EuroTrip Quotes

EuroTrip is a television program that debuted in 1970 . EuroTrip ended in 1970.

It features Alec Berg; David Mandel; Daniel Goldberg; Jackie Schaffer as producer, James L. Venable in charge of musical score, and David Eggby as head of cinematography.

EuroTrip is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of EuroTrip is 92 minutes long. EuroTrip is distributed by DreamWorks.

The cast includes: Scott Mechlowicz as Scott, Jacob Pitts as Cooper, Travis Wester as Jamie, Michelle Trachtenberg as Jenny, Jessica Boehrs as Mieke, Jacob Pitts as Pope, and Scott Mechlowicz as Scott's Dad.

EuroTrip Quotes

Jacob Pitts as Cooper

• (Jacob Pitts) "This is just so brutal, and yet I can't look away."

• (Jacob Pitts) "Jenny, that outfit is terrible. Take it off, now."

• (Madame Vandersexxx) "Welcome to Club Vandersexxx, Amsterdam's most erotic club. Where your every fantasy will be fulfilled."
• (Jacob Pitts) "Also, says I get a free t-shirt with the flyer."
• (Madame Vandersexxx) "He is American. How sad for you to grow up in a country that was founded by prudes. A country over run with crime and illiteracy. A country where a man is forced to make sex to only one woman at a time and one must learn the woman's name beforehand."
• (Jacob Pitts) "It was horrible."
• (Madame Vandersexxx) "I know, but you can come with me and let the Vandersexxx begin."

• (Jacob Pitts) "You know America was founded by prudes. Prudes who left Europe because they hated all the kinky, steamy European sex that was going on. And now I, Cooper Harris, will return to the land of my perverted forefathers and claim my birthright -- which is a series of erotic and sexually challenging adventures."
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "You've really thaught a lot about this, haven't you?"
• (Jacob Pitts) "It's my passion."

• (Jacob Pitts) "So how's Cristoff?"
• (Michelle Trachtenberg) "I don't wanna talk about it."

• (Jacob Pitts) "Check it out. European ass."
• (Michelle Trachtenberg) "What's up?"
• (Jacob Pitts) "Oh Jesus, Jenny, I thought you were some girl."

• (Jacob Pitts) "Show her the picture. She makes every girl in our high school look like a walrus."
• (Michelle Trachtenberg) "I'm a girl from your high school."
• (Jacob Pitts) "No, I mean girl girls."

• (Jacob Pitts) "Oh, here it is. Bratislava. Hmm. Capital of Slovakia. Oh, here's a fun fact: You made out with your sister, man."

• (Jacob Pitts) "What the hell is that?"
• (Travis Wester) "It's a traveler's money belt. Frommer's says as long as you have one of these, no-one can rob you of anything."
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "Except your dignity."
• (Travis Wester) "No, you just put that in your -- wait, what?"

• (Jacob Pitts) "This isn't where I parked my car."

• (Jacob Pitts) "So who's Cristoff?"
• (Michelle Trachtenberg) "I don't wanna talk about it."

• (Jacob Pitts) "Ha ha, look at Jamie's penis."

• (Jacob Pitts) "Cooper here. Hello Mr. Walters. Uh, yes sir, I'm down in file storage. Oh, just hang on one second."
• (Jacob Pitts) "No, sir, I can't find the Goodwin file anywhere. Yes sir, I'll keep looking. I don't rest until I find it."
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "You didn't tell your boss you were leaving the country?"
• (Jacob Pitts) "They would have stopped paying me. Seemed easier."

• (Jacob Pitts) "You still writing that guy? I thought that was just for German class."
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "Yeah, it was at first, but you know, we're actually becoming pretty good friends. He's a really cool guy."
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "Dear Mike, greetings from your American pen pal."
• (Jacob Pitts) "Scotty, girl scouts have pen pals. Listen to yourself, all right? You met a "cool guy" on the Internet? This is how these sexual predators work. Next thing you know he's gonna want to arrange a meeting, where he will gas you, stuff you in the back of his van and make a wind chime out of your genitals."

• (Jacob Pitts) "What's the etiquette on boners? Do I role over and dig out a hole for it, or is it cool to just let my flag fly?"

• (Jacob Pitts) "There's got to be a hundred drunk girls here, and we should be trying to have sex with every one of them."
• (Michelle Trachtenberg) "Hello. Mixed company?"
• (Jacob Pitts) "What?"
• (Michelle Trachtenberg) "I'm a girl."
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "No, you're not."
• (Jacob Pitts) "Yeah, you're just a cool guy with long hair."

• (Jacob Pitts) "What de hell?"

• (Jacob Pitts) "Well, there's your R-rating right there."

• (Jacob Pitts) "This is DEFINITELY where I parked my car."

• (Jacob Pitts) "Oh, my God."
• (Green Fairy) "That is some pretty f***ed-up s*** right there. Can you say what the f*** did I do last night?"

• (Hooligan) "So I tell the swamp donkey to sock it before I give her a trunky in the tradesman's entrance and have her lick me yarbles."
• (Jacob Pitts) "Wow. You guys are on like a completely different level of swearing over here."

• (Jacob Pitts) "How the hell could this happen? We all go to Amsterdam and Jamie's the one who hooks up? For shame."

• (Jacob Pitts) "All right. Stay black, Bert."

• (Jacob Pitts) "Oh -- that's me."

• (Jacob Pitts) "Hello Mr. Walters -- I see -- fired? Well, I -- Well, if that's what you want, I understand -- goodbye, sir."
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "They had to catch you eventually."
• (Jacob Pitts) "No, they fired Humphrey."
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "Shut up."
• (Jacob Pitts) "I got his office and a raise."

• (Jacob Pitts) "I'm taking a nap. Wake me up when the train gets here."
• (Michelle Trachtenberg) "It says here this town has a famous nude beach."
• (Jacob Pitts) "Alright, look, we can't all just lie around all day, we've got to get out there and experience the culture first hand."

• (Jacob Pitts) "Can we please just get out of here, this guy's really creeping me out."
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "Who, robot man? He's just trying to feed his robot family."
• (Jacob Pitts) "Hey, I really don't like him."
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "Why, just because he's doing this?"
• (Jacob Pitts) "Seriously, don't do that."
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "Cooper, do not hate me. I am familiar with over 600 dance moves and I am programmed to get --"
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "Freaky."

• (Jacob Pitts) "There's your R rating right there."

Scott Mechlowicz as Scott

• (Scott Mechlowicz) "Anything else?"
• (Jacob Pitts) "Europe is like the size of the Eastwood Mall. We can walk to Berlin from there."
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "Cooper, England's an island."
• (Jacob Pitts) "OK, swim, whatever. We'll take it."

• (Scott Mechlowicz) "I am never drinking again."

• (Scott Mechlowicz) "What the f*** is a zussamen?"

• (Scott Mechlowicz) "Yeah -- um, listen. We're trying to get to Berlin, Germany. Do you know if there's a train coming anytime soon?"
• (Tibor) "Oh yes. Very soon. They are building it now."

• (Mad Maynard) "If you're Manchester United supporters, sing the Manchester United song."
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "Excuse me? I'm sorry. I'm not much of a singer --"
• (Mad Maynard) "Sing."
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "My baby takes the mornin' train. / He works from nine to five and then / he takes another home again to find me -- watching the Manchester United Football Team. Ah? The best freakin' team in all the land. Woo hoo."

• (Scott Mechlowicz) "Cooper, the hat. The hat. The hat is on fire."
• (Jacob Pitts) "Oh we don't need no water, let the mother- --"
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "I'm not kidding. Look."

• (Scott Mechlowicz) "Dear sweet mother of God -- we're in Eastern Europe."

• (Scott Mechlowicz) "I told her to keep her hands off my genitals."
• (Jacob Pitts) "Well given what we know now, that seems like the exact opposite of what you want"

• (Scott Mechlowicz) "Let me handle this, I speak better German. Hello."
• (Unnamed) "Hello."
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "My German is ill, but I can understand on you if the speaking is slowly."
• (Unnamed) "German. I have been driving for 14 hours straight and I haven't slept in three days and I am wired on schnapps, benzedrine, and those little chocolate covered peanuts."
• (Jacob Pitts) "What did he say?"
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "He said he's driving, something --"
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "Do you know where is Berlin?"
• (Unnamed) "Berlin? Yes, I know it well. I stabbed a woman in a bar in Berlin. But I am going nowhere near Berlin."
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "Berlin."
• (Unnamed) "Berlin. I also sexually assaulted a horse in Berlin."
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "He's going to Berlin."
• (Travis Wester) "Awesome."
• (Unnamed) "Nowhere near Berlin."
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "All right, come on, let's go."
• (Unnamed) "I'll drive this truck off a cliff before I ever go back to Berlin."

• (Scott Mechlowicz) "I saw a gay porno once. I didn't know until halfway in. The girls never came. The girls never came."

• (Scott Mechlowicz) "What did you do last night?"
• (Jacob Pitts) "I don't wanna talk about it. What did you guys do?"
• (Michelle Trachtenberg) "Don't wanna talk about it."
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "What is that?"
• (Jacob Pitts) "Free t-shirt."

• (Scott Mechlowicz) "A dollar and 83 cents American. What are we gonna get with that?"
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "Gotta love that exchange rate."

• (Mrs. Thomas) "Honey? Where's Scotty?"
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "Cooper said they were going camping."
• (Mrs. Thomas) "Oh, that's nice. And where's Burt?"
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "f*** if I know --"

• (Mad Maynard) "Look given the current geopolitical climate, all European countries should have a seat at the table. Except those f***ing Ities, I hate them Italian bastards, know what I mean."
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "Excuse me."
• (Mad Maynard) "Hello boyo."
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "So what the hell happened last night?"
• (Mad Maynard) "You got steamed up, pissed as a fart. Too much sauce son. Don't worry I come and got ya so you wouldn't miss the trip."

• (Scott Mechlowicz) "What happened to you last night?"
• (Travis Wester) "I got robbed. It was awesome."

• (Scott Mechlowicz) "Which way did they go?"
• (Jacob Pitts) "That way. I'd stake my reputation on it."
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "Good enough for me."

• (Scott Mechlowicz) "Uh-oh."
• (Travis Wester) "What?"
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "Big tunnel."
• (Travis Wester) "Scotty, is that you? WHO'S TOUCHING ME?"

• (Scott Mechlowicz) "Excuse me."
• (Mad Maynard) "Hello boyo."
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "So what the hell happened last night?"
• (Mad Maynard) "You got steamed up, pissed as a fart. Too much sauce, son."

• (Scott Mechlowicz) "Mieke, I'm here."
• (Jessica Boehrs) "Who are you?"

• (Scott Mechlowicz) "What do you mean you're dumping me?"
• (Fiona) "Scott, I just can't take all the lying and cheating on each other anymore."
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "What are you talking about? Sweetie, I never cheated on you."
• (Fiona) "I know. That's what makes this so hard."

• (Scott Mechlowicz) "Why are you wearing my bathrobe?"
• (Bert) "Oh, I'm sorry, but somebody pissed all over mine last night."

• (Scott Mechlowicz) "You sold us a bad batch of hash brownies. You're a bad, bad Rastafarian."
• (Rasta Waiter) "These are not hash brownies."
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "-- what was that?"
• (Rasta Waiter) "We do not sell hash brownies here, we are simple Dutch bakery. Now put your clothes back on, white boy."

• (Scott Mechlowicz) "Hey, thanks for coming with me. I know you had that internship at the law firm this summer."
• (Jacob Pitts) "Oh, forget about the law firm. And don't thank me, I should be thanking you. This trip is a once in a life-time opportunity for me to broaden my sexual horizons."
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "What are you talking about?"
• (Jacob Pitts) "I'm talking about crazy European sex."
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "Ah."

• (Scott Mechlowicz) "We're going to be couriers?"
• (Jacob Pitts) "Best way to get a cheap flight. We just have to carry their packages, then drop them off when we get there. My cousin did it going to India."
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "Yeah?"
• (Jacob Pitts) "Of course, he ended up using a public restroom in New Delhi, and they had to cut off his leg. Heh. But he got there cheap."

• (Scott Mechlowicz) "So, have you guys decided where you're gonna go first?"
• (Michelle Trachtenberg) "Paris. I can't wait. I heard two years ago, Nicky Jager's sister Debbie met this really wealthy French guy, and they spent a month sailing the Mediterranean on his yacht. Isn't that just the most romantic thing you've ever heard?"
• (Jacob Pitts) "Stuck on a boat with a weird French guy? That sounds a little gay."
• (Michelle Trachtenberg) "It's not gay. I'm a girl."
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "Kinda gay."
• (Jacob Pitts) "A little gay."

Travis Wester as Jamie

• (Travis Wester) "This is so strange. Usually, they wait 15 days to elect a new Pope. We could be seeing history in the making."
• (Michelle Trachtenberg) "We could be seeing an arrest in the making."

• (Travis Wester) "And I've even planned every detail of the trip to maximize the fun."
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "You brought a guide book to a party?"
• (Travis Wester) "You wanna see my itinerary?"
• (Jacob Pitts) "You wanna see my balls?"

• (Travis Wester) "The chateaus have been there for three hundred years. Mieke's gone in twelve hours."

• (Anna, The Camera Store Girl) "I'm going on break. I was going to step out back and have a cigarette. Would you like to join me?"
• (Travis Wester) "I don't smoke."
• (Anna, The Camera Store Girl) "Neither do I."

• (Travis Wester) "I gotta say, I'm not feeling anything."
• (Jacob Pitts) "Me neither."
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "Sober as a judge."
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "How about you?"
• (Green Fairy) "I'm not feelin' a god**** thing. This Absinthe is BULLs***."

• (Travis Wester) "I spent the last four years tutoring the lacrosse players just to pay for it. So nobody touches my camera but me."
• (Jacob Pitts) "So it's like your wiener."
• (Travis Wester) "No, it's not like my- Jenny."
• (Michelle Trachtenberg) "Cooper. Leave him alone."

Michelle Trachtenberg as Jenny

• (Michelle Trachtenberg) "All of our money. Our passports. Our tickets. Everything. Gone."
• (Jacob Pitts) "How the hell could this happen? We all go to Amsterdam and Jamie's the one who hooks up. For shame."

• (Michelle Trachtenberg) "I'M COMING."

• (Michelle Trachtenberg) "Sorry to hear about Fiona. She's a whore."
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "Well, that's very sweet of you. Thanks."

• (Michelle Trachtenberg) "So you just go around Europe sleeping with every woman you meet?"
• (Christoph) "No, please Jenny, it is not like that. I also sleep with men."

Jessica Boehrs as Mieke

• (Jessica Boehrs) "I'm so sad and lonely. I just wish -- someone would show up and sweep me off my German feet."

• (Jessica Boehrs) "Let us make love for one whole month. Touch me, Scotty."
• (Scott Mechlowicz) "Ok."

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