Get Smart (film) Quotes

Get Smart (film) is a TV show that first aired in 1970 . Get Smart completed its run in 1970.

It features ubl, Leonard B. Stern, Alex Gartner, Charles Roven, Andrew Lazar, Michael Ewing as producer, Trevor Rabin in charge of musical score, and Dean Semler as head of cinematography.

Get Smart (film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Get Smart (film) is 110 minutes long. Get Smart (film) is distributed by Warner Bros..

The cast includes: Lindsay Hollister as Maxwell Smart, Ken Davitian as Shtarker, Dwayne Johnson as Agent 23, Dwayne Johnson as Agent 99, Masi Oka as Bruce, Nate Torrence as Lloyd, The Great Khali as Dalip, Dwayne Johnson as Agent 91, Larry Miller as CIA Agent, Dwayne Johnson as Agent 13, and David S. Lee as Ladislas Krstic.

Get Smart (film) Quotes

Lindsay Hollister as Maxwell Smart

• (Lindsay Hollister) "Oh great, I have gum on the bottom of my new shoes."
• (Unnamed) "Hey. He's trying to light his shoe."
• (Unnamed) "It's a shoe bomb. Get HIM."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "No, it's gum."
• (Unnamed) "Gun?"
• (Unnamed) "He's got a gun."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "No -- GUUUMM."
• (Air Marshall) "Air Marshall. You're under arrest."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Sir, I believe you just shattered my coccyx."

• (Lindsay Hollister) "A total guess. Yes, it was."

• (Lindsay Hollister) "This is it?"
• (Siegfried) "Of course not, I lied."
• (Ken Davitian) "He does that."

• (Lindsay Hollister) "You were saying?"
• (The Chief) "I was saying your results are quite extraordinary, in fact, your essay on existentialism was quite amazing."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "I left that section blank."
• (The Chief) "Blank? Brilliant. Brilliant Max. At any rate, you passed with flying colors."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "YES."

• (Larabee) "Hey, Maxine. Why don't you come over here and we'll play a little game I like to call: 'Let's Go to the Dog Show'. I put a collar on you and make you my bi -- AH."
• (Larabee) "I think I really got inside head."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "I am not proud of what I just did."

• (Larabee) "Get OFF."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Larabee wants out."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "OOOOUUUUTTTT."

• (Lindsay Hollister) "Son of a hamster."

• (Lindsay Hollister) "Could this be Siegfried?"
• (The Chief) "Hello, Max."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Chief?"
• (The Chief) "Yes."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Knock-out gas 99? I've trained my body to be impervious to this whi -- that's new stuff."

• (Lindsay Hollister) "Is that your default setting? Do you just punch people in the face, willy-nilly? Its Tuesday, I'll punch Max in the face. Ooh, a box of kittens, time to punch Max in the face. Oh, I'm having some bread, time to punch Max in the face."

• (Lindsay Hollister) "My buttocks are really stinging from being dragged."

• (Lindsay Hollister) "The cone please --"
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Oooh, I am so happy. This is the best day of my life."
• (Nate Torrence) "You didn't push the button hard enough."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "So you all heard me -- right."

• (Lindsay Hollister) "Bruce. Lloyd. What happened here -- and what is that ungodly smell?"
• (Nate Torrence) "Fear."

• (Lindsay Hollister) "Welcome back 23, how was the assassination?"
• (Dwayne Johnson) "Maxie, you know assassinations are specifically prohibited by executive order number 12333."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "23, you killed me."
• (Dwayne Johnson) "I could if I wanted to."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Yes, you could."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Oh. Did you see the look on his face?"

• (Lindsay Hollister) "Am I wearing boxers? For future reference, I usually prefer briefs for their security and peace of mind. Going free-bird is not exactly ideal. I don't like it."

• (Lindsay Hollister) "Oh good, the itchy kind, my favorite, does this one also have small pox? And that was a human tooth --"

• (Lindsay Hollister) "On 3: 1 -- 2 -- 3."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Wrong way."

• (Lindsay Hollister) "You know what? I will tell you, I love your country. No more communism, no rules of any kind, really. I'm filling my suitcase with steroids and art from ancient Mesopotamia, ran over an old woman yesterday, best vacation I ever had."

• (Lindsay Hollister) "That's not my knife."

• (Bakery Counter Woman) "Free rugelach?"
• (Lindsay Hollister) "No thank you. I am here for something else."
• (Bakery Counter Woman) "Bread?"
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Something hot."
• (Bakery Counter Woman) "We have rolls that just came out."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Even hotter. Much, much hotter."
• (Bakery Counter Woman) "I already have boyfriend."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "All right --"
• (Bakery Counter Woman) "Although, I could make exception."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "No, that's OK."
• (Bakery Counter Woman) "Sure? Flour sacks in back very comfortable."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "I don't think we are on the same page."

• (Lindsay Hollister) "Ow. You gotta be kidding me."

• (Lindsay Hollister) "Well, you were no help at all."
• (Dwayne Johnson) "How could I help? I'm just a woman with a dusty old uterus."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "I never said dusty."

• (Lindsay Hollister) "Oh, wow."

• (Lindsay Hollister) "Chief, I hit you in the head with a fire extinguisher."
• (The Chief) "No, no, we're not ready yet."

• (Opel Driver) "What are you doing, dummkopf? Running out in the middle of the road? You could get hit by a car."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Well, that -- was ironic."

• (Lindsay Hollister) "I am sorry. Despite today's setback, I will at some point become a field agent. And when that happens, one phone call could take me to the other side of the world."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Who am I kidding? I'm a middle aged man who's missed the train. You don't deserve this. I don't deserve you."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "You're so young, so full of life. Don't do it, fang. Don't love me."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Oh, dear. Sorry."
• (Dwayne Johnson) "Oh, great."
• (Dwayne Johnson) "That was my last mile. Now I have no idea how fast I was."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Well, you were really moving. Not easy to knock me down. I have a very low center of gravity. Pretty solid."
• (Dwayne Johnson) "I'm just gonna call that one a -- 4:50."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Impressive. I, uh, once ran a 5:16."
• (Dwayne Johnson) "Oh really? That's, uh, slower."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Well, not everything's a competition."
• (Dwayne Johnson) "If it were, I'd win."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Ah. Are you flirting with me?"
• (Dwayne Johnson) "Not at all. Are you flirting with me?"
• (Lindsay Hollister) "That depends. Is it working?"
• (Dwayne Johnson) "Not at all."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Well nice meeting you. I admire your focus."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Am I invisible?"

• (Siegfried) "How do I know you're not Control?"
• (Lindsay Hollister) "If I were Control, you'd already be dead."
• (Siegfried) "If you were Control, you'd already be dead."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Neither of us is dead, so I am obviously not from Control."
• (Ken Davitian) "That actually makes sense."

• (Lindsay Hollister) "You know, I never saw James Bond in rats or poop, let alone rats _and_ poop. Oh look, there's a rat riding on a piece of poop."

• (The Chief) "You'll have to bear with me, I'm still a little fuzzy. I got a pretty good hit in the head yesterday."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Yes, it was -- dark in there -- you probably tripped -- I hurt my knee -- it was smoky too."

• (Lindsay Hollister) "Missed it by that much."

• (Lindsay Hollister) "I have obtained a snippet, at great risk to a bus boy in Balad."
• (Lindsay Hollister) ""Aftab, how is your coffee?""
• (Lindsay Hollister) ""Good, Dalip, it's decaf. How is yours?""
• (Lindsay Hollister) ""It is good, also. How is your muffin?""
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Powerful stuff"
• (The Chief) "So "muffin", then, is a code word?"
• (Lindsay Hollister) "No, it is comfort food -- and quite frankly much more fattening than most people realize. Which begs the question -- why would two hardened KAOS agents -- risk the carbs?"
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Because they are under a great deal of stress."
• (Dwayne Johnson) "Hence the decaf."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "For Aftab yes. Dalip takes his full-strength. Why? Because he has been sleeping on the couch for three days -- because he called his sister-in-law a "leathery hag"."
• (Larabee) "You know, people often say things in anger they don't really mean. Leathery hag, fat cow, ungrateful whore. Just words really, that shouldn't be used against you in a custody hearing."
• (Dwayne Johnson) "Let it go, man, those kids don't even look like you."
• (The Chief) "Can we put a pen in this, please -- and go back to Max's extraordinary detailed report?"
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Thank you, Chief. All I'm saying is -- that until we understand that our enemies are also human beings -- we will never defeat them. Yes, they are bad guys, but that is what they do, not who they are. Let's continue listening -- and bear in mind that the next 100 pages can get a little bit dry."
• (Larabee) "Come on."

• (Lindsay Hollister) "The old "Call Forwarding From the Shoe phone to the Cell phone so you don't know Where I am and then I appear on the Roof behind you and Surprise everyone" trick."
• (Dwayne Johnson) "Don't move."

• (Lindsay Hollister) "Personal best."

• (Lindsay Hollister) "I didn't get to eat at the restaurant, and if you skip a meal, the next meal you overindulge."
• (Dwayne Johnson) "Ohh. Let me, i've got nails."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "You owe me three dollars."

• (Lindsay Hollister) "We are near the drop zone, I'll go first."
• (Dwayne Johnson) "Are you going to be ok with your handcuffs?"
• (Lindsay Hollister) "No handcuffs can contain me."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Hey, violent sky marshall."
• (Air Marshall) "What do you want?"
• (Lindsay Hollister) "I have to squeeze the lemon."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "You heard me I have to "squeeze the lemon"."

• (Lindsay Hollister) "This whole week, last night, you know me."
• (Dwayne Johnson) "Apparently not."
• (Dwayne Johnson) "Oh my God, you two? You and Max? You said we had to break up cause we worked together."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Oh my God, you and 23? I am so sexually threatened right now."

• (Lindsay Hollister) "I think it's only fair to warn you, this facility is surrounded by a highly trained team of 130 Black Op Snipers."
• (Siegfried) "I don't believe you."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Would you believe two dozen Delta Force Commandos?"
• (Siegfried) "No."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "How about Chuck Norris with a BB gun?"

• (Lindsay Hollister) "It's okay, 99. Big people feel pain, too."

• (Lindsay Hollister) "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
• (The Chief) "If you're thinking "Holy s***. Holy s***. A swordfish almost went though my head." If so, then yes."

Masi Oka as Bruce

• (Masi Oka) "Turn around slowly."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Guys, you have to believe me I am not a double agent."
• (Nate Torrence) "We never thought you were."
• (Masi Oka) "Yeah, we love you, man."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Then what's with the firearm and the freak-show expression?"
• (Masi Oka) "For the security camera. If it looks like we let you go, we'd totally get fired."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Got it."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Where are the Chief and 99?"
• (Masi Oka) "They flew to L.A. to talk to the President."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "I need to get out of here before someone else comes to stop me."
• (Masi Oka) "I suggest you overpower us."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Good idea. Bruce I will smash you in the face."
• (Masi Oka) "Thank you."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Lloyd, I will simulate your disembowelment."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Ready? One --"
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Not yet. I haven't punched you yet. React when I punch you."
• (Masi Oka) "Oh, yeah."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "One, two, three."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Wrong way."
• (Nate Torrence) "OK, wait. You should know sometimes I faint."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "I'm not actually going to hit you."
• (Nate Torrence) "No, but when I see blood, or talk about blood, or think about blood --"
• (Lindsay Hollister) "There will be no blood. Hang in there. Hang in, buddy."

Ken Davitian as Shtarker

• (Ken Davitian) "What good hang time, huh?"

• (Ken Davitian) "Too bad about all the dead movie stars."
• (Siegfried) "Yes. What will we do without their razor-sharp political advice."

• (Ken Davitian) "Are you crazy? This is radioactive material. One wrong move, and it's ka-frickin'-boom."
• (Siegfried) "This is KAOS. We don't "ka-frickin'-boom" here."

Dwayne Johnson as Agent 99

• (Unnamed) "Missed me. Hahaha."
• (Unnamed) "Alright. Alright. I'm out."
• (Dwayne Johnson) "He was lying Max. It was a good shot."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Thanks. I am so sick of training. I wanna get out into the field."
• (Dwayne Johnson) "Give it up 23. It's just you and Maxi-pad against the six of us."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Oh, gee, Maxi-pad. I've never heard that one before."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "I never have actually heard that one before."

• (Dwayne Johnson) "It's not over Max, I'll take that briefcase."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "If you want it, you'll have to take it."
• (Dwayne Johnson) "That's what I just said."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "I know, I'm just trying to annoy you."

• (Dwayne Johnson) "Oh Chief --"
• (Dwayne Johnson) "Very sweet tackle."
• (The President) "Look at the surprise on his face."

• (Dwayne Johnson) "Why are you talking into your shoe?"

• (Dwayne Johnson) "Did you see anything while I was dancing?"
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Just once, but I don't think you expected him to lift you so high."

• (Dwayne Johnson) "You lied about finding evidence of radioactivity."
• (Dwayne Johnson) "You conveniently killed Krstic before anyone could question him."
• (The Chief) "And there's that little matter with you stoning my head with a fire extinguisher."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "I said I was sorry, you just didn't hear me because you were in a mini coma."

• (Larabee) "Two-nerd pileup."
• (Dwayne Johnson) "Move."
• (Masi Oka) "Pretty boys. Nothing but empty suits."

• (Dwayne Johnson) "Are you coming back this way?"
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Oh -- Yea, maybe."
• (Dwayne Johnson) "What time?"
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Oh -- Mmmm --"
• (Dwayne Johnson) "I get it -- I get it -- No one wants to talk to a guy in a tree, I get it."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Please don't cry -- just -- don't cry."

• (Dwayne Johnson) "Use your peripherals. Do you see him?"
• (Lindsay Hollister) "I'm just widening my eyes. I'm not actually seeing anything more."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Woah, that's a bad guy, that's a really bad guy. Did you see his face? His head looks like one of the Easter Island heads."

• (Dwayne Johnson) "Did I hear something?"
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Yes, there were some tap dancers in the hallway."

• (Dwayne Johnson) "Are you staring at my butt?"
• (Lindsay Hollister) "No, no, I -- I was, but I'm not -- I'm staring again."

• (Dwayne Johnson) "Not bad for a rookie."
• (Lindsay Hollister) "Not bad for an old lady."

• (Larabee) "Put me out there, chief, I'm not afraid to expose myself."
• (Dwayne Johnson) "Do you ever think before you speak?"
• (Larabee) "No, I just whip it out there. It's what's best."

• (Dwayne Johnson) "What are you doing? Are you texting?"
• (Larabee) "Yeah. Letting my fiancee know we won't be able to get married in June, 'cause I'll still be in this meeting."
• (Dwayne Johnson) "Can I see that for a second?"
• (Larabee) "Yeah."
• (Dwayne Johnson) "That's great."
• (Dwayne Johnson) "Well, that's weird. You lost your signal."

• (Dwayne Johnson) "See, this is your problem, some men like women who are feminine."
• (Dwayne Johnson) "What, I'm not feminine?"
• (Dwayne Johnson) "No."
• (Dwayne Johnson) "I'm not feminine?"

David S. Lee as Ladislas Krstic

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

The Great Khali as Dalip

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Larry Miller as CIA Agent

• (Siegfried) "200 billion dollars by 3pm."
• (Larry Miller) "200 billion dollars by 3pm?"
• (Siegfried) "You seem a bit slow, is there someone else I can talk to?"
• (Ken Davitian) "Good one."

Nate Torrence as Lloyd

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