Eulogy (film) Quotes

Eulogy (film) is a TV show that was first aired in 1970 . Eulogy ended its run in 1970.

It features George S. Clinton in charge of musical score, and Michael Chapman (cinematographer) as head of cinematography.

Eulogy (film) is recorded in English and originally aired in Germany, United Kingdom, and United States. Each episode of Eulogy (film) is 91 minutes long. Eulogy (film) is distributed by Lions Gate Entertainment.

The cast includes: Zooey Deschanel as Fred Collins, Ray Romano as Skip Collins, Paget Brewster as Aunt Lily, Zooey Deschanel as Ted Collins, Famke Janssen as Judy, Debra Winger as Alice Collins, Claudette Nevins as Barbara Collins, Kelly Preston as Lucy Collins, Zooey Deschanel as Kate Collins, Hank Azaria as Daniel Collins, Rance Howard as Lace, and Piper Laurie as Charlotte Collins.

Eulogy (film) Quotes

Debra Winger as Alice Collins

• (Debra Winger) "Hi, Mother, try it again and I'll kill you myself."

• (Debra Winger) "I'm sorry, I live in the real world. I work hard at raising a decent family. You don't see me prancing around in my pajamas all day, starting up pillow fights with my topless girlfriend --"
• (Zooey Deschanel) "-- What are we talking about?"

• (Debra Winger) "I suppose I owe you an apology --"
• (Famke Janssen) "-- Are you working up to it?"

• (Debra Winger) "It won't work. Everyone knows that the only gay relationships that last are the ones between people of the same height."

• (Debra Winger) "I really can't believe you brought her."
• (Kelly Preston) "Hello, Alice."
• (Debra Winger) "No, it's just, I thought you'd come alone. It's family."
• (Kelly Preston) "Are you starting already?"
• (Debra Winger) "Oh, no, no, no. Its just it didn't occur to me to bring my sex toy. Did you bring any sex toys?"
• (Kelly Preston) "You wouldn't know a sex toy if it left a battery in your vagina."

• (Doctor) "We pumped your mother's stomach."
• (Debra Winger) "Yeah, it was an accident."
• (Kelly Preston) "How did she accidentally chug half a bottle of sleeping pills."
• (Debra Winger) "She was cleaning them up."
• (Kelly Preston) "With her mouth?"

Ray Romano as Skip Collins

• (Ray Romano) "Don't worry. Don't worry about Alice, she? you think she's gone, she comes back. You know, like herpes."
• (Famke Janssen) "Thanks, Skip."

• (Ray Romano) "My pop never told me. He never told me -- How much he --"
• (Zooey Deschanel) "Stop."
• (Ray Romano) "What?"
• (Zooey Deschanel) "You were going to say the L word."
• (Ray Romano) "I just --"
• (Zooey Deschanel) "Dad, we know how you feel. Don't cheapen it with words."

• (Ray Romano) "It's not a dirty joke. It's not a dirty joke. Just let people --"
• (Ray Romano) "These two gym teachers walk into a hardware store --"

• (Ray Romano) "When I die I want to be cremated, and ashes mixed with the ink that the government uses to print money. Yeah. Then I'll be everywhere."

• (Ray Romano) "Hey, Elvis killed himself because someone was gonna write a book about his underwear wrestling."

• (Ray Romano) "This is why your mother left us."
• (Zooey Deschanel) "She was a hack."
• (Zooey Deschanel) "I've seen better moms on TV."

• (Ray Romano) "Dearest Judge --"
• (Judge) "Excuse me?"
• (Ray Romano) "My client --"
• (Ray Romano) "name?"
• (Rance Howard) "Oh, um, Lace."
• (Ray Romano) "Miss Lace, was engaged in a consensual servicing of an entrapable member --"
• (Judge) "Are you an attorney?"
• (Ray Romano) "Touche, your highness."

• (Ray Romano) "That's try not to be the biggest freaks in the circus."
• (Zooey Deschanel) "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
• (Zooey Deschanel) "He wants us to say 'No thank you' instead of 'Eat my ass Jello'."

• (Ray Romano) "Okay okay, that's almost enough."

Zooey Deschanel as Kate Collins

• (Zooey Deschanel) "So, what'd he leave us?"
• (Piper Laurie) "Your grandfather's will won't be read until after the funeral."
• (Zooey Deschanel) "Talk about being early."

• (Zooey Deschanel) "Uncle Skip and the twins were a little heavy with hormones, but they were at those ages --"

• (Zooey Deschanel) "Thanks, but, uh, I've already had my mucous course for the day."
• (Debra Winger) "Listen, you shut your spit-cave you foul-mouthed little s***-f***er before I beat the living snot out of you."

• (Zooey Deschanel) "What the hell is that?"
• (Paget Brewster) "It's your birthday cake. I was hoping it would be a surprise."
• (Zooey Deschanel) "I'm more than surprised. I'm shocked."
• (Zooey Deschanel) "This isn't what we ordered."
• (Paget Brewster) "You don't order your mother. I spent two days making --"
• (Zooey Deschanel) "We ordered an erotic cheesecake."
• (Paget Brewster) "Excuse me?"
• (Zooey Deschanel) "You're excused."

• (Zooey Deschanel) "He always acted like he had a crush on me. And I always acted like I didn't notice."

• (Zooey Deschanel) "I'm sorry about Grandpa."
• (Kelly Preston) "Oh, Katie. Nobody blames you."

• (Zooey Deschanel) "My family still observes a cocktail hour with a vengeance."

• (Zooey Deschanel) "Did you really leave me again? After all the seasons I spent waiting, watching out the window, listening at the door, waiting for the news of your return? for the news that you realized that someone important was waiting for you. A whole lifetime I've been waiting. I can't believe you're not coming back. I can't believe I'm supposed to stop waiting. I can't believe you left me again --"
• (Zooey Deschanel) "Grandpa didn't leave because of you, it was because of you he kept coming back. I hope you all realize that."

• (Zooey Deschanel) "I'll explain on the way."

• (Zooey Deschanel) "Hey, hey, hey. You guys. Could one of you please tell me one nice thing I can say about your dead father"
• (Kelly Preston) "He often called me Andrea for no reason."
• (Hank Azaria) "I was Barry."

• (Zooey Deschanel) "You may remember him as the Spiffy peanut butter kid. My dad's the one with a spoon in his mouth."
• (Commercial Dad) "What is it son?"
• (Young Daniel) "Something is stuck to my tongue."
• (Zooey Deschanel) "Must be weird to have your career peak at 8. Now, he works mostly in obscure foreign films."

• (Zooey Deschanel) "My grandmother always said she wished Alice came with a mute button."

• (Zooey Deschanel) "Dad. Lighter."
• (Ray Romano) "Be careful, guys. I love this lighter."

• (Delilah the Neighbor) "Poor Barbara."
• (Zooey Deschanel) "What do you mean?"
• (Delilah the Neighbor) "I don't know what to say."
• (Zooey Deschanel) "You're not Barbara?"
• (Delilah the Neighbor) "Edmund was the best neighbor I ever had."

Famke Janssen as Judy

• (Famke Janssen) "Oh-oh. She's adding ingredients to her personality."

Kelly Preston as Lucy Collins

• (Kelly Preston) "When can we take her home?"
• (Doctor) "Well just overnight then tomorrow I'll sign her out and you can take her home."
• (Debra Winger) "Well, I think could you keep her. For another day just to be safe."
• (Kelly Preston) "Oh. My. God."
• (Debra Winger) "Bite me."

• (Kelly Preston) "What're you laughing at?"
• (Zooey Deschanel) "I don't know."
• (Zooey Deschanel) "But I can't wait to find out what you two vageniuses are up to."
• (Famke Janssen) "What did you just say?"
• (Zooey Deschanel) "Lez vocab word."
• (Kelly Preston) "What did he just call us?"
• (Famke Janssen) "Vageniuses."
• (Zooey Deschanel) "It's a compound compliment."

• (Kelly Preston) "This is bulls***."
• (Famke Janssen) "Luce --"
• (Kelly Preston) "No. I'm sorry, screw her."
• (Famke Janssen) "Come on, Luce --"
• (Kelly Preston) "No. Don't. She has made a business out of persecuting me and I'm supposed to sit here, at my father's funeral, and watch her f***-sing at Samantha?"
• (Kelly Preston) "Screw that."

Hank Azaria as Daniel Collins

• (Hank Azaria) "I think that marriage is based on commitment and communication and not necessarily the presence of penis."

• (Hank Azaria) "Go talk to your mother."
• (Ray Romano) "You talk to her, alright? She's a downer."
• (Hank Azaria) "She's a widow."
• (Ray Romano) "She was a downer first."

• (Hank Azaria) "Hey, did we have a blackout last night?"
• (Zooey Deschanel) "That's what I heard."
• (Ray Romano) "Yeah, we sure did. I couldn't even find my room."
• (Ray Romano) "What?"
• (Kelly Preston) "You found my room all right."
• (Ray Romano) "It was dark."
• (Kelly Preston) "So you hid in my closet? With your kids ?"
• (Ray Romano) "We were lost."

Claudette Nevins as Barbara Collins

• (Claudette Nevins) "VAG / IN / A / Town. What's a vag?"

Piper Laurie as Charlotte Collins

• (Piper Laurie) "How much would it cost to put him in a garbage bag?"

Paget Brewster as Aunt Lily

• (Paget Brewster) "Where did they even hear the term 'Erotic Cheesecake'?"
• (Ray Romano) "Hey, somebody's gotta teach them these things, right?"
• (Paget Brewster) "What things? That you can make a cheesecake look like disembodied breasts?"
• (Ray Romano) "-- Or an ass --"

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