Gilmore Girls Quotes

Gilmore Girls is a Family drama that appeared on TV in 2000 on The WB (2000-06). Gilmore Girls ended in 2007.

Gilmore Girls aired for 7 seasons and 153 episodes. It features Sam Phillips (musician) as composer, and Michael A. Price as head of cinematography. Gilmore Girls is executive produced by Amy Sherman-Palladino. Gilmore Girls is created by Amy Sherman-Palladino.

Gilmore Girls is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Gilmore Girls is 39-45 minutes long. Gilmore Girls is produced by Dorothy Parker Drank Here Productions and distributed by Warner Bros. Television. Spinoffs for this show include Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life.

The cast includes: Lauren Graham as Lorelai, Alexis Bledel as Rory, Keiko Agena as Lane, Scott Patterson as Luke, Liza Weil as Paris, Chris Eigeman as Jackson, Melissa McCarthy as Sookie, Milo Ventimiglia as Jess, Matt Czuchry as Logan, Edward Herrmann as Richard, Jared Padalecki as Dean, Milo Ventimiglia as Brian, Yanic Truesdale as Michel, Sean Gunn as Kirk, Scott Patterson as Dave, Milo Ventimiglia as Marilyn, Melissa McCarthy as Jamie, Yanic Truesdale as Mia, Keiko Agena as Alan, Melissa McCarthy as Sooke, Chris Eigeman as Jason, Milo Ventimiglia as Max, and Chris Eigeman as Gil.

Gilmore Girls Quotes

Lauren Graham as Lorelai

• (Lauren Graham) "Hey, Kirk, discover a new freaky fetish?"
• (Sean Gunn) "What?"
• (Alexis Bledel) "Nothing. You buy a cat?"
• (Sean Gunn) "Yup. I'm very excited."
• (Lauren Graham) "You seem it. So what's all this?"
• (Alexis Bledel) "I'm assuming there's nothing left in the store."
• (Sean Gunn) "Actually, there are a number of things left."
• (Alexis Bledel) "No, I meant, you seem to be buying a lot of stuff."
• (Sean Gunn) "Oh. Sorry. My excitement must be clouding my ability to judge comedic hyperbole."

• (Lauren Graham) "Luke, um, that's not a bed, that's a raft, which is fine if you're gonna build a moat around the diner but --"
• (Scott Patterson) "It's fine."
• (Lauren Graham) "Luke, the kid needs a bed. If you want to get him something inflatable, make it a blonde."

• (Lauren Graham) "And people can evolve together, don't you think?"
• (Scott Patterson) "Maybe."
• (Lauren Graham) "Yoko and John Lennon did. They just got closer and closer as the years went by. At the end, they had the same face."
• (Scott Patterson) "Yeah, it got a little spooky."
• (Lauren Graham) "But cool."

• (Taylor) "Could this meeting be more disrupted?"
• (Lauren Graham) "I could do a soft shoe."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Yeah, while I pound out a beat on the bongos."
• (Babette) "Ooh, that sounds like fun."
• (Miss Patty) "I got bongos in the back."

• (Max Medina) "I don't know if you've realized, but every gift so far has been for you."
• (Lauren Graham) "Yes, well, in this town, I am the queen. You are simply my jester."

• (Lauren Graham) "Boy, it's cold in here."
• (Alexis Bledel) "It's a lot colder where you're sitting."
• (Lauren Graham) "Ugh. She's mad at me."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Yup."
• (Lauren Graham) "Think she's gonna be mad at me all night?"
• (Alexis Bledel) "Yup."
• (Lauren Graham) "I guess I should go in there and talk to her."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Yup."
• (Lauren Graham) "You wouldn't wanna go in there and talk to her for me?"
• (Alexis Bledel) "Nope."
• (Lauren Graham) "Good thing you don't get paid by the word."
• (Alexis Bledel) "The sooner you get in there, the sooner you get cheese."
• (Lauren Graham) "Fine."

• (Taylor) "Late again, are we?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Ooh, yes, I hope I'm not pregnant."
• (Taylor) "What?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Are these seats taken?"

• (Lauren Graham) "Ugh, Rory, my brain is full. It has reached capacity. It's Shea Stadium when the Beatles played. It's cramped and girls are screaming and I think George is fighting with Ringo."

• (Lauren Graham) "Kirk asked me out."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Shut up."
• (Lauren Graham) "Yesterday."
• (Alexis Bledel) "That's so sweet."
• (Lauren Graham) "Rory."
• (Alexis Bledel) "What are you gonna wear? Ooh, you should wear your dress with the ponies on it, I bet he likes ponies."
• (Lauren Graham) "You're not serious."
• (Alexis Bledel) "I bet you'll have a good time."
• (Lauren Graham) ""Hello, headmaster Charleston, this is my stepdad, Kirk. Try not to make any sudden movements, he's a fear biter.""
• (Alexis Bledel) "OK, so how are you gonna let him down?"

• (Lauren Graham) "Independence Inn."
• (Emily) "You really should identify yourself when you answer the phone at work."
• (Lauren Graham) "Sorry. Independence Inn, major disappointment speaking. Better?"

• (Lauren Graham) "There are many paths in life. There's the "Hey, you're cute, sure, I'll marry you after graduation and med school" and the "Can you drive Susie to soccer today, 'cause I've got a pediure?" path. And then there's my path, where I found myself 16 and pregnant and I realized "I have to get a job, I have to raise a kid and being me, I have to do it all by myself." Not easy. But the thing with my path was, when I reached the end, I turned around and realized I'd ended up someplace really good."

• (Lauren Graham) "Hi, yes. I was at your auction yesterday. I was wondering if you could help me? I met a man there, and I would like to contact him, but I didn't get his name and I was wondering if you could look it up for me. He was paddle number 17 and; oh. Right. Confidential. Got it. Well, you know, actually, I misspoke earlier because this isn't a complete stranger I'm trying to contact here. He's an old friend from school; Good question. Well, I don't know his name because I only knew him by his nickname. Shamu. We called him Shamu. Kind of a big guy in high school, he's slimmed down quite a bit. No, see, I don't have time to contact the high school alumni committee because time is of the essence. See, Shamu and I went into a liquor store after the auction and we bought a lottery ticket together, and we tore it, and I took half and he took half, and I'll be damned if the thing didn't win. Fourteen million dollars. Really. But see, we have to claim it by 4pm today or we forfeit; Ah. Yes. Oh. Well. But there's one more thing I forgot to tell you. See, um, my blood type is O negative and he's O negative and I have a medical condition that; Alright then. Well, thank you anyway. Bye."

• (Lauren Graham) "Oh my God."
• (Scott Patterson) "What?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Jimmy Buffett?"
• (Scott Patterson) "Put that back."
• (Lauren Graham) "You like Jimmy Buffett? He's so mellow."
• (Scott Patterson) "I've just been to a few shows, that's all."
• (Lauren Graham) "A few shows? Oh my God, you're a Buffetthead."
• (Scott Patterson) "Is that the one you want me to wear or not?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Sing Margaritaville."
• (Scott Patterson) "No."
• (Milo Ventimiglia) "That attitude's gonna lose you that toy."
• (Scott Patterson) "Stay outta this."

• (Lauren Graham) "Okay, I'm just gonna let everyone deal with all this because I need to relax and get a cup of coffee and maybe hammer a nail into my head."
• (Emily) "You're not needed here, Lorelai. Go get your coffee, relax. You're going to redo your makeup later, aren't you?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Maybe an Irish coffee."

• (Lauren Graham) "Hey, Luke."
• (Scott Patterson) "I'm in bed. I have ten more minutes to sleep. Not a lot of time in the grand scheme of things, but still, ten minutes is ten minutes. You know what I mean."
• (Lauren Graham) "Sure, yeah."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Ten minutes is great."
• (Scott Patterson) "And then the phone rings, and it just rings and rings and rings and rings, so I pick it up."
• (Lauren Graham) "And then hopefully got your hearing checked."
• (Scott Patterson) "Can I finish my story?"
• (Lauren Graham) "I'm just saying, that's a lot of rings."
• (Scott Patterson) "And on the other end of the phone is someone named John who says he's Kyle's father, and Kyle threw a party last night without permission. And two guys got into a fight and tore the place apart, so John wants me to come down and take a look at the damage and discuss some sort of solution to the problem of the damages. Now, I don't know John, and I certainly don't know Kyle, but I do know someone who would get into a fight at a party and leave the place completely trashed. It's a wild guess, but I think his name rhymes with Tess. So here I am, heading in there to talk to John about Kyle and discuss what is to be done about the Hummel."
• (Lauren Graham) "The what?"
• (Scott Patterson) "Exactly."

• (Lauren Graham) "Would it kill God to dust?"

• (Lauren Graham) "I have to make her understand that I'm okay with the guy thing. 'Cause not talking about guys and our personal lives; that's me and my mom. That is not me and Rory."
• (Scott Patterson) "Are you okay with the guy thing?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Yes."
• (Scott Patterson) "Really?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Okay-ish."
• (Scott Patterson) "That's not okay."
• (Lauren Graham) "That's okay with an "ish.""
• (Scott Patterson) "Whatever you say."

• (Lauren Graham) "This is amazing chicken, Mom. I mean it, really great."
• (Emily) "Thank you, Lorelai."
• (Lauren Graham) "It's like super chicken. I bet it could fly. Have you tried tossing it out the window?"

• (Lauren Graham) "You want to devil-egg Jess' car? And how is that gonna make me feel better about Sherry?"
• (Alexis Bledel) "Because it's active. It's aggressive. It's destructive, but not too destructive. I don't know -- can you make something up?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Let's do it."

• (Lauren Graham) "Please do not tell me that you are sitting right in front of me."
• (Emily) "No, it's a hologram. Life like, isn't it?"

• (Lauren Graham) "Oh, you know what? I have someone standing abnormally close to me right now. I'll call you later."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Okay, say hi to Kirk for me."

• (Emily) "What is that?"
• (Lauren Graham) "It's a paper clip."
• (Emily) "And what do you intend to do with that paper clip?"
• (Lauren Graham) "I intend to carve something really dirty into the bathroom door."
• (Emily) "Lorelai."
• (Lauren Graham) "What rhymes with Nantucket?"

• (Lauren Graham) "Tell me a joke."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Knock knock."
• (Lauren Graham) "That was a good one."

• (Lauren Graham) "No, Mom, I'm shopping for Rory. You're shopping for your imaginary granddaughter, Barbara Hutton."

• (Emily) "I've called several times the past few weeks and you've skillfully avoided every call."
• (Lauren Graham) "No, that's not true. I've left messages on your machine."
• (Emily) "Yes, messages. And then if I happened to pick up, you'd hang up. Or if the maid picked up, you'd ask for me, then claim you were driving through a tunnel so you might get cut off, and then you'd make garbling noises and hang up."

• (Lauren Graham) "I hear he controls the weather and wrote the screenplay to Glitter."

• (Lauren Graham) "I thought inviting those girls out would make things easier for you at school."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Yeah, well I've always thought 'easy' is completely overrated."
• (Lauren Graham) "Oh, that's my twisted girl."

• (Emily) "Focus the picture Lorelai."
• (Lauren Graham) "It is focused."
• (Alexis Bledel) "That's how it came out."
• (Emily) "It's hurting my eyes."
• (Lauren Graham) "Come on Mom, they're supposed to be a little arty."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Plus she doesn't know how to use her camera."
• (Lauren Graham) "I've only had it six years."
• (Emily) "It's like I have glaucoma."

• (Lauren Graham) "Mom, Dad, look. I know we've had our differences over where Rory should go to school, but that's behind us now. She's going to Yale, and, that's good. Really good"
• (Alexis Bledel) "Nothing but smiles."
• (Lauren Graham) "We're both really happy about it."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Both."
• (Lauren Graham) "Her and me."
• (Alexis Bledel) "She and I."
• (Lauren Graham) "Everybody in this room named Lorelai is over the moon about the going to Yale."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Which means that everybody else in this room not named Lorelai can be, equally over the moon about the going to Yale."

• (Lauren Graham) "I love my little circus freak."

• (Lauren Graham) "I swear, there is nothing in the world my mother is better at than getting someone to agree to something that in any other universe, they would never ever consider."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Mom."
• (Lauren Graham) "I am still convinced she had something to do with Lily Tomlin doing that movie with John Travolta."

• (Taylor) "First protest, now vandalism. Makes you think about leaving this town."
• (Lauren Graham) "I never wanna leave this town."

• (Lauren Graham) "He's snarky."
• (Melissa McCarthy) "And sarcastic."
• (Lauren Graham) "He's snarkastic."

• (Lauren Graham) "Rory never even shoplifted. Not a candy bar, not a lipstick. She forgot to return a library book once. And she was so guilty about it that she grounded herself. I mean, can you imagine? She's just sitting there in her bedroom yelling at me, "Now no one else got to read the Iliad this week because of me.""

• (Lauren Graham) "Rory took a break from Yale."
• (Christopher) "And the apocalypse is this week? Next week?"

• (Lauren Graham) "Hey, what do you know about this town loner guy?"
• (Scott Patterson) "Same as everyone. Just kind of skulks around with that backpack, never smiles."
• (Lauren Graham) "Does he also make cheeseburgers and secretly harbor a desire to wear a backwards baseball cap?"
• (Scott Patterson) "What?"
• (Lauren Graham) "They're cousins, identical cousins --"
• (Scott Patterson) "Stop it."

• (Christopher) "She's pretty."
• (Lauren Graham) "She's perfect."

• (Lauren Graham) "You know, if I was in a rock band touring and stuff, I'd make the bus driver stop at every Haden's Nut House we pass."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Wow, your Behind the Music is gonna be really wild."

• (Lauren Graham) "I think I have gangrene."
• (Alexis Bledel) "You do not."
• (Lauren Graham) "And vertigo."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Oh boy."
• (Lauren Graham) "And one leg suddenly feels shorter than the other."
• (Alexis Bledel) "This is gonna be the Vanity Fair paper cut incident all over again, isn't it?"

• (Lauren Graham) "Wow. Harvard is over 300 years old."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Founded in 1636."
• (Lauren Graham) "That means that almost everyone who ever went to Harvard is dead now. Are you sure you still want to go here?"

• (Lauren Graham) "He doesn't write the orders down, he never brings you food that's hot or yours, he can't distinguish bagels from doughnuts, he hands out butt napkins, and he has worn that Foreigner t-shirt every single day since he started working here and he doesn't know who they are. I asked him."
• (Scott Patterson) "What are butt napkins?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Kirk needed a napkin, and he pulled one out of his back pocket."
• (Scott Patterson) "Hey, Bren?"
• (Brennon Lewis) "Yeah, boss?"
• (Scott Patterson) "Did you give Kirk a napkin out of your back pocket?"
• (Brennon Lewis) "Yeah."
• (Scott Patterson) "Don't."
• (Brennon Lewis) "Okay."

• (Lauren Graham) "I thought all butlers' names were Jeeves."

• (Lauren Graham) "So, apparently, I'm now the Reigning Lorelai."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Huh. I guess you are."
• (Lauren Graham) "It's a lot of responsibility."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Well, sure."
• (Lauren Graham) "I mean, it's mostly ceremonial stuff nowadays. Declaring knighthoods, opening supermarkets. But now and then, you get to banish someone or pose for a stamp."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Neat. And coins."
• (Lauren Graham) "Yeah, and coins. You know, someday you'll be the Reigning Lorelai."
• (Alexis Bledel) "I don't like that idea."
• (Lauren Graham) "Why not? You get a cape."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Because if I'm the Reigning Lorelai, then that means you'll be gone."
• (Lauren Graham) "Gone? No, not me. I'll step down way before that. I'm not going to pull a Queen Elizabeth on you, make you wait around forever, force you to develop interests in polo and architecture."
• (Alexis Bledel) "I am scared of horses."
• (Lauren Graham) "I know that."
• (Alexis Bledel) "So there's a cape, huh?"

• (Emily) "You're having a baby; do you know that, Lorelai?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Well, that explains the stomachache."

• (Lauren Graham) "Hey, how many margaritas is too many margaritas?"
• (Alexis Bledel) "Um, if you can't remember where the living room is."
• (Lauren Graham) "Ha ha, I'm still good."

• (Lauren Graham) "Do you know how to make coffee?"
• (Christopher) "Yes, I do."
• (Lauren Graham) "My coffee?"
• (Christopher) "One bag of coffee per cup of water, right?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Perfect."

• (Lauren Graham) "Grunt like a gorilla."
• (Milo Ventimiglia) "I will not grunt like a gorilla."
• (Lauren Graham) "If you grunt like a gorilla I'll tell you what color underwear I'm wearing."
• (Lauren Graham) "Had you considering the grunt, didn't I?"
• (Milo Ventimiglia) "Yes."
• (Lauren Graham) "Boy, I'm good."

• (Emily) "Well, I had this wonderful idea. Christopher's parents are in town too. You remember Straub and Francine don't you?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Ah yes; the Schnickelfritzes."
• (Emily) "The who?"
• (Lauren Graham) "The Hayden's."

• (Lauren Graham) "Someone hit you with a pretty stick."

• (Lauren Graham) "I really like him, Rory. I can't help it. And it's been a really long time since I've felt like this. You can't always control who you're attracted to, you know. I think the whole Angelina Jolie/Billy Bob Thronton thing really proves that"

• (Lauren Graham) "Jason, my mother is a corporate wife. Her job is putting these parties on. And you put her out of work. You know that; your mother does the same thing. Imagine if you took these functions away from her. What would she have left?"
• (Chris Eigeman) "More time with the pool boy?"

• (Lauren Graham) "Brazzlefrat."

• (Miss Patty) "So, Emily, tell us about this party of yours tomorrow."
• (Emily) "It's going to be fabulous. Isn't it, Lorelai?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Ab fab, sweetie darling."
• (Emily) "Isn't she hilarious? I never have any idea what she's talking about, but she's so entertaining. Like a chimp. Isn't she like a chimp, Gypsy?"
• (Gypsy) "Please make your mother stop talking to me."
• (Lauren Graham) "If only I had that power."

• (Lauren Graham) "Like sands through the hourglass, so are the Gilmores of our lives."

• (Christopher) "I have to stay up and do a little work tonight."
• (Lauren Graham) "I'm sorry. I keep forgetting that's not a joke anymore."

• (Lauren Graham) "The freaking Blue Man Group is outside our house."
• (Alexis Bledel) "I was sleeping through it."
• (Lauren Graham) "It had to have woken you up."
• (Alexis Bledel) "No, my insane mother Margot Kidder Gilmore woke me up."

• (Lauren Graham) "Hey, maybe that's the Town Loner's point. That, like, he's protesting man's inability to communicate by not communicating and getting us all to talk about communication."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Whoa, you are blowin' my mind here."

• (Lauren Graham) "Hey, do you remember the first time we met?"
• (Scott Patterson) "What?"
• (Lauren Graham) "I'm just trying to remember the first time we met. It must have been at Luke's, right?"
• (Scott Patterson) "It was at Luke's, it was at lunch, it was a very busy day, the place was packed, and this person --"
• (Lauren Graham) "Ooh, is it me? Is it me?"
• (Scott Patterson) "This person comes tearing into the place in a caffeine frenzy."
• (Lauren Graham) "Ooh, it's me."
• (Scott Patterson) "I was with a customer. She interrupts me, wild-eyed, begging for coffee, so I tell her to wait her turn. Then she starts following me around, talking a mile a minute, saying God knows what. So finally I turn to her, and I tell her she's being annoying; sit down, shut up, I'll get to her when I get to her."
• (Lauren Graham) "Y'know, I bet she took that very well, 'cause she sounds just delightful."
• (Scott Patterson) "She asked me what my birthday was. I wouldn't tell her. She wouldn't stop talking. I gave in. I told her my birthday. Then she opened up the newspaper to the horoscope page, wrote something down, tore it out, handed it to me."
• (Lauren Graham) "God, seriously. You wrote the menu, didn't you?"
• (Scott Patterson) "So I'm looking at this piece of paper in my hand, and under Scorpio, she had written 'You will meet an annoying woman today. Give her coffee and she'll go away.' I gave her coffee."
• (Lauren Graham) "But she didn't go away."
• (Scott Patterson) "She told me to hold on to that horoscope, put it in my wallet, and carry it around with me;"
• (Scott Patterson) "one day it would bring me luck."
• (Lauren Graham) "Well, man, I will say anything for a cup of coffee"
• (Lauren Graham) "Um -- I can't believe you kept this. You kept this in your wallet?"
• (Lauren Graham) "You kept this in your wallet."
• (Scott Patterson) "Eight years."
• (Lauren Graham) "Eight years."

• (Emily) "It'll stop a 9-millimeter shell."
• (Lauren Graham) "Handy for when Suge Knight comes for tea."

• (Lauren Graham) "Great, fine, do what you want. I guess I'm just out the thousand-dollar deposit."
• (Scott Patterson) "What deposit?"
• (Lauren Graham) "For the room."
• (Scott Patterson) "What room?"
• (Lauren Graham) "For the thing, for the afterwards thing --"
• (Scott Patterson) "Oh, wait, now, you're talking crazy talk trying to confuse me, aren't you?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Aren't you?"
• (Scott Patterson) "What?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Who?"

• (Lauren Graham) "Oh, wait, are you Pennilyn Lott, my dad's college sweetheart?"
• (Pennilyn Lott) "Yes."
• (Lauren Graham) "You're my almost-mommy."
• (Pennilyn Lott) "Well, I supposed that's one way of putting it --"
• (Lauren Graham) "I'm so glad to finally meet you. Let me ask you something; would you have let me get a pony?"

• (Lauren Graham) "Can I ask you stupid questions?"
• (Scott Patterson) "There's no such thing."
• (Lauren Graham) "How does ink come out of pens?"
• (Scott Patterson) "All right, there is such a thing."

• (Lauren Graham) "Hey, I'm gonna find a ladies room. You know, sneak a smoke, see if anybody slipped an aspirin in my coke."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Okay, Rizzo."

• (Lauren Graham) "I would reconsider calling Dean. It's not his fault that you're so fabulous he can't think about anything else."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Bye Mom."
• (Lauren Graham) "I mean, he just sits in his room, eating Froot Loops out of the box, saying your name over and over and over."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Time is ticking."
• (Lauren Graham) "Rory, I love you Rory. Rory, I will not be ignored Rory --"

• (Lauren Graham) "My life stinks. Hey, let's look into each other's eyes and say "I wish I were you" at exactly the same time; maybe we'll pull a Freaky Friday."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Or we can just pretend that we did and you can go around acting really immature. Oh, wait --"
• (Lauren Graham) "I can't believe you won't switch bodies with me."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Forget it. Then I'd have to date Kirk."

• (Colin) "I'm Colin. And this is Finn. And you are?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Her mother."
• (Finn) "My God, those are good genes."

• (Emily) "What can we do in a bathroom?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Meet George Michael."
• (Emily) "What?"

• (Lauren Graham) "You know how on All in the Family when Edith would be yapping about something and Archie would pretend to make a noose and hang himself or shoot himself in the head?"
• (Alexis Bledel) "Yeah?"
• (Lauren Graham) "I don't know. Something about this moment just made me think of that."

• (Emily) "Look at the red pantsuit."
• (Lauren Graham) "Nice."
• (Emily) "Nice?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Nice -- and red -- and pantsuity."

• (Lauren Graham) "This is a misogynistic truck."
• (Scott Patterson) "What?"
• (Lauren Graham) "It's anti-woman, it's gender-selective, it's "Oh, let's drink a beer and watch the game and hike our shorts up.""

• (Lauren Graham) "Okay, don't concentrate too hard. Boys like 'em dumb, right Jackson?"
• (Chris Eigeman) "If you can navigate yourself around a tree, keep on walking."

• (Lauren Graham) "Ladies never get their own eggrolls. Ladies never get their own anything. They don't even get their own ideas."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Oh boy."
• (Lauren Graham) "They just sit helplessly and wait for some young strong man to come by and assist them. They don't step in puddles, they don't step over puddles. They can't even look at puddles. They actually need to be blindfolded and thrown in a sack and carried over puddles."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Isn't there a moratorium on how long ladies are supposed to talk?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Uhh, no."

• (Lauren Graham) "This is it. She can finally go to Harvard like she's always wanted and get the education that I never got and get to do all the things that I never got to do and then I can resent her for it and we can finally have a normal mother-daughter relationship."

• (Lauren Graham) "What, did you break into our house, you got all dressed in black and pulled a Mission: Impossible?"
• (Milo Ventimiglia) "Actually, I came down the chimney and pulled a Santa Claus."
• (Lauren Graham) "Very funny."
• (Milo Ventimiglia) "Thought a ridiculous accusation deserved a ridiculous response."

• (Lauren Graham) "Give me a burger, onion rings, cheese fries, and a list of people who killed their parents and got away with it. I'm lookin' for some heroes."

• (Emily) "You have the word "Juicy" on your rear end."
• (Lauren Graham) "Well, if I knew you were coming over, I would've changed."
• (Emily) "Into what? A brassiere with the word "Tasty" on it?"

• (Lauren Graham) "It's from my mother."
• (Alexis Bledel) "What is it?"
• (Lauren Graham) "It's heavy. It must be her hopes and dreams for me."
• (Alexis Bledel) "I thought she discarded those years ago."

• (Lauren Graham) "Lately I've been having these dark premonitions."
• (Alexis Bledel) "About what?"
• (Scott Patterson) "Dead cow -- and dead cow."
• (Lauren Graham) "That's weird."
• (Alexis Bledel) "He's always weird."
• (Lauren Graham) "No, I mean my premonitions have been about death -- about my death."
• (Alexis Bledel) "I don't want to hear this."
• (Lauren Graham) "And the thing is, they're all silly."
• (Alexis Bledel) "What do you mean silly?"
• (Lauren Graham) "In one, I slip on a banana peel and fall into a giant vat of whipped cream."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Silly and fattening."
• (Lauren Graham) "In another, a turtle eats me."
• (Alexis Bledel) "A turtle? How?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Very slowly. There's lots of chewing."
• (Alexis Bledel) "And in your premonition you didn't run away from what is perhaps the slowest land animal on earth?"
• (Lauren Graham) "His first bite injects me with immobilizing poison."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Well, you left that part out."
• (Lauren Graham) "This last one's a little more gory. I'm hunting --"
• (Alexis Bledel) "A favorite Lorelai Gilmore pastime."
• (Lauren Graham) "-- and my shotgun backfires. My whole face spins around a bunch of times and winds up in the back of my head like Daffy Duck."
• (Alexis Bledel) "That's the silliest one yet."
• (Lauren Graham) "Now if that's how I go, you have to promise to move my face back to the front of my head like Daffy did with his beak."
• (Alexis Bledel) "I should really be writing this down."
• (Lauren Graham) "You can remember to move my face to the front of my head."
• (Alexis Bledel) "It depends on what I have going on that week."

• (Lauren Graham) "My shoe broke. I need you to fix it."
• (Scott Patterson) "Do I look like a cobbler to you?"
• (Lauren Graham) "If I say yes, will you fix it?"

• (Lauren Graham) "I am a grown woman."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Says the woman with the Hello Kitty waffle iron."

• (Bootsy) "You a Leo?"
• (Lauren Graham) "No."
• (Bootsy) "Thank God. Those guys are screwed this week."

• (Zach) "Hey, Lorelai, get yourself a wink-winker?"
• (Lauren Graham) "What?"
• (Keiko Agena) "Please erase this from your brain."
• (Lauren Graham) "I will definitely try."

• (Lauren Graham) "Well I'm a leftover girl. I'll just have the burgers tonight and the Chinese food during the week."
• (Scott Patterson) "Then you should've just ordered the Chinese fresh tomorrow instead of tonight."
• (Lauren Graham) "I don't like fresh Chinese food. I like stale Chinese food."

• (Lauren Graham) "Let's invite everyone."
• (Melissa McCarthy) "Everyone who?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Everyone, everyone."
• (Melissa McCarthy) "Everyone, everyone who?"

• (Lauren Graham) "I love ranting Luke."

• (Lauren Graham) "Past graduates. Henry James-isn't that a beer?"
• (Alexis Bledel) "And a novelist. Go on."
• (Lauren Graham) "John Adams. That's a beer."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Our second president. He's very in right now."
• (Lauren Graham) "W.E.B. Du Bois, Yo-Yo Ma. Oh cool. Fred Gwynn."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Who?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Herman Munster. Now I'm impressed."

• (Lauren Graham) "Come on, Rory. We will be going to dinner there next week and every week for the rest of our lives. And I mean the rest of our lives, because my parents will outlive us. The damned can do that."

• (Lauren Graham) "Ugh, they totally just snuck that modeling thing in."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Hmm, my mom's a model. Maybe you'll get to date Leonardo DiCaprio now."
• (Lauren Graham) "Plus, now I have to plan the whole stupid thing."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Lorelai Gilmore. Nope, doesn't sound model-y enough. You need something that stands out more. How about Waffle. We could call you Waffle and say you're from Belgium."
• (Lauren Graham) "Okay, I'm crabby, I need to do something about it."
• (Lauren Graham) "Hey Mom."
• (Emily) "Well, hello."
• (Lauren Graham) "So I went to my first Booster meeting last night, did Bitty tell you?"
• (Emily) "No, she did not."
• (Lauren Graham) "Oh, well, maybe she's still stuck under that desk. You might want to send someone out there to look."
• (Emily) "Well, it's certainly nice to hear you finally getting involved."
• (Lauren Graham) "Yes, in fact we're planning a charity fashion show next weekend, and I volunteered to organize it."
• (Emily) "Well, good for you."
• (Lauren Graham) "Yes, and since I know how concerned you are about how Rory's perceived at Chilton, I knew you'd want to be involved somehow, so you're gonna be one of the models."
• (Emily) "Excuse me?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Yeah, so it's next Saturday, be there at four, and we'll provide hair and makeup."
• (Emily) "Lorelai, you can't be serious."
• (Lauren Graham) "Oh, and we'll need your measurements also."
• (Emily) "This is ridiculous."
• (Lauren Graham) "Mom. You said you wanted me to be involved. Well, I'm involved, now don't you want to do your part to ensure Rory's future?"
• (Emily) "All right."
• (Lauren Graham) "Start measuring."
• (Alexis Bledel) "You feel better now?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Waffle's very happy."

• (Lauren Graham) "Schooch down now and go to sleep."
• (Alexis Bledel) "What are you doing?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Nothing, just a little feng shui, go to sleep."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Mom, you don't have to sleep in here tonight."
• (Lauren Graham) "I know, I just think the chair looks nice here."
• (Alexis Bledel) "And what's the blanket for?"
• (Lauren Graham) "In case the chair gets cold."
• (Alexis Bledel) "And the pillow?"
• (Lauren Graham) "To keep the blanket company."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Uh-huh."
• (Lauren Graham) "Okay, everything's in its place. Chair seems warm, blanket seems happy, just one thing missing -- oh yeah."
• (Lauren Graham) "Goodnight."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Freak of sideshow proportions."
• (Lauren Graham) "I love you, too."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Mom?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Hmm?"
• (Alexis Bledel) "I'm sorry."
• (Lauren Graham) "Shh, the chair is trying to sleep."

• (Lauren Graham) "Your fault."
• (Scott Patterson) "How is that my fault?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Because you preoccupied me with all your yammering about the meeting so I wasn't thinking and I didn't check to see who was calling before I answered. Boy, it's nice to finally have someone to blame."

• (Taylor) "All right, the nays have it. Let the record reflect it. Lorelai, I hope that's not food in those bags. Food is not allowed at town meetings."
• (Lauren Graham) "No, Taylor. It's not. It's, um, diapers for the little ones."
• (Taylor) "What?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Dorsal fins and Cucamonga."
• (Taylor) "What did she say?"
• (Lauren Graham) "I confuse him till he loses his train of thought and then he moves on. Hot dog?"

• (Lauren Graham) "Was that her real name; Sweetie?"
• (Emily) "No, her name was Melinda. Sweetie was a nickname."
• (Lauren Graham) "Why?"
• (Emily) "What do you mean, why?"
• (Lauren Graham) "I mean, how did they get Sweetie from Melinda?"
• (Emily) "They didn't get Sweetie from Melinda. Sweetie is a nickname."
• (Lauren Graham) "Yes, I know Sweetie was a nickname, but usually, a nickname comes from a version of your name, or there's a story behind the name or something."
• (Emily) "She was sweet. That's the story."
• (Lauren Graham) "Okay."
• (Emily) "She had a very sweet nature."
• (Lauren Graham) "Hmm."
• (Emily) "Well, what kind of story did you want, Lorelai?"
• (Lauren Graham) "No, that's fine. She was sweet. They called her Sweetie. It's a good story."
• (Emily) "No, really. Exactly what kind of story about my recently departed friend would amuse you?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Mom, it's not to amuse me. It's --"
• (Emily) "All right, fine. Sweetie's father was a very poor man; so poor that Sweetie and her four siblings all had to sleep in a hollowed-out tree trunk because the house was only big enough for their parents. One winter, there was no food, so Sweetie crawled out of her trunk, wrapped her feet in newspaper, and walked forty miles in the snow to the nearest town, where she stumbled into a candy store. The owner took pity on her and gave her bags of candy, a dill pickle, and drove her back to her family. He promptly offered a job to her father, who gladly accepted and eventually owned that store and turned it into one of the most important candy emporiums in the world. And that is how she got the name Sweetie. There, how was that?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Now, that was a pretty good story."

• (Lauren Graham) "Do you have any Lucille Balls left?"
• (Sean Gunn) "Yes, I have some Balls."

• (Lauren Graham) "Why are we standing here?"
• (Alexis Bledel) "Because the sign says 'wait to be seated'."
• (Lauren Graham) "Yeah, but we're not automatons, we are rule breakers, and there are like fifty open tables."
• (Alexis Bledel) "You're exaggerating."
• (Lauren Graham) "One, two, three, four, fifty; no I'm not."

• (Emily) "At some point you have to face facts, and the facts are, he's moved on. And therefore I should move on also."
• (Lauren Graham) "Absolutely. MoveOn.org."
• (Emily) "I think it's time for me to date."
• (Lauren Graham) "Oh, my God."
• (Emily) "I want to go on a date."
• (Lauren Graham) "With; a man ?"
• (Emily) "No, a weasel. Of course, a man."
• (Lauren Graham) "I'm not hearing this."
• (Emily) "Well, why shouldn't I date? I'm still a viable commodity."
• (Lauren Graham) "I need a paper towel and a Valium, please."
• (Emily) "There are plenty of men at the club who, in the past, have made their interest in me known, I just need to figure out how to reciprocate their feelings. You have a lot of experience with men. How do you let them know that you're available?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Well, one of those bench ads usually does the trick."
• (Emily) "Lorelai, stop it. I need help here. It's been years since I did this, and I don't remember the proper procedure. Now take me through this step-by-step. You see a man, you walk up to him and you say --"
• (Lauren Graham) "-- Hello."
• (Emily) "Is that too forward?"
• (Lauren Graham) "No, it's the appropriate way to indicate you're open to a social engagement. Unless, however, you are approaching a weasel. Then I believe the proper signal is just to offer him your hindquarters."

• (Lauren Graham) "What in Lucifer's reach is my mother doing here?"

• (Lauren Graham) "I'm going to make out in the coatroom. Don't eat my chicken."
• (Alexis Bledel) "That's going on your tombstone."

• (Lauren Graham) "Is this more or less fun than watching the same TV show at the same time?"
• (Alexis Bledel) "I think more."
• (Lauren Graham) "If we were to die right now and decompose, they would vacuum us up. No one would ever know."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Freaky."

• (Lauren Graham) "Mom, it's just a pretend wedding. J-Lo has them all the time."

• (Lauren Graham) "I don't hate you."
• (Jared Padalecki) "No?"
• (Lauren Graham) "No, though I did imagine at least 20 different ways to remove your head from your body."
• (Jared Padalecki) "Really? Which one looked the best?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Hedge clippers. Really dull ones."
• (Jared Padalecki) "No, you wouldn't want it to go quick, would you?"

• (Lauren Graham) "Hey, I have kind of a crazy idea."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Those are never comforting words coming from you."

• (Lauren Graham) "You're my favorite daughter."
• (Alexis Bledel) "You say that to all your daughters."
• (Lauren Graham) "Yes, I do, but I only mean it with you."

• (Lauren Graham) ""School comes before mommy's mental health.""

• (Christopher) "May I have this dance?"
• (Lauren Graham) "I don't know. Do you have a trust fund? Always make sure."

• (Emily) "Champagne, anyone?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Oh, that's fancy."
• (Emily) "Well it's not every day I have my girls here for dinner on a day the banks are open."

• (Lauren Graham) "Oh, Marilyn, this is Luke. Luke, this is my cousin Marilyn."
• (Scott Patterson) "Nice to meet you."
• (Milo Ventimiglia) "You, too."
• (Milo Ventimiglia) "Is he a gardener?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Um, no, he owns a diner."
• (Milo Ventimiglia) "Oh, I've always wanted to have an affair with a gardener. Apparently that's very 'in' now."

• (Lauren Graham) "Oh, hi. You really like my table don't you?"
• (Joey) "I was just, uh --"
• (Lauren Graham) "Getting to know my daughter."
• (Joey) "Your --"
• (Alexis Bledel) "Are you my new daddy?"
• (Joey) "Wow. You do not look old enough to have a daughter. No, I mean it. And you do not look like a daughter."
• (Lauren Graham) "That's possibly very sweet of you, Joey. Thanks."
• (Joey) "So -- daughter. You know, I am traveling with a friend."
• (Lauren Graham) "She's sixteen."
• (Joey) "Bye."

• (Lauren Graham) "Aren't baby shower balloons supposed to reflect the sex of the baby? Blue for boys, pink for girls."
• (Alexis Bledel) "You would think."
• (Lauren Graham) "What's green for, aliens?"

• (Lauren Graham) "Date her, marry her, make her Mrs. Backwards baseball cap. See if I care."

• (Lauren Graham) "Well, I can't take it back to Yale."
• (Scott Patterson) "I'm not storing your microbe mattress, forget it."
• (Lauren Graham) "Well, then I'm stuck here."
• (Scott Patterson) "Fine, because I need my truck back."
• (Lauren Graham) "Fine, but that leaves you with the mattress."
• (Scott Patterson) "I'm not taking the mattress."
• (Lauren Graham) "Then let me take the truck."
• (Scott Patterson) "But that means you take the mattress."
• (Lauren Graham) "I can't take the mattress."
• (Scott Patterson) "Then you can't have the truck."
• (Lauren Graham) "But that sticks you with the mattress."
• (Scott Patterson) "If you take the truck, it comes with the mattress."
• (Lauren Graham) "I can't take the mattress."
• (Scott Patterson) "Then you can't have the truck."
• (Lauren Graham) "And that sticks you with the mattress."
• (Scott Patterson) "We've been here before."
• (Lauren Graham) "I recognize that tree."

• (Lauren Graham) "I ate the fuzzy Certs."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Gross."
• (Lauren Graham) "They tasted like keys."

• (Lauren Graham) "Heh, you know what I just realized? "Oy" is the funniest word in the entire world."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Hmm."
• (Lauren Graham) "I mean think about it, you never hear the word "oy" and not smile. Impossible. Funny, funny word."
• (Emily) "Oh dear God."
• (Lauren Graham) ""Poodle" is another funny word."
• (Emily) "Please drink your drink, Lorelai."
• (Lauren Graham) "In fact, if you put "oy" and "poodle" together, in the same sentence, you'd have a great new catchphrase, you know? Like, "Oy with the poodles already.""
• (Alexis Bledel) "Hehe."
• (Lauren Graham) "So from now on, when the perfect circumstances arise, we will use our favorite new catchphrase:"
• (Alexis Bledel) "Oy with the poodles already."
• (Lauren Graham) "I'm telling you, it's knocking "Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?" right out of first place."

• (Lauren Graham) "So, where are you now?"
• (Scott Patterson) "I'm about 10 minutes from If-I-lived-here-I'd-blow-my-brains-out."
• (Lauren Graham) "Ah yes, I hear it's lovely there."

• (Lauren Graham) "How ya doing there, champ?"
• (Alexis Bledel) "Early."
• (Lauren Graham) "Yes, it's a tad early."
• (Alexis Bledel) "No sun."
• (Lauren Graham) "Well, he's not up yet."

• (Unnamed) "You two look so sad. Would you like a cupcake?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Please."
• (Melissa McCarthy) "Yeah."

• (Lauren Graham) "If it's Mick Jagger, run away and ring the bell I gave you."

• (Lauren Graham) "Luke, will you marry me?"
• (Scott Patterson) "What?"

• (Lauren Graham) "Hey, you didn't wake me up."
• (Alexis Bledel) "I set the clock."
• (Lauren Graham) "Yes, but see, the clock stops ringing once I throw it against the wall giving me ample time to fall back to sleep. You, however, never stop yapping no matter how hard I throw you, thus insuring the wake up process."

• (Lauren Graham) "What?"
• (Alexis Bledel) "Nothing."
• (Lauren Graham) "Say it."
• (Alexis Bledel) "I've always wanted a little brother."
• (Lauren Graham) "He looked older the other night."
• (Alexis Bledel) "How much older could he possibly look?"
• (Lauren Graham) "A lot. He's usually a little scruffy, and then the baseball cap hides the funky hair thing."
• (Alexis Bledel) "He should've been holding a yo-yo and a lollipop and wearing a beanie with a propeller on it."
• (Lauren Graham) "He's in his twenties."
• (Alexis Bledel) "He must have been a very good boy to deserve such a happy day. I bet they let him ride a pony."

• (Lauren Graham) "So, let me get this straight. Uh, you and some guys who actually know what they're doing are gonna come over and fix my house, and I can pay them back whenever I want?"
• (Scott Patterson) "That's right."
• (Lauren Graham) "'Cause I'm Tony Soprano?"
• (Scott Patterson) "Only scarier."

• (Lauren Graham) "'Mom, I'm getting married.' I'm an idiot. And you know, as my mouth was opening my mind was screaming, 'Don't do it, I mean it, you'll regret it.' But did my mouth listen?"
• (Alexis Bledel) "No."
• (Lauren Graham) "No. And it opened and the words came out, and Emily was Emily, and my mouth was stunned. And my mind said 'I told you so.' And then my mouth got mad because no mouth like's to have it's nose rubbed in it. And now my mind and my mouth aren't talking, and it'll be weeks before we can get the boys together again."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Your mouth has a nose?"

• (Emily) "You have a gentleman friend of significance."
• (Lauren Graham) "Rhett is my gentleman friend, yes."

• (Lauren Graham) "Hey. Anywhere?"
• (Scott Patterson) "Anywhere."
• (Lauren Graham) "Hm, would you mind moving?"
• (Scott Patterson) "I hate when you do that."
• (Lauren Graham) "It's my showstopper."

• (Lauren Graham) "I have to know where you are at all times, especially when you have my shoes on."

• (Lauren Graham) "What's that?"
• (Melissa McCarthy) "That is a vat of boiling oil."
• (Lauren Graham) "Really? Where's Quasimodo?"
• (Melissa McCarthy) "This is not a joking matter."
• (Alexis Bledel) "What is the oil for?"
• (Lauren Graham) "For pouring on visigoths."
• (Melissa McCarthy) "Lorelai."
• (Lauren Graham) "When else am I gonna get to use my visigoth material?"

• (Lauren Graham) "You saved me, I love you, I want to have your baby -- Oops too late."

• (Lauren Graham) "Don't study so much that you get brilliant, go mad, grow a big bald egghead and try to take over the world, okay, 'cause I wanna go shoe shopping this weekend."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Promise, I will not go mad until we get you some boots."

• (Lauren Graham) "We disappointed Luke."
• (Alexis Bledel) "I didn't think it was possible."
• (Lauren Graham) "Our powers are greater than we know."

• (Lauren Graham) "Hello?"
• (Emily) "You get over here right now."
• (Lauren Graham) "Who is this?"
• (Emily) "This is you in twenty years. "Who is this?", I swear."

• (Lauren Graham) "Oh, you're gonna have to walk faster than that. You're gonna have to turn into friggin' Flo Jo to get away from me."

• (Lauren Graham) "You ruined my joke."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Um, no, the punch line ruined your joke."

• (Lauren Graham) "Can't I take the butler? He doesn't talk much, and, as far as I know, he thoroughly enjoys the way I dress."

• (Lauren Graham) "How does Charlie Rose screw up your REM sleep?"
• (Scott Patterson) "Because he's always got some guy on pushing a book about how everything's all going to hell, or they're going to pass a law, how everyone with a nose ring is going to get shipped off to China. Suddenly you're depressed, thinking we're all going to die and don't drink the water, there's anthrax in my bagel; and bam, there goes your REM sleep."
• (Lauren Graham) "Or Mel Brooks is on, and he is so funny, and you think, "What a wonderful world we live in, that there's a Mel Brooks to go to sleep to.""
• (Scott Patterson) "Mel Brooks is never on Charlie Rose, and when he is on he's talking about Nazis, and then you go to sleep and you dream about Nazis and they all look like Nathan Lane, and you're creeped out for days."

• (Lauren Graham) "Hey, let's test it out. I'm gonna get you."
• (Emily) "Oh, my God."
• (Lauren Graham) "You better get in there, 'cause I'm a bad guy. Baah."
• (Emily) "Stop it."
• (Lauren Graham) "I'm menacing. Panic, damn it. Come on."

• (Lauren Graham) "Oh man. Smell this."
• (Alexis Bledel) "What?"
• (Lauren Graham) "I forgot that pillows don't have to smell like feet."

• (Andrew) "I'd rather have bird crap fall on my head."
• (Lauren Graham) "There it is; our new town slogan."
• (Alexis Bledel) "I like it."
• (Lauren Graham) "I see coffee mugs, T-shirts."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Don't forget stuffed shish-kabobbed birds."
• (Lauren Graham) "That moan when you squeeze 'em."

• (Lauren Graham) "Oh, but I got here early and there was nothing to do except feed gummy bears to the bomb-sniffing dogs which, apparently, the United States government frowns upon."
• (Alexis Bledel) "You got in trouble with the government while you were waiting for me?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Just a little."
• (Alexis Bledel) "How much is a little?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Learn Russian."

• (Lauren Graham) "You are hilarious."
• (Lauren Graham) "Okay, see, last night when I said to you: "Tomorrow, no matter what, make sure I get up at seven," what I actually meant was: "tomorrow, no matter what, make sure I have the option of getting up seven, in case, when seven comes, I actually wanna get up." Which, as it happen, I didn't. Therefore, you're currently responsible for the great alarm clock slaughter of 2002."
• (Scott Patterson) "No survivor?"
• (Lauren Graham) "The one shaped like a bunny escaped with a mild decapitation."

• (Lauren Graham) "I'm mad and needy, and I ended up going out to dinner alone with my parents, who bickered the whole time about which Beatle is alive and which is dead."
• (Alexis Bledel) "So, where'd they land?"
• (Lauren Graham) "John and Keith are dead. Paul and Bingo are still kicking."

• (Lauren Graham) "I do know that Istanbul is Constantinople. So, if you have a date in Constantinople, she'll be waiting in Istanbul."

• (Emily) "I just found out that Sookie is pregnant."
• (Lauren Graham) "Uh huh --"
• (Lauren Graham) "Don't look at me, I had nothing to do with it."

• (Lauren Graham) "What happened? The reception on the phone sucked. All I heard was "Rory" and "Chilton" and "Get down here." Whose butt do I have to kick?"
• (Alexis Bledel) "We didn't go to breakfast."
• (Lauren Graham) "What are you talking about?"
• (Alexis Bledel) "We came here. They broke into the headmaster's office as the big initiation."
• (Lauren Graham) "Ugh, those stupid girls."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Uh huh. Part of the initiation was ringing a bell. So, that's what I was doing when security showed up and they called you."
• (Lauren Graham) "That's what you got busted for? That's it? Bell-ringing?"
• (Alexis Bledel) "Yes."
• (Lauren Graham) "Were you at least smoking a Cuban cigar while you were doing it?"
• (Alexis Bledel) "Mom."
• (Lauren Graham) "No, I mean, "bad girl, how many times have I told you not to ring bells?""
• (Alexis Bledel) "Let's go."
• (Lauren Graham) ""They can dent, or scratch, and they make dogs go crazy. Who do you think you are, the Hunchback of Notre Dame? Are you French? Circular? I don't think so.""
• (Alexis Bledel) "I'm walking to the car now."
• (Lauren Graham) "Was it a big bell at least?"

• (Lauren Graham) "Lane can't quit the band. She has to get famous and introduce me to Bono."
• (Alexis Bledel) "I told her that."
• (Lauren Graham) "All right, let's go eat -- see if we can figure out a way to salvage my future as a groupie."

• (Lauren Graham) "I want to welcome you to the first annual and probably never ever to be held again because Sookie's on the verge of a nervous breakdown Bracebridge Dinner."

• (Lauren Graham) "Luke, we sleep around here. Okay, we like it. It makes us pretty and keeps us from killing our crazy friends."

• (Lauren Graham) "Boy, you'd think love songs are all you and Lane would wanna play."
• (Zach) "Man, this crunch just now sounded like the drum-fill in Baba O'Reilly."
• (Scott Patterson) "Yeah, Zach, a musical mouth. That's awesome."
• (Zach) "But why would Dave and Lane wanna play just love songs?"
• (Lauren Graham) "Because, I was just thinking, you know, with Dave's name; Dave; you've got the last two letters in love. V, E. And with Lane's name, you have the L. You can just dump the A and add an O and there you go."

• (Lauren Graham) "Boy they keep making that ketchup slower and slower, huh?"
• (Scott Patterson) "It's the Heinz family's little joke."

• (Lauren Graham) "So, I think I'm in touch with the other side."
• (Alexis Bledel) "The other side of?"
• (Lauren Graham) "The other side."
• (Alexis Bledel) "With Republicans?"

• (Lauren Graham) "You've got Bambi voice."

• (Lauren Graham) "Hey, stop being such a nancy-boy about the pants. Think Hemingway ever gave a crap what his pants looked like?"
• (Scott Patterson) "Hemingway blew his brains out, also. How much of a role model do you want me to make this guy?"

• (Lauren Graham) "Give me a burger, onion rings, and a list of people who killed their parents and got away with it. I need some heroes."

• (Lauren Graham) "She's making cocoa 'cause you gave her an itinerary."
• (Alexis Bledel) "I may have given her the itinerary, but you're the one who got us busted for drug smuggling."
• (Lauren Graham) "Reality has absolutely no place in our world."

• (Lauren Graham) "It's not my fault that yes and Jess rhyme."

• (Lauren Graham) "My mother; she was here. I can feel it."
• (Alexis Bledel) "Grandma hasn't been here."
• (Lauren Graham) "Smell that?"
• (Alexis Bledel) "Smell what?"
• (Lauren Graham) "The room; it smells like guilt and Chanel No. 5"

• (Lauren Graham) "Well, since you still haven't told me what exactly it is that you do, I'm gonna go with yoga instructor or chiropractor."
• (Christopher) "No, it's actually pretty interesting. I'm working for this firm that helps those overblown tech companies scale back and stay afloat now that they're facin

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