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Friends (season 9) Quotes

Friends is a TV program that debuted in 2002 on NBC. Friends completed its run in 2003.

Friends was on for 24 episodes.

The cast includes: Matthew Perry as Chandler, Matt LeBlanc as Joey, Jennifer Aniston as Rachel, Matt LeBlanc as Joey Tribbiani, Courteney Cox as Monica, David Schwimmer as Ross, Lisa Kudrow as Phoebe, Selma Blair as Ben, Maggie Wheeler as Janice, James Michael Tyler as Gunther, Paul Rudd as Mike Hanigan, Courteney Cox as Mona, Elliott Gould as Jack Geller, Christina Pickles as Judy Geller, Hank Azaria as David, Maggie Wheeler as Janine, and Matt LeBlanc as Gloria Tribbiani.

Friends Quotes

James Michael Tyler as Gunther

  • (James Michael Tyler) "Hey buddy, this is a family place. Put the mouse back in the house."
  • (James Michael Tyler) "I -- I know you're leaving tonight, but I just have to tell you. I love you. I -- I don't know if that changes your plans at all, but I thought you should know."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Gunther -- Oh -- I love you too. Probably not in the same way, but I do. And, and when I'm in a café, having coffee, or I see a man with hair brighter than the sun, I'll think of you. Aw."
  • (James Michael Tyler) "Here is your coffee."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Thanks Gunther, or "dank je wel voor de koffie"."
  • (James Michael Tyler) "You are speaking Dutch; "heb je familie daar?""
  • (David Schwimmer) "Yeah we are done."
  • (James Michael Tyler) "Ezel."
  • (James Michael Tyler) "I broke a cup."

Courteney Cox as Monica

  • (Courteney Cox) "Can you help me fold these napkins?"
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Sure."
  • (Courteney Cox) "I'm gonna go across the hall and check on the yams."
  • (Courteney Cox) "No -- no honey -- Not like that, we're not a barn dance. You wanna fold them like swans like I showed you at Christmas, remember?"
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Yeah. It all came screaming back to me."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Look, Joey feels really bad for what happened. He thinks you hate him. He wants to move to Vermont."
  • (David Schwimmer) "I don't hate him. It's just -- You know what, I'll go talk to him. It's not his fault."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Thank you. He already asked me where he could exchange his dollars for Vermont money."
  • (Courteney Cox) "I like it even better on you than on Colonel Sanders."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Look, I just came here to tell you guys something."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh. Was it how you invented the cotton gin?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "You can't fire me. I make your decisions and I say, "I'm not fired." Ha."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Can't we tell your parents first?"
  • (Richard) "They're both dead."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Oh, you are so lucky."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Sex."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Seriously. Answer faster."
  • (Courteney Cox) "I'm sorry, sweetie. When she said "sex" I wasn't thinking of sex with you."
  • (Matthew Perry) "It's like a big hug."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Ross, how about you? Sex or food?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Sex."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "What about sex or dinosaurs?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "My God, it's like Sophie's Choice."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Joey, if you had to give up sex or food, which would you pick?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "I don't know it's too hard."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Come on, you have to answer."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Okay -- sex. No, food. No, uh -- I want both. I want girls on bread."
  • (Courteney Cox) "This has been like my dream ever since I got my first Easy-Bake Oven and opened "Easy Monica's Bakery"."
  • (Courteney Cox) "There are no jobs for me."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Wait, here's one. Um, would you be willing to cook naked?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "There's an ad for a naked chef?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "No. But if you'd be willing to COOK naked, you might be willing to DANCE naked."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Stick out your tongue."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Take off your shirt."
  • (Courteney Cox) "My motto is, get out before they go down."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "That is so not my motto."
  • (Courteney Cox) "You are just going to have to stop pissing me off."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Are you sure you peed on the stick right?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "How many ways are there to do that?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "I am so jealous."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "You guys are really just right there.Aren't you?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Yes -- Right where?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "The beginning, where it's all sex and talking and sex and talking --"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Yeah you gotta love the talking."
  • (Courteney Cox) "And the sex?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Alright we hadn't have sex yet. Okay. What's the big deal?This is special. I want our love to grow before moving to the next level."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, chandler, that is so nice."
  • (David Schwimmer) "That is really nice -- Lying. No way is that the reason."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Why? Just because you're not mature enough to understand something like that?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "He's right. I'm totally lying."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Then what is it?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Kathy's last boyfriend was Joey."
  • (David Schwimmer) "And you're afraid you won't be able to fill his shoes?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "No. I'm afraid I won't be able to make love as well as him."
  • (David Schwimmer) "I was going for the metaphor."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Yes and I was saying the actual words."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Big deal. So Joey has had a lot of girlfriends. That doesn't mean he's great in bed."
  • (Matthew Perry) "We share a wall. So either is great in bed, or she just liked to agree with him a lot."
  • (Courteney Cox) "With you it's gonna be different. The sex is gonna be great because you guys are in love."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Yeah?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Just go for it Chandler."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah you should."
  • (Matthew Perry) "All right. All right. I'll sleep with my girlfriend. But I'm just doing it for you guys."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Now, most guys will hit uh, 1-2-3 and then go to 7 and set up camp."
  • (Matthew Perry) "That-that's bad?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Well if you go to Disneyland, you don't spend the whole day on the Materhorn."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Well you might if it were anything like 7."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Chandler. It happens to lots of guys. You-you-you were probably tired, you had a lot of champagne, don't worry about it."
  • (Matthew Perry) "I'm not worried, I'm uh, I'm fascinated. Y'know it's like uh, Biology. Which is funny because in high school I uh, I-I failed Biology and tonight Biology failed me."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Okay. Wait-wait-wait. Shhh."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Okay, umm, I just wanna say that -- I love you guys so-so much and-and thank you for being here on my special night."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Our special night. I mean it just wouldn't be my-our-our night, if you all weren't here to celebrate with me-us-Damnit."
  • (Courteney Cox) "You broke a little girl's leg?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "I know. I feel horrible. Okay."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Says here that a Muppet got whacked on Sesame Street last night."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Where exactly were you around ten-ish?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "Anyway, are you gonna get a handyman to install all this stuff?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "No, I was going to do this all by myself."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "You're gonna do it?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah. Why, you don't think a woman can do this?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Oh, women can. You -- can't."
  • (Courteney Cox) "You wanted it to be a surprise."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Oh, my God."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Chandler, in all my life I never thought I would be so lucky as to fall in love with my best, my best --"
  • (Courteney Cox) "There's a reason why girls don't do this."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Okay, okay I'll do it. I thought, wait I can do this, I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, that you make me happier than I ever thought I could be and if you let me I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. Monica, will you marry me?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "Yes."
  • (Courteney Cox) ""Throbbing pens"? Don't wanna be around when he writes with those."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Chandler, it's okay. You don't have to be so macho all the time."
  • (Matthew Perry) "I'm not macho."
  • (Courteney Cox) "You're right. I don't know what I was thinking."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Did you just smell my hair?"
  • (Pete) "No."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Oh my God, you still have feelings for me, don't you?"
  • (Pete) "No I don't."
  • (Courteney Cox) "None at all?"
  • (Pete) "Okay I love you, is that so wrong?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "Okay, just don't go swimming right after you eat."
  • (Matthew Perry) "You know that's not really true."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Try telling that to my Uncle Vinnie."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Why? What happened to him?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Nothing; he just really believes that."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Joey, did you actually interview her before you asked her to move in?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Of course I did."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Well, what did you ask her?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "'When can you move in?'."
  • (Courteney Cox) "I'm Rachel. I love Ross. I hate Ross. I love Ross. I hate Ross."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "I'm Monica. I can't get a boyfriend so I'll stumble across the hall and sleep with the first guy I find there."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Whose little ball of paper is this?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Oh, it's mine. I wrote a note to myself, and then I realized I didn't need, so I balled it up --"
  • (Matthew Perry) "And now I wish I was dead."
  • (Courteney Cox) "I can't believe my dad saw us having sex. He didn't make it to one of my piano recitals, but this he sees."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Now come on, Chandler, the Miami Vice soundtrack? Really?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "They were just giving it away at the mall --"
  • (Matthew Perry) "-- in exchange for money."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Pack your things, we're going to Vegas."
  • (Matthew Perry) "You mean, we're just gonna elope? This is great. We're gonna save so much money. And, no more pain-in-the-ass planning."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Oh, we're not going to elope. We have so much money, could our wedding please be bigger?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "You don't like the game, because you suck at it."
  • (Matthew Perry) "I don't suck at it. It sucks. And you suck."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Hey. Where's Joey?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do you think that was wrong?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "Why must your family be Scottish?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Why must your family be Ross ?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "That's probably because their nerves are deadened from being so stupid."
  • (Dr. Leonard Green) "So, Geller, is this what you dumped my Rachel for,"
  • (Dr. Leonard Green) "so you could hang around with this tramp."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Tramp ?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Oh, uh; Dr. Green, Mona; Mona, Dr. Green."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Wow. You're a really good kisser."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Well, I have kissed more than four women."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Rach, it's the Visa card people."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, God, ask them what they want."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Could you please tell me what this is in reference to? Yes, hold on."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Um, they say there's been some unusual activity on your account."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "But I haven't used my card in weeks."
  • (Courteney Cox) "That is the unusual activity."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Darn it. There's no more soda."
  • (Matthew Perry) "I'll go get some."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Really?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Well, I would,"
  • (Matthew Perry) "but I'm not your boyfriend."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Is it me? Is it like I have a beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "Okay, I've got a leg, three breasts, and a wing."
  • (Matthew Perry) "How do you find clothes that fit?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "So you wanna?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "OK."
  • (Matthew Perry) "I can't."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Well you're not 18 anymore, but give it a minute."
  • (Matthew Perry) "I can't because of Emma."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Oh, Emma, Sweetie, I forgot you were here."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Hi."
  • (Matthew Perry) "You are not gonna believe what I did today."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Well, clearly you didn't shower or shave."
  • (Matthew Perry) "I got good. I played this game all day and now I rule. They should change the name to Ms. Chandler."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Although, I hope they don't."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Wait a minute, you staid home all day playing Ms. Pacman, while I was at work like some kind of chump?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, and I got all the top ten scores and erased Phoebe off the board. High five."
  • (Courteney Cox) "What is the matter with your hand?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Well, I've been playing for like eight hours. It'll loosen up, come on check out the scores. Oh, and also look at the initials, their dirty words."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Chandler, why would you do that?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Because it's awesome."
  • (Courteney Cox) "You think this is clever?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Well, they only give you three letters, so after A.S.S., it is a bit of a challenge."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Wait a minute, this one's not dirty."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Well, it is, when you put it together with that one."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Oh, well, if you don't clear this off, you wont be getting those from me. Ben's coming tomorrow over to play this game, this can't be there."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Come on, he wont even know what they mean."
  • (Courteney Cox) "He's seven, not stupid."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Have you talked to him lately?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "All right, I'm just going to unplug it --"
  • (Matthew Perry) "No, no, no, if you'll unplug it, then there will be nothing to show from my day. It would be like I was at work."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Look at that, look at that, it's still there, this thing must have a primitive ROM chip."
  • (Courteney Cox) "You gotta beat your scores."
  • (Matthew Perry) "With the claw?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "Fine, I'll do it. We gotta get this off the screen. Carol and Susan are still upset that you taught him "Pull my finger"."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Pull my finger -- my hand is messed up."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Damn the jellyfish. Damn ALL the jellyfish."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Listen, Rachel, I appreciate your situation but this is Valentine's Day. So, if you don't mind, would you please just go back home?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "What are you talking about? I live here."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Happy Valentine's Day."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Or, something to remember me by --"
  • (Courteney Cox) "Chandler. You're smoking again?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Well, yesterday I was smoking again, and today -- I'm smoking still --"
  • (Courteney Cox) "How ya doin'?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Well, my apartment's not there anymore because I drank it."
  • (Courteney Cox) "So if your parents had stayed together you'd be able to answer a question like a normal person?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "We have to talk."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, I'm getting a deja-vous. All right no I'm not."
  • (Courteney Cox) "All right, we have to talk."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "There it is."
  • (Courteney Cox) "I use my breasts to get people's attention."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "We both do that."
  • (Courteney Cox) "The sun is out."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Hey, remember when I had corneas?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "Do you ever think about the future?"
  • (Richard) "Yeah, I think about the future."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Am I in it?"
  • (Richard) "You are my future."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Honey, you are about to get so lucky."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Look, Chandler, I feel really bad about this. Please have this bachelor party."
  • (Matthew Perry) "No."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Stop being a baby and watch the hot woman get naked."
  • (Matthew Perry) "-- All right."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "YEAH."
  • (Matthew Perry) "But, I'm only doing this for you -- And Joey."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Ok, so who's going to be there?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "No, no, no. Just Ross and Joey is humiliating enough."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Well, actually, I have a date tonight."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, I understand. What kind of guy would blow off a date for a fake bachelor party."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, baby, I'm not gonna make it tonight --"

Matthew Perry as Chandler

  • (Matthew Perry) "Oh she should not be wearing those pants. I say push her down the stairs."
  • (Matthew Perry) "When I get back it's going to be Chair City, and I'll be the one who's sitting on chairs."
  • (Matthew Perry) "I know they call this a love seat but I'm not feeling anything special towards you --"
  • (Nora Bing) "Hi, Chandler. This is Dennis. He's a great guy --"
  • (Nora Bing) "-- and a fantastic lover."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Hello, Dennis. Thank you for pleasing my mother so."
  • (Unnamed) "Now, Chandler, I'm going to need this back on Tuesday."
  • (Matthew Perry) "If you say so, Sir."
  • (Matthew Perry) "You can't come in."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Why not?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Because, uh, Ross is naked."
  • (David Schwimmer) "What?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Well, I couldn't tell her I was naked. She's allowed to see me naked."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Why does anyone have to be naked?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Goodbye, you fruit drying psychopath."
  • (Matthew Perry) "You rent out these tuxes to celebrities for award shows."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah."
  • (Matthew Perry) "You mean these tuxes have been down the red carpet with people screaming "Wow. You look fabulous." at them?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Honey, could I recommend watching a little bit more "ESPN" and a little less "E."?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Fowl? No. Women? -- No."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Where is Ross at? Hasn't he checked out yet?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "Are you kidding me? It's not 11:00 yet that means Ross still has 11 mins to check out of the hotel, and Ross has NEVER checked out of a hotel early."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh yeah that's right. One time Ross and I were at a hotel and we got a late check out -- Ross was so happy it was the best sex we ever had."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Ohhhhhhh."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "That is until he screamed out RADISON at the end."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Yeah that'll kill it."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Can you see my nipples through this shirt?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "No, but don't worry. I'm sure they're still there."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento. You, however have had the love of a woman for four years. Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out, and that is why we don't do it. I don't think that was my point."
  • (Matthew Perry) "You took your eggs and you left. Do you really expect me never to find new eggs?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Am I sexy in Tulsa?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "When I get back it'll be Chair City, and I'll be the one who's sitting on Chairs."
  • (Matthew Perry) "You have to stop the Q-Tip when there's resistance."
  • (Matthew Perry) "I expect this from her, she's always been a Freudian nightmare."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Three failed marriages, two illegitimate children -- The personal ad writes itself."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Aaaaaand -- Hernia."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, I know it must be important to you when you start chattering like a monkey."
  • (Matthew Perry) "I'm not so good with the advice -- Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"
  • (Susie) "You know why I like you?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Because my parents sent me to an all-boys Boarding School and now God is making up for it?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "We're getting a house."
  • (Courteney Cox) "We're getting a baby."
  • (Matthew Perry) "We're growing up."
  • (Courteney Cox) "We sure are."
  • (Matthew Perry) "So who's going to tell them?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "Not it."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Not it. Damn it."
  • (Matthew Perry) "I got her machine."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Her answering machine?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "No. Interestingly enough, her leaf blower picked up."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Full bag -- warm bowl -- something horrible must have happened here."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Whoa, whoa, so I'm guessing you didn't get the part -- or Italy called and said it was hungry."
  • (Matthew Perry) "You made my girlfriend think."
  • (Susie) "How come all I can think about is putting that ice in my mouth and licking you all over?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Because I went to an all-boys high school and God is making up for it."
  • (Matthew Perry) "We just think Emily might be being a bit -- unreasonable."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Yes. Yes. Unreasonable."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Hey, you guys in the living room all know what you want to do. You know, you have goals. You have dreams. I don't have a dream."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Ah, the lesser known "I Don't Have a Dream" speech."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Condoms?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "We don't know how long we're gonna be stuck here. We might have to repopulate the world."
  • (Matthew Perry) "And condoms are the way to do that?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Aw -- oh that's right, I have no-one."
  • (Matthew Perry) "All right. You guys don't have to stop having fun just 'cause I'm here. You don't have to feel bad, either. Kathy didn't cheat on all of you --"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Well, except you."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Too many jokes. Must mock Joey."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Who's the Bitterest man in the living room/ the Bitterest man in the living room? Hello, Neighbour."
  • (Matthew Perry) "I got a job in advertising. Well, not a paying job. More of an internship. But, they hire people they like."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, we got interns on "Days of Our Lives"."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, it's the same thing -- except, less sex with you."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Look, when Monica comes in, mention fire trucks."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Why?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "There's this guy at her work that she says is the funniest guy she ever met."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "How could she do that? She know being funny is your thing."
  • (Matthew Perry) "I know. So could you mention fire trucks when she comes in."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "I don't know. I'm not too good at memorizing lines."
  • (Matthew Perry) "It's a good thing you don't have to do that for a living."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "I know."
  • (Matthew Perry) "All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers -- it doesn't make much of a difference."
  • (Matthew Perry) "I was being Shelley Winters from the Poseidon Adventure."
  • (David Schwimmer) "I know."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Stay -- stay. Good fake dog."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Rachel, it's the Visa card people."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, okay. Will you take my place?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "All right."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Yes, this is Rachel."
  • (Matthew Perry) "What? What? What is it? That she left you? That she likes women? That she left you for another woman that likes women?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "A little louder, okay? I think there's a man on the twelfth floor; in a COMA; who didn't hear you."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Could we BE more white trash?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "You wanna tell secrets? Okay. In college, Ross used to wear leg warmers."
  • (David Schwimmer) "All right. Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-a-like contest and won."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Ross came in fourth and cried."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Chandler got drunk one night and slept with the woman who cleaned our dorm."
  • (Matthew Perry) "That was you."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Whatever dude. You kissed a guy."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Now, remember, Ben, keep your balance."
  • (Selma Blair) "Thanks, daddy."
  • (David Schwimmer) "No, remember, Ben, two mommies, one daddy."
  • (Matthew Perry) "So, when's the big game gonna start?"
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "You don't have to do that, Ross and Joey aren't here, you can watch the parade."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Great show. Good work, Joey."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "You liked it?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Liked it? I loved it."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "What did you like best about it?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "I liked -- everything the whole show."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "What about the specifics?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Specifics? Specifics were the best part."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "What about the scene with the kangaroo?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "I -- I was surprised to see a kangaroo in a World War I epic."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "You fell asleep. There was no kangaroo. They didn't take any of my suggestions."
  • (Matthew Perry) "My dad slept with Mr. Gribaldi."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Who's Mr. Gribaldi?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "DOES IT MATTER?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "I can't say hump or screw in front of the b-a-b-y -- I just spelled the wrong words didn't I?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Eww, Lambchop. How old is that sock? If I had a sock in my hand for thirty years it'd be talking too."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Okay, I think it's time to change someone's nicotine patch."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Ooh, I'm alive with pleasure now."
  • (Matthew Perry) "I am holding up these cushions as a symbol of my remorse. Though you may haveth anger now --"
  • (Matthew Perry) "I am an excellent secret keeper. I have kept all of out secrets."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "What secrets?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Oh no-no, Joey, I am not going to tell you because I am an excellent secret keeper."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "You'll tell me later?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "You already know."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Ew, ew, ew, ew ew ew ew ew. Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Ok, I'm just going to go outside."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Whoa, whoa, hold it."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Don't worry. I'm not going to run away again. I just want to get some fresh air."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Ok."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Ahh, fresh air --"
  • (Matthew Perry) "That was pretty intense, huh?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah. Hey, I hope Ross didn't think that we just went in there because we were uncomfortable being out here."
  • (Matthew Perry) "I hope he did."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Do you have the revised Annual Network Usage Summary?"
  • (Unnamed) "We haven't seen an ANUS this bad since the 70s."
  • (Matthew Perry) "And this from the cry-for-help department: Are you wearing makeup?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Yes, I am. As of today, I am officially Joey Tribbiani, actor slash model."
  • (Matthew Perry) "That's funny, 'cause I was thinking you look more like Joey Tribbiani, man slash woman."
  • (Eddie) "This is kinda out of the blue, isn't it?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "No, no, no. This isn't out of the blue. This is smack dab in the middle of the blue."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Where's Joey? His mom's on the phone."
  • (Courteney Cox) "He's in the bathroom -- I don't think you wanna go in there."
  • (Matthew Perry) "C'mon, we're roommates -- Aaaaaaaagh. My eyes. My eyes."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Just reach over and pick it up --"
  • (Matthew Perry) "There we go. Good save. Now it's all good and you're -- chewing someone else's gum. Oh, my God. Oh, my God."
  • (Matthew Perry) "And now you're choking."
  • (Jill Goodacre) "Are you okay?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Big head, big head, big head."
  • (Matthew Perry) "What are you guys like a gang or something?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, we are."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "We're the Cobras."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Oh hey listen, don't be mad at him, it's our fault. I'm sorry we've been hoggin so much of his time."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, he's just really great to hang around with."
  • (Richard) "Well --"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "No, I'm serious. Chandler and I were just talkin' about this. He is so much cooler than our dads."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "I mean, you know, our dads are okay, you know? But Richard is just- ow, ow."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "What are you kickin' me for, huh? I'm tryin' to talk here."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Monica, come on do you really think that she would steal from us, then come back and wear it right in front of you?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "Don't you see? It's the PERFECT crime."
  • (Matthew Perry) "She must have been planning this for years."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Were your parents HAPPY or something?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Ding dong, the psycho's gone."
  • (Matthew Perry) "She's on the other line, gonna call me back, she's on the other line, gonna call me back."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Don't you still have to pee?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "That's why I'm dancing."
  • (Matthew Perry) "How can I dump this woman on Valentine's Day?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "I don't know. You dumped her on New Year's."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Oh man. In my next life I'm comin' back as a toilet brush."
  • (Maggie Wheeler) "Hello Funny Valentine."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Hello, Just Janice."
  • (Matthew Perry) "All right, look if you absolutely have to tell her the truth, at least wait until the timing's right. And that's what deathbeds are for."
  • (Matthew Perry) "If you can't do it you can't do it. That's the great thing about this game, it makes you want to kill yourself."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Hey, you know, I have had it with you guys and your "cancer" and your "emphysema" and your "heart disease." The bottom line is smoking is cool and you know it."
  • (Matthew Perry) "That's no good, I'm starting to yearn."
  • (Matthew Perry) "You know if your not careful, you could not get married at all this year."
  • (Matthew Perry) "I can handle this. "Handle" is my middle name. Actually, "handle" is the middle of my first name."
  • (Matthew Perry) "-- And I'm not sure about this actor guy, because when he left a message and he heard my name "Chandler Bing", he said "Woah. Short message.""

David Schwimmer as Ross

  • (David Schwimmer) "Wow. This is the first time I've walked down the aisle without the possibility of it ending in divorce."
  • (David Schwimmer) "NO FALAFEL FOR YOU."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Heating device."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Radiator."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Five letters."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Rdatr."
  • (David Schwimmer) "C'mon man, just take 'em off, just take 'em off and we'll have some fun."
  • (David Schwimmer) "So, uh, what did the insurance company say?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Oh, they said uh, "You don't have insurance here so stop calling us.""
  • (David Schwimmer) "First divorce: wife's hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second divorce: said the wrong name at the altar, kind of my fault. Third divorce: they shouldn't let you get married when you're that drunk and have stuff drawn all over your face, Nevada's fault."
  • (David Schwimmer) ""Ooh, I must Take a Mental Picture"."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "You were making fun of Parker? Okay so he's Positive and Energetic and maybe that's a bit much, but I like that about him. You wanna know what I think? I think your collective dating record reads like a Who's Who of Human Crap."
  • (David Schwimmer) "-- What was wrong with Mona?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "I would date her but there is a big age difference."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Well think about it when you're 90 --"
  • (David Schwimmer) "I know, she'll be 80 and it won't be such a big difference."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "No. What I was gonna say is when you're 90 you'll still have the memory of what it was like to be with a 20-year-old."
  • (David Schwimmer) "We were on a break."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Oh, my God. If you say that one more time, I'm going to break up with you."
  • (David Schwimmer) "A no sex pact. I have one of those with every woman in America."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Oh, I gotta go, kids -- I got Lamaze class."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Oh. And I got Earth Science but I'll catch you in gym?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "The door's closed. I can't see anything with the door closed."
  • (Matthew Perry) "And the inventor of the door rests happily in his grave."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Rachel won't talk to me. She won't even let me in the apartment."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Hmmm, I wonder why, pervert?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "I'm not a pervert."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Please, that's the pervert motto. They have you raise your right hand, put your left hand in your pants and say that."
  • (David Schwimmer) "There's going to be Hoopla?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "I grew up in a house with Monica, okay. If you didn't eat fast, you didn't eat."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Oh, really? Well, I guess Monica should know about Atlantic City."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Du-ude."
  • (Courteney Cox) "What happened in Atlantic City?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Well, Chandler and I are in a bar --"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Did you not hear me say, "Du-ude"?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "-- and this girl is making eyes at Chandler, okay? So after a while he just goes over to her and, uh, after a minute or two, I see them kissing. Now, I know what you're thinking. Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls. And you're right. Chandler's not the type of guy just goes to bars and makes out with girls."
  • (Courteney Cox) "You kissed a guy? Oh my God."
  • (Matthew Perry) "In my defense, it was dark and he was a very pretty guy."
  • (David Schwimmer) "You know, we should probably ask the doctor if she even knows how to deliver a baby that's half human, half pure evil."
  • (David Schwimmer) "I went through the same thing with Carol and you know what I did? I got dressed really quickly."
  • (David Schwimmer) "You're going to destroy the Whole Illusion of the Party."
  • (David Schwimmer) "What the hell are you doing, you scared the crap out of me."
  • (David Schwimmer) "You got me a cola drink."
  • (Matthew Perry) "And a LEMON LIME."
  • (David Schwimmer) "You shouldn't have. I feel like I should get you another sweater."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "And last but not least."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "They're RIBBED FOR YOUR PLEASURE."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Stupid British snack food."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Did they teach you that in your anger management class?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "All right, I'll tell you why you're a bad driver. You're fast and irresponsible."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Well, excuse me but in high school that made me head cheerleader."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Can I borrow your blue tie? Emma spit on mine."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Okay, but you'll have to give it back when I get a job. Of course, by then, ties will be obsolete and we'll all be wearing silver jumpsuits."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Because women never like Joey. You know, I hear he's a virgin?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "I think it'll be a boy."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "I think it'll be a girl."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Phoebe, you thought Ben would be a girl."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Have you seen him throw a ball?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Yeah, Tony, hold on."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Hello? Yeah, she's right here. Hold on."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Yeah, Tony I'll call you back. It's my sister's boyfriend."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Give me that."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Hi sweetie. Before I forget, did I leave my diaphragm at your house?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "Oh, hi mom."
  • (David Schwimmer) "You're crazy."
  • (Benjamin Hobart) "Crazy? Or -- Romantic?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Crazy."
  • (Benjamin Hobart) "Ooor --"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Get out."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Hey, Pheebs, you gonna have the rest of that Pop-Tart? Pheebs?"
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Does anyone want the rest of this Pop-Tart?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Hey, I might."
  • (David Schwimmer) "OK, how about Ruth?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, I'm sorry, are we having an 89 year old woman?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "If you're going to call me names, I would prefer Ross, the Divorce Force. It's just cooler."
  • (David Schwimmer) "I had a dream last night where I was playing football with my kid."
  • (Matthew Perry) "That's nice."
  • (David Schwimmer) "No, no, with him. I'm on this field, and they, they hike me the baby. I know I've gotta do something 'cause the Tampa Bay defense is comin' right at me."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Tampa Bay's got a terrible team."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Right, but, it is just me and the baby, so I'm thinkin' they can take us. And so I uh, I just heave it downfield."
  • (Matthew Perry) "What are you crazy? That's a baby."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "He should take the sack?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Anyway, suddenly I'm downfield, and I realize that I'm the one who's supposed to catch him, right? Only I know there is no way I'm gonna get there in time, so I am running, and running, and that, that is when I woke up. See, I am so not ready to be a father."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Hey, you're gonna be fine. You're one of the most caring, most responsible men in North America. You're gonna make a great dad."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, Ross. You and the baby just need better blocking."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Hey, remember when I had a monkey? Yeah, what was I thinking?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Ok, look. You don't have to get married. We can just go home and take a shower. That's not so scary is it?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Depends on what you mean by "we"."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Hey who is this Casey? Why's he calling Rachel?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Well I'm guessing he wants to do a little dance -- You know make a little love -- Well pretty much get down tonight --"
  • (David Schwimmer) "No divorces in '99."
  • (David Schwimmer) "So I don't know if he's testing me or just acting out but my monkey is OUT OF CONTROL --. He keeps erasing the messages on my machine."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh yeah -- I've done that"
  • (David Schwimmer) "And a few days ago he got to the newspaper before I did and peed all over the crossword."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "I've never done that"
  • (David Schwimmer) "And last night I don't know what he did but there were capers EVERYWHERE."
  • (David Schwimmer) "I made Marcel's favorite: Banana cake --"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Mmm."
  • (David Schwimmer) "-- with mealworm."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Ugh."
  • (David Schwimmer) "So, uh, how long are you going to punish him?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Five years."
  • (David Schwimmer) "You've sentenced him?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey, don't do the crime if you can't do the time."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Hi --"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Pfft -- This guy says, "Hello, " I wanna kill myself."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Ugly Baby Judges you."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Oh. Oh. Thank God, most women don't even feel them."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Okay, no uterus, no opinion."
  • (David Schwimmer) "You guys won't believe what I have to do for work today."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Yes, but Ross you chose a career of talking about dinosaurs."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Wow."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Hey stop staring at my wife's legs. No, no, stop staring at your sister's legs"
  • (David Schwimmer) "I can't wait to play with you all day, and to hear your first words."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Why are you letting him talk to your crotch that way?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "He's talking to the baby."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, that's good. Because when I heard, "I can't wait to hear your first words" I thought, "Boy that's some trick.""
  • (David Schwimmer) "We were on a break."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Good, good, good. So, is uh, was your moustache, did, used to be different?"
  • (Richard) "No."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Oh. How do you uh, ya know, keep it so neat?"
  • (Richard) "I have a little comb."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Oh. And what do you call that?"
  • (Richard) "A moustache comb."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Mississippilessly?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "That sandwich was the one good thing in my life. Someone ate the one good thing in my life."
  • (David Schwimmer) "This is just classic Rachel. You're off in Rachel land with no thought for people's feelings or monkeys."
  • (David Schwimmer) "All of which proves that I thought of Jurassic Park first."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-alike contest and won."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Ross came fourth and cried."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Wow, Joey, that's a steamy picture."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, I know. The magazine said it was for my gay fans."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Why'd you wink at me?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Don't look at me. You're the one who like the picture so much."
  • (David Schwimmer) "I want someone who gets my heart pounding"
  • (David Schwimmer) "-- Someone who --"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Little play things with yarn?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "What?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Could you want her more?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Who?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Dee the sarcastic sister from "What's Happening"."
  • (David Schwimmer) "What are you doing?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Making chocolate milk. You want some?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "No thanks, I'm 29."
  • (David Schwimmer) "This is so exciting, I haven't seen my monkey in almost a year."
  • (Matthew Perry) "What, you never look down in the shower?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Oh, please. I'm not allowed to make one joke in the monkey-is-penis genre?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Okay, there you go."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Sure. Sure, I'll just sit next to the -- transsexual from purchasing."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Curie."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Veto. Rain."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Veto. Mark."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Veto. Vince."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Veto. Lance."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Veto. James."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Hmmm --"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "If it's a girl."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Veto."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Is it just me, or is Vito beginning to sound real good?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Uhh, excuse me. If I could have everybody's attention. I'm Ross Geller."
  • (Elliott Gould) "DR. Ross Geller."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Dad -- Please. Anyway, as I was saying, I'm Dr. Ross Geller --"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Say something. Say anything. Nothing you say could make this situation worse. Oh my God, this is the longest that anyone has not spoken EVER."
  • (David Schwimmer) "I haven't had sex in a very long time."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Yeah you really shouldn't have said anything."
  • (David Schwimmer) "I guess I should have known -- we'd be out somewhere, and a beautiful woman would go by, and Carol would go, "Ross, look at her." And I'd think, "My wife is cool.""

Jennifer Aniston as Rachel

  • (Jennifer Aniston) "I don't want my baby's first words to be "How You Doing""
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "I've never asked a guy out before."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "You've never asked a guy out?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "No. Have you?"
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Thousands of times. That doesn't make me sound too good, does it?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Aw, this is a present from my boyfriend. It's a Love Bug, ha."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "-- Are we still talking about sex?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "I mean, is that woman capable of talking about anything else but sex?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah sure. Well, you know earlier she was talking about geography."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Joey, she was listing the countries she's done it in."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Well, I think we all learned something."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Come on. You guys can pee standing up."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "How about for a girl, Rain?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Rain? "Hi, my name is Rain. I have my own kiln and my dress is made out of wheat.""
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "I know her."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Well, oh, Mark, I'm doing this for the wrong reasons, y'know? I'm just doing it to get back at Ross. I'm sorry, it's not very fair to you."
  • (Mark) "Ahh. Fair, schmair. Y'know? Look, if you want to get back at Ross, I am here for you. Really? No-no, I say-I say, I say we get back at him right on this couch. Right here."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Sorry."
  • (Mark) "Okay. I'll just go home and get back at him by myself."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "I'm tired of getting clobbered."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "I've never been to an analyst."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "And it shows."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "You always have to be right."
  • (David Schwimmer) "I do not always- I'm not doing this."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Jurassic Park could happen."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Well, I guess it wasn't Cupid that brought her here after all."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "No, just another regular flying dwarf."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Do you know the only person who'd wanna listen to this? A mental health professional. And that's only because they get paid a hundred dollars an hour."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Didn't the chick and the duck di --"
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "-ve, dive. Yeah, they dove. Head first into fun on the farm."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Of course I admire you Phoebe. You have principles. I don't have any."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Ooh look, she's touching his leg."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh you see, that's probably nothing she's very sexually aggressive."
  • (Unnamed) "So, you work at Bloomindales -- My mom calls it Bloomies."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah, ok, At ease soldier."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "God, this is funny, look, this is a picture of one Halloween where she dressed up as a bride."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "And look, she made me carry her train, which was weird because I was Wonder Woman."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Yes, Phoebe, but Jack gave up a Cow, and I gave up an Orthodontist."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Did you love him?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "No."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Well, there you go, Jack loved the Cow."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "You don't just flit off to Vermont as soon as you meet someone."
  • (Courteney Cox) "You flitted off to Vail as soon as you met Barry."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "For once, could you not just remember every little thing?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Wow, must have been Drake."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Wha -- married?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Well, yeah, I think we should get married."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "What? Because that's your answer to everything?"
  • (Jill Green) "All right, I'm leaving. Because I'm not going to spend one more day with someone whose out to sabotage my every move. That's you Rachel."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah, I got that."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Thank you for my beautiful earrings, they're perfect. I love you."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Oh, now you can exchange them if you want, okay?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Now I love you even more."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "I have got your money, and you'll never see it, and your fly's still open"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "ha, I made you look."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "So are things between you and Joey getting any better?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "It couldn't get any worse. Last night, I spent eight hours calling him, trying to get him to talk to me."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, wow. Eight hours. So you could probably really use one of those plug-in telephone headsets, huh?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Should we all expect Christmas gifts that can be stolen from your office?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "You shouldn't."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "You didn't finish reading it?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "It was 5:30 in the morning, and you had rambled on for eighteen pages; front and back."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Come on, Monica. They are Cute Doctors."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Doctors who are"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Cute."
  • (Matthew Perry) "So what have we learned so far? Rachel, what's all this about you and Doctors? I mean, was your Father a Doctor?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "-- Yes."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Ever since I was humiliated, I've not been in a very museum-benefitty sort of place."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Are you sure that on some level you don't want to take off my bra?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "I don't have another level."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "You gotta come with me."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Come where?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Wherever I go. Come on. You and me. We'll -- we'll start a new group. We're the best ones."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Okay, but try and get Joey, too."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, y'know what you should get 'em? One of those little uh, portable CD players."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Oh, I already have one."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Not unless someone borrowed it and left it at the gynecologist."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah, and-and-and by someone, she means Joey."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "I will have the uh,"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "side salad."
  • (Unnamed) "And what will that be on the side of?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Uh, I don't know. Why don't you put it right here next to my water?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "All right, well, if you must know -- I had a traumatic -- swing incident -- when I was little."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Seriously?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Yes, I was 4 years-old and I was on the swing and then all of a sudden my hair got tangled in the chain. And to get me out my mom had to; had to cut a big chunk of my hair."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "And it was uneven for weeks."
  • (David Schwimmer) "And you made it through that? I wonder who's gonna play you in the movie."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Ok, fine. You can make fun of me. I do not want Emma going there."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "And I was thinking Claire Danes."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Who's FICA? Why is he getting all my money?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, honey. Don't get up. What do you need?"
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, no. Oh, nothing."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Come on. I am here to take care of you. What do you need? Anything."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Okay, I have a wedgie."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Okay, that is all you."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Hey, just so you know: it's not that common, it doesn't "happen to every guy, " and it is a big deal."
  • (Matthew Perry) "I knew it."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Joey, you can't steal an award."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "I'm not stealing it. I'm accepting it on her behalf."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "You don't even know what behalf means."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "I know what it means. It's a verb. As in, I behalfing it."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Does this look like something the girlfriend of a paleontologist would wear?"
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "I don't know, you might be the first one."
  • (Joshua Burgin) "Oh God, that Special Bond again."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Well --"
  • (Joshua Burgin) "Do you have a brother?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "No, but one of my sisters had a very -- masculine energy."
  • (Joshua Burgin) "And how did you get on?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, I don't talk to them, they're not very nice people."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "-- How many centimeters am I dilated? Eight? Nine?"
  • (Unnamed) "Three."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Just three? I'm dilated three."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "How do we end up with these jerks? We're good people."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Maybe we're like some kind of magnets."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "I know I am. That's why I can't wear a digital watch."
  • (Courteney Cox) "There's more beer right?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Joey, I'm really sorry that I lied to you. I was just trying to make things --"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "I know. I kn

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