Ernest Saves Christmas Quotes

Ernest Saves Christmas is a TV show that first aired in 1970 . Ernest Saves Christmas ended its run in 1970.

It features Joseph Akerman as producer, Mark Snow in charge of musical score, and Peter Stein as head of cinematography.

Ernest Saves Christmas is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Ernest Saves Christmas is 95 minutes long. Ernest Saves Christmas is distributed by Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures.

The cast includes: Jim Varney as Ernest P. Worell, Billie Bird as Mary Morrissey, Gailard Sartain as Chuck, Bill Byrge as Bobby, Oliver Clark as Joe Curruthers, Barry Brazell as Cab Passenger, and Jack Swanson as Businessman.

Ernest Saves Christmas Quotes

Jim Varney as Ernest P. Worell

• (Harmony Star) "You see that guy back there? That's my mean uncle, he makes me work in his restaurant like a slave, he keeps me in the basement where there's rats and filth,and I finally just escaped, so please don't let him get me."
• (Jim Varney) "Well no need to fret, young lady, you're safe with us."
• (Harmony Star) "-- Thanks. By the way, my name's Harmony Star, remember that name, I'm going to be famous someday."
• (Santa Claus, aka 'Seth Applegate') "Oh this is Ernest, I'm Santa Claus."
• (Jim Varney) "Surprised?"
• (Harmony Star) "Uh, no, no not, not really."

• (Jim Varney) "That'll be $32.50."
• (Santa Claus, aka 'Seth Applegate') "Here you go."
• (Jim Varney) "Hey, uh, this ain't real."
• (Santa Claus, aka 'Seth Applegate') "What?"
• (Jim Varney) "This money carries the likeness of one --"
• (Jim Varney) ""Mr. Funtime"."
• (Santa Claus, aka 'Seth Applegate') "Well I don't understand. I don't have much use for currency but I do like to keep some on hand, I just -- oh my -- last year, a 5 year old boy asked for a Mr. Funtime grocery store, I included a rather large amount of -- play money. I suppose I must've gotten the two confused."
• (Harmony Star) "Dum de dum dum."

• (Jim Varney) "You know, I don't want to insult you being we've just met and all, but you kind of remind me of somebody."
• (Santa Claus, aka 'Seth Applegate') "Santa Claus?"
• (Jim Varney) "I guess you get that a lot, huh?"
• (Santa Claus, aka 'Seth Applegate') "Well it's to be expected."
• (Jim Varney) "Because you look like him?"
• (Santa Claus, aka 'Seth Applegate') "Because I am him."
• (Jim Varney) "Because you am him."

• (Santa Claus, aka 'Seth Applegate') "This is Ernest. I'm Santa Claus."
• (Jim Varney) "Surprised?"
• (Harmony Star) "Uh, no. No, not; not really."

• (Harmony Star) "Ernest, it was a dead end job anyway, it's nowhere working for a guy like that."
• (Jim Varney) "If there hadn't been children present, it might have been a very ugly scene indeed."
• (Harmony Star) "Why didn't you just tell him you were robbed? This all could have been avoided if you'd just lied."
• (Unnamed) "Merry Christmas."
• (Harmony Star) "Ernest, you are in serious need of help."

• (Jim Varney) "Santa's in the slammer. We gotta get him out. Is vagrancy a capital crime?"

• (Unnamed) "I'd better have a look."
• (Jim Varney) "Careful, now -- them be "pisin"."
• (Jim Varney) ""Pisin" snakes. One minute, you be a strappin' young man like yerself, an' the next --"
• (Jim Varney) "SNAP."
• (Jim Varney) "Yer dead meat."

• (Jim Varney) "Hey. Listen, I gotta get these reindeer down to the children's museumm, like, five minutes ago, you know what I mean?"
• (Gailard Sartain) "Elms?"
• (Jim Varney) "No. Ernest."
• (Gailard Sartain) "Your name ain't Elms?"
• (Jim Varney) "No. Ernest."
• (Gailard Sartain) "We're holding these reindeer for a guy named "Helper Elms". Now, we've got some REAL good questions, and he'd better have some REAL good answers."
• (Jim Varney) "Look, it's a long story, but before I tell you, let me ask you something. Do you believe in Santa Claus?"
• (Gailard Sartain) "Somehow -- I knew this question was going to come up."

• (Jim Varney) "No, there's only one person authorized to operate this sack. His big, red, oneness: The Claus."

• (Jim Varney) "Ahh, smell those Christmas trees. You can keep your 'Channel' Number 5, just give me a whiff of the old lonesome pine. That symbol of brotherly love, that centerpiece that all mankind gathers around to share the cranberry sauce shaped like a can."

• (Jim Varney) "You better check it out."
• (Santa Claus, aka 'Seth Applegate') "Why?"
• (Jim Varney) "Call it -- Uh, a fifth sense. Call it a flash of intermission, but I just got this feeling deep down in the heart of my bottom."

• (Jim Varney) "Nobody moves, nobody dies."

• (Jim Varney) "Santa Claus."
• (Billie Bird) "What did you say?"
• (Jim Varney) "His name is Santa Claus."
• (Jim Varney) "That's it. Yuck it up. He happens to be a close, personal friend of mine. Nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah. Fifth graders think they know everything."

• (Jim Varney) "Don't try to defend him, honey, there's no future in it."

• (Jim Varney) "Ho ho ho, Vern. Merry"
• (Harmony Star) "I thought you said this guy was your friend."
• (Jim Varney) "Oh Vern's just like that, he'll do anything for a laugh. Come on."

• (Jim Varney) "Ya want one fer yer boy? I gave one to my boy last year --"
• (Jim Varney) "Rock of ages -- a-cleft fer me -- let me hide myself in thee -- That's all these movie people want -- "pisin"."

• (Harmony Star) "There's no such thing. Think about it: a guy who flies around the whole world in one night. It just doesn't quite correspond to the laws of time and travel."
• (Jim Varney) "Now, now, now, now, now, it's possible. You take the International Date Line, multiply it by the Time Zones, divided by the accelerated rotation of the earth -- uh, carry the 1, and, uh, allowing for the Vernal Equinox on the Tropic of Cancer, he might just pull it off."

• (Jim Varney) "Oh, Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree, oh Chriiistmas tree."
• (Barry Brazell) "Hey, could you hurry it up? I've got a flight to catch."

• (Jim Varney) "I am one with the Yuletide, know what I mean?"

• (Santa Claus, aka 'Seth Applegate') "I take it you really needed a tree?"
• (Jim Varney) "Nah, I've already got one at home, but I've got a friend that I think could use one, besides it'd be a shame if the little guy didn't have a home for the holiday."
• (Santa Claus, aka 'Seth Applegate') "It's rare to meet someone with such Christmas spirit."

• (Harmony Star) "Hey, Ernest, how did it go?"
• (Jim Varney) "It worked great. Victory is at hand. Now we have to move onto what I like to call "Plan B.""

Jack Swanson as Businessman

• (Santa Claus, aka 'Seth Applegate') "I don't think I quite have the magic for another season."
• (Jack Swanson) "I think that every time they send me to Cleveland."

• (Jack Swanson) "First time in Orlando?"
• (Santa Claus, aka 'Seth Applegate') "Oh, no. I fly in once a year, though I usually come in a different way."
• (Jack Swanson) "Where are you from?"
• (Santa Claus, aka 'Seth Applegate') "Oh, up north."
• (Jack Swanson) "Me, too. Toronto. What line of work are you in?"
• (Santa Claus, aka 'Seth Applegate') "Toys, mostly."
• (Jack Swanson) "No fooling. You been in there long?"
• (Santa Claus, aka 'Seth Applegate') "Longer than you can imagine."

Oliver Clark as Joe Curruthers

• (Santa Claus, aka 'Seth Applegate') "Joe -- search your heart. There must be something there to convince you of the truth."
• (Oliver Clark) "In a way, I wish there was -- but I haven't seen anything yet."

Gailard Sartain as Chuck

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