Friends Quotes

Friends is a Sitcom that first aired in 1994 on NBC. Friends stopped airing in 2004.

Friends was on for 10 seasons and 236 episodes. It features Michael Skloff as theme composer. Friends is executive produced by David Crane (producer). Friends is created by David Crane (producer).

Friends is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Friends is 20-22 minutes (per episode) long. Friends is produced by Kevin S. Bright and distributed by Warner Bros. Television Distribution.

The cast includes: Matthew Perry as Chandler, Lisa Kudrow as Phoebe, and Lisa Kudrow as Ben.

Friends Quotes

Matthew Perry as Chandler

• (Monica) "Sex."
• (Matthew Perry) "Seriously. Answer faster."
• (Monica) "I'm sorry, sweetie. When she said "sex" I wasn't thinking of sex with you."
• (Matthew Perry) "It's like a big hug."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Ross, how about you? Sex or food?"
• (Ross) "Sex."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "What about sex or dinosaurs?"
• (Ross) "My God, it's like Sophie's Choice."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Joey, if you had to give up sex or food, which would you pick?"
• (Joey) "I don't know it's too hard."
• (Rachel) "Come on, you have to answer."
• (Joey) "Okay -- sex. No, food. No, uh -- I want both. I want girls on bread."

• (Susie) "You know why I like you?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Because my parents sent me to an all-boys Boarding School and now God is making up for it?"

• (Matthew Perry) "I'm thinking of having an affair with your wife. Oh, you know what, I just did."
• (Joey) "Really?"
• (Matthew Perry) "No, freak show. She's fictional."

• (Matthew Perry) "Too many jokes. Must mock Joey."

• (Matthew Perry) "All right, look if you absolutely have to tell her the truth, at least wait until the timing's right. And that's what deathbeds are for."

• (Janice) "It's a small world after all."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah. And I still don't get bumped into Beyonce."

• (Matthew Perry) "How can I dump this woman on Valentine's Day?"
• (Joey) "I don't know. You dumped her on New Year's."
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh man. In my next life I'm comin' back as a toilet brush."
• (Janice) "Hello Funny Valentine."
• (Matthew Perry) "Hello, Just Janice."

• (Monica) "Wow. You're a really good kisser."
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, I have kissed more than four women."

• (Joey) "I am telling this to Rachel."
• (Monica) "No, Joey."
• (Joey) "Unless --"
• (Matthew Perry) "Unless what?"
• (Joey) "Unless you name your first born after me."
• (Matthew Perry) "What? Why?"
• (Joey) "Because, I may never have kids. Somebody's gonna have to carry on my family name."
• (Matthew Perry) "Your family name is Tribianni."
• (Joey) "Oh ho ho. You almost had me there."

• (Matthew Perry) "I expect this from her, she's always been a Freudian nightmare."

• (Matthew Perry) "Monica, come on do you really think that she would steal from us, then come back and wear it right in front of you?"
• (Monica) "Don't you see? It's the PERFECT crime."
• (Matthew Perry) "She must have been planning this for years."

• (Matthew Perry) "And this from the cry-for-help department: Are you wearing makeup?"
• (Joey) "Yes, I am. As of today, I am officially Joey Tribbiani, actor slash model."
• (Matthew Perry) "That's funny, 'cause I was thinking you look more like Joey Tribbiani, man slash woman."

• (Joey) "Ninety-five, ninety-six, ninety-seven. See, I told you. Less than a hundred steps from our place to here."
• (Matthew Perry) "You've got waaaay too much free time."

• (Matthew Perry) "I can't say hump or screw in front of the b-a-b-y -- I just spelled the wrong words didn't I?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Rachel, it's the Visa card people."
• (Rachel) "Oh, okay. Will you take my place?"
• (Matthew Perry) "All right."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yes, this is Rachel."

• (Matthew Perry) "And by the way, Count Rushmore doesn't exist."
• (Joey) "Oh yeah? Then who's the guy who painted all the faces on the mountain?"

• (Matthew Perry) "At least your middle name isn't Murial."
• (Ross) "Chandler M Bing? Your parents never gave you a chance, did they?"

• (Joey) "Forget about Rachel. Go to China, eat Chinese food."
• (Matthew Perry) "Of course there they'd just call it food."

• (Joey) "Hey, I got something for you."
• (Matthew Perry) "What's this?"
• (Joey) "Eight hundred and twelve bucks."
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, I don't know what Big Leon told you but it's an even thousand if you want me for the whole night."

• (Matthew Perry) "I know they call this a love seat but I'm not feeling anything special towards you --"

• (Matthew Perry) "That's no good, I'm starting to yearn."

• (Joey) "You think I need a new walk?"
• (Matthew Perry) "What?"
• (Joey) "Well I've had the same walk since high school and you know how when a guy walks into a room and everybody takes notice. I think I need a 'take notice' walk."
• (Matthew Perry) "Are you actually saying these words?"

• (Matthew Perry) "I am an excellent secret keeper. I have kept all of out secrets."
• (Joey) "What secrets?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh no-no, Joey, I am not going to tell you because I am an excellent secret keeper."
• (Joey) "You'll tell me later?"
• (Matthew Perry) "You already know."

• (Monica) "You broke a little girl's leg?"
• (Ross) "I know. I feel horrible. Okay."
• (Matthew Perry) "Says here that a Muppet got whacked on Sesame Street last night."
• (Matthew Perry) "Where exactly were you around ten-ish?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Now you stay out here and you think about what you did."
• (Ross) "That's a duck."
• (Matthew Perry) "That's a bad duck."

• (Matthew Perry) "The only way I would've said six would have been if I had said, "Let's meet at seven, not at six.""
• (Monica) "The only way I would've said seven, would have been if I had said, 'Wow, my boyfriend is such a wiseass -- Seven.'"

• (Joey) "I just don't think that I want it that way though, you know? I mean, let's say I do make it, all right? I'm always gonna look back and wonder if it was because of my talent or because of -- y'know, the Little General."
• (Matthew Perry) "Didn't you use to call it the Little Major?"
• (Joey) "Yeah, but after Denise DeMarco, I had to promote it."

• (Matthew Perry) "When did you start crapping money?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Full bag -- warm bowl -- something horrible must have happened here."

• (Ross) "You guys won't believe what I have to do for work today."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yes, but Ross you chose a career of talking about dinosaurs."

• (Jack Geller) "I remember when we first got engaged."
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh, I don't think I ever heard that story."
• (Monica) "Oh dad, really you don't need to --"
• (Jack Geller) "Well, I'd gotten Judy pregnant. I still don't know that happened."
• (Judy Geller) "You don't know how that happened? Your dog thought my diaphragm was a chew toy."

• (Ross) "You got me a cola drink."
• (Matthew Perry) "And a LEMON LIME."
• (Ross) "You shouldn't have. I feel like I should get you another sweater."
• (Joey) "And last but not least."
• (Joey) "They're RIBBED FOR YOUR PLEASURE."

• (Ross) "I want someone who gets my heart pounding"
• (Ross) "-- Someone who --"
• (Matthew Perry) "Little play things with yarn?"
• (Ross) "What?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Could you want her more?"
• (Ross) "Who?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Dee the sarcastic sister from "What's Happening"."

• (Matthew Perry) "Oh hey listen, don't be mad at him, it's our fault. I'm sorry we've been hoggin so much of his time."
• (Joey) "Yeah, he's just really great to hang around with."
• (Richard) "Well --"
• (Joey) "No, I'm serious. Chandler and I were just talkin' about this. He is so much cooler than our dads."
• (Joey) "I mean, you know, our dads are okay, you know? But Richard is just- ow, ow."
• (Joey) "What are you kickin' me for, huh? I'm tryin' to talk here."

• (Ross) "Hey who is this Casey? Why's he calling Rachel?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Well I'm guessing he wants to do a little dance -- You know make a little love -- Well pretty much get down tonight --"

• (Matthew Perry) "Who's the Bitterest man in the living room/ the Bitterest man in the living room? Hello, Neighbour."

• (Matthew Perry) "Aw -- oh that's right, I have no-one."

• (Matthew Perry) "You can't come in."
• (Monica) "Why not?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Because, uh, Ross is naked."
• (Ross) "What?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, I couldn't tell her I was naked. She's allowed to see me naked."
• (Ross) "Why does anyone have to be naked?"

• (Ross) "Wow."
• (Matthew Perry) "Hey stop staring at my wife's legs. No, no, stop staring at your sister's legs"

• (Matthew Perry) "I got a job in advertising. Well, not a paying job. More of an internship. But, they hire people they like."
• (Joey) "Yeah, we got interns on "Days of Our Lives"."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, it's the same thing -- except, less sex with you."

• (Matthew Perry) "What are you guys like a gang or something?"
• (Joey) "Yeah, we are."
• (Rachel) "We're the Cobras."

• (Ross) "I had a dream last night where I was playing football with my kid."
• (Matthew Perry) "That's nice."
• (Ross) "No, no, with him. I'm on this field, and they, they hike me the baby. I know I've gotta do something 'cause the Tampa Bay defense is comin' right at me."
• (Joey) "Tampa Bay's got a terrible team."
• (Ross) "Right, but, it is just me and the baby, so I'm thinkin' they can take us. And so I uh, I just heave it downfield."
• (Matthew Perry) "What are you crazy? That's a baby."
• (Joey) "He should take the sack?"
• (Ross) "Anyway, suddenly I'm downfield, and I realize that I'm the one who's supposed to catch him, right? Only I know there is no way I'm gonna get there in time, so I am running, and running, and that, that is when I woke up. See, I am so not ready to be a father."
• (Matthew Perry) "Hey, you're gonna be fine. You're one of the most caring, most responsible men in North America. You're gonna make a great dad."
• (Joey) "Yeah, Ross. You and the baby just need better blocking."

• (Monica) "Pack your things, we're going to Vegas."
• (Matthew Perry) "You mean, we're just gonna elope? This is great. We're gonna save so much money. And, no more pain-in-the-ass planning."
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh, we're not going to elope. We have so much money, could our wedding please be bigger?"

• (Joey) "Hey, I started working on what I'm going to say at the ceremony. Wanna hear it?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah."
• (Joey) "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share."
• (Joey) "It is a love based of giving and receiving as well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and love and have -- and receive."
• (Joey) "Okay, you guys, I've got a little more written -- are you ready?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, yeah. Okay."
• (Joey) "When I think of the love that these two givers and receivers share, I cannot help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving and giving -- and then I can't think of a good word for right here."
• (Monica) "How bout receiving?"
• (Joey) "Yes."

• (Matthew Perry) "I am holding up these cushions as a symbol of my remorse. Though you may haveth anger now --"

• (Matthew Perry) "Eww, Lambchop. How old is that sock? If I had a sock in my hand for thirty years it'd be talking too."
• (Ross) "Okay, I think it's time to change someone's nicotine patch."
• (Matthew Perry) "Ooh, I'm alive with pleasure now."

• (Joey) "Want some jam?"
• (Matthew Perry) "No thanks, I just had a jar of mustard."

• (Monica) "Look, Chandler, I feel really bad about this. Please have this bachelor party."
• (Matthew Perry) "No."
• (Monica) "Stop being a baby and watch the hot woman get naked."
• (Matthew Perry) "-- All right."
• (Joey) "YEAH."
• (Matthew Perry) "But, I'm only doing this for you -- And Joey."
• (Monica) "Ok, so who's going to be there?"
• (Matthew Perry) "No, no, no. Just Ross and Joey is humiliating enough."
• (Ross) "Well, actually, I have a date tonight."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, I understand. What kind of guy would blow off a date for a fake bachelor party."
• (Joey) "Yeah, baby, I'm not gonna make it tonight --"

• (Monica) "Stick out your tongue."
• (Matthew Perry) "Take off your shirt."

• (Matthew Perry) "Where's Joey? His mom's on the phone."
• (Monica) "He's in the bathroom -- I don't think you wanna go in there."
• (Matthew Perry) "C'mon, we're roommates -- Aaaaaaaagh. My eyes. My eyes."

• (Monica) "How ya doin'?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, my apartment's not there anymore because I drank it."

• (Matthew Perry) "Great show. Good work, Joey."
• (Joey) "You liked it?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Liked it? I loved it."
• (Joey) "What did you like best about it?"
• (Matthew Perry) "I liked -- everything the whole show."
• (Joey) "What about the specifics?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Specifics? Specifics were the best part."
• (Joey) "What about the scene with the kangaroo?"
• (Matthew Perry) "I -- I was surprised to see a kangaroo in a World War I epic."
• (Joey) "You fell asleep. There was no kangaroo. They didn't take any of my suggestions."

• (Ross) "We were on a break."
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh, my God. If you say that one more time, I'm going to break up with you."

• (Joey) "I can't believe Ross is going out with Rachel's sister. Ya know, when Chandler made out with my sister, I was mad at him for, like, ten years."
• (Matthew Perry) "That was five years ago."
• (Joey) "I know. You got five more years."
• (Matthew Perry) "Joey --"
• (Joey) "You want to make it six?"

• (Unnamed) "Now, Chandler, I'm going to need this back on Tuesday."
• (Matthew Perry) "If you say so, Sir."

• (Joey) "How come we don't have jam at our place?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Because the kids need shoes."

• (Matthew Perry) "You know what they say, ask your slippers a question -- you're going crazy."

• (Matthew Perry) "All right. You guys don't have to stop having fun just 'cause I'm here. You don't have to feel bad, either. Kathy didn't cheat on all of you --"
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, except you."

• (Monica) "Hey. Where's Joey?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do you think that was wrong?"

• (Monica) "Darn it. There's no more soda."
• (Matthew Perry) "I'll go get some."
• (Monica) "Really?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, I would,"
• (Matthew Perry) "but I'm not your boyfriend."

• (Matthew Perry) "Just reach over and pick it up --"
• (Matthew Perry) "There we go. Good save. Now it's all good and you're -- chewing someone else's gum. Oh, my God. Oh, my God."
• (Matthew Perry) "And now you're choking."
• (Jill Goodacre) "Are you okay?"

• (Ross) "Why, it's like I've been given the gift of time."
• (Matthew Perry) "That's great. Last year I got the gift of space. We should get together and make a continuum."

• (Matthew Perry) "You rent out these tuxes to celebrities for award shows."
• (Rachel) "Yeah."
• (Matthew Perry) "You mean these tuxes have been down the red carpet with people screaming "Wow. You look fabulous." at them?"
• (Rachel) "Honey, could I recommend watching a little bit more "ESPN" and a little less "E."?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Fowl? No. Women? -- No."

• (Rachel) "Hey, just so you know: it's not that common, it doesn't "happen to every guy, " and it is a big deal."
• (Matthew Perry) "I knew it."

• (Matthew Perry) "Stay -- stay. Good fake dog."

• (Ross) "I figured after work, I'd pick up a bottle of wine, go over there, and try to -- woo her."
• (Matthew Perry) "Hey, you know what you should do? Take her back to the 1800's when that phrase was last used."

• (Monica) "I am so jealous."
• (Rachel) "You guys are really just right there.Aren't you?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Yes -- Right where?"
• (Monica) "The beginning, where it's all sex and talking and sex and talking --"
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah you gotta love the talking."
• (Monica) "And the sex?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Alright we hadn't have sex yet. Okay. What's the big deal?This is special. I want our love to grow before moving to the next level."
• (Rachel) "Oh, chandler, that is so nice."
• (Ross) "That is really nice -- Lying. No way is that the reason."
• (Rachel) "Why? Just because you're not mature enough to understand something like that?"
• (Matthew Perry) "He's right. I'm totally lying."
• (Monica) "Then what is it?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Kathy's last boyfriend was Joey."
• (Ross) "And you're afraid you won't be able to fill his shoes?"
• (Matthew Perry) "No. I'm afraid I won't be able to make love as well as him."
• (Ross) "I was going for the metaphor."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yes and I was saying the actual words."
• (Monica) "Big deal. So Joey has had a lot of girlfriends. That doesn't mean he's great in bed."
• (Matthew Perry) "We share a wall. So either is great in bed, or she just liked to agree with him a lot."
• (Monica) "With you it's gonna be different. The sex is gonna be great because you guys are in love."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah?"
• (Ross) "Just go for it Chandler."
• (Rachel) "Yeah you should."
• (Matthew Perry) "All right. All right. I'll sleep with my girlfriend. But I'm just doing it for you guys."

• (Matthew Perry) "My dad slept with Mr. Gribaldi."
• (Monica) "Who's Mr. Gribaldi?"
• (Matthew Perry) "DOES IT MATTER?"

• (Matthew Perry) "When I get back it'll be Chair City, and I'll be the one who's sitting on Chairs."

• (Monica) "So you wanna?"
• (Matthew Perry) "OK."
• (Matthew Perry) "I can't."
• (Monica) "Well you're not 18 anymore, but give it a minute."
• (Matthew Perry) "I can't because of Emma."
• (Monica) "Oh, Emma, Sweetie, I forgot you were here."

• (Joey) "You know what the best thing about marriage is? Waking up next to the same face every morning, until the sweet release of death."
• (Matthew Perry) "This is the worst Batchelor Party ever."

• (Susie) "How come all I can think about is putting that ice in my mouth and licking you all over?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Because I went to an all-boys high school and God is making up for it."

• (Matthew Perry) "Did you do it on our invitations?"
• (Ross) "Not on the ones we sent out."
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh, so it was on the ones, we had framed."

• (Matthew Perry) "I was being Shelley Winters from the Poseidon Adventure."
• (Ross) "I know."

• (Nora Bing) "Hi, Chandler. This is Dennis. He's a great guy --"
• (Nora Bing) "-- and a fantastic lover."
• (Matthew Perry) "Hello, Dennis. Thank you for pleasing my mother so."

• (Matthew Perry) "Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento. You, however have had the love of a woman for four years. Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out, and that is why we don't do it. I don't think that was my point."

• (Matthew Perry) "Goodbye, you fruit drying psychopath."

• (Matthew Perry) "You made my girlfriend think."

• (Matthew Perry) "How do you not fall down more often?"

• (Matthew Perry) "So, is he house trained or is he going to leave little bathroom tiles all over the place?"

• (Joey) "Anyway, I started working on what I'm gonna say at the ceremony, you wanna hear it?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah."
• (Joey) "Now, listen, it's just the first draft so -- "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share. It is a love based on giving and receiving, as well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and love and have and receive.""
• (Matthew Perry) "Shouldn't we call the spitter?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Three failed marriages, two illegitimate children -- The personal ad writes itself."

• (Rachel) "You promised you would break up with her."
• (Matthew Perry) "I did break up with her. She just took it really, really well."

• (Joey) "And you call yourself an accountant?"
• (Matthew Perry) "-- No."

• (Ross) "This is so exciting, I haven't seen my monkey in almost a year."
• (Matthew Perry) "What, you never look down in the shower?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh, please. I'm not allowed to make one joke in the monkey-is-penis genre?"

• (Matthew Perry) "You have to stop the Q-Tip when there's resistance."

• (Matthew Perry) "You wanna tell secrets? Okay. In college, Ross used to wear leg warmers."
• (Ross) "All right. Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-a-like contest and won."
• (Matthew Perry) "Ross came in fourth and cried."
• (Ross) "Chandler got drunk one night and slept with the woman who cleaned our dorm."
• (Matthew Perry) "That was you."
• (Ross) "Whatever dude. You kissed a guy."

• (Matthew Perry) "Well actually, gum would be perfection."
• (Matthew Perry) "Gum would be perfection? Where did that come from? Coulda said thanks, coulda said I'll have a stick but no, for me, gum would be perfection. I loathe myself."

• (Ross) "The door's closed. I can't see anything with the door closed."
• (Matthew Perry) "And the inventor of the door rests happily in his grave."

• (Matthew Perry) "You kissed my best Ross."

• (Matthew Perry) "Come on, I'll show you to my room -- Wow, that sounds weird when it's not followed by "No thanks, it's late"."

• (Matthew Perry) "Now, remember, Ben, keep your balance."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Thanks, daddy."
• (Ross) "No, remember, Ben, two mommies, one daddy."

• (Matthew Perry) "-- And I'm not sure about this actor guy, because when he left a message and he heard my name "Chandler Bing", he said "Woah. Short message.""

• (Monica) "Chandler, it's okay. You don't have to be so macho all the time."
• (Matthew Perry) "I'm not macho."
• (Monica) "You're right. I don't know what I was thinking."

• (Matthew Perry) "I'm not so good with the advice -- Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"

• (Monica) "Okay, I've got a leg, three breasts, and a wing."
• (Matthew Perry) "How do you find clothes that fit?"

• (Ross) "Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-alike contest and won."
• (Matthew Perry) "Ross came fourth and cried."

• (Matthew Perry) "Now, honey, I know you don't like to relinquish control --"
• (Monica) "Oh. Relinquish is just a fancy word for "lose"."

• (Joey) "Just because she went to Yale drama, she thinks she's like the greatest actress since, since, sliced bread."
• (Matthew Perry) "Ah, Sliced Bread, a wonderful Lady MacBeth."
• (Joey) "God, I just, I hate her. I hate her. With her, "Oh, I'm so talented." and "Oh, I'm so pretty," and "Ooh, I smell so good.""
• (Matthew Perry) "I think somebody has a crush on somebody."
• (Joey) "Hey, Chandler, can we please stay focused on my problem here? Y'know?"
• (Matthew Perry) "I'm talking about you. You big, big freak."

• (Matthew Perry) "I got her machine."
• (Joey) "Her answering machine?"
• (Matthew Perry) "No. Interestingly enough, her leaf blower picked up."

• (Matthew Perry) "Hey, you guys in the living room all know what you want to do. You know, you have goals. You have dreams. I don't have a dream."
• (Ross) "Ah, the lesser known "I Don't Have a Dream" speech."

• (Matthew Perry) "We just think Emily might be being a bit -- unreasonable."
• (Joey) "Yes. Yes. Unreasonable."

• (Monica) "Hi."
• (Matthew Perry) "You are not gonna believe what I did today."
• (Monica) "Well, clearly you didn't shower or shave."
• (Matthew Perry) "I got good. I played this game all day and now I rule. They should change the name to Ms. Chandler."
• (Matthew Perry) "Although, I hope they don't."
• (Monica) "Wait a minute, you staid home all day playing Ms. Pacman, while I was at work like some kind of chump?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, and I got all the top ten scores and erased Phoebe off the board. High five."
• (Monica) "What is the matter with your hand?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, I've been playing for like eight hours. It'll loosen up, come on check out the scores. Oh, and also look at the initials, their dirty words."
• (Monica) "Chandler, why would you do that?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Because it's awesome."
• (Monica) "You think this is clever?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, they only give you three letters, so after A.S.S., it is a bit of a challenge."
• (Monica) "Wait a minute, this one's not dirty."
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, it is, when you put it together with that one."
• (Monica) "Oh, well, if you don't clear this off, you wont be getting those from me. Ben's coming tomorrow over to play this game, this can't be there."
• (Matthew Perry) "Come on, he wont even know what they mean."
• (Monica) "He's seven, not stupid."
• (Matthew Perry) "Have you talked to him lately?"
• (Monica) "All right, I'm just going to unplug it --"
• (Matthew Perry) "No, no, no, if you'll unplug it, then there will be nothing to show from my day. It would be like I was at work."
• (Matthew Perry) "Look at that, look at that, it's still there, this thing must have a primitive ROM chip."
• (Monica) "You gotta beat your scores."
• (Matthew Perry) "With the claw?"
• (Monica) "Fine, I'll do it. We gotta get this off the screen. Carol and Susan are still upset that you taught him "Pull my finger"."
• (Matthew Perry) "Pull my finger -- my hand is messed up."

• (Matthew Perry) "When I get back it's going to be Chair City, and I'll be the one who's sitting on chairs."

• (Monica) "I think I'd be great in a war. I'd, like, get all the medals."
• (Matthew Perry) "Before or after you're executed by your own troops?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Were your parents HAPPY or something?"

• (Ross) "Can I borrow your blue tie? Emma spit on mine."
• (Matthew Perry) "Okay, but you'll have to give it back when I get a job. Of course, by then, ties will be obsolete and we'll all be wearing silver jumpsuits."

• (Matthew Perry) "Hey, you know, I have had it with you guys and your "cancer" and your "emphysema" and your "heart disease." The bottom line is smoking is cool and you know it."

• (Monica) "Now come on, Chandler, the Miami Vice soundtrack? Really?"
• (Matthew Perry) "They were just giving it away at the mall --"
• (Matthew Perry) "-- in exchange for money."

• (Monica) "Why must your family be Scottish?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Why must your family be Ross ?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, I know it must be important to you when you start chattering like a monkey."

• (Matthew Perry) "Whoa, whoa, so I'm guessing you didn't get the part -- or Italy called and said it was hungry."

• (Matthew Perry) "Ding dong, the psycho's gone."

• (Matthew Perry) "Ok, I'm just going to go outside."
• (Ross) "Whoa, whoa, hold it."
• (Matthew Perry) "Don't worry. I'm not going to run away again. I just want to get some fresh air."
• (Ross) "Ok."
• (Matthew Perry) "Ahh, fresh air --"

• (Monica) "Chandler. It happens to lots of guys. You-you-you were probably tired, you had a lot of champagne, don't worry about it."
• (Matthew Perry) "I'm not worried, I'm uh, I'm fascinated. Y'know it's like uh, Biology. Which is funny because in high school I uh, I-I failed Biology and tonight Biology failed me."

• (Matthew Perry) "What? What? What is it? That she left you? That she likes women? That she left you for another woman that likes women?"
• (Ross) "A little louder, okay? I think there's a man on the twelfth floor; in a COMA; who didn't hear you."

• (Rachel) "Come on, Monica. They are Cute Doctors."
• (Rachel) "Doctors who are"
• (Rachel) "Cute."
• (Matthew Perry) "So what have we learned so far? Rachel, what's all this about you and Doctors? I mean, was your Father a Doctor?"
• (Rachel) "-- Yes."

• (Matthew Perry) "We're getting a house."
• (Monica) "We're getting a baby."
• (Matthew Perry) "We're growing up."
• (Monica) "We sure are."
• (Matthew Perry) "So who's going to tell them?"
• (Monica) "Not it."
• (Matthew Perry) "Not it. Damn it."

• (Ross) "What are you doing tonight?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Why, do you have a lecture?"
• (Ross) "No."
• (Matthew Perry) "Free as a bird, what's up?"

• (Monica) "Whose little ball of paper is this?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh, it's mine. I wrote a note to myself, and then I realized I didn't need, so I balled it up --"
• (Matthew Perry) "And now I wish I was dead."

• (Ross) "My dad wanted to know if you wanted to play racquetball with us."
• (Monica) "Wow. That's great. Dad must really like you, he doesn't ask just anyone to play."
• (Ross) "Yeah and he didn't really ask for you, he asked for Chancy, I assumed he meant you."
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, did-did you correct him?"
• (Ross) "No, I-I thought it would be more fun this way."

• (Matthew Perry) "That was pretty intense, huh?"
• (Joey) "Yeah. Hey, I hope Ross didn't think that we just went in there because we were uncomfortable being out here."
• (Matthew Perry) "I hope he did."

• (Ross) "What are you doing?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Making chocolate milk. You want some?"
• (Ross) "No thanks, I'm 29."

• (Joey) "Is Phoebe here with the cab yet?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, she brought the invisible cab. Jump in."

• (Joey) "I don't get it. Why can't we use the same toothbrush? We use the same soap."
• (Matthew Perry) "That's different. The toothbrush has been in my mouth."
• (Joey) "OK. But next time you're in the shower, think of the first place you're washing, and the last place I washed."

• (Eddie) "This is kinda out of the blue, isn't it?"
• (Matthew Perry) "No, no, no. This isn't out of the blue. This is smack dab in the middle of the blue."

• (Matthew Perry) "Condoms?"
• (Joey) "We don't know how long we're gonna be stuck here. We might have to repopulate the world."
• (Matthew Perry) "And condoms are the way to do that?"

• (Matthew Perry) "All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers -- it doesn't make much of a difference."

• (Matthew Perry) "You know, I'm really glad we decided not to sleep together before the wedding."
• (Monica) "Me too."
• (Matthew Perry) "You know, I was, uh, thinking. If you and I had a big fight and broke up for a few hours --"
• (Monica) "Yeah?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Technically we could have sex again. So, what do you think -- bossy and domineering?"
• (Monica) "The wedding's off, sloppy and immature."
• (Monica) "Oh, wait. We can't, my cousin Cassie is in the guest room."
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, get rid of her, obsessive and shrill."
• (Monica) "Shrill? The wedding's back on."

• (Joey) "There was this movie, "Footloose"."
• (Matthew Perry) ""Flashdance"."
• (Joey) "Where this plumber chick --"
• (Matthew Perry) "She was a welder"
• (Joey) "What, were you like in the movie?"

• (Ross) "So, uh, what did the insurance company say?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh, they said uh, "You don't have insurance here so stop calling us.""

• (Joey) "Oh, I'm sorry. Did I get you?"
• (Matthew Perry) "It's an electric drill. You get me, you kill me."

• (Ross) "Oh, I gotta go, kids -- I got Lamaze class."
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh. And I got Earth Science but I'll catch you in gym?"

• (Monica) "So, how did you two meet?"
• (Nora Bing) "Well, actually, it's a funny story --"
• (Matthew Perry) "Funny, "ha ha"? Or, funny-"

• (Matthew Perry) "You know if your not careful, you could not get married at all this year."

• (Ross) "Oh, really? Well, I guess Monica should know about Atlantic City."
• (Matthew Perry) "Du-ude."
• (Monica) "What happened in Atlantic City?"
• (Ross) "Well, Chandler and I are in a bar --"
• (Matthew Perry) "Did you not hear me say, "Du-ude"?"
• (Ross) "-- and this girl is making eyes at Chandler, okay? So after a while he just goes over to her and, uh, after a minute or two, I see them kissing. Now, I know what you're thinking. Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls. And you're right. Chandler's not the type of guy just goes to bars and makes out with girls."
• (Monica) "You kissed a guy? Oh my God."
• (Matthew Perry) "In my defense, it was dark and he was a very pretty guy."

• (Joey) "Oh, yeah. Go for it man, jump off the high dive, stare down the barrel of the gun, pee into the wind."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, Joe, I assure you if I'm staring down the barrel of a gun, I'm pretty much peeing every which way."

• (Matthew Perry) "I can handle this. "Handle" is my middle name. Actually, "handle" is the middle of my first name."

• (Matthew Perry) "Oh she should not be wearing those pants. I say push her down the stairs."

• (Matthew Perry) "You took your eggs and you left. Do you really expect me never to find new eggs?"

• (Rachel) "Mon, I'm gonna to check my messages."
• (Matthew Perry) "And you thought of that in there?"
• (Monica) "Well, nature called and she wanted to see who else did."

Lisa Kudrow as Phoebe

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Come on Ross, you're a paleontologist, dig a little deeper."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Hey. Why isn't it Spidermen? You know, like Goldmen, Silvermen."
• (Matthew Perry) "Because, it -- it's not his last name."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "It isn't?"
• (Matthew Perry) "No. It's not like Phil Spidermen. He's a spider man. You know, like Goldmen is a last name but there's no gold man."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, oh okay --"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "There should be a gold man."

• (Ross) ""Ooh, I must Take a Mental Picture"."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "You were making fun of Parker? Okay so he's Positive and Energetic and maybe that's a bit much, but I like that about him. You wanna know what I think? I think your collective dating record reads like a Who's Who of Human Crap."
• (Ross) "-- What was wrong with Mona?"

• (Rachel) "You know, Ben, I was your daddy's girlfriend."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "But you're not anymore. Because you were on a break."

• (Joey) "Hey, you know, you could always visit him."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, right, like they're going to let me have a passport?"

• (Rachel) "How do we end up with these jerks? We're good people."
• (Monica) "Maybe we're like some kind of magnets."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "I know I am. That's why I can't wear a digital watch."
• (Monica) "There's more beer right?"

• (Rachel) "You gotta come with me."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Come where?"
• (Rachel) "Wherever I go. Come on. You and me. We'll -- we'll start a new group. We're the best ones."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Okay, but try and get Joey, too."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Aww Pheebs."
• (Rachel) "Honey, that's your name."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, Pheebs is short for Phoebe I thought that's just what we called each other."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "I'm going to get a coffee. Anybody want anything?"
• (Monica) "I'll have a latte."
• (Ross) "I'll have a blueberry muffin, with a decaf."
• (Matthew Perry) "I'll have a bagel with a little --"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "You know I was just being polite."

• (Rachel) "I've never been to an analyst."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "And it shows."

• (Monica) "What about friends of your grandmother's? Wouldn't they have the recipe?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Well, you know I may have relatives in France who would know. My grandmother said she got the recipe from her grandmother,"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Nestlé Toulouse."
• (Monica) "What was her name?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Nestlé Toulehouse."
• (Monica) "Nestle Toll House?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, you Americans always butcher the French language."

• (Rachel) "Well, I guess it wasn't Cupid that brought her here after all."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "No, just another regular flying dwarf."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "That's it? "We were on a break." "No we weren't." What happened to you two?"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "It's because of stuff like this that you're BURNING IN HELL."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "And then what happened?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Ooooh."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Hi Joey."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "This isn't over."

• (Monica) "Can you help me fold these napkins?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Sure."
• (Monica) "I'm gonna go across the hall and check on the yams."
• (Monica) "No -- no honey -- Not like that, we're not a barn dance. You wanna fold them like swans like I showed you at Christmas, remember?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Yeah. It all came screaming back to me."

• (Joey) "Heh. Let me get this straight. He got you to beg to sleep with him. He got you to say he never has to call you again. And he got you thinking this is a great idea?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Uh-huh."
• (Joey) "This man is my God."

• (Lisa Kudrow) ""Oh, I slept with Billy Joel." Who hasn't?"

• (Rachel) "How about for a girl, Rain?"
• (Ross) "Rain? "Hi, my name is Rain. I have my own kiln and my dress is made out of wheat.""
• (Lisa Kudrow) "I know her."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "She's going through her fourth month of pregnancy. Remember when I was in my fourth month?"
• (Monica) "Yes, that was the Evander Holyfield period. You know, you were so hard up, you even came on to me."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Did not."
• (Monica) "Yes, you did."
• (Monica) "Listen, Phoebe, I could have had you if I had wanted you."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, yeah? Well, bring it on."
• (Rachel) "Guys. Stop it. This is even turning me on."

• (Ross) "Rachel won't talk to me. She won't even let me in the apartment."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Hmmm, I wonder why, pervert?"
• (Ross) "I'm not a pervert."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Please, that's the pervert motto. They have you raise your right hand, put your left hand in your pants and say that."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Chandler still thinks I'm pregnant and he hasn't asked me how I'm feeling or offered to carry my bags. I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "And then it goes back to the chorus, "Smelly cat, smelly cat, it's not your fault" and that's it."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "I know you didn't ask but no-one had spoken for fourteen minutes."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Soap Opera Digest. That's one of my favorite digests."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Jingle bitch screwed me over. Go to hell jingle whore. Go to hell, go to hell, go to hell."

• (Rachel) "Oh, honey. Don't get up. What do you need?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, no. Oh, nothing."
• (Rachel) "Come on. I am here to take care of you. What do you need? Anything."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Okay, I have a wedgie."
• (Rachel) "Okay, that is all you."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "There's no such thing as an innocent Burger."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Okay, now we need the sage branches and the sacramental wine."
• (Monica) "All I have is oregano and a Fresca."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "That's okay."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "All right, now we need the semen of a righteous man."
• (Rachel) "OK, Pheebs, you know what? If we had that, we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Stop, you guys. Look what you're doing to Chandler."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "At first they're so cute and soft to the touch/ Then they grow up and resent you so much/ Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why/ and you cry and you cry and you cry/ and you cry and you cry and you cry and you cry -- Thanks Ross."
• (Ross) "I'm paying you to STOP."

• (Rachel) "Hey Ben, you know what? When you were a baby, you and I used to do all sorts of stuff together, coz I was your daddy's girlfriend."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "But you're not anymore."
• (Rachel) "No, no we're not."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Coz you and dad were on a break."

• (Rachel) "Yes, Phoebe, but Jack gave up a Cow, and I gave up an Orthodontist."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Did you love him?"
• (Rachel) "No."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Well, there you go, Jack loved the Cow."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Look, Joey, I know about your feelings."
• (Joey) "Oh, you do?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Yeah, and I don't think it could happen."
• (Joey) "I know. I mean it's not just my friend Rachel, it's my pregnant with Ross's child friend Rachel."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Uhh -- Yeah, Rachel, I mean you two are friends."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Kick me in the stomach why don't you."
• (Joey) "What?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Nothing. You know, maybe it's just a crush, it doesn't mean you love her."
• (Joey) "You think?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Yeah. I mean I've had them for you guys -- except for Ross and Chandler. I'm sure you had them for us before, right?"
• (Joey) "No, not really."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Throw me a friggin' bone here, will ya?"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "They're coming. Run."
• (Joey) "Where?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Mexico."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "A person's wedding is important. And especially to me. OK? I didn't have a graduation party. And I didn't go to Prom. And I spent my sweet sixteen being chased round a tyre yard by an escaped mental patient who in his own words wanted to "kill me, or whatever." So I deserve a real celebration and I am not gonna let some sweaty little man make me feel badly about it."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "I've done some research, and it turns out mink aren't very nice."

• (Rachel) "Oh, y'know what you should get 'em? One of those little uh, portable CD players."
• (Monica) "Oh, I already have one."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Not unless someone borrowed it and left it at the gynecologist."
• (Rachel) "Yeah, and-and-and by someone, she means Joey."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "I remember the day I got my first paycheck. There was a cave-in in one of the mines, and eight people were killed."
• (Monica) "Wow, you; you worked in a mine?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "No, I worked in a Dairy Queen. Why?"

• (Ross) "I love marriage."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Seriously? You? -- Divorce-O?"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, my god. You had sex."
• (Monica) "No, we didn't."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "I know YOU didn't, I'm saying she did."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "If I don't hold my hair, my head will fall off."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Hey, if we were in prison, you guys would be like my bitches."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Where's Chandler?"
• (Joey) "He's grieving."
• (Matthew Perry) "I'M FREE. I AM FREE."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "You got a haircut."
• (David) "Yeah, well, I got like, thirty of 'em."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "You know, this reminds me of the time I was living on the street and this guy said he'd buy me food if I slept with him. Because that was a real problem and this is just some High School crap."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Please don't kill yourself. My mother did, I know what I'm talking about. And besides, I wasn't even meant to be working today. Don't you see that the Universe wants you to live?"
• (Unnamed) "Do you hear that? I don't need you people. The Universe cares about me. The whole Universe. Ha-ha-ha."
• (Unnamed) "I wish they cared a little bit --"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "No, huh uh, no way, I'm sorry, not gonna happen."
• (Matthew Perry) "Whoa, whoa, prom night flashback."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, I can't believe you. You've been so good, for three years."
• (Matthew Perry) "And this- is my reward."
• (Ross) "Hold on a second, all right? Just think about what you went through the last time you quit."
• (Matthew Perry) "Okay, so this time I won't quit."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "I may play the fool at times but I'm a little more than just a pretty blonde girl with an ass that won't quit."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you? / Smelly cat, smelly cat, it's not your fault."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "It's raining. I don't like to fly in the rain."
• (Joey) "Oh, I'm going to go for a walk in the rain."
• (Rachel) "Oh -- me too."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Huh. I bet they're doing it."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Come on, Ross we've got to think like Chandler."
• (Ross) "So where's the one place he'd never expect us to look?"
• (Ross) "So THIS is your Office?"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "What happens to the old Christmas trees?"
• (Joey) "They go into the chipper."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Why do I get the feeling that's not as happy as it sounds?"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Charlotte? You know, with the web? She has babies, then she dies. It's like, "Hey, mom, welcome home from the hospital." THUD."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "What's on your neck?"
• (Monica) "That? That would be the work of a Blowfish."

• (Ross) "Hey, Pheebs, you gonna have the rest of that Pop-Tart? Pheebs?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Does anyone want the rest of this Pop-Tart?"
• (Ross) "Hey, I might."

• (Joey) "Do you want to hear something weird?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Always."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Ok, I need to get this right so give me a sec --"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Yo, dude. Eleven o'clock, totally hot babe checkin' you out."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Well, I'm a pacifist. But, when the revolution comes, I'll destroy all of you."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Except for you, Joey."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "I think the most romantic song is the one that Elton John wrote for that guy from "who's the Boss?""
• (Monica) "Which one was that?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "You know, uh, "Hold me closer, Tony Danza -- "."

• (Monica) "I'll never have a first kiss again."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "You'll have a last kiss."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "This is big. No this is huge. No this is like really really -- all right what's bigger than huge?"
• (Joey) "Uh, this?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Yeah."

• (Joey) "They want me to do frontal nudity. I can't do that. My grandmother's gonna see that movie."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Well, grandma's gonna have to get in line."

• (Ross) "I can't wait to play with you all day, and to hear your first words."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Why are you letting him talk to your crotch that way?"
• (Rachel) "He's talking to the baby."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, that's good. Because when I heard, "I can't wait to hear your first words" I thought, "Boy that's some trick.""

• (Unnamed) "Come on, tell me about it."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Well, it's my friends. They have a liking problem. With you. In that -- they don't."
• (Unnamed) "Oh."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "But I do. Me, Phoebe."
• (Unnamed) "Well, I can't say I'm surprised. It's what I've come to expect from this kind of co-dependent, dysfunctional group dynamic, this sitting around in your Coffee House drinking from Cups which, I'm sorry, may as well have nipples on them. Saying "Oh, define me, define me. Love me, I need love.""

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Ok, I got an idea. If it's a girl, Phoebe, naturally. And, if it's a boy -- Phoebo."
• (Ross) "Uhh -- Sure, but let's not limit ourselves to just one name."
• (Rachel) "Ok, I got one. If it's a girl -- Sandrine. It's French."
• (Ross) "That's a great name -- for an industrial solvent."
• (Rachel) "Ok, you got a better one?"
• (Ross) "Yeah, check this out. If it's a boy; Darwin."
• (Rachel) "Yes, Ross, I do want a son who'll be regularly beaten in the schoolyard."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "By Sandrine."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "If you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Are you kidding, that woman has the nose of a bloodhound. And the breasts of a Greek Goddess --"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, my God. The foster puppets."

• (Monica) "We have to talk."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, I'm getting a deja-vous. All right no I'm not."
• (Monica) "All right, we have to talk."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "There it is."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Hello, my name is Clunkers. May I please stay with you nice people?"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "You still love Rachel."
• (Ross) "No, I don't."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "You got married to her."
• (Ross) "In Vegas. I was so drunk, I could've married Joey."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Hey. You could do a lot worse than Joey Tribianni."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "There was a crooked man, who had a crooked smile, who lived in a shoe, for a -- while --"

• (Rachel) "Ooh look, she's touching his leg."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh you see, that's probably nothing she's very sexually aggressive."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Today is Mike and my one year anniversary."
• (Rachel) "Oh. What's it the anniversary of? Your first date? Your first kiss? The first time you had sex?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Yeah."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Look, I had a hard life. My mother was killed by a drug dealer."
• (Monica) "Phoebe, your mom killed herself."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "She was a drug dealer."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Hey, can we turn on the TV? I think it's raining outside."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap, asked him to bring my friends all kinds of crap. He said all you need is to write them a song. Now you haven't heard it yet, so don't try to sing along. No don't sing along. Monica, Monica, have a happy Hannukah. I saw Santa Claus, he said hello to Ross. And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy. And Rachel and Chandler -- have a"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "handlerrrrr."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "We're -- just saying Goodbye to the Hotel. We LOVE you, Paradise Hotel, Golf Resort and Spa."

• (Rachel) "Does this look like something the girlfriend of a paleontologist would wear?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "I don't know, you might be the first one."

• (Monica) "What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it."
• (Joey) "Yeah, right --. Y'serious?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, yeah."
• (Rachel) "Everything you need to know is in that first kiss."
• (Monica) "Absolutely."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out."
• (Ross) "Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that -- that's not why we bought the ticket."
• (Matthew Perry) "The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic -- basically just trying to stay awake."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Quit being so "testosterony"."
• (Matthew Perry) "-- The real San Francisco treat."

• (Unnamed) "I like that. what's your name?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Pheobe. That's, P, as in Phoebe, H, as in heobe, O as in oebe, E, as in ebe, B, as in bebe, and E as in -- Ello there mate."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "My mom used to stick her head in the oven. Actually she only did it the once, but it was pretty weird."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, look. Ugly Naked Guy is decorating his Christmas tree. Wow, you should see the size of his Christmas balls."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Leave me behind. I'm just a machine."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Sting's pen --"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "-- that he gave to Phoebe."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Why would you kill his fish?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Because, Phoebe, sometimes after you sleep with someone you have to kill a fish."

• (Ross) "I think it'll be a boy."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "I think it'll be a girl."
• (Ross) "Phoebe, you thought Ben would be a girl."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Have you seen him throw a ball?"

• (Joey) "Pheebs, you wanna help?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to."

• (Joey) "Could you close that window? My nipples could cut glass over here."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Really? Mine get me out of tickets."

Add or Update Quotes

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