Employee of the Month (2004 film) Quotes

Employee of the Month (2004 film) is a TV show that first aired in 1970 . Employee of the Month completed its run in 1970.

It features Tom Nunan as producer.

Employee of the Month (2004 film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Employee of the Month (2004 film) is 97 min. long. Employee of the Month (2004 film) is distributed by DEJ Productions.

The cast includes: Matt Dillon as David Walsh, Steve Zahn as Jack, Peter Jason as Mr. Gartin, Jenna Fischer as Whisper, and Dave Foley as Eric.

Employee of the Month (2004 film) Quotes

Matt Dillon as David Walsh

• (Matt Dillon) "If America is the great melting pot, then L.A. public transportation is the gooey s*** baked on the bottom."

• (Matt Dillon) "You know this review process, it's -- you have. I bet it's illegal. I could sue you."
• (Peter Jason) "Go ahead. You'll lose, because the best lawyer wins, and mine are the best. They're Ivy League assholes, and they'd wrap a lamp cord around a new born baby's neck rather than lose to a schmuck like you. And I got deep pockets and all the time in the world, and I never lose, ask anyone who's tried me. Ask my old man. By the time I'm done with you, you'd be in some alley giving blowjobs to cab drivers for pocket change to get a cup of coffee, because you're a loser, and that's what happens to losers. You're fired. Period. Deal with it."

• (Matt Dillon) "Every day some faceless knob walks out in front of a bus and buys it. They call it fate, God's will. That particular John Doe spent his whole life eating his peas, studying his algebra, saving for his 401K, blah blah blah -- All that to wind up a brown stain on a 10 ton city bus, to be remembered as the poor schmuck that got hit by a bus. God kills true believers and kind souls everyday, and gets a free pass from the entire world. All because people think his murder and mayhem is part of some divine plan. Well, f*** that. I've got a divine plan and it's just as good as God's. Nobody has a first clue why God wastes people. But today everyone is gonna know why I did."

• (Matt Dillon) "Jack, you know Eric's gay."
• (Steve Zahn) "Ya, he's here, he's queer, I'm used to it. I have no problems with queers."
• (Dave Foley) "Well, the community is going to be so thrilled to hear that, Jack."
• (Steve Zahn) "I mean it. I mean, sucking dick, when chicks do it, I not only applaud, I want to watch it. I got, I got three-hour pornos with nothing but wall-to-wall ball to jaw. But when I think about chowing down on some other guys' wrinkled Mr. Lincoln --"
• (Dave Foley) "Jack, are you a cartoon character? I mean, does someone come to your house every morning and draw you on an easel?"

• (Unnamed) "What's the matter, sunshine? Step in some s***?"
• (Matt Dillon) "You're an asshole, Kyle."
• (Unnamed) "Ya think?"
• (Matt Dillon) "How do you sleep at night?"
• (Unnamed) "Usually naked. On one of the newer, younger employees."
• (Matt Dillon) "Oh. That explains the smile on Bob's face. Go easy on him, he's just a janitor."

• (Matt Dillon) "You just gave a dead woman's bracelet to an eighteen year old stripper, who's gonna f*** you in the parking lot, while you snort crank off a hunting knife."
• (Steve Zahn) "Your point is?"

• (Matt Dillon) "She loves me."
• (Steve Zahn) "How much of her Kool-aid did you drink?"

• (Matt Dillon) "Tits on a taco, it's hot out there."

• (Matt Dillon) "I just hope that my review shows that I've been slacking off, and this way I should be fired. That way, when I snap and threaten to kill the old f***er, I'll have a good reason. I'm just kidding."

• (Matt Dillon) "Everything I am is an illusion."

Steve Zahn as Jack

• (Steve Zahn) "You ever watch figure skating, man?"
• (Matt Dillon) "Please don't talk. I've got a lot on my mind."
• (Steve Zahn) "I'm not into the sushi, but Michelle Kwan --"
• (Matt Dillon) "What are you doing? Can we just sit here and not talk? Can we do that? Let's just try and do that."
• (Steve Zahn) "-- I'd suck sake out of her ass in front of my grandmother."

• (Steve Zahn) "Tell that f***stick boss of yours to take tomorrow's work day and shove it up his dick."
• (Matt Dillon) "I don't even know what that means."
• (Steve Zahn) "He'll know what it means."

• (Steve Zahn) "The -- the engagement party. How come you didn't invite me?"
• (Matt Dillon) "I didn't think you'd come."
• (Steve Zahn) "I wouldn't have."
• (Matt Dillon) "Then why are you here?"
• (Steve Zahn) "'Cause you didn't invite me."
• (Matt Dillon) "If I knew you're not going to come, why would I bother sending an invitation?"

• (Steve Zahn) "Look, there's a reason why I'm your oldest friend in the world."
• (Matt Dillon) "I can't seem to remember what it is right now."
• (Steve Zahn) "I tell the truth."

• (Steve Zahn) "Betting money on terminal cases? Even Manson would call bulls*** on this freak show. Get out of here. God."
• (Unnamed) "Free country. Love it or leave it."

• (Steve Zahn) "They don't deserve the steam off your piss."
• (Matt Dillon) "Are you smoking crack?"
• (Steve Zahn) "No, not -- not right now."

Dave Foley as Eric

• (Dave Foley) "Jack, I'm thinking of a number between one and ten."
• (Steve Zahn) "Uh -- Six."
• (Dave Foley) "Oh, so close. It was "Go f*** yourself.""

Peter Jason as Mr. Gartin

• (Peter Jason) "My grandfather built this bank on sweat and steel, not bulls*** and nepotism. He put the bank first, and so I do too. Now, today is Thursday, consider Friday your last day. You're fired."
• (Matt Dillon) "That means no bonus, no benefits?"
• (Peter Jason) "No s***. I'd like to say I'm sorry, but I'm not."

Jenna Fischer as Whisper

• (Jenna Fischer) "Do you want a blowjob or something?"
• (Matt Dillon) "No, I'm good. Thanks."
• (Jenna Fischer) "Do you wanna f***?"
• (Matt Dillon) "You know, that's really sweet, but, uh -- I don't think it's a good idea."
• (Jenna Fischer) "You can jerk off on my tits if you want."
• (Matt Dillon) "You know, as much as I'd love to, I think I'm gonna pass."
• (Matt Dillon) "Whisper, do you have a boyfriend?"
• (Jenna Fischer) "Yeah."
• (Matt Dillon) "What would you do if he was having sex with another girl?"
• (Jenna Fischer) "Play with her tits?"

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