin that. I think that's a super philosophy, Will; that way you can go through your entire life without ever having to really know anybody --"
  • (Matt Damon) "-- You ever think about gettin' remarried?"
  • (Robin Williams) "My wife's dead."
  • (Matt Damon) "Hence the word: remarried."
  • (Robin Williams) "She's dead."
  • (Matt Damon) "Yeah; well, I think that's a super philosophy, Sean. I mean, that way you could actually go through the rest of your life without ever really knowing anybody."
  • (Robin Williams) "Time's up."
  • (Robin Williams) "You'd probably be better off shoving that cigarette up your ass, that'd probably be healthier for you"
  • (Matt Damon) "Yeah, I know it really gets in my way of my yoga"
  • (Robin Williams) "You work out?"
  • (Matt Damon) "Yeah, free weights you?"
  • (Robin Williams) "Yeah, big time"
  • (Matt Damon) "What'd you bench?"
  • (Robin Williams) "Two eighty five, what'd you bench?"
  • (Robin Williams) "One night her fart was so loud it woke the dog up, she woke up and said," was that you?" I said "yeah", I didn't have the heart to tell her"
  • (Matt Damon) "So she woke herself up?"
  • (Robin Williams) "Yeah, She's been dead two years and that's the s*** I remember wonderful stuff these are the things I miss the most these idiosyncrasies that only I know that's what made her my wife and she had the goods on me too she knew all my peccadillos people call these things imperfections that's the good stuff that's what intimacy is all about the only way you find that out is giving it a shot"
  • (Robin Williams) "Put it on my tab"
  • (John Mighton) "You ever plan on paying your tab?"
  • (Robin Williams) "Yeah, chief. I've got the winning lottery ticket right here."
  • (John Mighton) "What's the jackpot?"
  • (Robin Williams) "Twelve million."
  • (John Mighton) "I don't think that will cover it."
  • (Robin Williams) "Yeah, but it'll cover your sex-change operation."
  • (Robin Williams) "I teach this s***, I didn't say I know how to do it."
  • (Robin Williams) "Son of a bitch -- He stole my line."
  • (Robin Williams) "I knew you before you were a mathematical god, when you were pimple-faced and homesick and didn't know what side of the bed to piss on."
  • (Stellan Skarsgård) "Yeah, you were smarter than me then and you're smarter than me now. So don't blame me for how your life turned out. It's not my fault."

Matt Damon as Will

  • (Matt Damon) "f*** you."
  • (Robin Williams) "You're the shepherd."
  • (Matt Damon) "Do you play the piano?"
  • (Minnie Driver) "A bit."
  • (Matt Damon) "Okay, when you look at a piano you see Mozart, right?"
  • (Minnie Driver) "I see "Chopsticks.""
  • (Matt Damon) "Do you find it hard to hide the fact that you're gay?"
  • (George Plimpton) "What are -- talking -- about -- What?"
  • (Matt Damon) "Look, buddy, a few seconds ago you were ready to give me a jump."
  • (George Plimpton) "A jump? I -- I'm terribly sorry -- I --"
  • (Matt Damon) "Hey, I don't have a problem with it. I don't care if you putt from the rough."
  • (Matt Damon) "What the f*** do you want?"
  • (Stellan Skarsgård) "My name is Gerald Lambeau. The professor who you told to go f*** himself."
  • (Matt Damon) "Well, what the f*** do you want?"
  • (Matt Damon) "What is this, a Taster's Choice moment between guys?"
  • (Matt Damon) "I don't care if Helen of Troy walks in the room, that's Game 6."
  • (Robin Williams) "Oh, Helen of Troy --"
  • (Matt Damon) "Oh my God; and who are these f***in' friends of yours, they let you get away with that?"
  • (Robin Williams) "Oh -- they had to."
  • (Matt Damon) "W-w-w-what'd you say to them?"
  • (Robin Williams) "I just slid my ticket across the table, and I said, "Sorry, guys; I gotta see about a girl.""
  • (Matt Damon) "I gotta go see about a girl?"
  • (Robin Williams) "Yeah."
  • (Matt Damon) "That's what you said? And they let you get away with that?"
  • (Robin Williams) "Oh, yeah. They saw in my eyes that I meant it."
  • (Matt Damon) "You're kiddin' me."
  • (Robin Williams) "No, I'm not kiddin' you, Will. That's why I'm not talkin' right now about some girl I saw at a bar twenty years ago and how I always regretted not going over and talking to her. I don't regret the 18 years I was married to Nancy. I don't regret the six years I had to give up counseling when she got sick. And I don't regret the last years when she got really sick. And I sure as hell don't regret missin' the damn game. That's regret."
  • (Matt Damon) "Wow -- Woulda been nice to catch that game, though."
  • (Robin Williams) "I didn't know Pudge was gonna hit a homer."
  • (Matt Damon) "Do you buy all these books retail or do you send away for, like, a shrink kit that comes with all these volumes included?"
  • (Matt Damon) "So, when did you know, like, that she was the one for you?"
  • (Robin Williams) "October 21, 1975."
  • (Matt Damon) "Jesus Christ. You know the f***in' date?"
  • (Robin Williams) "Oh yeah. 'Cause it was Game 6 of the World Series. Biggest game in Red Sox history."
  • (Matt Damon) "Yeah, sure."
  • (Robin Williams) "My friends and I had, you know, slept out on the sidewalk all night to get tickets."
  • (Matt Damon) "You got tickets?"
  • (Robin Williams) "Yep. Day of the game. I was sittin' in a bar, waitin' for the game to start, and in walks this girl. Oh, it was an amazing game, though. You know, bottom of the eighth, Carbo ties it up at 6-6. It went to twelve. Bottom of the twelfth, in stepped Carlton Fisk. Old Pudge. Steps up to the plate, you know, and he's got that weird stance."
  • (Matt Damon) "Yeah, yeah."
  • (Robin Williams) "And BAM. He clocks it. High fly ball down the left field line. Thirty-five thousand people, on their feet, yellin' at the ball, but that's not because of Fisk. He's wavin' at the ball like a madman."
  • (Matt Damon) "Yeah, I've seen --"
  • (Robin Williams) "He's going, "Get over. Get over. Get OVER." And then it HITS the foul pole. OH, he goes apes***, and 35,000 fans, you know, they charge the field, you know?"
  • (Matt Damon) "Yeah, and he's f***in' bowlin' police out of the way."
  • (Robin Williams) "Goin', "God. Get out of the way. Get 'em away." Banging people --"
  • (Matt Damon) "I can't f***in' believe you had tickets to that f***in' game."
  • (Robin Williams) "Yeah."
  • (Matt Damon) "Did you rush the field?"
  • (Robin Williams) "No, I didn't rush the f***in' field; I wasn't there."
  • (Matt Damon) "What?"
  • (Robin Williams) "No; I was in a bar havin' a drink with my future wife."
  • (Matt Damon) "You missed Pudge Fisk's home run?"
  • (Robin Williams) "Oh, yeah."
  • (Matt Damon) "To have a f***in' drink with some lady you never met?"
  • (Robin Williams) "Yeah, but you shoulda seen her; she was a stunner."
  • (Matt Damon) "Do you like apples?"
  • (Scott William Winters) "Yeah."
  • (Matt Damon) "Well, I got her number. How do you like them apples?"
  • (Matt Damon) "What do I wanna way outta here for? I'm gonna live here the rest of my f***in' life. We'll be neighbors, have little kids, take 'em to Little League up at Foley Field."
  • (Ben Affleck) "Look, you're my best friend, so don't take this the wrong way but, in 20 years if you're still livin' here, comin' over to my house, watchin' the Patriots games, workin' construction, I'll f***in' kill ya. That's not a threat, that's a fact, I'll f***in' kill ya."
  • (Matt Damon) "What the f*** you talkin' about?"
  • (Ben Affleck) "You got somethin' none of us have --"
  • (Matt Damon) "Oh, come on. What? Why is it always this? I mean, I f***in' owe it to myself to do this or that. What if I don't want to?"
  • (Ben Affleck) "No. No, no no no. f*** you, you don't owe it to yourself man, you owe it to me. Cuz tomorrow I'm gonna wake up and I'll be 50, and I'll still be doin' this s***. And that's all right. That's fine. I mean, you're sittin' on a winnin' lottery ticket. And you're too much of a p***** to cash it in, and that's bulls***. 'Cause I'd do f***in' anything to have what you got. So would any of these f***in' guys. It'd be an insult to us if you're still here in 20 years. Hangin' around here is a f***in' waste of your time."
  • (Matt Damon) "Maybe you haven't met the right woman?"
  • (Robin Williams) "Maybe you should watch your mouth. Watch it right there, Chief."
  • (Hypnotist) "You don't have to be nervous, Will."
  • (Matt Damon) "We start dancin and dancin -- It's just beautiful cause we"
  • (Matt Damon) "can make a lotta love before the sun goes down. Skyrockets in flight. Afternoon delight -- -a-a-afternoon delight. Skyrockets in flight. Da-da-da-da -- -a-a-afternoon delight."
  • (Matt Damon) "Why shouldn't I work for the N.S.A.? That's a tough one, but I'll take a shot. Say I'm working at N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. Maybe I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real happy with myself, 'cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen hundred people I never met, never had no problem with, get killed. Now the politicians are sayin', "Oh, send in the Marines to secure the area" 'cause they don't give a s***. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot. Just like it wasn't them when their number got called, 'cause they were pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some kid from Southie takin' shrapnel in the ass. And he comes back to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, 'cause he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile, he realizes the only reason he was over there in the first place was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And, of course, the oil companies used the skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices. A cute little ancillary benefit for them, but it ain't helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. And they're takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, of course, and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and f***in' play slalom with the icebergs, and it ain't too long 'til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So now my buddy's out of work and he can't afford to drive, so he's got to walk to the f***in' job interviews, which sucks 'cause the shrapnel in his ass is givin' him chronic hemorrhoids. And meanwhile he's starvin', 'cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat, the only blue plate special they're servin' is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what did I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. I figure f*** it, while I'm at it why not just shoot my buddy, take his job, give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president."
  • (Matt Damon) "You know, I was on this plane once. And I'm sittin' there and the captain comes on and he does his whole, "We'll be cruising at 35,000 feet," then he puts the mike down but he forgets to turn it off. Then he turns to the copilot and goes, "You know, all I could go for right now is a f***in' blow job and a cup of coffee." So the stewardess f***in' goes bombin' up from the back of the plane to tell him the mic's still on, and this guy behind me goes, "Hey, hon, don't forget the coffee.""
  • (Matt Damon) "I'm pumped. Let the healing begin."
  • (Matt Damon) "What do you wanna know? That I don't have 12 brothers? That I'm a f***in' orphan? You don't wanna hear that -- no, you don't wanna hear that. You don't wanna hear that I got f***in' cigarettes put out on me when I was a little kid. That this"
  • (Matt Damon) "is 'cause the motherf***er stabbed me. You don't wanna hear that s***, Skylar. Tell me you don't wanna hear that s*** isn't f***in' surgery."
  • (Matt Damon) "There is a lengthy legal precedent going back to 1789 whereby a defendant can claim self-defense against an agent of the government if that act is deemed a defense against tyranny a defense of liberty, Henry Ward Beecher wrote in the Plymouth Pulpit 1887 and I quote --"
  • (Prosecutor) "1887, this twenty century your honor, his going to make a mockery of the court"
  • (Matt Damon) "Excuse me, I'm afforded the right to speak in my own defense by The Constitution of the United States this document that guaranteed my liberty, liberty in case you've forgotten, is the soul's right to breathe, if it cannot take a long breath laws are girdled too tight"
  • (Jimmy Flynn) "Son, my turn I've be sitting here for ten minutes now looking over this rap sheet of yours and I just can't believe it June 93 assault, September 93 assault, grand theft auto February of 94, in the panel you defended yourself and had the case thrown out by citing Free Property Rights of 1798, January 95 impersonating an officer, mayhem, theft, resisting all overturned I'm also aware you've been through several foster homes the state removed you for serious physical abuse"

Stellan Skarsgård as Lambeau

  • (Stellan Skarsgård) "What happened at the MacNeil meeting?"
  • (Matt Damon) "Oh, I couldn't go. I had a date, so I sent my chief negotiator."
  • (Stellan Skarsgård) "On your own time you can do whatever you'd like Will, but when I set up a meeting with my associates and you don't show up, it reflects poorly on me."
  • (Matt Damon) "Well then don't set up any more meetings."
  • (Stellan Skarsgård) "Well, I won't. I'll cancel them. I'd give you a job myself, I just wanted you to see what was out there."
  • (Matt Damon) "Look, maybe I don't want to spend the rest of my f***ing life sitting around and explaining s*** to people."
  • (Stellan Skarsgård) "I think you could show me some appreciation."
  • (Matt Damon) "A little appreciation?"
  • (Matt Damon) "Do you know how easy this is for me? Do you have any f***ing idea how easy this is? This is a f***ing joke. And I'm sorry you can't do this, I really am because I wouldn't have to f***ing sit here and watch you fumble around and f*** it up."
  • (Stellan Skarsgård) "Then you'd have more time to sit around and get drunk instead, wouldn't you?"
  • (Matt Damon) "You're right, this is probably a total waste of my time"
  • (Stellan Skarsgård) "You're right Will. I can't do this proof. But you can, and when it comes to that it's only about -- it's just a handful of people in the world who can tell the difference between you and me. But I'm one of them."
  • (Matt Damon) "Sorry."
  • (Stellan Skarsgård) "Yeah, so am I. Most days I wish I never met you. Because then I could sleep at night, and I wouldn't -- and I wouldn't have to walk around with the knowledge that there's someone like you out there."
  • (Stellan Skarsgård) "I didn't have to watch you throw it all away."
  • (Stellan Skarsgård) "Yeah, you were smarter than me then, and you're smarter than me now. So, don't blame me for how your life turned out."
  • (Robin Williams) "I don't blame you. It's not about you, you mathematical dick. It's about the boy. He's a good kid. And I won't see you f*** him up like you're trying to f*** up me right now. I won't let you make feel like a failure too."
  • (Stellan Skarsgård) "Perrier."
  • (Robin Williams) "That's French for "club soda.""
  • (Stellan Skarsgård) "Mod fx -- squared -- dx. So please finish Parceval, by next time. I know many of you had this as undergraduates, but it won't hurt to brush up."

John Mighton as Tom

  • (John Mighton) "This is Professor Lambeau."
  • (Head Janitor) "And this is Professor Hays."

Cole Hauser as Billy

  • (Cole Hauser) "You're legally allowed to drink now, so we figured the best thing for you was a car."

George Plimpton as Henry Lipkin

  • (George Plimpton) "Now, no more shenanigans, no more tomfoolery, no more ballyhoo."

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