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Dude, Where's My Car? Quotes

Dude, Where's My Car? is a TV show that was first aired in 1970 . Dude, Where's My Car? ended its run in 1970.

It features Gil Netter as producer, David Kitay in charge of musical score, and Robert M. Stevens as head of cinematography.

Dude, Where's My Car? is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Dude, Where's My Car? is 84 minutes long. Dude, Where's My Car? is distributed by 20th Century Fox.

The cast includes: Ashton Kutcher as Jesse, Seann William Scott as Chester, Freda Foh Shen as Chinese Foooood Lady, John Toles-Bey as Mr. Pizzacoli, Kristy Swanson as Christie Boner, Andy Dick as Mark, Jodi Ann Paterson as Tania, Brent Spiner as Pierre, James Vincent as Jeff, Marla Sokoloff as Wilma, Jennifer Garner as Wanda, Hal Sparks as Zoltan, Charlie O'Connell as Tommy, and David Herman as Nelson.

Dude, Where's My Car? Quotes

Ashton Kutcher as Jesse

  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Dude, it's a llama."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "I do not want to go down in history as the guy who destroyed the universe."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "That is amazing."
  • (Seann William Scott) "Yeah. Those are the biggest hoo-hoos I've ever seen."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Nelson, your dog's a stoner."
  • (Seann William Scott) "Can he also bong a beer?"
  • (David Herman) "Nah, all he does is pretty much lie around and smoke his pipe."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Wait a second. I just got a really bad feeling in the pit of my stomach."
  • (Seann William Scott) "Maybe you should go sit on the toilet."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "No. No. You know what the feeling is? It's love."
  • (Seann William Scott) "Is that what that is?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Yeah, I'm in love with Wanda and you're in love with Wilma."
  • (Seann William Scott) "Yeah."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "You see. Now that we know that we've been sucky boyfriends -- we can change."
  • (Seann William Scott) "We can?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Yeah. And you know what else? I'll bet you that we did buy them super cool anniversary gifts. You know why? Coz we love them."
  • (Seann William Scott) "And we wrapped them really cool wrapping paper?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Yeah. I'll tell you what we're gonna do. We're gonna go down the impound lot and get the car --"
  • (Seann William Scott) "-- which has the gifts in it --"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "-- and then we're gonna go over to the twins house and beg for them to take us back."
  • (Seann William Scott) "Yeah. Let's do it."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Oh, no, hold on. I gotta take a crap."
  • (Seann William Scott) "Told you."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "I know."
  • (Seann William Scott) "I know your body."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Look, dude. It's those two totally gay Nordic dudes at 10 o'clock."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "What's up?"
  • (Seann William Scott) "Animal Planet."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Man, I just had the craziest dream."
  • (Seann William Scott) "About what?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "I don't remember."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "You know what we should do?"
  • (Seann William Scott) "Eat?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "No."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Eat."
  • (Officer Rick) "Oh -- Did you guys say you wanted your car back, or that you wanted it impounded?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Uhh, we want it back"
  • (Officer Rick) "Oh, yeah, see, I accidentally sent your car to the impound lot. Sorry."
  • (Unnamed) "Rick."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "I refuse to play your Chinese food mind games."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Jesse --"
  • (Seann William Scott) "-- and Chester are shibby at the moment."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Please your shibby at the beep."
  • (Unnamed) "Shibby."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Is it possible that we got so wasted last night that we bought a lifetime supply of pudding and then totally forgot about it?"
  • (Seann William Scott) "I'd say it's entirely possible."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Hang in there, Dude."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Dude, this is an emergency."
  • (Seann William Scott) "So is this, dude. It's a break-dancing stripper emergency."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Stupid llamas."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Who's Johnny Potsmoker?"
  • (Seann William Scott) "Oh,that's my alter ego."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Wait, I thought Johnny Potsmoker was MY alter ego."
  • (Seann William Scott) "No. Yours is Smokey McPot."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Oh yeah."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "I'm sensing something very Canadian about this place."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Sucker."
  • (Officer Rick) "Oh, whose the goose? Me."
  • (Seann William Scott) "You're such a goose."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Chester, I've seen this on Cops. Fight back."
  • (Seann William Scott) "Can you turn on the siren?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Look, it's an elephant."
  • (John Toles-Bey) "What?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "It was just a mailman."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Hey, have you seen my car?"
  • (Kristy Swanson) "Well, I saw it last night. I mean, I saw the backseat --"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "No, I'm talking about the whole thing."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Dude. You got a tattoo."
  • (Seann William Scott) "So do you, dude. Dude, what does my tattoo say?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) ""Sweet." What about mine?"
  • (Seann William Scott) ""Dude." What does mine say?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) ""Sweet." What about mine?"
  • (Seann William Scott) ""Dude." What does mine say?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) ""Sweet." What about mine?"
  • (Seann William Scott) ""Dude." What does mine say?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) ""Sweet." What about mine?"
  • (Seann William Scott) ""Dude." But what does mine say?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) ""Sweet." What about mine?"
  • (Seann William Scott) ""Dude." What does mine say?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) ""S; wee; t." What about mine?"
  • (Seann William Scott) ""Dude." What does mine say?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) ""Sweet.""
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Dude, where's my car?"
  • (Seann William Scott) "Where's your car, dude?"
  • (Unnamed) "But the universe?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) ""Screw the Universe.""
  • (Unnamed) "Screw the universe?"
  • (Unnamed) "And then?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "And then --"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "I'm gonna come in there --"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "and I'm gonna put my foot in your ass IF YOU SAY "AND THEN" AGAIN.'."
  • (Unnamed) "And then. And then. And then. And then. And then. And then. And then. And then. And then. And then. And then. And then."
  • (Unnamed) "And then?"

David Herman as Nelson

Brent Spiner as Pierre

  • (Brent Spiner) "But luckily for you, I am an onihgable man."
  • (Andy Dick) "Excuse me, what was that?"
  • (Brent Spiner) "Onihgable."
  • (Andy Dick) "What? -- Oner gable?"
  • (Brent Spiner) "Onihgable."
  • (Andy Dick) "Omini-hrm?"
  • (Brent Spiner) "Onihgable."
  • (Andy Dick) "I still don't --"
  • (Brent Spiner) "Onihgable."
  • (Andy Dick) "I think the word you're looking for is "honorable"."
  • (Brent Spiner) "SHUT UP."
  • (Brent Spiner) "No trespassing. Violators will be castrated: Balls; Cut; Off."

Seann William Scott as Chester

  • (Seann William Scott) "Well, you didn't have to go all aggro on that speaker box, dude."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "I'm not the one who called the Dalai Lama a fag."
  • (Seann William Scott) "A barn?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Is it red?"
  • (Seann William Scott) "No."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Then it's not a barn."
  • (Seann William Scott) "Those double-crossing, sexy-sexy sluts."
  • (Seann William Scott) "How wasted were we last night?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Well, I touched Christy Boner's hoo-hoo, were on the hook for two hundred thousand dollars to a transsexual stripper, and my car's gone. I'd say we were pretty wasted."
  • (Seann William Scott) "Look, a unicorn."
  • (John Toles-Bey) "A unicorn?"
  • (Seann William Scott) "Sorry, I guess it was just a regular horse."
  • (Seann William Scott) "It's Mrs. Crabbleman. Maybe she'll give us a ride. Mrs. Crabbleman. Mrs. Crabbleman."
  • (Seann William Scott) "Mrs. Crabblman."
  • (Seann William Scott) "Mrs. Crabbleman."
  • (Mrs. Crabbleman) "Fuckin' stoners."
  • (Seann William Scott) "Morphing is cool."
  • (Seann William Scott) "Dude, you just touched Christie Boner's hoo-hoo."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Shibby."
  • (Seann William Scott) "Low five."
  • (Seann William Scott) "Hang in there buddy."

James Vincent as Jeff

  • (Zarnoff) "My name is Zarnoff. This is Zabu, Zellnor, Zelbor, Zelmina, and, uh, Jeff."
  • (James Vincent) "Hey."

John Toles-Bey as Mr. Pizzacoli

  • (John Toles-Bey) "Damn. Now those are some big-ass panties."
  • (John Toles-Bey) "Open up, you 2 slackers."
  • (Unnamed) "Mr. Pizzacoli."
  • (John Toles-Bey) "You guys left work last night with 30 pizzas that didn't get delivered, and I want some answers."
  • (Unnamed) "Uh-oh."
  • (John Toles-Bey) "OPEN UP THIS DAMN DOOR."
  • (Seann William Scott) "It's open."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "OHHH."
  • (John Toles-Bey) "A trained dolphin could do a better job than you two."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Yeah, but then the pizzas would get all wet."
  • (John Toles-Bey) "I know you've been embezzelin' my pizzas, and I will catch you eventually. And when I do, I swear ta God, you will neva deliver pizzas in this town again."

Charlie O'Connell as Tommy

  • (Charlie O'Connell) "Stoner-bashin' time."

Andy Dick as Mark

  • (Andy Dick) "I've been in this cage for 3 years and 5 months and 17 days, but who's countin'?"

Freda Foh Shen as Chinese Foooood Lady

  • (Alien Nordic Dude #1) "Could you please tell us where we may find the Continuum Transfuctioner?"
  • (Freda Foh Shen) "And then?"
  • (Alien Nordic Dude #1) "And then we may go and get it?"
  • (Freda Foh Shen) "And then?"
  • (Alien Nordic Dude #2) "Can I get an order of shrimp fried rice?"
  • (Freda Foh Shen) "And then?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "No "and then"."
  • (Freda Foh Shen) "And then."

Hal Sparks as Zoltan

  • (Hal Sparks) "Quick. To my parents' minivan."
  • (Hal Sparks) "You gotta activate the --"
  • (Unnamed) "Photon Accelerator Annihilation Beam."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "What?"
  • (John Toles-Bey) "They said The Photon Accelerator Annihilation Beam, YOU FOOL."
  • (Seann William Scott) "Hurry, activate it, dude."
  • (Seann William Scott) "I think that's it, dude."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Thank you, Captain Obvious."
  • (Hal Sparks) "We'll travel through space -- with cool aliens who LIKE us."

Jodi Ann Paterson as Tania

  • (Jodi Ann Paterson) "I'm a gender-challenged male."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "What does that mean?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Whoa. Dude, you're a dude."

Marla Sokoloff as Wilma

  • (Marla Sokoloff) "You'd better stay away from our boyfriends."
  • (Jennifer Garner) "You fake-breasted sluts."

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