Germ Warfare (M*A*S*H) Quotes

Germ Warfare (M*A*S*H) is a television show that appeared on TV in 1970 . Germ Warfare completed its run in 1970.

Germ Warfare (M*A*S*H) Quotes

• (Trapper) "Take a walk, Frank."
• (Hawkeye) "Yeah, take a major walk."

• (Henry Blake) "Do we have enough sherry and ginger-ale for the General?"
• (Radar) "Oh, nobody does, sir."
• (Henry Blake) "Oh, fine then, if nobody does we don't have to, but make sure we do, just in case we don't."

• (Unnamed) "Attention, all personnel -- the wounded you've all been waiting for has finally arrived in person -- report to the Big Top immediately; the circus is about to begin."

• (Frank Burns) "The men hate me, don't they?"
• (Radar) "Just your guts, sir."

• (Frank Burns) "I love it here."
• (Col. Potter) "Either you or Klinger is nuts. Now I have to figure out which one."

• (B.J.) "Big surprise dinner party. Spectacularly unforgetable. Have you ever considered renting your mouth out to the motor pool as a garage?"

• (Frank Burns) "I know I'm a real asset."
• (Hawkeye) "You're only off by two letters."

• (Colonel Lambert) "Honest, true blue as the day is long, and about as interesting as a five-pound bag of fertilizer."

• (Charles) "Klinger, you are a gentleman and a lady."

• (Charles) "Hunnicutt, I've known a lot of people in my life. You are not among them."

• (Trapper) "How should I know? I dropped out of school to become a doctor."

• (Unnamed) "Attention, all personnel; incoming wounded. Out of the frying pan and into the O.R."

• (Radar) "My own father didn't have me until he was 63, and the first time we played peek-a-boo together he had a stroke."

• (Hawkeye) "War isn't Hell. War is war, and Hell is Hell. And of the two, war is a lot worse."
• (Father Mulcahy) "How do you figure, Hawkeye?"
• (Hawkeye) "Easy, Father. Tell me, who goes to Hell?"
• (Father Mulcahy) "Sinners, I believe."
• (Hawkeye) "Exactly. There are no innocent bystanders in Hell. War is chock full of them; little kids, cripples, old ladies. In fact, except for some of the brass, almost everybody involved is an innocent bystander."

• (Cpl. Igor Straminsky) "See these fresh oranges? They don't grow on trees, you know."

• (Radar) "Sir, there's someone waiting to see you."
• (Henry Blake) "I was born with someone waiting to see me."

• (Frank Burns) "Why don't you guys like me?"
• (Hawkeye) "Because you're a lousy doctor and a rotten person."
• (Frank Burns) "Aside from that."
• (B.J.) "Well, there's your pimples."
• (Frank Burns) "My pores won't close."

• (Hawkeye) "I'm too frightened to be scared."

• (Margaret) "I am a woman, after all."
• (Hawkeye) "Is that true, Frank?"

• (Radar) "Whoa, did you know it's yesterday there?"
• (Hawkeye) "Well, it's today here."
• (B.J.) "It's always today here."
• (Hawkeye) "Oh, yeah? What about tomorrow?"
• (B.J.) "Good point."
• (Hawkeye) "Ha, I wasn't born yesterday."

• (Frank Burns) "All right, where's my razor?"
• (Hawkeye) "Been shaving your legs again, Frank?"

• (Hawkeye) "Margaret, I'm honored, touched -- and aroused."

• (Klinger) "Sir, I've had a lot of experience in these matters."
• (Charles) "I do not need the wisdom of your experience. I am not selling watches from the trunk of a car."

• (Klinger) "50 more pounds, and I'm homeward-bound."
• (Col. Potter) "You're going to eat you way to a discharge?"
• (Klinger) "I call it "Food for Freedom"."
• (Col. Potter) "I call it "Suicide by Salami"."
• (Klinger) "I'll take my chances."
• (Col. Potter) "Okay, when you can't get through that door, come see me."
• (Klinger) "I'll be wearing a size 30, sir."

• (Margaret) "Oh, Frank. You're so above average."

• (Frank Burns) "Attention all Allied personnel. There are only about half a dozen stars visible, sky-wise. I am directly under the brightest one."
• (Hawkeye) "Very good, Frank."
• (B.J.) "They'll start looking for us in Bethlehem."

• (Frank Burns) "It's nice to be nice -- to the nice."

• (Hawkeye) "Did anyone ever tell you, you have the voice of a songbird slowly drowning in tar?"

• (Frank Burns) "I wonder if I can say something useful?"
• (Trapper) "I often wonder that too, Frank."

• (Hawkeye) "Boy, did his draft board go crazy."

• (Col. Potter) "Y'know, I had a still, on Guam. One night, it blew up."
• (Col. Potter) "That's how I got my Purple Heart."

• (B.J.) "Why don't you do us a favour, and break it in."

• (Radar) "I thought this stuff was supposed to make you feel better."
• (B.J.) "No. It's supposed to make you feel nothing."

• (Margaret) "Act like a man, you sniveling twerp."

• (Hawkeye) "We like it. It's modeled after the Chicago sewer system."

• (Frank Burns) "Funny thing, war: never have so many suffered so much so so few could be so happy."
• (Margaret) "We're lucky to be two of the few and not the many."
• (Frank Burns) "I know, darling, and I love being both of us."

• (Frank Burns) "I'm taking this to a higher authority."
• (Trapper) "Aw, Frank -- you're not going to write your mother again."

• (Colonel Flagg) "You think you're real smart. But you're not smart; you're dumb. Very dumb. But you've met your match in me."

• (Charles) "Live. That's an order."

• (Colonel Flagg) "I could kill you with one finger."

• (Frank Burns) "This is the last straw."
• (Hawkeye) "Remind me to order more straws."

• (Hawkeye) "Blow in my ear."
• (Margaret) "What?"
• (Hawkeye) "I'm so cold I think my pilot's gone out."

• (Hawkeye) "Unhand me you varlet, you know not who you touch."

• (Hawkeye) "How much of this can a man take? We must have seen this picture twelve times in the last month. Its a recurring nightmare with popcorn."

• (Unnamed) "Attention all personnel. Due to a lack of casualties, today's midnight movie will be shown at 9:00 in the morning -- And midnight has been canceled."

• (Henry Blake) "Will you stop saying what I'm thinking?"
• (Radar) "One of us has to."

• (Henry Blake) "You're always wrong, Frank. That's what's so right about you."

• (Col. Potter) "The General answers his own phone. Must be a Unitarian."

• (Charles) "Where is that Lebanese mongoose?"

• (Hawkeye) "Life, Liberty, and Pursuit of happy hour."

• (B.J.) "What's Frank up to?"
• (Hawkeye) "I think he's vacuuming Korea. Eisenhower's coming; he wants everything just so."

• (Frank Burns) "You disgust me."
• (Hawkeye) "You're right, Frank -- I discussed you with everyone I know and we all find you disgusting."

• (Father Mulcahy) "Colonel Blake, are you busy?"
• (Henry Blake) "No -- I'm telling this mian's fortune by reading his bowels."

• (Trapper) "They got a lot of guts."
• (Hawkeye) "And they keep serving them."

• (Henry Blake) "You two have gone over my head so many times I have athlete's scalp."

• (Unnamed) "Hear ye, Hear ye, it's 0700 and all is hell. Incoming wounded, folks."

• (Trapper) "I've never met a nurse that didn't register."

• (Frank Burns) "It's the way these yellow devils think. It's burned into their brains. Kill Americans, kill, kill. They don't respect human life the way we do. I'd like to take him out and shoot him."

• (Frank Burns) "I'm sick of hearing about the wounded. What about all the thousands of wonderful guys who are fighting this war without any of the credit or the glory that always goes to those lucky few who just happen to get shot?"

• (Frank Burns) "Spontaneity has its time and its place."

• (Radar) "Will Scotch be all right for everybody, sir?"
• (Henry Blake) "Yeah, fine, Radar; perfect."
• (Radar) "Uh, I ran out of ice sir, so I used bourbon."

• (Dr. Sidney Freedman) "You're a tribute to man's endurance. A monument to hope in size 12 pumps. I hope you do get out someday. There would be a battalion of men in hoop skirts right behind you."

• (Unnamed) "Attention, all personnel; this is your wake-up call."

• (Frank Burns) "Klinger, how dare you wear that hat while in uniform?"
• (Klinger) "It's spring, sir."

• (Father Mulcahy) "Here you go kids -- just something to read on the way."
• (Hawkeye) "If you have any questions they have branch offices everywhere."

• (Hawkeye) "If you act drunk long enough, you get a REAL hangover."

• (Hawkeye) "Sidney? Hawkeye Pierce. Did I interrupt you in the middle of someone?"

• (Unnamed) "Due To circumstances beyond our control, lunch will be served today."

• (Frank Burns) "We're making real progress."
• (Hawkeye) "I can tell. You have a Korean accent."

• (Father Mulcahy) "You'd be surprised what a priest can get away with."

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